


Consequences

by dreamsofspike



Category: How I Met Your Mother
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2011-09-11
Updated: 2013-05-30
Packaged: 2017-10-23 15:56:35
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 36
Words: 84,112
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/252163
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dreamsofspike/pseuds/dreamsofspike
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Barney is desperate to get Ted to forgive him for sleeping with Robin -- so desperate that he's willing to do anything. Of course, when he makes that promise, he has no idea how far Ted intends to take it.</p><p>unhealthy dom/sub dynamic, violence, relationship abuse, dub-to-non-con</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

“You slept with _Robin_?” Ranjit’s voice was full of incredulous disapproval, as he glared at Barney in the rearview mirror, apparently oblivious to his pain, at least for the moment. “You _slept_ with _Robin_?”

“Yeah, you said that already,” Barney groaned, pressing his hands down hard over his throbbing groin in an attempt to ease the pain. “A couple of times, actually. Believe me, I’m regretting it right about now.”

“She is Ted’s ex-girlfriend, Barney!” Ranjit persisted in his lecture, shaking a finger in Barney’s direction. “That means she is off-limits to _you_.”

“I _know_ that!” Barney hissed, sucking in air past his teeth as a fresh wave of pain washed over him – and he tried to ignore the fact that it wasn’t a solely physical pain. “I get that I made a mistake, okay? If I could go back… well… I’d probably _still_ do it, but…”

“You are a bad friend, Barney!” Ranjit declared. “Ted has always been a good friend to you, and you go behind his back and sleep with his ex-girlfriend? You’ll be lucky if he forgives you for this one.”

“Could you just… could you just take me home?” Barney sighed, all of the will to argue drained from his voice. He was in too much pain, too sad and guilty, to even have the energy to defend his actions. “I don’t want to talk about this.”

“Don’t talk then.” Ranjit shrugged, directing his attention toward the windshield as he pulled the car back out onto the road. “But you ride in _my_ limo… you _will_ listen to what I have to say.”

Defeated, Barney sat there in silence, pretending to listen as he was lectured for the duration of the drive back to his apartment. He paid Ranjit’s fare – including a rather exorbitant tip that did nothing to assuage his guilt – and then limped slowly and painfully to the elevator and up to his front door. Although he tried not to think about it, his mind went unbidden to the party going on across town for Ted’s birthday – the party to which he was now uninvited.

His apartment had never felt so empty.

 _He’ll get over it… He’s my_ best friend _. He can’t just toss me aside and forget about the last_ seven years _of friendship…_

Barney tried to reassure himself – but he kept remembering the look of such utter disgust and hurt on Ted’s face when he’d gotten out of the cab.

 _He’ll forgive me, eventually. He_ has _to…_

But as hard as he tried, Barney couldn’t quite make himself believe it.

*********************************************

A month later, Ted still hadn’t forgiven Barney – but he _had_ asked Stella to marry him.

A month after that – Stella left him.

“I don’t get it!” Ted objected, tears in his eyes as he tried to get between her and the suitcase she was packing, already half-filled with all the things she’d left at his place during the past few months. “I thought you loved me!”

“I thought you loved _me_ , Ted!” Stella countered, her own tears streaking her face as she threw up her hands in frustration. “But how can you, when you’re still so hung up on Robin?”

“How can you _say_ that? You _know_ me and Robin are just friends now…”

“Do _you_ even know that, Ted?” There was bitter resentment in Stella’s laughing words.

Ted shook his head in incredulous confusion. “What… what are you talking about?”

“If you and Robin are just friends now,” Stella continued, eyes blazing as she stepped nearer to Ted, her tearful gaze suddenly too intense, so that he had to look away, “then why are you so worried about whatever she did with Barney? It’s all you’ve talked about for the last two months, Ted! You’re… you’re _obsessed_ , and… and the only reason I can think of for that is… is that you still love her, Ted.” There was defeat in her voice as she shook her head, tears streaking her face. “You still love her. So… I can’t let you marry _me_.”

Ted tried to argue her point, though he had to admit that it sounded rather convincing. He tried to explain that it wasn’t about Robin herself, but about the betrayal against their friendship that Barney had committed. He insisted that he had no romantic feelings left for Robin, and that there was nothing to stand in the way of their marriage.

Stella listened – but in the end, she still walked out.

**********************************************

“It’s just one more way in which Barney’s managed to royally screw up my life!”

Ted didn’t see the worried looks his friends exchanged as he concluded his story. He was too wrapped up in his own misery and seething anger to notice the way Lily bit her lower lip as she met Robin’s gaze, or the way Marshall blinked in surprise, visibly taken aback by Ted’s assessment of the situation and its cause. Lily nudged Marshall in the ribs with her elbow; he glanced down to see her giving him a pointed look, nodding slightly toward Ted, and the unspoken message was clear.

 _He’s_ your _best friend. Talk some sense into him._

Marshall shook his head slightly in alarm, but Lily’s next psychic message to him was even clearer, and frighteningly specific.

 _Talk to him, or we’re not having sex for a week._   
__

_But, Lily-Pad…!_   
__

Pleading puppy-dog eyes were no match for Lily’s resolve face.

 _A month…_   
__

Marshall couldn’t help the knowing smirk that rose to his lips as he rolled his eyes, letting out a little huff of amused contempt.

 _Please._ You _can’t go that long…_

Lily’s shoulders fell and she let out a defeated sigh.

 _Come on, baby. He’s making himself crazy – and all of us with him. You have to do_ something…

Marshall cast a worried glance in the direction of his best friend, who was still venting his frustrations toward a visibly uneasy Robin. She kept nodding and making sympathetic faces in Ted’s direction, but the way she fidgeted nervously in her chair and kept looking at Lily and Marshall with desperate, “help-me!” eyes made it perfectly clear that she was just as worried as they were.

 _Okay._ Marshall gave Lily a reassuring but almost imperceptible nod. _Here goes nothing…_

“What she doesn’t get is that it’s not really _about_ you, Robin,” Ted explained with a heavy, defeated sigh. “None of this would have happened if _Barney_ hadn’t broken my trust. He’s the one I’m pissed off at, because I thought he was my friend, and he stabbed me in the back…”

Robin was clearly uncomfortable with the entire conversation, but she persisted hesitantly, trying to get Ted to see reason. “But… _I’m_ your friend, and…”

“You’re my friend, but you’re also my ex-girlfriend,” Ted pointed out. “I have the right to ask my friends not to sleep with my exes. I don’t have the right to ask my _exes_ not to sleep with… well, anyone they want.”

“Ted… _dude_ …”

“What?”

Ted blinked, looking up at Marshall in surprise at the interruption. The blank expression on his face made it obvious that he had no clue how inappropriate the conversation – and his behavior in general at the moment – had become. Marshall cast a pointed look toward Robin before meeting Ted’s eyes again and raising a single, questioning brow.

“Don’t you think there’s a better person to have this conversation with about the rules on exes, friends and sex, than your ex who’s also your friend and had _sex_ with your friend?”

Ted blinked again, shaking his head slightly. “Was there any part of that sentence that remotely makes sense? In English?”

Marshall glared at him for a moment before rising to his feet and nodding toward the door. “Come on, Ted. Let’s take a walk.”

Ted frowned, puzzled, but rose from his seat and followed Marshall out into the cool evening air.

“What were you talking about in there?” he asked, shrugging. “Robin’s my friend. I was just talking to her…”

“About something she’d probably rather not talk about,” Marshall pointed out. “I’m sure it’s pretty awkward for her knowing that you and Barney aren’t friends anymore because of something that she was… well… a pretty big part of.”

Ted considered that for a moment before letting out a heavy sigh and raising one hand to momentarily cover his face. After a moment he lowered his hand, giving Marshall a grimace of embarrassment.

“I was making a total ass of myself in there, wasn’t I?”

“Total,” Marshall agreed. “Complete. Utter, even.”

Ted sighed – then, almost against his will, began to smile, his mouth twitching with repressed laughter.

“Udder,” he muttered with a juvenile snicker.

Marshall tried to hold it back, but then he found himself laughing, too. “Udder,” he repeated with a smirk – before suddenly remembering himself and forcing his expression back into something severe and stern. “Ted, this is serious!”

Ted’s smile faded, and he hung his head, dejected and slightly sullen. “I know,” he sighed. His jaw set in stubborn anger, eyes glittering with dark resentment, he muttered under his breath, “It’s not enough for him to just sleep with her; now he’s gonna cost me my _friendship_ with Robin, too!”

Gritting his teeth in frustration, Marshall shook his head. “Ted – you can’t just blame everything on Barney for the rest of his life! It’s not Barney’s fault that you couldn’t talk to Stella about anything but your ex-girlfriend’s sexual escapades for the past couple months, or that…” He took a deep breath, steeling himself for the inevitable explosion even as he ploughed forward with the painful truth. “… that Stella broke up with you, or that you lost your head in there because of it and were… grossly inappropriate. You’re my _best friend_ , man, and you know if anybody’s on your side it’s me, but… that’s stuff _you_ did.”

Even before Ted opened his mouth, the look of stubborn defiance in his eyes made what he was going to say obvious – except that he never got the chance to say it. His phone rang, and Ted took it out of his pocket, glaring down at the screen and the familiar name that scrolled across it.

By the expression on Ted's face, Marshall knew who it was that was calling.

Barney.

Again.

“Answer it,” Marshall instructed quietly. “Ted… just answer it. What’s it gonna hurt to talk to him?”

Ted punched the reject button with enough force to cause the phone’s plastic frame to creak alarmingly before putting it back into his pocket.

“Come on, Ted.” Marshall didn’t try to keep the disappointment from his voice. “How long is this gonna go on?”

“How long is what gonna go on? Ted demanded, an incredulous tremor of bitter laughter in his voice. “He blew it, Marshall. He broke his own freakin’ Bro Code and stabbed me in the back by sleeping with my ex-girlfriend. I thought our friendship meant more to him that that, but no…”

“He’d do anything to make it up to you, man,” Marshall insisted, a pleading note in his voice. “Can’t you see that?” Ted opened his mouth to argue, but before he could, Marshall spoke again, his voice rising slightly with anger. “No, you can’t, because you’re not giving him a chance! How is he supposed to prove that he can change – that he really won’t do anything like that again – if you won’t so much as take his calls?”

Ted was quiet for a few long, tense moments – his lips parted as if to speak, though he couldn’t seem to find the words – and for a moment, Marshall thought he might have gotten through to him. Then, Ted broke the silence, stony resentment in his quiet, trembling voice.

“He’s not supposed to prove anything,” he replied softly. “He’s just supposed to leave me alone and let me get on with my life.”

Marshall considered Ted’s response for a moment before answering, his own voice quiet and sad.

“He’s not the one that’s keeping you from doing that, Ted.”

There was nothing more to say, no words he could find to convince his friend of the truth, so Marshall just turned and walked back into the bar, leaving Ted alone with his own thoughts – and the cell phone in his pocket that was ringing once again.

****************************************

Ted started up the stairs toward his empty apartment.

He couldn’t bring himself to go back into the bar and face his friends, and there was no one else who cared what he did at the moment – except for the persistent, buzzing presence in his pocket. Ted took his phone out again, glaring at the screen where a new text message had just appeared.

 _*Please. Just talk to me for one minute.*_   
__

Ted deleted the message and continued up the stairs.

 _They just don’t get it – none of them. They don’t know what it’s like to trust someone so much, just to have them turn on you like that! It’s not even about Robin. It’s about the fact that… that I thought our friendship_ meant _something to him – something more than one night of sex that ended up ending it._

Ted’s phone buzzed again, and he took it out, barely registering the words there, in all caps, followed by multiple exclamation points.

 _*PLEASE, TED!!! JUST LET ME APOLOGIZE!!!*_   
__

Ted rolled his eyes and put his phone away again, his thoughts turning back to the argument he’d had with Marshall.

 _He just wants things to go back to the way they were – but they can’t. I can’t trust Barney after what he did. If I forgive him, he’s just going to take that to mean that it’s okay – and he’ll just end up stabbing me in the back again._ _Marshall_ _wants me to give him a chance to prove himself – to prove_ what _, though? To prove that I’m a big enough sucker to fall for the same act twice? I don’t think so. I’m through falling for…_

When his phone began to vibrate again, Ted gritted his teeth, resisting the temptation to take it out and simply slam it down on the stone steps. Instead, he read the screen, though he wasn’t really sure why at this point.

 _*DUDE. I’m LITERALLY on my knees, here. In a $5,000 suit. I will do ANYTHING, Ted, just PLEASE TALK TO ME.*_   
__

Ted stopped just outside his door, pausing to read the message a bit more closely, as the beginnings of a plan began to formulate in his mind.

 _I have to do_ something _. Can’t go on like this, or I’ll lose all the friends I still_ do _have. Can’t just take him back, or it’ll just happen again._ _Marshall wants me to give him a chance… and he’s literally begging for one…_

 _… when what he really needs is to be taught a lesson. To know that… when you hurt people, there are consequences…_   
__

Ted took a deep breath and dialed the fourth number on his speed dial.

He wasn’t really sure why he hadn’t changed it yet.

Halfway into the first ring, Barney answered the phone, breathless and disbelieving.

“Ted? Ted, you’re really… I mean… _Thank you_! Thank you so much for finally…”

“Shut up.”

Barney’s voice broke off immediately, and Ted could clearly visualize the startled expression his face must have borne.

“You violated the Bro Code, and you violated my trust. You completely and utterly failed me as a friend. You wanna make it up to me?” Ted didn’t wait for an answer, though he could hear Barney taking a breath on the other end of the line, as if preparing to respond. “Meet me on the roof in twenty minutes. This is the only shot I’m giving you, so don’t blow it.”

Without waiting for confirmation that Barney was on his way, Ted disconnected the call and turned his phone off, putting it away.

He had no doubt that Barney would be there – and probably in less than twenty minutes.

He unlocked his front door and walked into his apartment, his mind racing as the pieces of his half-formed plan began to slowly come together.


	2. Chapter 2

Barney usually made a point to be fashionably late.

It was a matter of pride for him – to let the people he was supposed to be joining know that whatever they happened to be doing, it was not so important that it could start without him. He had lots of very important, very awesome things to occupy his time. He wasn’t just sitting around waiting for their one “thing”, whatever that “thing” might happen to be.

Tonight, however – Barney was at the point where he had no pride left.

He was waiting on the roof ten minutes before the time when he was supposed to meet Ted there.

He paced anxiously back and forth, his hands clasping his arms and rubbing them, shivering a little in the chilly breeze that swept across the rooftop. He kept glancing toward the door where Ted would appear when he arrived – but it remained empty, even when the deadline Ted had given him passed. Barney sat down on the ledge of the rooftop, facing inward so that he could keep his eye on the door – but wondering uneasily if Ted might have changed his mind.

 _Surely he wouldn’t. He wouldn’t just send me up here, just to leave me waiting out here in the cold, all pathetic and hoping and…_

 _Crap. He hates my guts right now. He_ totally _would do that._

Barney bit his lower lip, a sick feeling building in the pit of his stomach as he tried to decide whether or not to wait, while the minutes ticked interminably by. The tiny shred of dignity remaining to him insisted that he should leave now and go home, and forget all about Ted, if he couldn’t even have the common respect to show up when he was supposed to show up.

The rest of him didn’t care how pathetic it made him look. He couldn’t leave – not if there was a chance that Ted might still show up.

Eventually, he did – fifteen minutes after he’d told Barney to be there. At the sound of footsteps behind him, Barney spun around, his shoulders falling with relief as he swiftly closed the distance between them.

“Ted!” He blinked back the tears that sprang to his eyes unbidden, fighting to keep Ted from seeing just how much he really cared about this meeting he hadn’t expected to be granted – but not fighting very hard. “Thank you _so much_ for meeting me here. I know you said you didn’t want to hear it, but I have to tell you just how…”

“Shut up.”

Ted’s voice was cool and sharp – very unlike his usual tone – and Barney froze, startled, searching his former friend’s eyes warily. The look of dark resentment in Ted’s narrowed gaze made Barney’s stomach tighten with alarm. He swallowed hard to dampen his suddenly dry mouth – but he didn’t say another word.

“If you want a chance to make this up to me, Barney, for once you’re gonna just keep your mouth shut and listen while I tell you how it has to work.” Ted’s voice softened slightly as he spoke, and Barney felt a slight measure of relief. “I’ve… given this a lot of thought, and… I do miss… having you around. You… you were my friend for a long time, Barney…”

“I _am_ your friend…”

Ted closed his mouth, his lips forming a taut, angry line as without another word he headed for the door leading downstairs.

“Wait!” Barney objected, unable to keep the pleading note from his voice. “Ted, I’ll shut up! I’ll shut up!”

Ted stopped in his tracks, drawing in a deep breath in an exaggerated display of forced patience before turning to face Barney again and going on as if he hadn’t been interrupted.

“… and as much as I’d like to just write all that off and forget about it, after the way you betrayed me – I’d like to think there’s a way we could… fix things. Or, rather… a way _you_ could fix things.” The faint hint of a smile around the edges of Ted’s mouth was not in the least reassuring to Barney’s increasingly uneasy nerves. “You’re the one who did the damage. If you want our friendship back like it was, you’re the one who’s going to have to earn it.”

“Earn it… how?”

Barney frowned, the sick coil in the pit of his stomach tightening a little more. Ted wasn’t acting like himself. Even when he was angry, Ted could never seem to fully hide the soft, sensitive heart – the vulnerability that those close to him knew so well.

Right now, there was nothing even resembling honest emotion in Ted’s eyes or voice. He was cold and detached in a way that Barney had never seen him, as he glared at Barney and started to turn away again. Barney took several hurried steps forward, catching Ted’s arm and spinning him around.

“ _Don’t_!” he objected. “How am I supposed to understand what it is that you want, if I’m not allowed to ask you any questions?”

Ted stared pointedly down at Barney’s hand on his arm before jerking it away with a contemptuous snarl, then grabbing Barney’s arm instead and jerking him closer to glare into his face. “Don’t touch me,” he snapped, and there was an edge of warning to his voice.

“Ted, I’m sorry, okay?” Barney flinched, hurt by Ted’s words, alarmed by the slight but unexpected violence of Ted’s reaction – but then shook his head, steeling himself to press forward anyway. His sheer desperation was evident in his trembling words. “I’ll do whatever you want me to do to… to prove myself to you, but _please_ … please just… be reasonable, okay? I’ll do anything you want, just as long as you’ll let me know what that _is_ …”

Ted was quiet for a moment, considering Barney’s words – before he turned to fully face him, a cool, thoughtful smile beginning to form on his lips as he tilted his head questioningly, his hand remaining like a vise on Barney’s forearm, refusing to allow him to retreat, if he wanted to.

Barney _did_ want to, a little – but he wasn’t _going_ to.

“ _Anything_ , Barney?” There was something dark and dangerous in his tone. “Really?”

Warning bells went off in Barney’s mind, and he knew that he would pay a price if he walked into the trap that Ted was setting – because he knew better than to think that it was anything but a trap. Ted had never been so furious with him over anything before, and Barney knew that whatever Ted would require of him, it was not going to be easy. Ted had Barney right where he wanted him, and seemed to be rather enjoying that position at the moment. Barney shuddered to think what embarrassing, unpleasant task Ted might ask of him in exchange for his forgiveness.

But, as long as he _got_ that forgiveness when it was over – Barney didn’t really care.

Ted was the best friend he’d ever had, and without him over these past few weeks, Barney had found himself unbearably lonely. If performing some demeaning, difficult act would prove his loyalty to Ted and convince him to take him back, Barney was willing to go through whatever Ted would require of him. He swallowed hard, nodding slowly, his eyes wide and solemn and utterly honest as he replied in a trembling voice that was hushed, almost reverent.

“ _Anything_. I swear, Ted. Anything you want.”

Ted laughed – and there was a quiet, harsh triumph in the sound that made Barney feel as if he’d suddenly fallen from a great height, plunging into a darkness that was deeper than he could comprehend. The whole encounter had a dark, surreal quality to it. This wasn’t really his best friend, wasn’t really happening at all. He wasn’t really so desperate and pathetic that he’d blindly place himself at Ted’s mercy, without knowing what he had in mind.

Except, it _was_ really happening… and he really _was_ that desperate.

“Good.” Ted smiled – a real, genuinely pleased smile – as he released Barney’s arm, so suddenly that Barney stumbled a little, trying to regain his balance. Ted’s smile slowly faded into a calm, pensive expression, as he gave Barney a slow, up-and-down, appraising look. His voice was disarmingly soft, making his words even more startling and unsettling when he spoke again.

“Get on your knees.”

Barney blinked, his mouth agape for a moment as he struggled to process what Ted had just said. “ _Excuse_ me?”

Ted shrugged, the corner of his mouth quirking up slightly in amusement. “You told me earlier that you were on your knees – and you expect me to believe that’s a $5,000 suit, dumbass?” Ted’s smile faded again, as he explained softly, “Anyway… I think that’s something I’d have to see to believe.”

Barney hesitated, unnerved and a little shaken by the request. He ran a trembling hand through his hair, pacing a few steps back and forth in front of Ted before turning to face him again. “So… so I just… get on my knees, and… and that’s it? You just wanna inflict a little humiliation, and we’re all good again?”

 _Actually, this isn’t so bad. I’ve done worse just to pick up a girl. If that’s all he wants… all it’s gonna take to get his friendship back… then he’s a bigger pushover than I thought…_

“ _Please_ , Barney.” Ted let out a little scoffing sound, rolling his eyes, and his smile was cold and nasty. “We are so not even _remotely_ anywhere _close_ to good again.” He shook his head slowly, crossing his arms over his chest in a subtle gesture of challenge. “No, this is just the _first…_ shall we say _…_ test of your loyalty – the first thing I’m asking of you, to see how far you’re really willing to go to make this up to me.”

“The… _first_?” Barney echoed uncertainly. “So… how many ‘tests’ _are_ there?” he demanded, supplying finger quotes for dramatic emphasis.

“Don’t really know yet,” Ted admitted with a shrug and a wicked grin. “I’ll know when we get there.”

Barney’s eyes widened incredulously. “But… that could be… who knows _how_ long!”

“Yep,” Ted carelessly conceded.

“And… in the mean time?” Barney frowned, shaking his head slightly in confusion.

“In the mean time, we’re for all intents and purposes back to normal again,” Ted explained, his expression serious and certain as he held Barney’s disbelieving gaze. “The gang never needs to know anything about our arrangement. In fact, if they find out, it’s automatically off. Starting tomorrow, I’ll tell them we worked it out, and we’ll be completely back to normal in front of them. And once you’ve proven yourself to me, we’ll be completely back to normal _all_ the time. But until then… I’ll assume you’re going to complete the arrangement, and you can hang out with us again – be a part of the group.” Ted’s expression hardened slightly as he continued, “But if you refuse to complete any of the tests I give you… we’re done, Barney. There won’t be any third chances. I’ll walk out of your life and never come back.”

Barney’s stomach clenched at those words, though he was still trying to wrap his head around exactly what Ted was suggesting. “I… I don’t know…”

“Come on, Barney,” Ted coaxed him with a teasing smirk, lowering his voice enticingly and taking a couple of slow steps closer to Barney. “You know you want to. This is the chance you’ve been asking for.”

Barney stared at him for a long moment, bewildered and uncertain. Finally, he shook his head emphatically. “No,” he objected, holding up his hands and backing off a few steps. “No, there is _no way_ I’m just… _indefinitely_ putting myself at your…”

“Bye, Barney.” Ted cut him off, without raising his voice, without a trace of anger in his tone, and turned on his heel to simply walk away.

Barney’s stomach lurched with panic. He _knew_ without being told that if Ted walked away from this, he _would not_ get another chance. His mind raced, wrestling with the decision. He’d have to be out of his mind to accept Ted’s arrangement, with no set limits on how much Ted could ask of him, and no way of knowing when he’d actually have earned Ted’s forgiveness. He already had Marshall’s Slap Bet hanging over his head, until Marshall finally decided to use the rest of his slaps, and if there was one thing Barney had learned from _that_ whole ordeal, it was not to get into a similar arrangement again. If he had it to do over, he’d have chosen the ten slaps all at once, rather than having to simply wait and wonder when the next punishment was coming, with no control whatsoever over his own fate.

No, it just wasn’t worth it…

Except that… it was _Ted_.

So, it really, really was.

 _And it’s not like he’s going to ask anything_ too _bad of you. He doesn’t have it in him. Even if he did, it’s not like, if it gets to the point that it really is just_ too much _, you couldn’t just walk away_ then _. It’s not like you’re signing a contract or anything. You can walk away any time you want, so… isn’t it worth a shot, to get his friendship back?_

 _Isn’t_ anything _worth a shot? It’s_ Ted _!_

*************************************************

Ted kept his steps measured and even, forcing himself not to slow his pace and tip his hand, although his heart was sinking with every step he took, as Barney remained silent and unprotesting behind him. He really _had_ missed Barney, though he hadn’t realized it fully until he’d seen him again, waiting for him on the roof. Ted had thought that Barney would go along with his arrangement, for sure – but apparently, he’d overestimated the value that Barney placed on their friendship.

Ted had to admit that, in spite of his disappointment, he also felt a certain measure of relief as he stepped into the lighted stairwell that led back down to his apartment. He hadn’t been _completely_ sure that he’d be able to pull off his little scheme, anyway. It was hard enough being so harsh and commanding with Barney for even just a few minutes. He had no idea how he would have managed to keep it up for as long as his plan would have required.

 _Maybe it’s for the best, really…_

“Ted, wait! _Wait, please_!”

The strangled, desperate sound of Barney’s voice brought a satisfied smirk to Ted’s face – but he forced it down, remaining standing in the stairwell for a moment with his back turned to Barney before slowly, deliberately turning to face him again. He was startled, and more than a little unnerved, by the sight that met his eyes – not only because he hadn’t really expected Barney to do it… but also because of what it meant.

 _Game on. No turning back now…_

Barney was kneeling on the cold stone, one hand grasping the other arm in an embarrassed, self-conscious gesture, his eyes wide and pleading as he gave Ted a desperate, beseeching look. He was shifting uncomfortably on his knees, fidgeting nervously, his gaze darting back and forth between the floor at his feet, and Ted’s impassive face.

“Okay,” he whispered, his voice trembling and defeated. “Okay, Ted. I’ll… I’ll do it. Whatever you want.”


	3. Chapter 3

Over the next few days that passed, Barney was so deliriously happy that he almost completely forgot about that surreal, disturbing encounter with Ted on the roof. It had been terribly strange and unsettling, and he still wondered every now and then when Ted would bring it up again, and give him some clue as to what was going to be expected of him – but mostly, he tried to just put it out of his mind and enjoy the situation.

He was back to hanging out with the gang at MacLaren’s as usual, and that was all that mattered.

The others seemed nearly as relieved as Barney was that the dynamic of their little group had finally been restored – though he wasn’t really sure why they should be, considering how easily they’d all gone along with Ted’s decision to oust him from the group. They hadn’t stopped taking his calls when Ted had, but they certainly hadn’t gone out of their way to call him or spend any time with him. Robin had hung out with him briefly, once or twice, in the bar – but Barney was pretty sure even that was just a reaction to her own guilt for her part in the actions that had led to his getting kicked out of the group.

It had been perfectly, painfully clear that if it came down to a choice between him and Ted, there was only one choice any of them would make. Before, Barney could have at least _pretended_ to believe that none of them could imagine living without his awesomeness in their lives.

Now – it was no use pretending.

He knew exactly where he stood when it came to his friends – _Ted’s_ friends – and just how little value they placed on his friendship.

 _It doesn’t matter,_ Barney told himself, knocking back the last of his second drink and motioning for Wendy to come take his order for another. _That’s all in the past now, so don’t think about it. You’re back where you belong, so there’s no use worrying now. Just enjoy it and… and try to act like things are normal again._

 _Because they_ are. _They really are._

And he almost managed to convince himself that it was true.

He spent the evening regaling the group with stories – most of them made up – of his wild antics during the weeks they’d been apart, taking those stories as far over the top as possible. On some level, he knew that he was overcompensating – trying _way_ too hard – but he couldn’t seem to stop, even when he noticed the amusement of the others gradually turning toward vague irritation. As their demeanor shifted from genuine enjoyment of his wild stories and hyper antics, to that familiar sort of forced tolerance they sometimes showed him, only Ted seemed to still regard him with amusement – though Barney was pretty sure Ted’s amusement was at something a little deeper than his crazy stories.

 _He_ knows _I’m uncomfortable… and he’s_ enjoying _it. He likes watching me struggle to make things seem normal. To… to fit in again._

 _He likes knowing how hard this is for me, because… because he thinks I_ deserve _it._

It was not a comforting thought… but Barney wasn’t entirely sure that Ted was wrong.

Marshall and Lily were the first to retire for the evening. They had a longer drive across town than anyone else, and both had to work the next morning. Barney could show up for work whenever he felt like it and pretty much be okay, he knew; but at the moment there was nothing he could imagine that could possibly be any more awkward than sitting in a booth alone with Ted and Robin. Marshall and Lily had only been gone a couple of minutes when he scooted toward the edge of the booth.

“Well, I guess I’m gonna go…” His words broke off abruptly in a startled yelp when he felt a sharp kick under the table, and he glared accusingly at Ted. “ _Ow_!”

“Sorry.” Ted shrugged, not looking the least bit apologetic with a hint of a smirk on his lips – but he was shaking his head almost imperceptibly, his dark eyes solemn and warning.

“’S okay,” Barney muttered grudgingly, continuing to rise to his feet, though more slowly this time, wincing at the pressure on his sore shin as he adjusted his story.

 Ted clearly wanted him to stay.

“I’m gonna go… get another drink. You guys want anything?”

“On you?” Ted’s smile was all innocence, but there was a slight challenge in his expression.

Barney rolled his eyes, grumbling. “Yeah. Why not.”

“Barney, are you sure you should have another?” Robin frowned, an expression of concern on her face. “The way you’re acting tonight, I think you’ve had enough…”

“What? I can’t have a good time with my friends? It’s been ages since I’ve been out with you guys.  Can you blame me for wanting to enjoy it? ” Barney smirked at her… then sighed when the worry in her eyes did not fade. “Relax, it's not like I'm _driving_ ,” he scoffed. “So… you want something or not?”

“No, I… I think I’m gonna go.”

Robin rose to her feet as well, glancing between them with a smile that didn’t quite manage to fully mask her discomfort. Barney didn’t blame her. Although they were all trying to act as they always had, before he and Robin had slept together and screwed up the entire group dynamic, that was next to impossible to do in the rare instances when it was just the three of them together.  Neither Robin nor Barney had any desire to linger any longer than they absolutely had to.

Unfortunately, Ted didn’t seem all that bothered by it. In fact, judging by the cool interest Barney saw hidden just beneath the surface of his calm, vaguely concerned expression – he was rather enjoying their discomfort, in the wake of their betrayal.

Fortunately – Ted did not hold any leverage over Robin that could force her to stay.

“But you’re off tomorrow,” Ted reminded Robin with a slight frown, a feigned question mingling with genuine disappointment in his words. “It’s not even 9:30.”

“Yeah, um… I’m still on early morning hours, you know?” Robin explained, anxiously fidgeting with her bracelet. “I guess I’m just… I’m kinda worn out. Gonna call it a night, go upstairs and watch some TV. See you guys later.” She gave Barney an awkward but sincere smile. “Good night, Barney.”

“And _Ted_.” Barney glanced anxiously toward Ted before giving Robin a pointed look. “Good night, Barney and _Ted_. Because… you certainly wouldn’t be singling _me_ out for any reason…”

“Except that… _you’re_ the one I’m… not going to see in a couple of hours.” Robin raised an eyebrow, giving Barney a look of severe irritation. “I’ll see Ted as soon as he comes upstairs.”

“Oh.” As her words sank in, Barney’s face flushed with embarrassment, with the realization that he had just made a _slightly_ awkward situation just about unbearable. “Oh… right. Sorry.” He cleared his throat, unable to meet either of their eyes as he headed toward the bar. “Good night, then. I’ll just… get those drinks.”

Barney felt an intense sense of relief as he walked away from the table and took a seat on a barstool, waiting for Carl to finish preparing the drinks for the two girls sitting at the other end of the bar. He ran a hand through his hair, annoyed and a little alarmed to find that his hands were visibly shaking. His nerves were on edge, his stomach doing nervous flip-flops at the knowledge that in a few moments, he would be returning to the table – and whatever Ted had in mind for his first test.

There was no other reason why Ted would have told him to wait after the others had left.

As long as Robin had been there, Barney had been able to distract himself from the uneasy questions – the same questions that had filled his mind for the past week, ever since that surreal encounter with Ted on the roof. Now, however, there was nothing left to stand between him and whatever Ted had planned – nothing except the two drinks he was supposed to order and bring back to the table.

His cell phone beeped in his pocket, and Barney took it out – his stomach lurching when he read the brief message on the screen.

 _“Forget drinks. Men’s room, now.”_

Barney closed his eyes for a moment, taking a deep breath and trying to steady his nerves as he put his phone away.

 _What are you freaking out for? It’s just_ Ted. _It’s not like he could possibly have anything_ too _bad planned…_

But all Barney could picture, even as he tried to convince himself, was the cold expression on Ted’s face that night on the roof, when he’d turned his back, fully prepared to walk away from Barney forever. As far as Barney was concerned, that was the cruelest thing Ted could possibly do – so really, was _anything_ beyond him?

 _It’s going to be a stupid prank… no big deal… something mildly painful or embarrassing that will be over before I know it. Ted’s trying to_ talk _big, but he’s not that tough. I’ve probably been put through worse by the bullies in grade school. Nothing to worry about… just… get it over with…_

Barney steeled himself as he headed for the men’s room, swallowing back the hard knot that had formed in the back of his throat as he pushed the door open and slipped inside. As the door closed again, Ted appeared at his side from behind it – immediately too close, too demanding. Barney didn’t really mean to take the startled backward step he took that brought his back up against the door – but Ted seemed to have expected it.

He moved swiftly and smoothly into Barney’s space, bracing one hand against the door beside Barney’s head and giving him a smug smirk, his dark eyes dancing with amusement that Barney did not find in the least reassuring. His voice was lower than usual, deliberately over-dramatic and foreboding in a way that might have made Barney laugh, if his words hadn’t made him so apprehensive.

“Ready for your first test?”

Barney swallowed hard, his mouth suddenly dry, his heart racing, wide eyes locked onto Ted’s challenging gaze. “H-how many tests…” He cleared his throat when his voice broke over the words, struggling to steady himself before going on. “How many tests will there be?”

“How ever many I decide it’s going to take for you to learn your lesson,” Ted countered, raising a single eyebrow. “Got a problem with that?”

Ted backed off a step, his head tilted slightly in a warning way, and Barney’s heart seemed to drop to somewhere around his knees. Automatically, he pressed his hands back against the door behind him, holding it shut, unwilling to let Ted walk away.

“No,” he hurriedly replied, shaking his head. “No, no problem…”

“Good.” Ted was quiet for a moment before going on, his words calm and measured. “When you left the bar, did you happen to notice the girl sitting in the far left corner booth, by herself?”

Barney frowned, puzzled, trying to remember, before shaking his head slowly. “No…?”

“You wouldn’t,” Ted observed, shaking his head with a knowing smirk. “Totally off your radar.”

“Why?” Barney frowned. “Too smart? Or, just nerdy?” Barney grimaced with distaste. “Is she _fat_?”

“Check ‘all of the above’.” Ted’s self-satisfied expression was deeply unsettling.

“So… what about this girl? Why does she have anything to do with this?” Barney shook his head in confusion.

“Because _you’re_ going to take her home tonight.” Ted was clearly very pleased with himself, judging by his smile of vindictive amusement. “You’re going to go up to her and treat her like she was the hottest thing in this bar tonight. You’re going to make her feel beautiful, and special, and attractive… and then you’re going to take her home and give her the best, most satisfying, hottest night of her life.”

“Ted,” Barney whined in protest, “that’ll ruin my record! I don’t _do_ fat chicks, dude, remember?”

Ted’s smile faded, and he took a step closer to Barney, his hand against the door again, their faces inches apart. There was a smoldering challenge, a barely suppressed anger in his eyes as he spoke, his voice low and warning.

“You do tonight. If I _say_ you do.”

Barney hated himself for the sick, fearful feeling that came over him at the subtle threat in Ted’s words. A part of him was frustrated and outraged at Ted’s blatant posturing and demanding manner – but a stronger, deeper part of him was simply terrified at the thought that he might lose the closest friend he’d ever known. His voice was small, slightly pleading, as he tried again to change Ted’s mind.

“I have a perfect record of only sleeping with hotties,” he reminded Ted plaintively. “If I do this, that’s ruined. Ten years of perfection, down the drain.”

Ted let out a derisive scoffing sound. “Perfection? _Please_.”  Unfazed, he continued, a pensive expression on his lips as he shrugged slightly, still not backing up out of Barney’s space. “Even if that were true… which it totally isn’t… what’s more important to you? Your record… or…”

He let his voice trail off, but the second option hung between them, unspoken… and there was never any question of which Barney would choose.

“Okay,” he relented through gritted teeth, closing his eyes and resting his head against the door behind him. “Fine. Whatever you think this is going to prove… for what it’s worth, I’ll do it. But… _why_?” He shook his head, searching Ted’s face, bewildered.

Ted shrugged. “Why not?”

“What, do you think you’re… making me a better person, somehow? Trying to make me less shallow and more accepting or some shit?”

Ted considered that for a moment, then nodded slowly, smiling. “Maybe.”

Barney scoffed softly, rolling his eyes. “Yeah. Because lowering my standards so that I’m taking advantage of girls with even _bigger_ self-esteem issues is so much better than what I already do. Have you stopped to consider that, whatever damage you think I do to these girls on a nightly basis – it’s going to be _ten times_ worse for _this_ poor chick?”

“No, it’s not,” Ted argued. “Because you’re going to give her one of your best stories – something designed to keep her from expecting a call, without making her feel like you’ve walked out on her. You’re… leaving to go to Afghanistan in the morning, or… you’ve been diagnosed with terminal cancer and given a week to live. Something devastatingly romantic and moving that will give her a lovely memory – and maybe a little bit of confidence to carry on to her next relationship.”

“ _Why_?” Barney whined. “Ted, why does it have to be _this_?”

“Because if you _wanted_ to do it,” Ted reminded him, “what would be the point?”

“What _is_ the point?” Barney demanded in frustration, raising one hand in a questioning gesture.

“The point…” Ted’s eyes narrowed, and there was a malicious glint in them that sent a little apprehensive shiver down Barney’s spine. “… is for you to do as you’re told, and let _me_ worry about my reasons. I decide what I want you to do… and you just decide whether you think it’s worth it or not.”

Barney stared at him in tense silence for a long moment, weighing his options – not that he really had any. When it came right down to it, if this was the price of Ted’s friendship – he knew it was worth it. He sighed, his shoulders falling with defeat.

“Fine. It’s… just one night. I can get through it, one way or the other.” He took a step away from the door, opening it and peering out – grimacing when he saw the girl in question. “Well… if nothing else, she should at least be eager to please…”

“Ugh.” Ted shook his head in disgust, pulling the door the rest of the way open. “I think I’ll take that drink now. I think I need it.”

*********************************************

Ted watched from the privacy of their usual table as Barney approached the lonely girl in the corner booth, who seemed utterly stunned that an attractive, smooth sort of guy like him was actually paying her any attention at all. Her face lit up as he sat down beside her, waving down a waitress to get her a fresh drink.

Half an hour later when Barney left the bar with the girl, Ted felt a sense of satisfaction, as well as a strange little thrill of power, at the knowledge that Barney had done as he was told. After the way he’d been hurt, it felt good to see Barney squirm a little – to know that for once, Ted the nice guy – _right… more like Ted the doormat_ – had the upper hand.

 _And maybe this will be good for him, after all,_ he reasoned. _It can’t hurt Barney to learn to treat people a little better – not to put himself first all the time. I’m going to teach him the consequences of being a bad friend, help him learn to make better choices in the future… and maybe have a little fun with it along the way._

 _It’s no big deal… no one’s going to get hurt…_


	4. Chapter 4

_Dear Amanda –_

 _Thank you for giving me such a sweet memory of our night together. I only wish we had more time to share. How cruel of fate to give us only one night before separating us forever – and yet, how sweet to give me such a beautiful memory to take along on my journey to the other side. Just know that for a single night, you’ve made one dying man happy beyond what he ever imagined was possible._

 _Always,_

 _Jonathan Logan_

Barney smirked as he signed the pseudonym – worthy of a soap opera character, and yet not so outrageously dramatic as to be obviously fake – to the handwritten note he’d just composed. He laid it on the pillow where he’d pretended to sleep only long enough for the girl – Amanda – to fall asleep herself, then grabbed his keys and slipped quietly out of her apartment.

The cool night air hit his face with a burst of reality, and Barney felt his satisfaction giving way to an uncomfortable feeling of frustrated humiliation. It wasn’t that he had slept with her. After all, Ted was right. His record was really far from perfect; he’d slept with far less attractive girls before, so… it wasn’t that. It was just that, regardless of their attractiveness level, Barney was used to _choosing_ the girls he slept with – and this time, he hadn’t had much of a choice at all.

 _Well, I hope Ted’s satisfied. I slept with her, and gave her the night of her life – just like he told me to._

 _So… this must be what a hooker feels like._

As he made his way toward home, Barney’s resentment gradually began to swell up within him, at the thought of Ted’s demanding, arrogant demeanor – the obvious pleasure he’d taken in pushing Barney into something he didn’t want to do – and how certain he’d been that Barney would do exactly as he was told, regardless of how much he didn’t want to do it.

And… how right he’d been.

 _Getting ordered into sex with someone I’m not attracted to, by my best friend… basically getting_ pimped out _by him… maybe this will be enough humiliation… prove his point enough… for Ted to let it go._

Barney certainly hoped that would be the case.

He’d made sure that the few hours he’d spent with Amanda were tender and romantic and nothing like his usual raucous escapades – and yet, they had left him feeling more shame and disgust at himself than anything else he could remember doing. The entire situation had left him feeling – _dirty_ – and that was not something that Barney felt easily, not anymore.

 _Well, maybe whatever point Ted was trying to prove… whatever he thinks he’s going to accomplish with this ‘testing me’ crap… maybe he’s done proving it. Maybe… this will be enough._

But deep down, Barney was almost certain that it wouldn’t be.

*******************************************

Ted called him the following morning, while he was on his way to work.

Barney took a deep breath before answering the phone, bracing himself for another challenge. “Hello?” He winced at the sound of his own voice, hesitant and touched with a note of dread.

“Did you go through with it?” Ted demanded without preamble, an eager note to his voice that Barney found incredibly irritating.

“Yes. Yes, I went through with it.”

The disgust in Barney’s voice was unmistakable.

He just wasn’t sure whether it was disgust at Ted or at himself that he was feeling.

“Happy now?”

Ted let out a cold, surprised laugh that Barney found deeply unsettling. “Oh, Barney.” His tone was filled with patronizing amusement. “Not even close.”

And without any further explanation, Ted disconnected the call, leaving Barney staring down at his phone in troubled uncertainty. He swallowed hard, a tight knot of worry beginning to form in his chest as he considered the possibilities for Ted’s next test – and began to wonder if all of this was really going to be worth it, after all.

 _What else does he have in mind? What could he be planning?_

Barney considered for a moment, biting his lower lip, a pensive frown creasing his brow.

 _It doesn’t matter,_ he told himself. _I can take it. I know I can. Whatever he wants… whatever it’s going to take to satisfy him… it_ will _be worth it. Those few weeks without him… without the entire gang… I couldn’t… couldn’t go through that again._

 _I can’t… I can’t lose him._

He swallowed hard, his mouth dry and his palms damp at the very thought of being without the one friend who had come to mean so much to him over the past few years. And after all, Ted’s first test hadn’t been _that_ bad – not really. It wasn’t as if Barney _couldn’t_ have said no, if he’d _really_ found it that distasteful. If their roles were reversed, Barney was pretty sure he could have come up with something a lot more difficult and humiliating to put Ted through.

 _Ted just doesn’t have it in him. And… if I’m wrong… and he_ does _…_

 _I can always back out later, if it gets to be too bad…_

**************************************

At that moment, Ted didn’t know any more than Barney did about what the next test would be – only that there certainly _would_ be one.

He’d expected to find a certain measure of satisfaction in making Barney squirm a little – in taking his usually unflappable confidence and control, and bringing him down a peg or two. He’d expected to feel vindicated in making Barney suffer a little in recompense for the hurt and betrayal he’d committed.

What he hadn’t expected was to _enjoy_ it so much.

It was an unexpectedly heady thrill – thinking of Barney with the girl that Ted had chosen for him, going through the motions despite how much he hated the idea. It was surprisingly satisfying to have so much control – to give random orders, devised on a whim to make Barney miserable, and watch as Barney tried to figure a way out of it but eventually…reluctantly… obeyed.

And it was becoming increasingly clear that, whatever Ted ordered him to do – Barney _would_ obey.

Barney’s façade was a bit frayed at the edges these days, Ted mused. He usually held it together so well – made everyone believe that his arrogant, obnoxious behavior was the real him – but Ted was beginning to see that there was more to the story than that. Barney tried to present the impression to the world that he didn’t need any of them, didn’t care what anyone thought of him – but, slowly, it was becoming clearer than ever to Ted that that was the farthest thing from the truth.

Barney _did_ value the opinion of someone – did _need_ someone.

Ted.

Barney’s obedience was the evidence of his need… and Ted found himself wondering how far he could push the limits of that need without breaking it.

 _I’m going to forgive him,_ he told himself. _Either way, eventually… I’m going to forgive him._

 _It’s just… Barney’s all about pushing the limits, whenever and however he can. Why shouldn’t I push_ his _limits a little? Let him know what it feels like? Show him that when you hurt people, there are consequences, and you can’t just stab someone in the back one day and go back to the way it was the next?_

 _He’ll call a stop to it sooner or later. He will._

 _I’ll just… take it a_ little bit _farther…_

*********************************************

“So… laser tag tomorrow night? Meet at my place at seven?”

Lily groaned and rolled her eyes, as Marshall slapped his palm against Barney’s in an anticipatory high five behind her back. Although she let out an impatient sigh, her resigned smile told Barney that she really wasn’t _that_ put out about the idea. “Aren’t we a little too old for laser tag, guys?”

“Yeah,” Marshall agreed, turning to face the entire group, his expression one of false disdain. “ _Totally_ too old for laser tag. Seriously, this has to be the last time…”

Lily gave him a suspicious look, but he just blinked at her with a vaguely confused expression – all innocence.

Ted rose from his seat with a shrug. “It’s just… we’re always hanging out here, or going to places that you two wanna go to, or me or Robin, and… I just think every once in a while, we should do something _Barney’d_ like to do – and since I think we’d all rather play laser tag than spend an evening at the local strip club…”

The others laughed, and Barney felt his face flush with a confusing blend of self-conscious uncertainty and pleased pride at Ted’s consideration – even if it did come attached to a backhanded sort of comment.

“I do other things,” he insisted, a little defensive.

“Yeah, but most of those other things aren’t group-appropriate activities,” Robin smirked. “ _Usually_.”

Barney’s stomach did a strange little flip at her casual comment. He knew that she was probably just trying to make things seem normal again – to make the same kind of joking comment she would have made before everything that had happened between them – but he couldn’t help worrying about Ted’s reaction. Fortunately, however, Ted didn’t seem to notice the possible implications of her little joke.

“Ew.” Ted just gave her a little grimace of mingled amusement and distaste before turning to go, waving a dismissive hand over his shoulder. “Night, guys. See you at seven.”

Barney bounced a little in his seat in anticipation, though he knew that he would have to be there an hour earlier than the others. Ted had informed him before the others had arrived that his next task would be spending the hour before said evening cleaning Ted’s apartment. Barney had grumbled and whined, but had known from the start that he’d eventually give in.

All in all, if that was the price for an evening of laser tag with his friends – specifically, with _Ted_ – then it was a rather small price to pay.

 _And weak, compared to his last orders._

 _Maybe that’s a good sign. If he’s wearing down already…_

“Barney, I’m so glad he’s finally let all this crap between you two go.”

Barney blinked, looking up distractedly at the sound of his name – taking a moment to process Lily’s words. She was giving him a sincere smile, relief in her eyes, as she reached out across the table to gently squeeze his wrist before withdrawing back against Marshall’s arm around her shoulders. When Barney realized what she was talking about, he looked away self-consciously, swallowing hard.

“Oh… yeah. Me too.”

“I mean… it just wasn’t the same without you here. We missed you. I’m just… really glad things are all back to normal now, and everybody’s friends again, and all’s forgiven, and…” Lily’s voice trailed off momentarily, and she bit her lower lip, a frown of rueful realization creasing her brow as she went on. “… and… on that really, _painfully_ awkward note that I… didn’t realize I was making… um… we should probably be going. Work in the morning, you know. So… good night, guys.”

Robin gave Marshall and Lily a little wave and a smile as they scooted out of the booth and headed for the door, before looking back across the table at Barney, her smile fading completely.

“He hasn’t let it go, has he?”

Barney flinched slightly, startled by her words, but managing to cover it pretty well. “What?” he asked blankly, shaking his head with a slight frown, as if he had no idea what she was talking about.

“Ted.” Robin’s tone was flat, certain. “I can see it. He’s… so _not_ over it. Marshall and Lily…” She waved a hand in the direction in which they’d left, rolling her eyes. “Sometimes I think those two only see what they want to see…”

“Some people might call that ‘optimism’,” Barney pointed out with an affectionate smile, though his heart was racing, his palms damp, at how close Robin was accidentally venturing toward the truth.

Robin snorted softly. “I call it voluntary blindness. Ted… he hasn’t forgiven you, has he?”

Barneys smile faded, and he swallowed hard, trying to find the right words to answer her question. It was difficult to formulate a convincing lie, with her staring at him with those piercing eyes that saw far more of him than he was comfortable with being seen. In the end, he settled on an answer that wasn’t a lie at all – but wasn’t quite the truth, either.

“I broke my own sacred vows of bro-hood,” he stated, meeting her eyes matter-of-factly. “I betrayed his friendship, and violated his trust. If some dude did that to me, I don’t know if I’d _ever_ be able to forgive him…”

“You’re not just ‘some dude’, Barney,” Robin reminded him, her tone uncharacteristically gentle as she leaned across the table, a strange urgency in her eyes. “If _Ted_ did that to you – you’d forgive him in a heartbeat, and don’t even try to say you wouldn’t. I know you better than that.”

Barney looked away for a moment, not bothering to try to deny it. After a moment, he looked up at her again, a subtle challenge in his sad, resigned gaze.

“He’s… _trying_ ,” he explained, honestly. “Do I really have the right to ask for anything _more_ than that?”

Robin held his gaze for a long tense moment, looking as if she wanted to argue – but then looked away, shaking her head slightly with a weary sigh – and her unspoken answer was clear.

They both knew that he didn’t.

When she finally raised her sad, apologetic gaze to his again, Barney gave her a bittersweet smile and a nod before tipping his glass to his lips and draining the rest of it. He set it back on the table as he rose to his feet and headed for the door.

“Night, Robin. See you at laser tag tomorrow.”


	5. Chapter 5

As the days passed following their evening of laser tag, Barney began to feel that Ted was indeed running out of steam when it came to his little game. Nearly a week passed, and Ted did not come up with any new tests for Barney to perform. In fact, Ted began treating Barney in the same easy, comfortable manner he always had in the past, before the whole unfortunate incident with Robin.

 

Better, in fact.

 

Although he would never have admitted it before, Barney had always felt like a little bit of a second-rate friend as far as Ted was concerned. Ted made a point of declaring at every opportunity how Barney was _not_ on equal footing with his _real_ best friend, Marshall – and the way they'd all reacted to Ted's decision to disown him had only served to reinforce that unsettling feeling of insecurity. It made him feel foolish and pathetic, but Barney had all but resigned himself to the fact that that was simply how it was going to be, and that was at _best_ , _if_ he could convince Ted to forgive him _at all_.

 

But resignation gave way to a cautious sort of hope, as Ted began to go out of his way to spend time with Barney, even when the others weren't available. Several times that week, Ted called Barney up and asked what _he_ wanted to do – something he'd rarely done in the past. Yeah, he'd call and ask if Barney wanted to go along for the ride, if he happened to be particularly bored by whatever he happened to already be doing and want the extra entertainment factor that Barney was so good at providing; but this particular brand of consideration was something entirely new.

 

He showed up at Barney's office twice that week, offering to treat him to lunch – and Barney had eagerly accepted, rescheduling whatever he'd had planned to happily go off and spend time with the friend he'd almost lost.

 

 _But I didn't lose him, after all,_ Barney reminded himself with a sense of relief and contentment. _Maybe this means he really has decided to let it go – that I've been punished enough already._

 

 _Maybe... things can finally get back to normal._

 

Except – they _weren't_ normal, Barney had to admit. Barney had blown off several important meetings and other work-associated responsibilities that week, in order to spend time with Ted. He rationalized that they hadn't spent any time together in months, and that it was only natural that they'd want to hang out a little more than usual. Still, he felt a vague uneasiness with the realization that if he kept up at this rate, he'd be losing his _job_ in place of his friend.

 

That was why when Ted called him the following Monday, he knew that he couldn't respond as he had to all of the invitations the previous week.

 

“Hey, I'm in the parking lot. Where do you wanna go for lunch?”

 

Barney swallowed hard, closing his eyes for a moment and forcing back the automatic affirmative answer he wanted to give. Instead, he shook his head slowly, though he knew Ted couldn't see him, and answered with very genuine regret.

 

“Sorry, dude. I've got a really important meeting today.”

 

It was only half a lie.

 

In truth, Barney _had_ had a very important meeting scheduled for twenty minutes from then, but the client in question had called to reschedule earlier that morning. Barney knew that, even if they _hadn't_ cancelled, he'd still have been faced with the very real temptation to bail on the meeting to go hang out with Ted.

 

 _And that's a habit you can't afford to make,_ he told himself sternly. _Gotta learn to tell him no..._

 

“Eh.” Ted's voice was dismissive, and Barney could almost see his careless shrug. “You can reschedule it, right? Come on, let's go.”

 

“No.” Barney forced the word past his lips. “I'm, uh... in the meeting right now, actually, so... I'll just see you...”

 

“I'll be right up.”

 

Ted spoke over him, and then disconnected the call before Barney could object. Barney stared at the silent receiver in his hand for a moment in indignation, before setting it down a little harder than necessary. His jaw set with stubborn determination, and he shook his head.

 

 _No. No, I'm not going to let him do this. For all he knows, I_ do _have a very important meeting today – and I have to draw the line somewhere._

 

Barney felt an uneasy fluttering in the pit of his stomach as he stepped out into the hall, aware that Ted would be there within moments, and would find him not in a meeting, but alone and having just very obviously blown him off. He looked frantically left and right down the hallway until he saw a young male intern who was dressed reasonably well.

 

“Hey, um... _you_...”

 

The kid looked up, startled, meeting Barney's eyes for a moment before looking around himself uncertainly, then back to Barney again.

 

“Me?”

 

“Yeah. What's your name?”

 

“Peter Biggs?”

 

Barney let out a rather childish snicker at his answer, before shaking his head and quickly composing himself. “Hey, come in here for a second, dude.” He nodded toward his office, then returned to his desk, not waiting to see if Peter would follow.

 

He did.

 

“Lock the door and have a seat, okay?”

 

Peter complied, looking mystified as he sat down in the chair across from Barney's desk.

 

Barney waited, tapping his fingers together impatiently, as awkward silence filled the room.

 

“Sooo... Peter Biggs...” Barney smirked again at the name, even as he tried to come up with some attempt at lame conversation to fill the silence. “What do you do here, exactly?”

 

“Mostly paperwork, and taking out the garbage sometimes, and... and sometimes I get to take stuff to the mail room...”

 

“Fascinating.”

 

Barney cut him off, no longer listening – not that he really had been in the first place – as he saw Ted approaching down the hall. Ted was smiling, and gave him a little wave as he reached the door and tried to turn the handle. His smile faded to a frown of mild irritation, however, when he found it locked, and he gave Barney a questioning little shrug through the glass.

 

Barney returned the gesture with a helpless grimace, mouthing, “ _Meeting_ ,” to him, then miming holding a phone to his ear and adding, “ _Call me_.”

 

Ted looked stunned to have actually been turned down – and that made Barney even more certain that he was making the right call. Still, the look of indignation and rising anger on Ted's face started a now-familiar quivering sensation in his stomach. As Ted visibly drew in a breath, clearly gearing up to protest somehow, Barney sort of just... _panicked_. Before Ted could make any kind of a scene, Barney hurriedly opened the top drawer of his desk and pushed a button on the remote control there, feeling a sense of relief as the blinds that covered the glass walls and door of his office automatically fell shut.

 

Peter Biggs was staring at Barney in utter confusion, with just a hint of wary suspicion, as if it was quite possible that he'd caught Barney in the middle of losing his mind. Barney gave him a bright smile, waiting a few moments, still tapping on his desk, before cautiously pressing the button to open the blinds again.

 

Ted was nowhere to be seen.

 

“Right. Okay, then. You can go.”

 

Peter rose slowly from the chair, backing toward the door, seemingly more than happy to comply. As he left Barney's office, Barney let out a shaky sigh of relief.

 

 _Well. That was... easier than I thought._

 

 _And... Ted will understand. It's work. It's not like I really had a choice – or, I wouldn't have, if my meeting hadn't been canceled. Ted has to understand that I can't just – just drop everything because he happens to call. If things are really getting back to normal between us, then... then he_ will _understand that._

 

 _He's done with the stupid tests, and we're friends again. So... he'll understand... right?_

 

Deep down, despite his self-reassurances – Barney wasn't quite sure.

 

*****************************************

 

Ted's steps gradually quickened with anger as he made his way back out to the street.

 

 _He blew me off. I can't believe he... he just_ blew me off.

 

Some rational part of Ted's mind that wasn't caught up in his hurt and indignation reminded him, quiet and insistent, that Barney was at work. It wasn't as if he could just drop everything, every time.

 

 _Even if he always has before..._

 

As Ted tried to go about the rest of his day, he couldn't shake the unsettled, agitated feeling, couldn't stop thinking about the way that Barney had so totally _dismissed_ him. And Ted knew that he'd had a valid reason. It wasn't that it was unreasonable, or not something he could understand.

 

It was just... that it had never happened before.

 

 _And I've been going so easy on him lately, too,_ Ted fumed. _He was doing so well, I thought I'd give him a little breathing room... let things just be normal for a while, remind him what it is he's working so hard to earn back – and this is how he repays me!_

 

 _He's getting too comfortable,_ Ted decided that evening, after Robin had left for work. _Settling in too much, thinking everything's back to normal – well, it's_ not. _Time for another test, maybe. Keep him from getting too sure of himself..._

 

He walked out to the street and hailed a cab, then headed across town to Barney's apartment.

 

The first two rings went unanswered, but Ted was persistent. He could hear music – low and sultry and enticing – coming from beyond Barney's door, and knew that he was at home, and probably not alone.

 

That particular thought only served to increase Ted's agitation, and he pounded on the door, hard enough to rattle the hinges.

 

Finally, Barney answered the door, wearing a dark blue silk robe that, despite its length, left very little to the imagination. “ _What_?” he demanded, irritated – before his eyes went wide with surprise, and his expression of annoyance faded to an anxious, uncertain look of vague guilt. “Ted. Hey. What... what's up?”

 

“I should ask you the same thing.” Ted grinned disarmingly, raising his eyebrows and glancing past Barney into the apartment, though from the doorway, there was no sign of anyone else inside.

 

 _She must be in the bedroom..._

 

Barney's expression softened with relief at Ted's smile, and he met it with a leer, rolling his eyes pointedly toward the bedroom and explaining, “Got company. Make it quick, bro.”

 

“Is she hot?”

 

“Smokin'.” Barney nodded, shifting impatiently from one foot to the other. “ _Dude_. Don't make me make her wait...”

 

“No, I wouldn't do that,” Ted insisted, his voice deceptively mild, before his smile faded completely and he met Barney's eyes with a deliberately hardened gaze. “I'm gonna make you make her _leave_.”

 

“What?” Barney stared at him in shocked outrage. “No!”

 

“No? Really?” Ted's tone was pointed, his eyebrows raised in a challenge.

 

Barney swallowed hard, biting his lower lip anxiously as Ted's unspoken meaning sank in. He glanced longingly toward the bedroom, then back at Ted. His voice was less defiant, more uncertain, when at last he broke the silence.

 

“But... I thought...”

 

“No one ever said our arrangement was over, Barney,” Ted reminded him. “So... I guess you have a decision to make.”

 

Barney's jaw set stubbornly, and he crossed his arms over his chest in a weak display of defiance that Ted already knew would fail. He could already see the defeat in Barney's eyes, even as he voiced his protest.

 

“You can't tell me who I can sleep with.”

 

“So... you're going to trade our friendship for one night of sex? Really?” Ted paused a moment, lending more weight to his final, pointed word. “ _Again_?”

 

Barney flinched slightly, and his voice was hushed and a little wounded. “That's not what me and Robin were. It was... more than that.”

 

Ted felt a smoldering heat of anger building within him at those words, and Barney's eyes went wide in alarm at whatever it was he saw on Ted's face, as he hurried to clarify.

 

“No, that's... that's not what I mean. It was... it was _comfort_. Solace.”

 

Ted let out a derisive sneer, rolling his eyes. “Maybe for Robin it was. We both know what it was for you.” Barney opened his mouth as if to protest, shaking his head slightly – but then abruptly changed his mind and lowered his gaze to the floor, offering no argument as Ted continued, “Make up your mind, Barney. Lose her – or lose _me_.”

 

It took every ounce of his will to turn on his heel and walk away, without waiting for Barney's decision. He waited on the sidewalk across the street, however, pacing back and forth for a few minutes, until he'd almost decided that Barney had chosen the girl over him.

 

Then, he saw a beautiful blonde come storming down the steps of Barney's apartment building, pulling on a jacket as she went, her hair messy and disheveled, flustered and furious as she tried to hail a cab.

 

There was little question as to what had her so upset.

 

 _Yep. That would be her, then._

 

Satisfied, Ted began trying to flag down a cab of his own, and made his way back toward MacClaren's.

 

He couldn't quite explain the little thrill of victory he felt at the knowledge that Barney was alone and frustrated up there in his own apartment – at the knowledge that he was willing to do so many things that he didn't want to do, just because Ted wanted him to. He just knew that it gave him a rush of satisfaction to know that when it came right down to it, Barney had chosen _him_ – and would, every time.

 

The questions aroused by Barney's rejection earlier that day were laid to rest, and Ted felt that all was right with the world again – because Barney had proven that now, as always, there was one person who came first in his life.

 

Ted.

 

An uneasy feeling began to settle in the pit of Ted's stomach as a new question occurred to him, one to which he wasn't sure he wanted to know the answer.

 

 _Robin and Barney together made you jealous, yeah... but why?_

 

 _Because he was encroaching on your territory... or... because_ she _was?_


	6. Chapter 6

Over the next couple of weeks, Barney seemed to shift back into the same cautious, tentative mode he’d been in with Ted since they’d made their secret “arrangement”. Ted’s most recent test had served its purpose, in reminding Barney that he was still not out of the woods yet when it came to earning back Ted’s friendship – and reminding him of just who exactly was in control of the entire situation.

 

 

 _Had to happen_ , Ted told himself. _He was getting a false sense of security there for a little while – and that’s not good for either of us._

Ted continued to make it worth Barney’s while to continue going through with his tests, spending more time with him one-on-one than he’d ever spent in the course of their friendship, being his wingman when he needed one, doing everything he could to not only appear to be Barney’s friend again in front of their other friends, but to really _be_ Barney’s friend again – and Barney seemed grateful for it.

 

Still, there was always this underlying tension, stretched taut just below the surface. The uncertainty in Barney’s eyes when he’d cast an anxious, questioning look in Ted’s direction while the others were distracted; the cautious way he still avoided making jokes at Ted’s expense, or paying too much attention to Robin; the way he seemed so pitifully eager to please, all the time these days – it was all both deeply unsettling, and immensely satisfying to Ted.

 

And if _Barney_ was confused – well, it just seemed to be the order of the day.

 

Ted was having troubles of his own, figuring out what he wanted, what he hoped to accomplish with this whole complicated game that seemed to be getting more complicated by the day.

 

Ted found himself more and more preoccupied with thoughts of his would-be best friend, and it wasn’t all related to the tests he was putting him through. Even when Barney wasn’t around, Ted found himself wondering where he was, what he was doing. He found himself contemplating the next time they would spend time together, all day long while he was trying to work, and even when he was spending time with other friends.

 

On some level, Ted knew that this preoccupation was not exactly normal, and wondered what was causing it – but it was not the most troubling development he was experiencing.

 

He’d never have thought that he would ever find himself _jealous_ over _Barney_.

 

Ted watched from their usual booth at MacLaren’s, pretending to listen to whatever funny story Lily was telling about her day at work – but really, his attention was focused across the room, where Barney leaned on the bar, chatting up an attractive blonde.

 

He was wearing a lavender shirt under a charcoal pin-striped suit that fit him entirely too well, and his brilliant smile was in full effect as he rolled his eyes and shook his head, feigning self-conscious denial over something the woman beside him had just said – no doubt some flattering comment that he was pretending not to believe.

 

When Barney ducked in closer to the woman, reaching out a casual hand to brush against her arm before getting the attention of the bartender to get her another drink, Ted bit back a growl of frustration. Suddenly, he wanted nothing more than to call Barney over to their table and stop him from carrying out the rest of his seduction.

 

 _But you can’t. It’d just look too weird. Besides, the last thing you need is for him to realize that you actually_ care _who he goes home with tonight…_

 

 _And… why_ do _you care, anyway?_

 

He tried to focus on the conversation at his table, with an effort dragging his gaze away from Barney and his latest conquest; but within moments he found himself distracted again, his eyes compulsively taking in the artful innocence with which Barney was stalking his prey – all smooth words and warm smiles and false vulnerability mingled with suave confidence.

 

Ted wanted to strip it all away – to take the façade apart piece by piece until nothing was left but the very genuine vulnerability and need beneath it. He imagined Barney slowly losing that careful composure, his defenses falling away…

 

 _God, what is_ wrong _with you? This is_ Barney _, for Pete’s sake!_

 _Why are you thinking this way?_

Ted tried to ignore the way his breath quickened, his heart pounding and his palms damp at the unbidden thoughts that filled his mind, as he muttered a half-hearted excuse that he didn’t even remember the next minute, and left the table, heading away from MacLaren’s and Barney’s incredibly confusing presence as quickly as he could manage.

 

********************************

 

Judging by the way the pretty blonde, Holly, was glancing at him from beneath lowered lashes, touching her hair and casually touching _him_ whenever she could get away with it, Barney knew that he was only minutes away from closing the deal with this one. He reached out across the bar to gently brush his fingertips across her wrist, lowering his voice to a hushed, suggestive tone as he leaned in to whisper in her ear.

 

Just as his cell phone went off, loudly shattering the moment by letting him know he’d received a text message.

 

Under ordinary conditions, Barney would have simply ignored it and checked it later.

 

These days, he didn’t dare.

 

A heavy knot settled in the pit of his stomach as he took the phone from his pocket and flipped it open. He knew even before he read the message on the screen that it was from Ted.

 

 _“Why don’t you take your new friend upstairs?”_

 

Barney’s stomach lurched, and he glanced back toward the table, where Marshall and Lily now sat by themselves. Robin had left for work an hour earlier, and Ted had at some point disappeared – and apparently, at some point not that long ago. He quickly set his phone to vibrate – just in case – and then shot back a quick text with one hand while pretending to listen to whatever Holly was saying.

 

 _“Why?”_

 

The sick, nervous feeling in the pit of his stomach intensified when his phone vibrated in his hand again, and he glanced subtly down at the screen while Holly was distracted, trying to get the bartender’s attention to order another drink. Barney’s heart clenched when he read the sharp words on the screen.

 

 _“Just do as you’re told.”_

 

Barney instinctively bristled at that, but managed to suppress his annoyance for a moment, giving Holly a bright smile. “Would you excuse me for just a minute?” he asked in his most charming, apologetic tone. “I promise I’ll be right back. Don’t go anywhere.”

 

He made his way to the privacy of the men’s room, locking himself into an empty stall before typing out his answer to Ted’s demand.

 

 _“Why? Are you up there waiting so you can watch, pervert?”_

The wait for Ted’s response was unnervingly long. Barney swallowed hard, staring at the blank phone and wondering if he had accidentally hit on exactly the truth. Finally, however, his phone lit up with a new message.

 

 _“EW. No. Quit asking why. The whole point is that it doesn’t MATTER why. You just do what I want you to do.”_

 

Barney raised a single eyebrow at his phone, still confused, but tremendously relieved.

 

 _“And right now, what you want me to do is to have sex with a stranger in your apartment? You’re a sick, sick man, Mosby.”_

 

Long moments passed, and Barney had almost decided that Ted wasn’t going to reply, when the next message came through.

 

 _“Left the door unlocked for you, so hurry up. Don’t want it left unattended for long.”_

 

And then another, immediately following it:

 

 _“Don’t even think about using my bed, or the couch.”_

Barney frowned, shaking his head slightly, trying to think what options that left him.

 

When it finally dawned on him, he froze, an icy trickle making its way down his back.

 

 _Robin’s_ bed…

 

 _“Okay, Mosby, that’s just wrong.”_

 _“Sleeping with your bro’s ex is what’s wrong. This is nothing.”_

 

Barney opened a new blank message, but he was still trying to come up with a decent response when his phone vibrated again.

 

 _“Just do it, Barney. Or not. Your call.”_

 

Fifteen minutes later, Barney was leading Holly up the stairs to Ted’s apartment, only hoping that the place looked decent, and neither Ted nor Robin had left anything lying out that might serve to be an embarrassment to him. He took out his own key and pretended to unlock the already unlocked door before leading her inside.

 

As soon as he could, he excused himself to the kitchen with the excuse of making Holly a drink, but his mind was racing, completely preoccupied with the conversation he’d had with Ted, and Ted’s most recent orders.

 

 _Why would he want me to do this? Is this just some kind of sick, twisted form of payback on Robin, in his mind? Or some way to prove to me, in some typically convoluted, pseudo-psychological Ted-logic way, that what I did with Robin really_ was _just meaningless sex? Like, if I could do this with some other chick, in her bed…_

 _God, I_ can’t _do this… but… but if I don’t…_

 

“Barney?” Holly called, a teasing laugh in her voice. “Did you get lost in there?”

 

“Just a minute,” Barney called back, too distracted to even try not to sound distracted. “Be right there.”

 

 _How will he even know if I go through with it or not? Surely he’s not lost it enough to have like… planted a camera in Robin’s room, or something like that? No, not Ted…_

 _… but… then what’s keeping me from just… calling this off and sending this chick home right now?_

 

Barney didn’t really know the answer to that question – only that something _was_ keeping him from calling it off. He wasn’t sure how Ted could possibly know whether or not he went through with his demands, when Ted was not here to see for himself; but somehow, he knew deep down that Ted _would_ know.

 

 _And it’s not like you weren’t going to sleep with her anyway. It’s not like you’re doing anything that different than what you were already going to do. It’s just… that you’re doing it in_ Robin’s bed…

 

 _God, what are you_ doing? _This is so… so_ wrong…

 

But Barney took the drinks back into the living room, lingering only a little while before coaxing Holly into the bedroom. He didn’t turn on the lights – didn’t want to risk any unfortunate photos or undergarments or other personal things of Robin’s being seen, and thereby giving away the fact that this was not his own room.

 

He also didn’t want to have to think about where he was, and what he was doing there.

 

 _Robin will never know,_ he reassured himself. _It’s not going to matter, because she’ll never know about this…_

 

 _But… if she ever_ did…

 

Barney tried his best to put it out of his mind and simply do what he’d done before, countless other nights. He tried to focus on the feeling of soft skin beneath his fingertips… a warm, welcoming mouth yielding to his slow, enticing kisses… the soft sounds of pleasure that issued from the mouth of the woman beneath him – and for the most part, he managed to stay in the moment.

 

Holly certainly didn’t seem to notice anything off.

 

About twenty minutes after they’d finished, however, Barney found himself faking an emergency phone call. He offered profuse apologies, promising to call her, as he hurriedly got dressed, pretending to have to leave to go to the hospital to meet a friend who’d just been taken there.

 

“That’s okay, I totally understand,” Holly assured him, sitting up and pulling the blankets up around her. “Should I just… I’ll just get dressed and go.”

 

“Thanks.” Barney nodded with a smile that was both grateful and regretful at once. “It’s just… my roommate might freak out if he came home and there was a stranger here, you know?”

 

“That’s fine,” she insisted. “I just hope your friend’s all right.”

 

 _Oh, no. My friend is so completely and totally_ not _all right._

“Thanks,” Barney offered weakly as he walked Holly to the door. “I’ll call you.”

 

More than ever, he was absolutely certain that he would never be calling her again. And if she happened to be the obsessive, clingy type and ended up showing up at Ted’s door looking for him at some later point in time, well – it would serve Ted right.

 

Barney returned to the bedroom to get his phone, watch, and wallet from the bedside table, turning on the light on his way into the room. He tried not to look at the bed – _Robin’s_ bed – as he finished putting himself together, prepared to get out of that room, out of Ted’s apartment, as quickly as possible.

 

A slight creaking sound drew his attention from his morose thoughts, and Barney glanced up in the direction the sound seemed to have come from – Robin’s closet.

 

The door was open an inch or two.

 

Barney froze, his mind racing as the pieces began to fall into place.

 

 _How could Ted possibly know if I did what he said or not? Why was he so insistent that it be exactly_ here, _and nowhere else? Why would he want me to do this in the first place?_

Barney turned deliberately away from the closet, putting his wallet into his pocket and heading toward the door. In the doorway, however, he paused, not quite looking toward the closet as he smirked and spoke in a knowing tone of barely veiled mockery.

 

“Bye, Ted. Hope you enjoyed the show.”

 

The muffled thud, followed by the sound of startled movement from behind the closet door was all the confirmation Barney needed – and immensely satisfying. Without waiting for the impending confrontation, he walked out of Robin’s room, and out of Ted’s apartment, slamming the door behind him.


	7. Chapter 7

All that night and the following day, Ted didn’t call Barney, or text him, or contact him in any way.

 

It wasn’t that he didn’t _want_ to. In fact, he was dying for some kind of contact – just to let him know where things were between them after his humiliation of the previous night. It was slowly driving him insane, wondering what Barney was thinking about him right then, what conclusions he might have drawn as a result of Ted’s latest ill-fated “test”. He really wanted to call Barney, if only to somehow gauge his reaction to what he had discovered, and the state of their relationship at the moment.

 

He simply had no idea what to say.

 

He’d picked up the phone and dialed the familiar number many times in the past few hours, but every time he found himself just staring at it, his finger hovering over the call button, his heart racing and his brow broken out in a cold sweat at the very thought. Every time he imagined Barney picking up the phone, he felt panicked, humiliated. It was as if this entire, carefully constructed situation of his own making was swiftly careening away from him, and he had no idea how to bring it back under his control.

 

He had no idea why he’d done it in the first place.

 

Or at least, no idea that he wanted to consider.

 

 _What must he be thinking of me right now?_

 

Ted’s face flushed with shame at the thought, and he swallowed back the hard, sick knot in his throat with difficulty, the memory of the mingled triumph and disgust in Barney’s voice as he’d left filling his mind.

 

 _God… what if he tells the others? Surely he wouldn’t. I mean… he has to know that if he did, he’d lose any chance of earning back my friendship. And that still matters to him, doesn’t it? Of course it does. Just because of what happened last night, it doesn’t really_ change _anything, as far as our arrangement… right?_

 

Ted thought back to the night before, and the difference in the way Barney had spoken to him then, and how he’d spoken to him for the past few weeks. The caution, the pitiful desperation to please, had vanished, replaced with the same old cocky arrogance that Barney had always had in the past.

 

It was strangely infuriating to Ted, and he found himself opening and closing his fists at his sides, his jaw clenched with repressed anger – and a deep, inexplicable desire to do something, _anything_ to wipe that smug confidence out as he’d always been able to do in the past. He was supposed to meet Barney and the others at the bar in a few minutes, and a part of him was eager to get there, hoping that he would be able to do something to reassert his power – but deep down, he knew better.

 

The simple truth was that due to his single misstep of the night before – Ted no longer held the same power he’d wielded for the past few weeks.

 

 _And Barney knows it. That’s the problem._

 

As Ted made his way downstairs to MacLaren’s, he couldn’t stop his mind from envisioning the scene that might be awaiting him there. His cruel imagination conjured up nightmare images of a laughing, exultant Barney telling the story in gloriously exaggerated detail to Marshall, Lily, and Robin, just as Ted entered, to be faced with their stares of varying degrees of amusement and disgust.

 

 _Maybe he didn’t say anything. Maybe he’s just as embarrassed as I am. I mean – to tell them about what happened last night, he’d have to tell them the rest of it too, wouldn’t he? And I don’t think he wants them all knowing what a desperate, pathetic fool he’s made of himself these past few weeks, right? He wouldn’t do that, would he?_

 _Unless… he could also let them know what a desperate, pathetic fool_ I _made of_ myself…

 

 _Yeah. This is_ Barney _we’re talking about. He’d_ totally _do that_.

 

It was enough to make Ted stop just outside the door for a long moment, his hand trembling on the handle, unable to make himself go in – until a couple of attractive young women approached the entrance, hesitating and giving him uncertain looks, and he realized that his indecision was causing him to block the doorway. Steeling himself for whatever was to come, Ted gave the girls a tight, forced smile and nod of silent greeting, opening the door and stepping back to allow them to enter before following them inside.

 

It was exactly as he’d imagined it.

 

Barney was sitting at their usual booth, surrounded by their friends, who appeared to be paying rapt attention as he told them what appeared to be a fascinating and hilarious story. Barney’s eyes shone with laughter, and he seemed confident and vibrant in a way that Ted hadn’t seen him look in months. Ted’s heart sank as four pairs of eyes turned toward him at his entrance, his stomach lurching as he braced himself for the mockery and revulsion he expected to see in those eyes.

 

But it wasn’t there.

 

“Hey, Ted!” Marshall called out with a grin. “You gotta hear this, get over here!”

 

“Yeah, Ted, this is great!” Barney agreed. “You wouldn’t even believe this story if you were _there_!”

 

Barney’s voice was warm and welcoming as he beckoned Ted toward the table, but it was impossible for Ted to miss the subtle innuendo in his choice of words, or the almost vicious sparkle of triumph in his icy blue eyes. Ted forced a smile in return as he cautiously approached the table and pulled a chair up to the end of the booth, casually surveying the expressions on the faces of his friends.

 

Marshall seemed genuinely engaged in Barney’s story, and his face did not betray any awkwardness at Ted’s arrival. Ted knew that Marshall might have tried to hide any knowledge he might have had of the night before, in order to spare Ted’s pride – but he also knew that he probably would have failed in the attempt. Ted knew Marshall well enough to have been able to pick up on any hints of deception there, if there had been any to pick up on – so, evidently, there weren’t.

 

Robin – well, Robin could be cool as ice when she wanted to be, so Ted couldn’t really be sure of anything from her friendly if slightly distracted smile of greeting.

 

Lily – now, Lily was an open book.

 

The fact that he saw no embarrassment, no awkward glances at the others, no judgment or uncertainty in her gaze, was immensely reassuring to Ted, putting his mind at ease and making him sure that Barney had not said anything about last night. Ted let out a soft, slow breath of relief as he tried to focus on whatever story Barney was telling about his latest juvenile antics.

 

But the moment he caught Barney’s gaze, that relief vanished.

 

There was a subtle challenge in Barney’s eyes as he started over, telling his story from the beginning.

 

“So… I was chatting up this hot chick at the bar, right? When all of a sudden, my phone starts going off… and it’s a text, from…”

 

Ted tensed, his eyes locked onto Barney’s, braced for the worst.

 

“… an _unknown number_.”

 

Barney smirked as the others watched Ted for his reaction to the story they’d apparently already heard most of. Ted did his best to look unaffected, though his heart was racing, and he felt like he was edging toward the verge of panic again.

 

“So, I’m curious. I look down and read the text. Guess what it says.”

 

Ted did his best to keep his voice level and even as he replied with a shrug that he hoped was casual and unconcerned. “No clue.”

 

“It says, ‘She’s hot. Take her home.’”

 

Lily gave a visible shudder. “Ugh… isn’t that the creepiest thing you’ve ever heard?”

 

“The absolute _creepiest_ ,” Barney agreed, his gaze never leaving Ted’s face, a secret amusement in his smile as he nodded slowly. “But you know… I’m a curious guy. Couldn’t just leave that hanging there and not see what would happen, you know? So… I take the chick home.”

 

“And then what happened?” Marshall asked in an eager tone that made it clear he already knew the answer – or _thought_ he did, anyway.

 

“We go back to her place. And get this… dude _texts_ me her _address_ like, five seconds before she told it to me…”

 

“And like a moron to the slaughter, you went there anyway.” Robin rolled her eyes. “Barney. You realize you could have been like… robbed and murdered and never seen again, right?”

 

“But I wasn’t – and instead, I have this awesome story to tell,” Barney pointed out, turning toward her with a raised index finger to emphasize his point. “So, with your permission, I’ll continue…”

 

Robin sighed. “By all means, go right ahead…”

 

“So we get to the apartment, and everything looks normal and all… and we’re getting it on in her bed, when suddenly… I hear the strangest sound… coming from… of all places… the _closet_ …”

 

Ted felt as if he was going to vomit, right then and there – impressive vomit-free streak be damned. He couldn’t speak, couldn’t react in any way, terrified of giving himself away. Fortunately, his friends were caught up enough in the story that they didn’t seem to notice.

 

“What did you _do_?” Marshall demanded, aghast, before turning toward Ted to add, “This is where you came in.”

 

“ _What_?” Ted choked out.

 

“When you came in a minute ago, this is the point in the story I’d reached,” Barney clarified calmly, an innocently curious eyebrow raised. “What else did you _think_ he meant?”

 

“ _What_ did you _do_?” Marshall repeated insistently. “Come on, dude, tell us what happened!”

 

“Well, I walked over and jerked the closet door open, and there’s the girl’s _boyfriend_ hiding in there… _naked_ … with a freakin’ _camcorder_! And since nobody but me puts sex tapes of me on the internet, I made him a proposition. He gives me the tape… and… I let him join in.”

 

Ted barely noticed the surprised gasps and other protests of his friends in response to this turn of Barney’s story. Barney’s tone softened almost imperceptibly, something knowing and cruel in his expression as he went on.

 

“Come on… the dude’s sitting in the closet, watching me… in the bed he shares with his girlfriend…”

 

A slight twitch of his lips revealed to Ted just how amusing he found not only the almost-fictional account he was relating, but also the present situation, as Barney concluded quietly with a little shrug.

 

“It was obviously what he wanted, anyway.”

 

After the initial shock of Barney’s story wore off, the conversation turned to other topics – but Ted couldn’t focus on anything but Barney, and the quiet satisfaction in his eyes. When Barney rose from his seat a half hour later and made his excuses to the group before heading toward the door, Ted made up his mind that he was not going to let this go any farther without addressing the matter, one way or another.

 

He offered some lame excuse that he didn’t even remember thirty seconds later before following Barney out onto the street. He found him leaning up against the wall of the building, hands in his pockets – obviously waiting, as if he’d known _exactly_ what he was doing, and had _expected_ Ted to follow him out so quickly.

 

Ted found it utterly infuriating.

 

Before he knew what he was doing, Ted had grabbed Barney by the lapels of his ridiculously expensive suit and slammed him up against the wall on which he was leaning.

 

“What the _hell_ was that about?” he snarled in Barney’s face, eyes narrowed and accusing.

 

“I might ask you the same thing,” Barney pointed out, irritatingly unfazed by Ted’s rough treatment of him. “Pretty screwed up thing you did last night. You’re just lucky I didn’t take it any further than I did in there.”

 

Ted’s hands tightened unconsciously in Barney’s suit, wrinkling the delicate fabric, though Barney didn’t seem particularly concerned with that at the moment. Ted’s voice was low with warning, measured but trembling.

 

“You wouldn’t.”

 

“Maybe I _should_!” Barney retorted. “Because you need help, Mosby! Seriously, you are _fucked up_. But hey, I guess I should be glad it happened – because I’ve finally figured this whole thing out!” He waved a hand in a vague gesture to indicate the entire situation between them. “I finally get it now…”

 

“Shut up, Barney,” Ted cut him off sharply, not wanting to hear what he knew Barney was going to say. “You don’t have the first clue…”

 

“You _want_ me,” Barney declared anyway, leaning forward against Ted’s pinning grip, his lips twisted upward in a triumphant smirk. “Why else would you be _literally_ hiding in a freakin’ _closet_ , just to watch me get it on with some random chick? In _Robin’s bed_ , no less?”

 

“Please, Barney,” Ted scoffed, something defensively vicious creeping into his tone. “You’ve wanted me a lot longer. It’s obvious – to _everyone_. The way you’ve been acting these past few weeks is proof enough. When I wouldn’t speak to you, you couldn’t _stand_ it. And now, the way you follow me around like a little lost puppy…” he sneered softly, shaking his head in disgust. “It’s pathetic, Barney. That’s what you are. Pathetic.”

 

“You _wish_ I wanted you,” Barney retorted, and Ted took some measure of cruel satisfaction from the tremor in his voice, the flash of hurt in his eyes. “You just _wish_ I’d…”

 

Ted just wished he would _shut up_.

 

That was the only reason – _surely_ that was the only reason – but in the next moment, Barney’s words were cut off abruptly as Ted covered his mouth in a fierce, bruising kiss that knocked his head back hard against the wall behind him. Barney let out a muffled cry of pain and surprise that was swallowed up by Ted’s mouth on his, raising his hands in a weak, half-hearted attempt to push Ted away.

 

But now that he’d crossed this particular line, Ted knew there was no going back.

 

He caught Barney’s wrists and pinned them against the wall near his head, holding him there firmly as he deepened the kiss, holding him until his struggles finally stilled, and Barney began to return the kiss, his body no longer fighting for distance, but instead fighting for more contact, his hips rolling closer to Ted’s as he leaned hungrily into the kiss.

 

That was the moment that Ted chose to pull away, a cold, victorious smile on his lips.

 

“I knew it,” he said softly, his smile widening when Barney flinched at the words. “You’re so obvious, Barney. You really think you’re fooling anyone? You’re not. You _wanted_ that – and a lot _more_ than that.”

 

Barney didn’t bother trying to deny it this time – didn’t venture a response at all – and suddenly, the mingled hope and hurt in his eyes was more than Ted could bear. The accusation of it – the guilt he felt when he _shouldn’t_ be feeling guilty, damn it! It was _Barney’s_ fault this had all happened; _Barney_ was the one who should be bearing the blame for it, not looking up at him like some kind of cross between a violated victim and a spurned lover. Ted couldn’t stand looking at the expression on his face another moment – so he struck out with a vicious slap that knocked Barney’s head back into the wall again.

 

Barney just took the blow, closing his eyes and swallowing hard, offering no protest, no attempt at self-defense – and that just made it so much worse.

 

Feeling the need to hurt, to dig in deep into the fresh wound he’d created until there was no doubt left in either of their minds who was really in control here, Ted leaned in closer, gripping Barney’s wrists again and moving in until he could speak softly, close to his ear, cruel words spilling from his lips with an ease that startled and frightened even himself.

 

“Too bad you’ll never have it. Because I’d never sleep with a pathetic, desperate _slut_ like you.”

 

Barney flinched again, biting his lower lip as if to hold back something – a retort, a cry – Ted didn’t know, and didn’t care.

 

He released Barney abruptly and headed back into the bar. For a few moments he half-expected Barney to come to his senses and follow him back in, and expose Ted’s dark secrets to their friends in a fit of vindictive – if totally deserved – payback for the hurt Ted had just inflicted.

 

When Barney didn’t, Ted began to relax, feeling a sense of relief that he had, apparently, won this little battle of wills in which they’d engaged.

 

 _He knows who’s boss again now, and won’t try anything like that again…_ he reassured himself as he laughed at a joke Marshall had just made and tried to lose his worries in the comfort of his friends’ company. _I’m in control again… and everything’s going to be just fine…_


	8. Chapter 8

After a mostly sleepless night filled with much deliberation, Ted came to the conclusion that he definitely needed to talk to Barney, to reassure him that, despite the kiss outside the bar, despite Barney’s barely veiled defiance in MacLaren’s immediately preceding it, everything was still normal between them.

 

Well – the _new_ normal, anyway.

 

The incident outside the bar had certainly added a new element to the situation, one which Ted wasn’t quite sure yet what to do with – but it had also served to reinforce his control over the situation, Ted was sure. However, if he allowed Barney to see that he was still a little shaken, a little confused by the whole thing, that would just be relinquishing that control again.

 

He had figured out Barney’s obsession with his approval for what it was, called him on it, and proven it with that single, intense kiss to which Barney responded with such open desperation – and now, all Ted had to do was keep on doing what he’d been doing for the past few weeks, to prove to Barney that the incident in Robin’s bedroom, the kiss – none of it changed anything.

 

Nothing was any different than it had ever been.

 

It _wasn’t._

 

Ted called Barney at work the following morning, holding his breath as he waited for the answer. The tone of Barney’s voice when he finally picked up, after four or five rings, was small and uncertain – and utterly reassuring to Ted.

 

“H-hello?”

 

Ted kept his own voice casual and light. “Hey, dude. Wanna do lunch today? I’m buying.”

 

“Uh… Ted, I…”

 

“Great. I’ll be there in an hour.”

 

Ted let his voice take on the subtly authoritative edge that Robin teasingly referred to as his “dad voice”, leaving no room for argument – and it worked just as well as it had been working for the past few weeks. After a moment’s hesitation, Barney agreed in a quiet, subdued voice that used to sound so foreign from his lips, but had become what Ted was used to.

 

“O-okay. See you then.”

 

Ted hung up the phone with a decided sense of triumph. He was still in control of their arrangement – of their _friendship_ – and nothing had changed. And he would talk to Barney, let him know that everything was all right and that nothing _would_ change – at least, not until he was ready for it to.

 

*************************

 

They walked from Barney’s office to a little café across the street; and Ted chose to attribute the lack of conversation on the way to the sounds of the busy city traffic that surrounded them. It just made sense to wait until they were in the relative quiet of the restaurant before saying much.

 

And, if Barney still seemed quiet and withdrawn as they ordered their lunch and waited for their food to arrive – well, Ted guessed that was more or less to be expected. There was bound to be a bit of awkwardness after the way they had left things, and Ted meant to rectify that right away, to bring things back to the barely tolerable level they’d been at before his last ill-fated “test”.

 

“So, Barney… I wanted to talk to you…”

 

“I wanted to talk to you, too.”

 

Ted frowned, fighting back the automatic irritation he felt at being interrupted. “Good,” he stated, nodding and forcing a tight smile. “Me first.”

 

“No.”

 

Ted raised a single eyebrow as Barney looked up at him, his expression solemn and troubled. His gaze faltered for a moment, falling back down to the table, before he squared his shoulders and met Ted’s eyes again, his voice trembling slightly but quietly defiant.

 

“You said I could always call a halt to this…” He waved a hand in a vague gesture to indicate the entire situation. “… this whole thing… if at any point I decided that it wasn’t worth it. And… I don’t think it is, anymore.”

 

Ted stared in shock, suddenly breathless, literally feeling as if he’d been punched in the stomach. “Wh- _what_?”

 

Barney looked away again, drawing in a deep breath before looking up at Ted once more. “The… the manipulation. The mind games. I… I’m sick of having to worry about it. I’m sick of… of _all_ of this...”

 

“What mind games?” Ted scoffed, defensive. “You knew from the beginning _exactly_ what this was. Everything was really straightforward, Barney – and you know that, bottom line… you brought all of this on _yourself_ …”

 

“No.” Barney shook his head slowly. “Ted… this was all _your_ idea. You came up with what you wanted to happen, and then… didn’t really give me a choice about it.” He was quiet for a moment, a slight, bitter smile on his lips when he continued. “I always knew you were just a little bit of a douche, Ted. But I never… I never thought you were _cruel_.”

 

Barney stood up, and Ted reached out instinctively to grab his arm, looking up at him, urgency in his eyes and in his voice. “Barney, think about what you’re doing. You’re frustrated, and… and confused. I get that. But, just sit down and talk to me…”

 

“There’s nothing to talk about…” Barney froze when Ted touched him, not pulling away – but not sitting back down, either.

 

“Barney… you think you want to do this, right now… but you’re going to change your mind later on,” Ted insisted. “Think about all that you’re giving up if you walk out that door.”

 

Barney nodded once, closing his eyes, and for a moment Ted thought he’d gotten through to him, as Barney gently pulled free of Ted’s hand on his arm and turned as if to go back to his seat. But then, instead of sitting down, Barney merely took out his wallet and put a couple of bills down on the table – more than enough to cover the cost of both of their meals – before turning once more and heading swiftly, purposefully out the door.

 

***************************************

 

Barney didn’t come around for a few days after that.

 

Their friends wondered aloud where he was, and why he wasn’t answering any of their calls – and Ted pretended to be as puzzled as they were. Privately, however, he was slowly going out of his mind.

 

 _He’ll come around,_ he told himself. _He_ has _to. He can’t just stay away from all of us forever – and he can’t really come around them without running into me. He can’t just avoid the situation indefinitely._

 _If he’d just_ talk _to me…_

Ted’s thoughts kept going back to the moment when he’d kissed Barney, his mind replaying every detail, each instant drawn out in his memory. He’d done it to prove a point – to force Barney to admit that his constant need for Ted’s approval, his desperation for his friendship, was really so much more than that – to admit how much he _needed_ Ted.

 

And with every day that passed in Barney’s complete absence, Ted was more and more convinced that it had backfired spectacularly.

 

 _You wanted to bring to light how much he needed you… and yeah, maybe you did._

 

 _But that’s not_ all _you brought to light, is it?_

 

As much as he hated to admit it, when Ted had kissed Barney, he’d allowed something to surface from deep within _himself,_ as well – something he’d never imagined existed. As much as he knew that Barney wanted not just his friendship or his approval but _him, completely_ – Ted had to admit that he wanted Barney, too.

 

Each day that he was gone from their little group only emphasized it more.

 

 _He’ll call. Eventually, he’ll give in… and he’ll call._

 

Ted told himself so day after day, resisting the temptation to call Barney himself. Countless times each day, he found himself taking out his phone, hesitating over Barney’s number – but each time, he made himself put it away again. He knew that calling Barney – revealing how badly he wanted contact with him – would only serve to give Barney the upper hand again.

 

 _And he_ will _give in. Sooner or later. He_ has _to. And when he does – then_ I’ll _be in control again…_

 

But as time went on with no sign of Barney, Ted began to doubt his certainty, and the temptation to call Barney grew stronger.

 

Four days after their aborted lunch meeting, Barney walked into MacLaren’s – and Ted barely managed to suppress an audible sigh of relief at the sight of him. Instead, he made himself look away with barely a glance, continuing his conversation with the others as if he hadn’t even noticed Barney’s entrance.

 

“ _Barney_!” Marshall sounded as relieved as Ted felt when he caught sight of their friend, beckoning him over to their table as Robin and Lily both called out to him at the same time. “Where _were_ you, man? It’s been ages.”

 

“Four days, to be exact,” Barney clarified with a teasing grin, clearly thrilled at how much he’d been missed. “Geez, you people can’t deal with just a few short days without the fascinating tales of my misadventures to keep you from getting bored? I just went on a little business trip.”

 

“Without telling any of us?” Lily scolded, one eyebrow raised in her best stern, teacher look. “That’s kind of dangerous, Barney – especially when you work for Evil, Incorporated…”

 

Barney gave her an exaggeratedly shocked, offended look as he took the empty seat which just happened to be next to Ted. “GNB is _not_ …”

 

“It might as well be,” Lily insisted. “And anyway, that doesn’t matter. If you leave town for days at a time, it’s always a good idea to let your friends know you’ll be gone.”

 

“Yes, ma’am.” Barney sighed, rolling his eyes. “Should I get a crossing buddy before crossing the street next time, too?”

 

His tone was light and playful, but as he spoke his gaze drifted toward Ted – and there it was. Ted suppressed the smile he felt at the uncertainty in Barney’s eyes. Barney still cared, Ted knew – if only because he knew how easily Ted would be able to cut him off from the group again, if he so chose. Ted had proven it the last time, when he’d disowned Barney as a friend, and Barney hadn’t spent any time with _any_ of them for _months_.

 

Robin was the first to leave the group, on her way to work. When Lily and Marshall announced that they needed to go a little while later, Barney moved as if to rise from the booth as well – but Ted subtly caught his wrist on the booth between them, his firm grip preventing Barney’s hasty escape.

 

Ted noticed the visible, convulsive swallow in Barney’s throat, but Barney didn’t do or say anything to alert the others to what Ted had done. He just smiled at them and waved goodnight with his free hand as they headed out the door – before pointedly turning in his seat and glaring at Ted. Unfazed, Ted gave him a satisfied smile.

 

“I knew you’d be back.”

 

Barney gave him a resentful sneer, rolling his eyes. “Please. Like I’m back for _you_.” The words stung, and Ted’s eyes narrowed angrily as Barney went on, meeting Ted’s eyes, his tone quiet and unhappy. “You know this is all I’ve got, Ted. You _know_ that. It’s not fair that you can just… just take it away from me anytime you like.”

 

“No one’s taking anything from you, Barney,” Ted insisted, his voice softly, patronizingly patient. “It’s your choice. Always has been.”

 

Barney let out a frustrated scoffing sound. “You know I don’t _have_ a choice,” he snapped. “If I did, trust me, I wouldn’t be here.”

 

But Ted knew better.

 

Barney had yet to free his wrist from Ted’s now much gentler grasp.

 

“Actually…”

 

Ted’s voice was low and enticing as he casually ran his thumb across Barney’s wrist, and Barney looked up at him sharply, wariness mingled with that same ever-present hope in his eyes – and something else. Ted could see it so clearly now – that faint, barely veiled longing in Barney’s expression, that tiny part of him that still clung to the possibility that Ted was so subtly, deliberately entertaining. Ted leaned in closer, his free hand slipping under the table to rest on Barney’s thigh. Barney jumped slightly with surprise, but didn’t quite pull away, as Ted concluded in a hushed, secretive tone.

 

“… you have a choice to make _right now_.”

 

Barney swallowed hard, his gaze arrested by Ted’s piercing eyes, his voice hoarse and trembling slightly as he responded, barely over a whisper.

 

“A-and what’s that?”

 

A sly smile played across Ted’s lips before he leaned in even closer, close enough to whisper his enticing words in Barney’s ear.

 

“Whether or not you’re going to come upstairs with me.”


	9. Chapter 9

_“Come upstairs with me.”_

 

Barney was terribly confused, tempted – and bordering on sheer, outright panic.

 

He stared at Ted in disbelief as he drew back, waiting for Barney’s response. His heart was racing and his mouth dry as he studied Ted’s face closely, trying to read the inscrutable smile on his lips. Ted’s hand was warm and firm on his wrist, his thumb tracing slow circles while his other hand slid up Barney’s thigh. Barney willed himself to pull away from the unfamiliar, if not unwelcome, contact; but he couldn’t quite bring himself to do it – not when he’d wanted this for so long.

 

He hadn’t allowed himself to admit it, not even to himself – not until that utterly unexpected kiss outside MacLaren’s. At that moment, even through the shock and confusion and apprehension over what Ted was doing, and why – it was as if the pieces had fallen into place, and Barney suddenly understood the past few years of their friendship in a new light.

 

What Ted seemed to be offering now was the fulfillment of a dream he’d only just begun to admit he even _had_. And yet, when mingled with the emotionally brutal and sexually confusing mind games Ted had been playing for the past few weeks, it was a dream that Barney felt was too dangerous to allow himself to entertain. In fact, he’d just about decided that even _friendship_ with Ted was too dangerous, at the moment. He’d come into MacLaren’s tonight with the intention of trying to see whether or not the others were still his friends, in spite of the way he’d cut things off with Ted – only to have Ted pull _this_.

 

 _Oh, God… what is he trying to_ do _to me?_

 

“Ted… I don’t… I mean…” he stammered, shaking his head slightly, trying to put together a coherent thought from the fragmented bits and pieces that filled his shell-shocked mind. “What are you doing? I mean… w-why are you _doing_ this?”

 

Barney hated the tremor in his voice, hated the overwhelming sense of vulnerability he felt – but he couldn’t help it.

 

He was so very, very _scared_.

 

Barney had spent the last four days miserable and lonely, in his own apartment, not on any business trip for GNB. He hadn’t dared to come around the bar where he knew the others would be. He was too angry at Ted, too sick of his mind games, to give in to his conditions again – and yet he knew how easily Ted could turn his friends against him if he decided to do so.

 

 _And… they’re the only friends I’ve got in the world right now. I can’t… I can’t lose them – and Ted knows that. And it doesn’t really matter what he’s done. I still don’t want to lose_ Ted _, either. For some reason, no matter how much I hate him sometimes for the crap he’s pulled these past few weeks – he’s got some kind of a hold on me, some kind of a pull that I can’t quite get away from…_

 _And he knows_ that, _too._

Ted’s smile faded a little with Barney’s questions, and he shifted nearer across the seat, his hand on Barney’s leg squeezing gently, his voice hushed and secretive. “I’m only doing what you’ve wanted me to do for a long time, Barney,” he pointed out, a knowing look in his eyes. “Don’t pretend like you haven’t. I know you’ve wanted this. And now – I’m offering.”

 

Barney shook his head, suspicious. “I… I don’t get you, Ted. Why would you…?”

 

“Come on, Barney,” Ted cut him off, something hard and sharp creeping into his tone, his eyes glittering with challenge. “This is your chance. Don’t tell me you haven’t ever wondered what it might be like.”

 

And Barney couldn’t, because he really, _really_ had. _Often_. In his most private, secret fantasies that he would never have dreamed of admitting to anyone, Barney had imagined many times how his friendship with Ted might progress to something more.

 

He’d just never imagined that it might happen like this.

 

He’d never imagined that it would actually _happen, at all_.

 

Abruptly, Ted removed his hands from Barney, drawing him swiftly out of his thoughts, as Ted nudged him with his shoulder.

 

“Get up,” he requested, his tone light and casual. “Let me out. I’m going upstairs.”

 

Barney blinked, startled by the sudden change of pace, as he automatically obeyed, and Ted got up. Barney sat back down, but on the edge of the booth, biting his lower lip as he glanced toward the exit.

 

“Make up your mind,” Ted advised with a disarming smile and a little shrug – but the smile swiftly faded into something cool and warning as he added, “I won’t wait long.”

 

Barney sat in the booth after Ted left, glancing uneasily between the table and the door, his fingers drumming nervously on the table as he tried to figure out what was happening here, and what options he had – though he didn’t seem to have many. He didn’t want to give up his friends – didn’t want to give up _Ted_ – but his instincts were screaming at him to run, as fast as he could – that whatever Ted had in mind for him would certainly be taking the unpleasant mind games to a whole new and even _more_ unpleasant level.

 

 _You don’t want to do this. Going up those stairs would be the biggest mistake of your life, Stinson. Just get up and walk out the door – and_ go home.

 

Barney lasted exactly ten minutes before he got up, walked out the door – and up the stairs to Ted’s apartment. He found the door unlocked, and hesitated just a moment, drawing in a deep, shaky breath before turning the handle and walking inside.

 

He had barely managed to close the door behind him when he was shoved off balance, his back hitting the wall beside the door with enough force to momentarily drive the breath from his body. He gasped, but as quickly as he was able to regain his breath, it was stolen from him again by Ted’s mouth, covering his in a demanding kiss. Ted’s hands caught his arms, pinning him back against the wall as Ted drew back, his own voice a low, gasping whisper of triumph.

 

“I _knew_ you’d come…”

 

The eagerness in his voice was punctuated by the desperate aggression in his kiss as he resumed it, hands roaming possessively from Barney’s arms to his chest, then down to his waist, fingers sliding suggestively just beneath the waistband of his pants. Barney couldn’t remember a time when he _hadn’t_ wanted just exactly this, _so much_ – and he found himself responding, despite the warning alarms sounding in his mind. He returned Ted’s kiss, his own hands drifting hesitantly away from the wall to slide around Ted and pull him closer.

 

 _Wait, wait…_ why? _Why_ now? _Why is he doing this?_

With a supreme effort, Barney managed to break away from the kiss, his breath shallow and rapid as he turned his head away, just barely out of Ted’s reach, his eyes wary and searching on Ted’s face.

 

“What…” he gasped, shaking his head slightly, “… Ted… what are we doing? What _is_ this? I… I can’t. I can’t _do_ this if it… if it doesn’t mean anything…”

 

Ted blinked at him in disbelief for a moment, before letting out a harsh, incredulous laugh that made Barney flinch and look away. Ted leaned in close, his voice low and cruel as he spoke softly in Barney’s ear, not allowing him to escape the painful truth in his words.

 

“That’s really something, coming from _you_ , Barney. They _only_ time you do this is when it _doesn’t_ mean anything.”

 

Barney closed his eyes against the prickling burn behind them, swallowing hard. He struggled to get his protest out, his voice thick and trembling. “That’s… that’s not…”

 

“Shut up.”

 

Ted’s voice was hard with an angry, accusing edge, and Barney immediately fell silent. Ted drew back slowly, putting a couple of feet between them, and Barney fought the instinctive impulse to follow, acutely feeling the abrupt loss of contact. He pressed his palms against the wall behind him, struggling to steady himself, when every part of him felt hollow, vulnerable, trembling so hard that he felt as if he was shaking apart inside.

 

“I think you’re forgetting yourself, Barney,” Ted sneered softly, that warning edge still clear in his voice. “You don’t tell me how this is going to work. I tell you. Unless, of course, you want to just walk away. There’s always _that_ option.”

 

Logic and common sense told Barney that in that moment, that was probably the _wisest_ option.

 

Barney had never been ruled by his logic or common sense.

 

Barney tensed, his eyes still closed, as he felt Ted move in close again, the heat of his body radiating through Barney as Ted slid one thigh between Barney’s legs, one firm hand sliding up his side while the other shifted lower, resting just below his hip. Ted’s voice was hushed, teasing, as he broke the taut silence that had fallen between them, his words punctuated with slow, languid kisses along the line of Barney’s throat.

 

“Can you honestly… look at me… and tell me… that that’s what you want?”

 

Barney bit his lower lip, not moving, his entire body taut and trembling with the conflict taking place within him. He didn’t want to give in and go along with whatever Ted had planned for him tonight, didn’t want to _want_ what Ted was doing to him at all.

 

And yet, he really, _really_ did.

 

There was a calculated cruelty about Ted’s actions, a controlled seduction that made it clear to Barney that whatever was going to happen here, was going to be on _Ted’s_ terms – and that meant that in the end, it wasn’t likely to be particularly pleasant for _Barney_. Still, what seemed to be happening – what had _already_ happened – was so much more than Barney had ever allowed himself to hope for, that he couldn’t bring himself to give up this chance, no matter what his better judgment was screaming at him.

 

“So?” Ted smirked as he drew back to meet Barney’s heavy-lidded eyes – but his own were dark and hazy with need, as well, and his voice was husky and trembling slightly. “You going?”

 

Barney was silent for a long moment, soft gasps falling from his trembling, parted lips. Finally, he shook his head slowly. “No,” he whispered, his answer barely audible, yet impossible to miss.

 

“Good.” Ted’s smirk softened slightly into a knowing smile, his tone soft and yet somehow unyielding as granite, sending a shiver of helpless apprehension down Barney’s spine. “Get on your knees.”

 

Barney hesitated only a moment before obeying, flinching slightly at the sound of Ted’s zipper going down, his heart pounding at the touch of Ted’s warm, slightly callused hand reaching down to cup his cheek and turn his face upward. Ted’s eyes were dark with lust, shining with some indiscernible intensity of emotion, his voice low and hoarse as he spoke with a quiet urgency.

 

“Show me, Barney. Show me how far you’re willing to go for me.”

 

It wasn’t the first time Barney had ever gone down on another man.

 

It _was_ the first time it had ever been about anything more than sex for him.

 

Ted’s words echoed in his mind, his challenge and his motivation as he took Ted into his mouth. Encouraged by the sharp, shuddering intake of breath that was Ted’s reaction, Barney intensified his efforts, pulling out all the stops and employing every trick he’d ever learned in his brief experience with giving in this particular area – and limitless experience with receiving.

 

Barney felt Ted’s body begin to tremble as he leaned back against the wall behind him for support, and the helpless frustration he’d felt at being pushed into this vanished, swallowed up in a heady sense of power at the knowledge that _he_ was the one that was doing that to Ted – he was the one that was making his of-late insufferable, condescending, overpowering friend absolutely _come apart_ under his touch.

 

Ted was close, Barney could feel it – but before he could complete his task, Barney felt Ted’s shaking hand close around a fistful of his hair, jerking his head back forcefully. Barney yielded with a sharp little cry of pained protest, as Ted held him back, reaching down with his free hand to guide his throbbing cock as his release overcame him.

 

Barney had been fully prepared to swallow when it came to that point.

 

He had not been even remotely prepared to have Ted _deliberately_ hold his head in place so that he couldn’t pull away as he came all over Barney’s face.

 

Barney let out an indignant yelp, struggling to pull away – but Ted’s hand in his hair tightened painfully. He shook Barney slightly in warning, and Barney went still, biting back the little sound of pain that rose to his lips. Still panting with the exertion of his release, Ted crouched down in front of Barney, leaning in to kiss his mouth, hard and breathless and demanding.

 

Barney finally jerked his head away, glaring at Ted, his face flushed with resentful humiliation. “That was the most degrading thing that I’ve ever been a part of,” he stated coldly, unable to hide the slight tremor in his voice.

 

Ted quirked an eyebrow upward skeptically, and Barney gasped in surprise as Ted’s free hand slipped down to palm the front of his pants – the fabric now stretched taut over the embarrassing evidence of Barney’s own arousal.

 

Barney felt his face flush hotter with shame as he looked away, no longer able to hold Ted’s gaze. He’d committed countless filthy sex acts with countless people, so this shouldn’t have been such a big deal – but it _was_ … because it was _Ted_.

 

“And you’re getting off on it,” Ted observed with a soft sneer. His tone was strangely gentle, almost affectionate, as he added with a soft chuckle, “Dirty little slut.”

 

Barney’s lips parted automatically to object, but it was difficult to do so with Ted’s tongue in his mouth. Barney wanted to pull away, knew that he should – but the kiss was slow and gentle, strangely intimate, and he found himself drawn in against his will, returning it before he knew it. Ted’s hand in his hair was no longer painful and grasping, but gentle, caressing – and Barney found himself slipping his own arms around Ted and drawing him in closer.

 

Finally, when they were both a little lightheaded for lack of oxygen, Ted slowly withdrew, a soft smile on his lips. Barney tried to quell the irrational sense of hope he felt at that smile, tried to remind himself of everything else that had happened between them these past few weeks – but Ted’s incongruously gentle words still struck like a dagger through his heart when they came, casual and quiet and coolly matter-of-fact.

 

“I’m going to take a shower now. And when I come out… I expect you to be gone.”

 

Without another word, Ted rose to his feet and headed toward the bathroom, leaving Barney staring after him in dumbstruck, painful confusion.


	10. Chapter 10

As Ted made his way into the bathroom and closed the door, he tried his best to keep his movements calm and controlled, and not betray his own emotions to Barney, still kneeling on the floor where Ted had left him. He couldn’t let Barney see how unsettled he was by the whole situation – couldn’t give him the level of control that would come with such knowledge.

 

As he undressed and got ready for his shower, Ted was trembling with the exultant rush of power he felt in the wake of what he’d just done.

 

 _Oh, shit, I can’t believe I just did that… and_ Barney _…_

 _God._

 _I can’t believe_ he _just did that._

The image of Barney on his knees, eyes wide, lips trembling with a shuddering breath as he prepared to obey Ted’s command -- a little shiver of heat went through Ted’s body, and he felt his arousal building again with the thought. His hand fell thoughtlessly to stroke his slowly swelling erection, and Ted closed his eyes, leaning his head back, relishing the hot sting of the water against his skin.

 

The vulnerability, the desperation in Barney’s eyes, as he’d eagerly taken Ted into his mouth, willing to do _absolutely anything_ Ted asked of him in order to gain his approval, his acceptance – it was a heady, thrilling sensation, to be aware of the power he held over his friend.

 

Ted’s hand trembled as it moved over his cock with firm, rhythmic strokes, and he leaned back against the wall, focusing on the vivid mental image of Barney’s wince of pain and surprise as Ted had gripped his hair and yanked his head back, the wary, fearful vulnerability in his eyes – that had been swiftly replaced with shock and outrage as Ted had reached his release.

 

And yet, when Ted had crouched in front of him and kissed him, Barney had yielded readily to the gentle intrusion – and when Ted had coldly ordered Barney out of his house, Barney had quietly, submissively complied.

 

That hurt, bewildered look… that fearful submission… the rush of _complete power_ …

 

God, it was just _too much_ …

 

Ted gasped out a strangled little cry, panting for breath as he came for the second time within thirty minutes. His knees felt weak, and he braced himself against the wall for a few moments, struggling to catch his breath, blinking against the dark starlight that seemed to obscure his vision.

 

As his breathing returned to normal and the crescendo of pleasure faded away, reality settled back down around him – and Ted suddenly felt completely, violently ill. He barely made it out of the shower and onto his knees before his stomach revolted against him, expelling its contents into the toilet. His brow broke out in a cold sweat, his heart racing with something very different from the pleasure and arousal he’d felt only moments earlier.

 

 _You just_ got off _on the idea of your best friend scared and helpless and humiliated. What does that say about who you are? What kind of person gets off on that?_

 

 _What kind of person_ does _that?_

 _God, Ted… what is_ wrong _with you?_

Once the sick feeling had finally faded, Ted’s troubled thoughts still remained. He paced the floor of his apartment, his cell phone in his hand, mentally debating what he should do from this point – and ultimately, doing nothing. Finally, he went to bed, his thoughts still racing with questions and uncertainties, worried accusations mingled with dark desires in his mind.

 

Ted barely slept at all that night.

 

**************************************

 

Ted took a deep breath as he paused outside the door of MacLaren’s the next night. He expected his friends to already be there, and while he didn’t expect Barney to have said anything to them about what had happened the night before, he _did_ expect Barney to be _there –_ quietly accusing and superior and _knowing,_ knowing about the secret desires that Ted had managed to hide so well, for so long – until now _._

And really, that was all the more fuel Ted’s agonizing guilt would need.

 

Ted had given Barney the upper hand again, he knew, in his attempt at regaining control of the situation.

 

 _Just call him aside and apologize,_ he told himself. _Tell him you don’t know what you were thinking, and it won’t happen again, and the two of you can just go back to being friends again. This whole thing has gone on long enough, anyway. Just… just try to see if there’s any way things can just go back to the way they used to be…_

 

He steeled himself for the worst as he forced himself to enter the bar, struggling to bring a casual smile to his face as he joined his friends. No one acted as if anything was wrong – which was exactly as he had expected. The only seat left available was next to Barney, and Ted felt a little sick as he slid into it and forced himself to meet Barney’s eyes, braced for the smug, disgusted awareness he expected to see there.

 

But instead, all he saw in Barney’s uncertain, searching gaze was the same desperately attentive look he’d seen the night before, just before Barney had submitted to his demands and opened his mouth and…

 

Ted swallowed hard, shifting uncomfortably in his seat as a familiar heat began to build low in his stomach at the memories of the night before – but it wasn’t just the memories that were having such an effect on him. It was the familiar look on Barney’s face, the questioning expression that seemed to be silently asking, once again, what Ted wanted of him – and the knowledge that whatever the answer to that silent question might be, Barney was utterly, completely prepared to give it.

 

It was a mind-blowing realization for Ted – and more temptation than he was prepared to resist.

 

Before he knew what he was doing, Ted’s fingers seemed to have moved of their own accord, sliding across the few inches of booth that separated them and resting with casual possessiveness on Barney’s leg, just out of sight of the others. He felt Barney tense slightly under his touch, sensed his eyes darting toward Ted in a wordless question – but Ted didn’t so much as look in Barney’s direction as he tried to look as if he was paying attention to the conversation the others had been having when he’d sat down.

 

Barney flinched slightly at the unexpected contact – but he didn’t object, and he didn’t pull away.

 

Ted felt like he’d just won another small victory – and he was slowly but surely becoming addicted to that feeling.

 

He tried to focus on the conversation at the table for a few minutes, at least for long enough to keep from appearing suspicious, all while idly stroking Barney’s thigh under the table. He took great pleasure in edging his fingers slowly upward while Barney was talking, and barely managed to suppress his smirk at the slight break in Barney’s voice.

 

When he couldn’t take the temptation anymore, Ted excused himself to the men’s room, but not before giving Barney’s leg a brief squeeze and meeting his eyes in an almost imperceptible, meaningful look. Once the door to the restroom had closed behind him, Ted walked to the sinks, avoiding his own reflection in the mirror as he braced his hands on the sink in front of him and tried to catch his breath.

 

 _What are you doing, Mosby? This is crazy. This shouldn’t have happened_ once… _or twice, or however many times you’ve let yourself go here… and it_ definitely _shouldn’t happen_ now… _No, you just need to turn around and go back to that table and don’t touch Barney or give him secret looks or even_ think _about this ever again…_

 

The restroom door opened, and Barney stepped inside. Their eyes locked instantly – and before he knew what he was doing, Ted was across the room, gripping Barney’s narrow shoulders and pushing him up against the wall hard, his mouth falling on Barney’s in a forceful, possessive kiss. Barney yielded to it readily, and the muffled, needy little whimper that escaped his lips went straight to Ted’s groin, intensifying his desire.

 

He tightened his grip on the impossibly soft, obscenely expensive fabric of the suit Barney was wearing, pinning him helpless against the wall – but Barney abruptly turned his head away from the kiss, his eyes dark and hooded with lust, but still wary through the haze of desire that clouded them.

 

“Ted,” he whispered, his voice thick and hoarse. “Please… what… what are we…?”

 

“Shut up,” Ted muttered, pressing down hard on Barney’s shoulders to drive him to his knees.

 

Caught off guard, Barney lost his balance and fell onto the dirty concrete floor with a sharp, indignant little cry.

 

“ _Ow_!” he snapped, glaring resentfully up at Ted. “Careful, dude! This is a two thousand dollar suit!”

 

Ted smirked, crouching down in front of Barney and deliberately grasping the lapel of Barney’s jacket, crumpling it between his fingers, his amusement only increased by Barney’s expression of horror. Horror gave way to something else, however, something deeper and more primal, as Ted’s free hand gripped Barney’s hair and jerked his head back abruptly.

 

The convulsive swallow visible in Barney’s throat, the trembling, uneven breath that fell from his parted lips, sent a heady rush of power through Ted, and he leaned in close, his mouth nearly touching Barney’s ear, as he responded at last.

 

“And I’ll do whatever the hell I want to it,” he sneered softly. But even as he spoke, his hand released the luxurious fabric, sliding under Barney’s jacket to rest, firm and warm and possessive, against his side, stroking slowly back and forth as he added in a low, dark tone, “And to _you_.”

 

Gratified by the shiver he felt run through Barney’s body at those words, Ted reached up to slide the jacket back off of Barney’s shoulders, but didn’t bother to push it off all the way. No, he decided as he took in the nervous question in Barney’s eyes, the way his arms flexed uselessly against the thick fabric now bunched around them – no, he much preferred to leave the jacket where it was, a makeshift form of gentle bondage that would keep Barney helpless to his attentions.

 

Ted gripped the gathered fabric and twisted it, pulling Barney’s wrists further behind his back, before tucking the crumpled suit under the toes of Barney’s shoes and effectively pinning his arms. He took a sadistic sort of pleasure in the way Barney whimpered in protest, glancing over his shoulder toward the now ruined suit coat. Ted was fairly certain that Barney was more upset about the damage to his suit than he was about the fact that he was kneeling, essentially bound and helpless at Ted’s mercy on the dirty bathroom floor.

 

When Ted carefully reached to unzip Barney’s pants, however, his attention immediately focused forward again. He swallowed hard, staring down with wide eyes as Ted reached into his pants and firmly grasped his hardened arousal, giving him a slow, experimental squeeze.

 

“T-Ted,” he whispered. “What are you… what…”

 

Ted leaned in close again, holding Barney’s gaze until he was too close to do so any more. “I said _shut up_ ,” he whispered in his ear, giving a vicious little twist of his hand that drew a sharp little cry to Barney’s lips, though Ted was pleased to see that he bit it back, silencing it before it could escape his mouth.

 

Ted kept up his rough, inexperienced but utterly effective efforts, his grip just a little too harsh and a little too tight – until Barney let out a soft little groan, his back arching slightly, the muscles of his arms visibly clenched through the taut fabric that encased them. Ted smirked at the warm, wet rush that abruptly fell over his hand, spilling over the front of Barney’s pants.

 

Barney hadn’t yet noticed the damage, too lost in his own physical release. Ted grabbed the back of his neck and pulled him in firmly for a kiss, to which Barney eagerly responded, his arms straining against their bonds to touch – but Ted reached a hand around to gently hold his arms down, a silent order to which Barney easily complied.

 

When Ted drew back to break the kiss, Barney struggled to catch his breath, blinking hazily as he became aware of his surroundings again. He glanced down with a little grimace at the front of his pants, his eyes widening with dismay.

 

“Oh, crap,” he muttered.

 

“Yeah,” Ted smirked. “Looks like you’ve got a little problem there, don’t you?” He rose to his feet, running an affectionate hand through Barney’s hair as Barney turned his head to stare up at him in disbelief.

 

“You’re… you’re not gonna…”

 

“Your suit all covered in come… totally obvious what you’ve been up to if you walk out there like that… and no extra clothes… that could be more than a little embarrassing.” Ted went on without regard for Barney’s words, heading toward the door. “Hope you figure out what to do about that.”

 

And he went to rejoin the others at the table without a backward glance.


	11. Chapter 11

Gradually, the fading sparks of pleasure gave way to the slowly spreading heat of humiliation, as Barney’s sex-hazed mind finally regained the ability to form a coherent thought. He stared down in rising dismay at the ruins Ted had left of his suit, wondering how in the world he was going to get himself together enough to be able to set foot outside the bathroom.

 

Not that staying in the bathroom necessarily guaranteed a lack of humiliation. Barney’s face flushed as he imagined the picture he would make to anyone who happened to enter the men’s room at that moment, to find him kneeling on the floor, his dick hanging out of his open pants, his clothing all rumpled and disheveled and covered in come – the picture of wanton debauchment.

 

 _Oh, crap. Someone could come in here any second! Get up, you idiot, get up off the floor!_

 

Barney scrambled to his feet and staggered toward the sinks, gripping the edge of the nearest one to steady himself – but staring down at the sink for a long moment, not yet ready to face himself in the mirror. Instead, he splashed some cold water on his face, dried it with a towel, then did his best to adjust his clothing to display the least possible amount of damage – which was still far too much for his liking.

 

He wet a few paper towels and did his best to wipe away the stains on the outside of his pants, ignoring the disgusting feeling on the inside of them as he slipped out the bathroom door, peering around the corner out into the main room. He could see his friends, seated at their usual table, laughing at something Ted had just said – and Barney’s heart began to race, a sick feeling of humiliation creeping over him.

 

 _He wouldn’t tell them. Surely he wouldn’t. He’s just… distracting them. Putting on his act, like he’s been doing for the last few weeks._

 

Barney cast a resentful glare in Ted’s direction before slipping back out of sight.

 

 _And he’s getting pretty damn good at it._

 

Barney glanced up and down the narrow hall where the restrooms were located, currently his hiding place, in search of any other escape – and, mercifully, he found one. He wasn’t quite sure how he’d managed to come to this bar for the last five years without ever realizing that there was an emergency exit in this hallway. He was just desperately relieved and grateful to find that there _was_ one.

 

Praying that opening the door wouldn’t set off an alarm, Barney slipped out onto the street. He held his breath for a moment – but nothing happened, and he let out a sigh of relief, resting his head in his hands for a moment and drawing in a deep breath, trying to steady himself a little, before heading down the sidewalk a little ways, wanting to put some distance between himself and MacLaren’s before hailing a cab.

 

He ignored the odd looks the driver kept giving him on the way home, certain that as appalling as he must look, he couldn’t possibly be the most pathetic, disgusting fare this cabbie had ever taken. Besides, Barney was fairly well distracted with trying to make sense of what was happening between him and Ted.

 

He had no idea how they’d gotten here – how they’d gone from a few demeaning but relatively harmless tests of his friendship, to a dirty hookup in the men’s room at the bar.

 

 _We have to talk about it,_ he decided as the cabbie stopped outside his apartment building. _That’s all there is to it. Forget the tests,_ forget _all that. We’re way past that now. We need to talk about what this is, before it goes any farther, because… if we don’t… things will inevitably get awkward, and there won’t be any coming back from it, and no matter how hard I’ve been trying to do what he wants and make him happy… none of that will matter…_

 

 _It’ll be the end of our friendship, anyway_.

 

But over the next couple of weeks, _talking_ didn’t seem to be high on Ted’s list of priorities.

 

He sought Barney out repeatedly for similar hookups, manipulating circumstances to get the two of them alone, twice more at MacLaren’s, and twice in Ted’s bedroom while Robin was at work.

 

The first time, Barney tried to protest – and the second – but Ted had very effective ways of swiftly shutting him up, and making him forget why he’d wanted to object in the first place. The third time, Barney didn’t bother trying to talk Ted out of what he wanted to do – mostly because a large part of _Barney_ wanted it, too.

 

He knew it wasn’t right. There was so much about the entire situation that was so painful – just so irrevocably _fucked up_.

 

The way that Ted would talk to him and treat him in those stolen, secret moments – his usually kind voice uttering harsh commands, then filling Barney’s ears with whispered, filthy, degrading words while he carried them out; his hands grasping and rough and demanding, not caring whether or not they hurt; his eyes cold and warning, daring Barney to object, or to refuse him the next time, when he inevitably walked away.

 

But there was always a little tremor in Ted’s whispered words, an almost imperceptible sound of desperation that told Barney how much Ted wanted him – a raw, open need in his grasping, possessive hands, as if Ted couldn’t stop touching him, and couldn’t stand the thought of anyone else touching him, either – and a resignation, a certainty in those cold eyes every time he walked away… because they both knew that he’d be back again.

 

And to add to the confusion, Ted no longer seemed to question their friendship – at least in public. He didn’t come up with any new “tests” for Barney to perform. He just started acting as if everything was normal between them again – except when they were alone together.

 

Then, he treated Barney like his own personal whore.

 

It was disturbing and degrading and… yeah, a little hot… and _more_ than a little confusing.

 

It didn’t take Barney long to decide that he needed to get some advice.

 

*********************************

 

“So…” he began, not quite making eye contact as he slid onto the under-sized plastic bench across from the one on which Lily was sitting, mopping up a spilled carton of milk off the tray of the child seated beside her. “I’ve got this problem.”

 

Lily looked up at him incredulously before glancing around the cafeteria with a worried frown. “What are you doing here?” she demanded. “How did you even get in here? Only the main office door is unlocked right now, and all visitors have to sign in…”

 

“I signed in,” Barney insisted, defensive. “I didn’t… sign my own name, but…”

 

“ _Barney_!” Lily cut him off sternly, getting up quickly and moving around the table to snatch a piece of pizza away from a child who appeared to be trying to use it to comb the hair of the child seated next to him. “I’m working, okay? You should probably go.”

 

“Lily, I’m desperate,” Barney pleaded, even as he rose to his feet to comply. “Please. Don’t you have a few minutes? It’s… kind of an emergency…”

 

Lily stopped for a moment in front of him, her frown deepening as she studied his face with suspicion – that gradually softened into concern. She glanced at her watch before nodding slowly.

 

“Okay, she relented with a sigh. “I don’t have a few minutes now, but come back in an hour. They’ll be napping then, so just come to my classroom.” Barney opened his mouth to express his gratitude, but she held up a stern finger in his face, adding in a warning stage whisper, “But this had better not be some disgusting sex thing, Barney, because I needed six weeks of therapy after the last time…”

 

“It’s _not_ ,” Barney lied with conviction. “I swear. Thanks, Lily, I’ll be back in an hour. Thank you _so much_ , you are _awesome_ …”

 

“Barney…” Lily turned away from the child she had just set gently but firmly back down in his seat to face him with a soft but impatient sigh. “I’ll _see you later_. Okay?”

 

********************************************

 

An hour later, Barney found himself seated cross-legged on the carpet of Lily’s classroom, watching as she went around to each child and made sure that they were all asleep, or headed swiftly in that direction, before turning off the light. Sunlight filtered through the closed blinds, giving them just enough dim light to see by, without disturbing the sleeping children.

 

“Okay,” Lily said in a hushed tone as she mirrored Barney’s position on the floor beside him. “What’s the deal?”

 

“I just… I’ve got this… _situation_ ,” Barney began, choosing his words cautiously. “And… I just need someone else’s perspective on it. I… I think I’m not seeing it clearly because I’m too close to the situation, so…”

 

Lily raised a single, dubious eyebrow. “That’s very self-aware of you, Barney,” she observed, something vaguely _knowing_ in her tone that made him feel self-conscious and exposed.

 

He gave a dismissive little shrug, looking away uncomfortably. Sometimes it seemed like Lily was the only one of his friends capable of seeing through the carefully constructed façade he presented to the world, and acknowledging the existence of the deeper, more vulnerable side of his personality – the side he tried so hard to pretend did _not_ exist. It was unsettling and a relief at the same time. It was both why he came to her at times like this – and why he always put it off until the last possible moment.

 

“So… say I’ve got this… _hypothetical_ friend…”

 

“Marshall or Ted?”

 

Barney’s stomach lurched a little at how close she’d gotten to the truth, so quickly, but he just rolled his eyes at her, forcing a little smirk to his lips. “That I kind of have a _thing_ for…” he added pointedly.

 

Unfazed, Lily nodded. “So, Ted, then,” she decided.

 

Barney stared at her in disbelief, his heart lurching with alarm. After a few seconds, he managed to regain his composure enough to give her a withering glare. “Great. _Don’t_ take my crisis seriously. What _else_ is new?”

 

“ _Kidding_ ,” Lily broke in, reaching out to rest a gentle hand on his knee for a moment. “Sorry, Barney. It was just a joke.”

 

Barney gave her a wary, resentful look before looking down at his lap again, swallowing hard. He tried not to wonder whether or not she’d _really_ been joking, or whether she might have picked up on the changing dynamic between him and Ted. Instead, he focused on coming up with a plausible enough version of the truth to keep Lily from figuring it out, while still, hopefully, providing him with useful advice.

 

“So… this friend,” he continued cautiously. “That I have feelings for…” He gave Lily a pointed look as he went on, “She’s… been giving me signals that… maybe she feels the same way. I think. I mean… I think they’re signals…” Barney gave Lily a smug smirk as he added, “if letting me _nail_ her every other night or so is a signal…”

 

“Ew, Barney.” Lily rolled her eyes. “You said this wasn’t a sex thing…”

 

“I said it wasn’t a _disgusting_ sex thing,” Barney amended, holding up a finger to emphasize his point. His smile faded and he met Lily’s eyes, adding before she could protest, “And… it’s more than that. It’s not _just_ about the sex… for me, anyway.”

 

Lily frowned thoughtfully for a moment – and then her eyes widened with realization as she observed, “Barney Stinson! Am I to understand that you’ve actually slept with this mystery woman _more than once_?”

 

“Yes, Barney confirmed. “We have sex all the time actually – and usually, she’s the one to start it. But then, afterwards, she wants me to leave right away. She kind of… runs hot and cold, you know? Like… she’ll just call me up out of the blue to hook up, but then… _after_ the hook up… she’s kind of…” He hesitated a moment, his face flushed with embarrassment as he confessed, “… kind of _mean_. Kind of… shuts me out for a while. And… she doesn’t seem to want to take things any farther in any _other_ way – just sexually.”

 

Lily just blinked, staring across the room at nothing, still apparently stuck on the last part of the conversation. “You’re… sleeping with someone. As in… an _ongoing_ sleeping with someone. _Repeated_ incidents. Of sex _._ ”

 

“Right,” Barney confirmed flatly. “We’ve established that. The thing is… what would you say if I were to tell you…” He glanced up at her uneasily, biting his lower lip as he admitted softly, “… that… I kinda think… I might want it to be… _more_ than that? _More_ than just… repeated incidents of sex?”

 

Lily studied him for a moment before giving him a rueful little grimace. Her tone was knowing but sympathetic as she replied at last, “I think I’d say something like, ‘Ever hear of a little thing called karma?’”

 

Barney’s heart sank with those words, and he looked away – but it must have shown in his eyes before he did, because Lily reached out to him again, putting a gentle arm around his shoulders and scooting in closer.

 

“Aw, you’re really into this girl, aren’t you?” she observed softly.

 

He nodded, not looking up from his hands, fidgeting idly in his lap.

 

Lily frowned suddenly, tensing slightly as a new thought occurred to her. “It’s not Robin, is it?” she demanded. “Do I have to have a stern talk with her?”

 

“No, no,” Barney assured her. “It’s not Robin. It’s not… anyone you know, actually…”

 

 _I don’t think she’d recognize this side of Ted if she saw it. Sometimes_ I _don’t even think I know him anymore._

 

“Sometimes I forget that you actually have _other_ friends,” Lily teased, nudging him with her shoulder.

 

Barney responded with a grudging little smile, rolling his eyes – before the smile faded into a sigh, and he looked down again, dejected and at a loss.

 

“Barney,” Lily began at last, “I think you just have to decide exactly what it is that you want from this girl – and then you need to tell her. And… if she can give you that, then, great. But… if she can’t…” Lily’s words slowed, becoming cautious and gentle, as she went on, “… if all she wants really is just the sex, then… then you’ll have to decide whether or not that’s something you can deal with. You have meaningless sex all the time, but… that’s with strangers, and… and this girl is a friend. So… if you’re okay with that being all you get from her, then by all means, carry on with the disgusting acts of perversion.” Her teasing smile faded as she concluded, “But… if you want more than that, and she can’t give it – then you’ll have to put a stop to things. Because if you don’t, sooner or later – you’re going to end up hurt.”

 

Barney nodded slowly, accepting her advice – but his heart sank with defeat at her words.

 

He was pretty sure he knew what Ted’s answer would be if he broached the subject – and he was pretty sure that it was far too late to spare himself the heartbreak.


	12. Chapter 12

Deep down, Barney knew that Lily was right.

 

He wondered what she’d say if she knew that his hypothetical – whatever Ted was to him these days – was actually _Ted_ , and not just some random girl with whom he’d happened to make an unexpected connection. He imagined her shock, and what she might say if she knew the way that Ted talked to him, the things he did to him when it was just the two of them – and what she might say if she knew how much even the most degrading of those things turned Barney on.

 

He imagined that she would have a lot _more_ to say than she’d said that day in her classroom.

 

But he knew, although he hated to admit it, that she was right. Things couldn’t keep on going this way indefinitely, with Ted simply taking what he wanted from Barney whenever he wanted it – and playing Barney so expertly in the process that, despite the fact the he _knew_ he was being manipulated, Barney couldn’t bring himself to refuse him.

 

Ted knew how to do things to his body that had Barney questioning whether or not this was actually Ted’s first sexual experience with a man, as he had claimed. Ted could drive all of Barney’s arguments and protests into incoherent need with a single well-placed touch, and always left Barney torn between hating himself for letting this happen again, and desperate for the next time they would get a few minutes alone. The sex was absolutely _mind-blowing_ , and that made it increasingly difficult for Barney to say no, regardless of Ted’s cruelty.

 

But it was about more than just the sex – for Barney, anyway.

 

He had always craved closeness with Ted, had always wanted Ted to need him just a little bit more than he actually did. He’d always been vaguely dissatisfied in their friendship, and a little too focused on their friendship for it to really be _just_ a friendship. And now, now that Ted was giving him a level of contact and closeness that he’d never even allowed himself to _dream_ of – it only made his thirst more desperate for the one thing that Ted was still denying him.

 

Actual _intimacy_.

 

 _And if I ever actually said that out loud, I’d have to kill myself. And that’s why there is no way in the world that I will ever do what Lily suggested, and have a_ talk _with Ted about my_ feelings…

 

Barney grimaced in disgust at the thought.

 

 _I_ am _actually still a_ dude.

 

 _But… she’s right about one thing. It can’t go on like this. I’ve got to do_ something, _even if that something does not involve a touchy-feely conversation with another guy._

 _No matter how hard it is – I can’t let it happen again._

 

“Barney?” Barney shook his head slightly, startled, as Lily’s concerned voice broke through his troubled thoughts. “ _Barney_!”

 

He looked away from the blue, blank television screen he’d been staring at, wondering how long it had been that way as he met Lily’s eyes with a falsely bright smile.

 

“What?”

 

“ _We’re leaving_ ,” she said, obviously repeating herself, though he’d been far too distracted to hear her the first time. “The movie’s over, and we’ve got to work in the morning. And so do you, right?”

 

“Yeah,” Barney agreed, nodding. “Yeah, I’m right behind you.”

 

“See you guys tomorrow night at the bar,” Marshall said with a warm, tired smile as he opened the door to Ted’s and Robin’s apartment and ushered Lily out ahead of him.

 

Barney quickly scanned the room, noticing with alarm that Robin was nowhere in sight. Ted was taking up half the sofa, his head resting on the armrest and his eyes closed as he mumbled a half-hearted response to Marshall’s words.

 

“G’night.”

 

Barney got up from the other end of the couch, following swiftly after Marshall and Lily. If he was quiet and quick, he could manage to slip out before Ted even realized that he was leaving – and to avoid having to deal with the confusion and temptation of where Ted seemed to try to take things every single time they were alone these days.

 

He had just opened the door when it was suddenly pushed out from under his hand, slammed shut again. A moment later he was shoved off balance himself by the weight of a firm, strong body behind him. Barney’s free hand flew up to catch himself, just before his face would have made contact with the door. He tried to push back, to put some space between himself and Ted – but then stopped trying, drawing in a sharp gasp as Ted’s hand closed lightly around his throat, Ted’s breath warm against his ear, his voice hushed and a little dangerous.

 

“Where do you think you’re going?”

 

Barney couldn’t find the words to respond, couldn’t even formulate a coherent thought.

 

He bit back the moan that rose in his throat as Ted’s lips closed gently over the sensitive skin at the side of his neck, then parted to allow his teeth to worry the spot he’d just kissed. Barney swallowed hard, fighting his own desires, trying to remember the arguments he’d prepared for use in just such a moment – and unable to think of anything but the slow heat building low in his stomach, the _need_ for more of what Ted was doing _right now_ …

 

“Wait…” he gasped out at last, pushing back against Ted just enough to give him the space to turn around and face his friend. “Ted, wait a second…”

 

Ted’s eyes were dark and hooded with lust as he immediately moved in close again, ignoring Barney’s half-hearted protest. Barney pressed his hands against Ted’s chest, trying again, but Ted just caught his wrists and pinned them over his head, moving in for another kiss.

 

“Ted, wait…” Barney repeated with urgency. “Wait… _stop_.” With a supreme effort, he managed to tear his hands free of Ted’s grasp, pushing the other man back a couple of steps. “We… we can’t do this right now. We… need to talk…”

 

“No, Barney, I don’t think we do...”

 

Ted’s voice was hoarse and ragged. There was a dark, desperate need in his eyes to rival what Barney was feeling, but there was a cool smirk on his lips as he closed the distance between them once more, one hand trailing slowly down Barney’s chest. Barney was immediately distracted, watching it, wondering how far that hand would go – and thus missed the motion of Ted’s other hand, as it rose to roughly grasp a handful of Barney’s hair and yank his head back sharply. Ted’s words were harsh and biting, his lips inches from Barney’s mouth, as he went on softly.

 

“See, you just ruin everything when you talk. I like you much better with your mouth shut, so why don’t you just keep it that way until I tell you to open it?”

 

The low, warning tone of Ted’s voice… the sharp sting at the back of his head… Ted’s hand that had somehow found it’s way to his hip and was now rubbing slow, insistent circles, teasing nearer and nearer to Barney’s aching, traitorous cock: they were all things that Barney should have rejected, shouldn’t have _wanted_ so damn much – but he couldn’t help it.

 

As much as he tried to deny it, this new aggressor act of Ted’s was the biggest turn on he’d ever experienced.

 

But in the midst of it all, Lily’s voice echoed in the back of his thoughts, warning him against simply falling under Ted’s spell and going along with it like he had every other time so far.

 

Can’t just let it keep happening… have to talk to him… have to find out where this is headed, what he wants from you, how he feels…

 

But Ted was already kissing him, his tongue roughly plundering Barney’s mouth as one hand tightened in his hair to hold him in place and the other found its way to the front of his pants, groping shamelessly at Barney’s swelling erection as if he _owned_ it. Barney could feel his resolve flagging in the face of his arousal, and how easy it would be to simply slip into the pattern that had already formed – and suddenly, some part of him seemed to panic at that thought, the thought that maybe it was _already_ too late to derail this disaster before the crash at the end of the line – and Barney tore his lips away from Ted’s, gasping in just enough breath to force out the words that he knew would bring everything to a sudden, screeching halt.

 

“ _I told Lily about us_!”

 

Ted froze for a moment, his hands going still, his eyes wide with shock – shock that was swiftly fading into murderous rage. Barney winced as his head was jerked back harder, and then his breath suddenly left him, stolen by a sharp wave of agony as Ted’s other hand clenched tightly around the bulge in the front of Barney’s slacks, hard fingers twisting ruthlessly as Ted shifted in closer, trapping Barney’s body between his own and the door behind him.

 

“You did _what_?” Ted bit off the words, his voice trembling with mingled fury and fear.

 

“I d-didn’t say your name!” Barney gasped out, one hand falling to grasp Ted’s wrist and try to pull his hand away – but Ted only squeezed harder, giving Barney a warning look that made him swiftly withdraw his hand, holding it up in front of him instead in a trembling gesture of surrender. “ _Shit_! Ted, please… I just n-needed some advice, that’s all! She doesn’t know it’s you! She doesn’t know _anything, God_ , Ted, _please_ …”

 

Ted’s grip slowly eased, his eyes narrowed in suspicion. “What exactly did you say to her?”

 

Some tiny, vastly overpowered part of Barney’s mind was quietly screaming that he should be careful how much he told Ted, how he phrased this – but it was a little too late for that. The pain he was in, in combination with the chilling knowledge that Ted was just one slight motion away from intensifying that pain, took away any shred of caution or restraint Barney might have still possessed, and the words seemed to just pour from his mouth in a stream of desperate, trembling babble.

 

“Just… just that I had this… _person_ I’d been s-seeing, and… and I didn’t know what they wanted or where it was going and what did she think I should do and she said that she thought I should talk to you and find out what this is to you before… before letting it go any farther and just… just please… just please let go, okay, Ted? Because… you’re really freaking me out and I c-can’t… I can’t… breathe… _please_ …”

 

Ted was quiet for a moment, not moving or making a sound – and then, finally, he let go of Barney completely, taking a step backward and giving him a bit of space. Barney collapsed back against the door behind him, gasping in deep, desperate draughts of air, one hand falling to press gingerly over his injured groin, while the other rested over his heart, as he struggled to regain his breath, his composure, and some shred of his tattered dignity.

 

Ted was silent for a long moment, and then finally broke the silence between them – with a cold, bitter laugh.

 

The sound sent shivers down Barney’s spine, and he looked up at his friend in incredulous confusion.

 

“First of all…” Ted began at last, his voice quiet and soft in a way that was far from reassuring, “You’re not _seeing_ me, Barney. We’re not a couple. This isn’t a _relationship_.”

 

The sheer contempt in his voice made Barney’s face burn with humiliation, and he found himself staring at the floor, unable to meet Ted’s eyes as Ted went on.

 

“All this is… is me, taking back just some tiny fraction of everything that you’ve cost me over the past few years, Barney. Just some shred of the self-respect and decency that I’ve lost, simply by letting a piece of trash like you be a part of my life…”

 

It hurt, it hurt worse than anything Ted had ever done to him physically, hurt bad enough to make Barney forget about the searing ache in his groin. Barney swallowed hard, closing his eyes against the stinging moisture building there, shaking his head slowly.

 

 _He’s right. What have you ever given him besides more problems to deal with? How is he any better for being friends with you? He isn’t._

 _Just look at him_ now…

 

“Stop,” he whispered. “Just… stop…”

 

Ted ignored him completely, edging in slowly closer until he was completely in Barney’s space again, leaving him no room to retreat.

 

“And secondly…”

 

Ted reached out a hand toward Barney’s groin again, and Barney reached out to stop him, drawing in a sharp, shuddering breath in alarm. Ted caught his wrist with his other hand, pinning it back against the wall, shifting sideways to prevent Barney from trying with the other hand. Barney braced himself for the pain as he felt Ted’s hand make contact again – but it didn’t come. Ted’s hand was incongruously gentle – teasing fingertips stroking lightly, with a mockery of affection in his voice.

 

“… you don’t _let_ this go any farther. You don’t _let_ me do _anything_.” Ted leaned in close, his lips twisted up into a cruel smile that Barney felt against his cheek as he whispered, his voice hushed and certain, “ _I_ decide when this is over. Is that clear?”

 

Barney knew better than to argue at this point. Ted’s gently invasive hand, cupped almost tenderly over his vulnerable body, was a wordless threat against anything so foolish. His shame overwhelmed him, but in that moment, Barney felt that he had no other choice. He nodded silently, swallowing back the hoarse sob that rose in his throat.

 

“Good,” Ted said softly, drawing back a little with a pleased smile on his lips. His tone didn’t change, his words calm and expectant, as he added a quiet command. “Now get on your knees.”


	13. Chapter 13

When he finally left Ted’s apartment several hours later, Barney was sore and exhausted, barely able to find the energy to hail a cab to take him home. His mind had long since lost the capacity for coherent thought, and the only image that filled his thoughts was that of his warm, comfortable bed.

 

Once he reached his own apartment, he called his boss’s office and left a message on his voicemail, informing him that he’d had a personal emergency, and would be coming in late the next morning. Then, he pulled off his shoes and nothing else, and collapsed onto his bed, dragging the blanket over him and almost instantly falling asleep.

 

When he awakened in the morning, his body ached even worse, but his mind was clear; and as he made his way to the bathroom mirror to reluctantly take in the damage Ted had done – dark, finger-shaped bruises around his hips and his wrists; one angry red bite mark just below his collar bone; scratches up and down his chest and back where Ted’s nails had ruthlessly dug into him, roughly manipulating him into whatever position Ted happened to want at the moment – one indisputable fact echoed in his thoughts.

 

 _This is so completely, irrevocably_ fucked up.

 

In the entire time that they’d been friends, Ted had spent a lot of time pissed off with Barney. He’d yelled at him before, made infrequent hurtful comments, and the occasional empty threat. But never in all that time had Barney ever felt what he’d felt the previous night.

 

He’d never been _scared_ of Ted before.

 

 _Yeah…_ Barney surveyed himself in the mirror, avoiding his own face, and the vicious sneer of disgust he knew was there. _So scared that you got off twice on the way he was manhandling you… the way he just shoved you down and held you there and_ took _what he wanted…_

 _The way he hurt you._

A shiver went down Barney’s spine at the dark, vivid memories of the night before, the sensations still tingling on the surface of his skin as he closed his eyes – unsure whether he was trying to shut out the memory, or make it more real.

 _It scared you, yeah… but it also turned you on._

 _And that, Barney Stinson, means that_ you _are as hopelessly fucked up as he is._

Because as humiliating and degrading as Ted’s treatment of him had become, as hurtful as his words could be and as frightening as his actions were, a part of Barney had begun to _crave_ those very unsettling attentions. If Ted went a little longer than usual before calling him and arranging to meet with him for a little time alone, Barney found himself wondering if he’d done something wrong, worrying about whether or not Ted was going to call him again, whether or not the last time had really been the _last_ time.

 

And as much as he hated himself for it, Barney had to admit that he didn’t really _want_ it to be the last time.

 

 _He’s finally paying some attention to me again. He’s admitting, even if not with his words, that he wants me,_ needs _me around – in his life. He might not ever say it out loud, but every time he proves that he can’t go more than a day or two without calling me up and asking me to come over, it’s like…_

 _I’m not the only one who’s needy and pathetic anymore._

 _But… is proving that_ worth _all this?_

In the middle of the night, with Ted’s talented hands and shockingly filthy mouth making him come apart, reduced to nothing more than helpless, desperate sensation and desire – in those dark, secret moments – it _felt_ like it was worth it.

 

 _But… it’s killing you. Wearing you down._ Barney sighed, resting his head against the headrest behind him as the cab carried him closer to his workplace – where, thankfully, he only had to spend half the day today. _I’ve never called in like this before. Never because I physically_ had _to. And… it can’t happen again. I can’t let him push me to the point where I’m losing control of my life…_

 

Barney swallowed hard, his mouth dry and his stomach lurching as an unsettling realization passed through his mind.

  
 _Some nights it feels like I've lost it already._

  
He drew in a deep, shaky breath, squaring his shoulders and closing his eyes as he tried to focus his thoughts and prepare himself to face the day ahead of him. He had to get it together before he got to work.

 

Throughout the day, however, Barney’s thoughts kept coming back to The Ted Problem, and although he tried not to dwell on it, he couldn’t quite keep his mind off of it. By the time he was ready to head home for the day, he’d reached an undeniable conclusion.

 

 _It’s not going to be easy. You’ve tried once and he managed to talk you out of it… though, actually, there was very little talking involved, but… you can’t let him do it to you again. You have to be strong, take a stand, make sure he knows that you’re done being treated like his favorite sex toy whenever he gets an itch, and then put away in the drawer until he’s ready to play again._

 _No matter what it takes – you have to put a stop to this._

*********************************************

 

Ted woke up very late the next morning, not having bothered to set his alarm. After all, it wasn’t like there was anything he _had_ to get up for – and he’d worn both himself and Barney out pretty thoroughly the night before.

 

His stomach lurched unpleasantly at the memories of the cruel words he’d spoken, the violent, demanding way in which he’d touched his friend, manipulating him into the physical and emotional position in which he wanted him. An uneasy sense of guilt mingled with a faint stirring of arousal at the memories, and Ted suddenly felt the need to vomit.

 

 _You’re sick, Mosby. Only a very sick person could do the kinds of things you’ve done to Barney lately…_

Ted got out of bed and made his way to the shower, trying to make sense of what had happened the night before, rationalizing in his mind as the hot water poured over him and soothed the edges of his discomfort.

 _And only a sick, sick person would_ let _you. This isn’t_ all _your fault. Barney’s the freaky nympho of the group anyway, isn’t he? It’s not like he isn’t having a good time. For whatever twisted, messed up reasons, he_ gets off _on being treated like that. For all you know, he’s deliberately challenging you, pushing you, just to get you to do it._

 _Maybe_ he’s _the one who’s been manipulating_ you _all along._

Deep down, Ted knew that wasn’t true. He knew exactly what buttons to push to get Barney to go along with _anything_ – to play on his insecurities, his need for approval, and convince him to do whatever Ted wanted. It was almost like a complex game of strategy, testing his skill and seeing what it would take to bend Barney’s will to his own, on any given night.

  
 _Do you have any idea how sick that sounds?_

  
Ted stepped out of the shower, wrapping himself in a warm, dry towel before rubbing vigorously at his hair with a second one.

 

 _You have to_ stop.

 

But the problem was, at this point – Ted wasn’t sure he _could_.

 

Barney – or more specifically his _power_ over Barney – had become like a drug to him, and he was swiftly becoming addicted.

 

 _It doesn’t matter, though,_ he told himself as he got dressed in a t-shirt and a pair of sweatpants, aware that he wasn’t going to have to leave the house today. _Not after this last time. Barney will probably want to break it off himself. And… that’s for the best, if he does. I need to take some time and figure out what’s going on in my head, why I feel the need to do this… maybe talk to someone, get some… therapy, or something… not to see him again tonight, or… or to do any of those things to him again, or…_

 

 _No. Don’t go there. It’s best if he breaks it off, and if…_ when _he tries to… you should let him._

 _Just let it go, Ted. Just… let it happen…_

 _It’s for the best. It really is…_

 

******************************************

 

Barney didn’t call before heading toward Ted’s apartment that night. He didn’t want to give Ted any warning, any time to prepare for what he was steeling himself to do.

 

He had to end this thing – _tonight_.

 

When Ted opened the door, Barney noticed with some unease that he didn’t seem particularly surprised to see him. He stepped back without a word, giving Barney the space to enter, before closing the door and turning the lock again. Barney’s eyes darted nervously toward the lock for a moment before he forced himself to turn and face his friend, meeting his calm, dark gaze with a bravado he didn’t quite feel.

 

“It’s done, Ted. It’s over.”

 

Ted tilted his head slightly in a gesture of mild, bored confusion – and then a soft, knowing smile crossed his lips as he slowly began to close the distance between them.

 

“ _No_ ,” Barney objected, taking a rapid backward step, which brought him up against the door. “No, Ted, I mean it. This thing is… it’s crazy, and… and I’m _done_. I’m not letting you do this again…”

 

But Ted didn’t seem to be hearing him, and if he was, he wasn’t listening. He pressed in close to Barney, one hand rising to gently fist in his hair and drag his head back a little, the other resting lightly at his waist as he silenced Barney’s protests with a firm but patient, leisurely kiss.

 

Barney didn’t kiss back – he _didn’t_ – and then, he _was_ kissing back, for just a second, before the memory of why he was there shot through him again like electricity, and he jerked his head away, wincing as he accidentally cracked his temple against the door behind him.

 

“No,” he insisted, trying to ignore the tremor in his own voice, the faint note of pleading that had crept into it. “Ted… _stop_.”

 

He tried to push Ted away, but Ted caught his wrists, pinning them between them with one hand. The thought crossed Barney’s mind that if Ted thought he could hold him that easily, he was sadly mistaken – and then the capacity for coherent thought left him as Ted’s free hand gently cupped the front of his pants, fingers stroking teasingly through the thin fabric that covered Barney’s traitorously responsive body.

 

Suddenly, Ted’s strategy for restraining him seemed not foolish but _genius._

 

“Stop,” he whispered, shaking his head, though he was no longer trying to pull away. “Ted, _stop_ …”

 

“No,” Ted murmured against his ear, drawing back to meet Barney’s eyes with a wicked smile.

 

Barney blinked, startled. “Wh-what?”

 

“No,” Ted repeated, shaking his head, his voice low and thick with desire as he let out a soft, knowing laugh that Barney found deeply unsettling. “You expect me to believe that you really want me to? When you’re already hard for me and I’ve barely touched you? Really, Barney?”

 

“I d-don’t,” Barney gasped, struggling to find words as Ted intensified his attentions to the erection that was now straining the expensive fabric of Barney’s suit pants. “I don’t want… I want you to… to _stop_ …”

 

“Liar.” Ted smirked. “I’ve got you all figured out, Barney,” he confessed softly, leaning in close to Barney’s ear again, releasing his wrists and reaching up to run a hand through Barney’s hair.

 

 _Your hands are free, now’s your chance. Now’s your_ chance, _damn it!_ Do _something, Stinson! Stop him!_

 

But Barney couldn’t move, his breathing ragged and fast, his hands trembling uselessly against the door as Ted tightened his hold on Barney’s hair to just the wrong side of painful – and Barney cursed his own response, as his erection jerked slightly under Ted’s hand. Ted let out a low, dark laugh, nodding slowly at the confirmation of his words.

 

“You don’t want me to know it, Barney… but this is _exactly_ what you want. Isn’t it?”

 

Barney shook his head in denial, but couldn’t find the words to protest, his face flushing with shame as Ted went on.

 

“You don’t want to be romanced or dated or even _respected_ – do you? Because that’s not what gets you off. You hate this, you want it to be over, yeah – whatever. Except when it’s happening. When it’s happening…”

 

Ted’s voice lowered to a hushed whisper as he abruptly grabbed both of Barney’s wrists in his hands and slammed them back against the door, together above his head, hard enough to elicit a pained whimper from Barney’s lips – but still, he didn’t try to break free.

 

“… when it’s happening,” Ted went on, each word slow and measured, his grip bruisingly tight, his knee sliding up between Barney’s legs and pressing hard enough to make him gasp, “all you want is for me to hold you down and tell you what to do… and then _make_ you do it. Isn’t that right? You want me to talk down to you and degrade you and treat you like the pathetic, worthless little slut you are – don’t you?”

 

Barney shook his head, his eyes burning behind his tightly shut eyelids. His throat felt tight and hot, and he was trembling all over, willing himself to push Ted away – and somehow unable to do it.

 

“You want it,” Ted persisted softly, slowly, as if just figuring it out as he went along, “because you believe that you _deserve_ it…”

 

Barney flinched slightly, still shaking his head. “No,” he whispered. “No…”

 

“And you _do_ deserve it,” Ted went on, ignoring his weak protest. “And… you wanted us to be friends again, right, Barney? So… I _am_ your friend. And… like a friend should do… I’m going to give you _exactly_ what you deserve… what you _need_ …”

 

“I… I d-don’t…” Barney stammered, struggling to find the words to argue, and failing miserably.

 

Ted ignored him, grabbing his wrists again and spinning him around, shoving him backward hard so that he fell onto the couch. Ted was upon him in an instant, straddling his waist and already working the buckle of his own belt, pulling it off in one smooth motion.

 

“If you don’t,” Ted acknowledged Barney’s broken protest at last, a single eyebrow raised in challenge. “Then stop me, Barney. You really want this to be over? You want to walk away and never walk through my door again?” He leaned down to meet Barney’s eyes directly, a cold smile on his lips. “ _Do it_.”

 

Barney didn’t.


	14. Chapter 14

“Hey, Barney.” Robin took a sip of her drink, waiting until Barney turned toward her to direct a pointed nod toward the bar. “Check out the hot blonde who just walked in.”

 

Barney glanced distractedly toward the woman in question, not really paying much attention before shrugging and offering his succinct assessment.

 

“Eh.”

 

“Oh, come _on_!” Lily protested with a laugh, after a none-too-subtle glance over her shoulder to take in the view. “She’s gorgeous, blonde, and busty, and she’s working on her fourth drink. She’s totally your type.”

 

“She’s also flirting with Carl,” Robin observed with a smirk, raising an eyebrow in Barney’s direction. “Are you _really_ gonna let him tap that first?” Her lips twitched in suggestive amusement as she took another sip of her drink before offering, “I could give you a little wingwomanly assist, if you like.”

 

Barney frowned, glancing between the two women in confusion as he took in the oddly hopeful, encouraging expressions on their faces, briefly replaying the last minute or so of the conversation he’d been too distracted to pay close attention to for most of the evening.

 

“Wait a second.” His eyes narrowed with suspicion. “Why are you two suddenly all about helping me score? You’re usually mildly repulsed by my attempts to hook up with random bimbos. So… what’s with the sudden change of heart?”

 

Lily and Robin exchanged a look that was a disconcerting blend of guilt and concern, before Robin attempted to explain in a cautious, gentle tone that set Barney immediately on edge with irritation.

 

“It’s still disgusting, Barney, don’t worry. We haven’t changed our minds about that. It’s just… well, I can’t remember the last time you took a girl home.”

 

Barney raised a single eyebrow, looking to Lily for clarification.

 

She nodded with an apologetic grimace. “It’s true, Barney. It’s been weeks. And… we’re just a little concerned because you… well, you don’t seem to be quite yourself lately.”

 

“Let me get this straight.” Ted spoke up from his spot between Robin and Barney, a vaguely condescending smirk on his lips. “You two are actually _worried…_ because Barney _hasn’t_ been acting like a two dollar crack whore?”

 

Barney barely managed to suppress his flinch at those harsh words. Robin and Lily both looked at Ted sharply in surprise and a little bit of alarm, but Marshall was distracted, frowning thoughtfully for a moment before he replied.

 

“Technically he can’t be a two dollar crack whore. Either he’s having sex for money, or for crack. Not both. Your contradiction in terms renders your point invalid. _Lawyered_.”

 

“It does not,” Ted argued, rolling his eyes and leaning forward in mild agitation. “It has nothing to do with my actual _point_ …”

 

“Don’t get me wrong,” Lily conceded with a little shrug. “It’s not like your usual habits are healthy, exactly, Barney. It’s just… they _are_ your usual habits, and… it’s just…”

 

“Weird.” Robin finished for her matter-of-factly, looking at Barney. “ _Stepford_ weird. It’s creepy, dude. You’re supposed to come in here every night grossing us out with your stories about your latest conquests.”

 

“Well, the last one… got a little psycho for my tastes,” Barney explained, unable to resist casting a brief, almost imperceptible glance in Ted’s direction as he spoke. Ted’s expression was one of cool amusement, but there was a brief flash of something in his eyes that Barney found both satisfying and alarming at the same time. “So, I’m just taking it easy for a while. Don’t worry. I might be taking a time out, but I am most definitely still in the game and topping the scoreboard.”

 

“Good to know.” Lily remarked in a flat, mildly sick tone of voice that made it clear that she was already rethinking her concerns. She let out a quiet yawn, reaching for Barney’s wrist, and the shiny gold watch it bore, as she asked, “What time is it, anyway? I’m exhausted.”

 

Barney quickly withdrew his wrist in alarm, smoothing down the sleeve of his jacket as he raised his arm to check the time himself, hoping that he’d covered his reaction quickly enough to avoid arousing anyone’s suspicions – particularly Lily’s, as she was the one who’d been eyeing him warily all night.

 

********************************************

 

“Ten-thirty. You’re getting old, Aldrin.”

 

Lily watched Barney closely as he laughed, a little too loudly, and lowered his arm back onto the table, where his free hand began to fidget nervously with the sleeve of his jacket, tugging it down further over his wrist.

 

But Lily had already seen more than enough.

 

She waited until Robin had left to catch a nap before work, Ted had gone upstairs, and Marshall had stepped outside to get them a cab, before reaching out toward Barney’s wrist again, this time holding on firmly when he tried to pull away, and pushing his sleeve up with her fingertips, revealing what she’d already gotten a glimpse of a few minutes earlier – the mottled ring of dark bruises that covered Barney’s wrist, not even slightly covered by the watch he wore.

 

“What happened?” she demanded quietly, meeting his eyes with a steely resolve that would not allow him to deny her.

 

He swallowed hard, holding her gaze with a trapped expression in his own, allowing her to hold onto his wrist as he offered a hurried explanation in a voice that was a little _too_ casually dismissive, and trembled just a little too much for Lily’s comfort. “Nothing that doesn’t happen in my bedroom on a nightly basis, Lily. Like I said, things got a little crazy with the last chick I took home, and… she was a little scary, but… but a good time was had by all, and I’ll be none the worse for wear in a week or so. So…”

 

“Are you talking about _the_ girl?” Lily asked, studying his reaction closely. “The one you were telling me about who seemed to be using you for sex?”

 

Barney flinched at her blunt words, lowering his gaze and shaking his head. “No. I broke it off with her. You were right. She wasn’t good for me, so I ended it. No, this was just some… some random kinky bimbo that went a little wild. Like I said… nothing I can’t handle.”

 

His tone was light and calm, and he rolled his eyes as he spoke, giving her a bright, reassuring smile as he finally met her gaze again – but Lily was not particularly reassured. She couldn’t quite put her finger on it, but something was just _off_ about Barney’s behavior – not just tonight, but for weeks, now – and she was beginning to worry that maybe that something was serious.

 

“Barney… we’re friends, right?”

 

He blinked in surprise, his cool smile faltering as he answered, “ _Of course_ , we are. Why is that even a _question_?”

“I just… I just want you to know that… if there’s something going on, you can… you can talk to me, Barney,” Lily hesitantly explained. “I’m here for you.”

 

Barney stared at her for a long moment before his stunned expression slowly shifted into a soft smile that was both grateful and teasing at the same time.

 

“Awww, that’s sweet, Lil. Is the after-school special over now?”

 

“Oh, shut up,” Lily grumbled, rolling her eyes and finally releasing her grip on Barney’s wrist.

 

“I would, okay?” Barney added, and while there was laughter in his voice, there was also warmth and affection. “If something was wrong – I’d tell you. You know…” he amended with a little smirk. “… as long as I didn’t care who else knew.”

 

********************************************

 

Barney watched Lily go a few minutes later, relieved that he’d apparently succeeded in convincing her that things were okay. She was by far the most perceptive of their little group, and he hadn’t been at all sure that he’d be able to pull it off – especially once she noticed the bruises.

 

Things were definitely _not_ okay.

 

He’d given up trying to end things with Ted and decided to just go with it – to play this disturbing, hot, confusing scenario out to whatever its natural end might be. After all, it wasn’t as if he wasn’t getting any pleasure out of it himself. Ted seemed to take great pride in knowing all the right ways to reduce Barney to a quivering, pleading wreck, in all the right ways.

 

Of course, he also knew all the _wrong_ ways.

 

The bruises on Barney’s wrists were just the beginning of the numerous marks Ted had left on his body over the past few weeks. Barney’s hand drifted absently to circle his wrist under the soft fabric of his shirt. He swallowed hard, his mouth suddenly dry, his body heated with the memory of his last encounter with Ted a few nights earlier, when that mark and the matching one on his other wrist had been left there.

 

***************************************************

 

 _The belt that bound his hands over his head, to the headboard of Ted’s bed, was too tight, pinching and chafing his oversensitive skin with every movement Ted made. Barney let out a choked little whimper of need as Ted began to slowly, tortuously make his way down Barney’s bare chest, alternating kisses with tiny darting touches of his tongue, searing hot against Barney’s bare, damp skin in the chill of the room. As Ted’s teeth closed just a little too sharply over the skin just below Barney’s nipple, Barney instinctively jerked against the bonds that held him – and then hissed in pain at the slow burn in his wrists that was intensified by the movement._

 _“Stop,” he whispered. “You’re – c-cutting off my circulation…”_

 _Ted rose up off of Barney, eyes narrowed in a dangerous warning as he grabbed Barney’s hair and drew his head back, exposing his throat as he softly reminded him, “I thought I told you to keep your mouth shut.”_

 _Barney closed his eyes, braced for some kind of painful punishment for the infraction – but Ted released his grip on his hair, rising up, his knees straddling Barney’s waist as he reached down to unbuckle his own belt. Barney felt a strange sense of relief at the thought that Ted was going to undress, too – that he was no longer going to be the only one exposed and vulnerable – but that relief was quickly overwhelmed by apprehension when Ted stopped with his belt._

Barney’s heart clenched, and he pulled frantically against his own belt around his wrists, no longer caring about the pain he was causing himself, when Ted slowly wrapped the second belt around his throat, threading the leather through the buckle and pulling it smoothly down until it was taut. Panic seized Barney, and he struggled to buck Ted off of him, gasping for breath that was as yet just restricted, not completely denied him.

 _“Ted… no…” he wheezed. “_ Stop _…”_

 _“Shhh,” Ted whispered, wrapping the end of the belt around his fist until it was flush with the back of Barney’s neck, holding his head still, and reaching down with his free hand to grasp Barney’s hip and push him forcefully back down onto the bed. “Stop fighting me, Barney,” he advised in a soft, sympathetic tone. “You’re only hurting yourself. Just let this happen…”_

 _When Barney continued to struggle, Ted turned his fist just slightly, tightening the leather around Barney’s throat enough to almost completely cut off his breath. Barney’s heart raced with panic, staring up at Ted in terror. The warning expression he saw in his friend’s gaze made him abruptly go still – submitting, if that’s what it was going to take to get Ted to ease the unbearable pressure against his windpipe, the beginning of the burn building in his chest._

 _Ted nodded slowly, an approving smile on his lips as Barney stopped fighting, his body trembling involuntarily, but no longer straining against his bonds, no longer trying to push Ted off of him._

 _“Good,” Ted whispered. “That’s better.”_

 _He unwound the belt a little so that the leather was still flush against Barney’s skin, but loose enough to allow him to breathe almost freely. As Barney drew in a deep, shaky breath, Ted leaned down over him, capturing his trembling lips in a languid kiss. Barney still felt out of breath, stifled by the kiss as much as he had been by the belt – but he submitted to it, wary of angering Ted again._

 _When Ted finally drew back to meet Barney’s eyes again with a soft smile, he observed with satisfaction, “You’re learning.”_

 _Barney opened his mouth automatically to protest, but a slight flick of Ted’s wrist behind his head was enough to silence him immediately._

 _“No,” Ted murmured, shaking his head as he unwound the belt from around his fist and instead wrapped it around the knotted leather that bound Barney’s wrists, pulling it just taut enough to be a little restrictive, without really affecting Barney’s ability to breathe. “No, I don’t want to hear anything more from you tonight, Barney. Not a sound. Is that clear?”_

 _Barney bit his lip for a moment, his pride making him hesitate, before closing his eyes and nodding in defeat, letting out a trembling sigh._

 _“Good...”_

 _Ted smirked as he reached for something on the nightstand, and Barney turned his head to see – his stomach clenching with alarm when he saw that Ted had picked up the candle that had been burning there since they’d entered the room. He swirled the molten wax for a moment in front of Barney’s face, a thoughtful expression in his eyes, before he gave Barney a wicked smile._

 _“… because we’re going to play a new game tonight.”_


	15. Chapter 15

Barney had let himself get careless in the bar, allowing Lily to see the bruises on his wrists, left by Ted’s increasingly sadistic games. She’d finally seen through the façade he’d been trying to maintain for the past few weeks, not enough to _really_ understand what was happening – just enough to make her curious.

 

Not enough that he wasn’t still capable of easing her suspicions and making her believe that everything was okay again.

 

Barney had let himself get careless – but he wasn’t going to let it happen again.

 

 _It’s nobody’s business, anyway – nobody’s but mine and Ted’s,_ he told himself as he stepped out of the cab onto the sidewalk, pulling his coat a little tighter around him to ward off the chilly night air. _So what if we have this kinky thing going on? That’s all it is, isn’t it? Just kinky sex? It’s not like we don’t both get off on it. It’s just a game – and we’re both having fun, so – so what? It’s not like it actually_ changes _anything…_

Barney swallowed hard, his mouth suddenly dry, a knot forming in the pit of his stomach as he tried to shut out the quiet insistence in the back of his mind, the tiny voice whispering that he was deceiving himself.

 _It’s not like it’s actually changed_ me _._

And that was the point of this little excursion, wasn’t it? To meet Lily’s and Robin’s expectations, and prove to himself that he was still the same guy he’d always been – still capable of laying down a line that would land him the hottest girl in any room he happened to be in at the moment.

 

He tried not to think too hard about why in _this_ moment, that room happened to be a tiny, unfamiliar bar – clear across town from MacLaren’s, where Ted was certain to be spending the evening.

 

Despite the uncharacteristic nervousness he felt as he sat down at the bar, pretending not to have noticed the pretty blonde on the stool beside his – who was _already_ noticing _him_ – Barney felt a sense of satisfaction, barely managing to keep the smile from his lips.

 

He still remembered how this game was played.

 

It was only a couple of minutes before the girl hesitantly asked if he was all right, and Barney pretended not to want to talk for a few moments before confiding in his best broken, fighting-back-tears voice about the fiancé who’d just left him at the altar. The girl – Marilyn or Madeline or something like that – ate it up, turning her full attention on him and seeming quite sympathetic.

 

“I’m sorry,” he sighed at last, shaking his head and sliding off the stool, hoping his timing was as right as it seemed. “I shouldn’t be unloading all this on you. I – I shouldn’t even have come here tonight. It’s not that it hasn’t helped, talking to you – because it has,” he amended, giving her a warm but sad smile. “It’s just – loud and obnoxious and not at all the kind of place I feel like being…”

 

Madison or whatever her name was hurriedly got up with him, and Barney felt a sense of triumph. “I totally get what you mean,” she assured him, reaching out to touch his arm and stop him before he could walk away. “If you want – I mean – if you’d like someplace a little quieter – I know someplace we could go…”

 

Barney turned slowly to face her again, a pensive, uncertain look on his face. He allowed himself a small, soft smile, nodding slowly, his lips parted to accept her offer. Before he could speak, however, Barney was stunned to silence by the feeling of a strong arm sliding around his waist – confident and familiar – and his stomach dropped with sudden realization, even before Ted’s light, amused voice spoke from directly beside him.

 

“Sorry, sweetie,” Ted addressed M-name, and Barney could hear the smirk in his voice. “He’s taken.”

 

The girl blinked, staring between the two of them in stunned confusion. “Oh. I-I’m sorry. I thought… I mean, you said…”

 

Barney couldn’t meet her questioning gaze – in fact, couldn’t do anything but stare in shock at Ted. He couldn’t believe that Ted was so openly behaving this way, in _public_ – but then, he realized after a moment, Ted felt the same sense of freedom he had felt in coming to a place like this, so far from their usual haunt and anyone they knew that there was virtually no chance of getting caught.

 

 _And why were you worried about “getting caught” in the first place? It’s not like he’s got any claim over you, or like you’ve got any reason not to be with anyone you want to be with, anytime you want to be with them…_

But Barney knew that wasn’t really true – not anymore.

 _Yeah. Hasn’t changed me a bit._

 

 _When did you start believing your own bullshit, Stinson?_

 

Ted’s fingers trailed idly back and forth where they rested against Barney’s waist, and Barney’s skin tingled under the light pressure of the casually possessive touch. His heart was inexplicably racing, his mouth dry with sudden apprehension, as he noted the cool gleam in Ted’s dark eyes as he looked the girl over appraisingly.

 

“Let me guess – dying loved one? Or maybe – the mean, evil girlfriend who just broke his heart? What sob story has he been telling you to get you to agree to get into bed with him?”

 

The girl’s eyes widened with dawning realization before she cast an accusing glare on Barney. “But… if you’re… why would you…?” she sputtered, clearly outraged.

 

“Oh, honey,” Ted’s tone was quietly derisive as he met Barney’s eyes, something dark and unsettling, almost sinister, in his gaze. “He just likes to play. But trust me, sweetheart – this is one game you’ll lose.”

 

A little shiver went down Barney’s spine, and he suddenly wondered which of them Ted was actually talking to.

 

 _And why is he even here, anyway?_ An uneasy feeling settled in the pit of Barney’s stomach. _How did he find me? Did he_ follow _me here?_

 

He barely had time to process that thought before it was replaced with stunned disbelief, as Ted leaned in, lips parted to capture his mouth in a shamelessly possessive kiss. Barney froze, half-hearing the startled gasp of the girl and the hushed murmurs of other patrons nearest to them through the sound of his own blood roaring in his ears. Ted pressed forward, pushing him up against the bar – and Barney could do nothing but submit to the kiss, his face flushed with mingled embarrassment and arousal.

 

 _Because I don’t know why he’s here or what’s going to happen next, and this wasn’t exactly the impression I wanted to make on this random hot chick I was planning to take home, and I certainly wasn’t expecting to make out with Ted in front of a whole bar full of strangers tonight…but let’s face it…_

 _This is freaking_ hot…

 

When Ted finally drew back, breaking the kiss, Barney was breathless and half-hard – and the nameless girl was gone.

 

And Ted was looking at him with a dark, smoldering rage in his eyes.

 

“Come on,” he said softly, but his hold on Barney’s arm was like steel as he turned abruptly and led him toward the door.

 

“Wait,” Barney objected, trying to pull away. “Where are we going?”

 

“Shut up,” Ted snapped, adjusting his grip and jerking Barney forward, out the door and onto the sidewalk, simultaneously holding up his free hand to hail the nearest cab.

 

Barney complied as they got into the cab, reasoning that Ted would have to tell the driver where they were headed, and he would then receive the answer to his question. Ted threw a casual arm around Barney’s shoulders as he leaned forward and gave the cabbie his own address.

 

Barney wasn’t sure whether to be relieved, or more worried than ever.

 

“Ted,” he tried again as the cab pulled to a stop outside Ted’s building. “Look… I-I’m sorry…”

 

His words broke off abruptly with a startled little yelp as Ted’s hand rose from his shoulder to fist loosely in his hair – more a warning than an actual attempt to hurt him. Ted’s cold smile inches from his face made Barney’s stomach drop, as he reminded him softly,

 

“I said _shut up_.”

 

Barney’s legs were trembling, his heart racing and his stomach churning with dread as he walked ahead of Ted, up the stairs to Ted’s front door. Ted took out his keys, moving as if to open the door – and then thought better of it, turning abruptly and moving swiftly into Barney’s space. Barney cursed his own nervous reaction, instinctively backing up a step, leaving himself trapped between the wall and Ted, who was smiling at him with an unnerving, predatory gleam in his eyes, resting one hand against the wall next to Barney’s head.

 

“Robin’s asleep,” Ted informed him softly, meeting his eyes with dark amusement. “And if you wake her up, you’ll be sorry.”

 

Ted seemed to be waiting for a response, and Barney just wanted him to _back off_ already, so he nodded hurriedly, letting out a shaky breath in relief when Ted finally moved back a step to unlock his front door.

 

Barney momentarily considered just walking down the stairs and away from Ted and never coming back – but then the door was open, and Ted was silently gesturing for Barney to go in ahead of him. And before he knew it, Barney had once again made his choice – the same choice he’d been making for the past several weeks.

 

Once they were inside, Ted nodded toward his bedroom, not saying a word until they were inside with the door closed and locked behind them. Ted turned to face Barney, a grim half-smile on his lips, his voice low and soft with mingled anger and lust.

 

“Take off your clothes.”

 

Barney opened his mouth as if to protest, but the warning edge to Ted’s expression gave him pause. He bit his lower lip, hesitating, but finally obeyed.

 

After all – there was only one place this evening could possible end up now, anyway, wasn’t there?

 

He felt painfully exposed, standing there naked, with Ted still fully clothed, dark eyes drinking in the sight of him with undisguised pleasure. Barney self-consciously crossed his arms over his stomach, one trembling hand drifting downward to cover himself; but Ted moved forward, catching his wrist in a firm but gentle grasp and pulling it away, shaking his head in warning. Then, Ted stepped back again, nodding toward the floor.

 

“On your knees.”

 

Barney stared at him in apprehension, swallowing hard, his throat suddenly dry and aching – but then he slowly obeyed, sinking to his knees. He awkwardly fidgeted with his hands for a moment, not sure where to put them, as Ted had made it clear he wasn’t to use them to cover himself up. Finally, he clasped them behind his back. Ted’s slight nod and smile of approval sent a hot flush of mingled humiliation and arousal spreading from Barney’s face, down his neck and into his chest.

 

Ted was quiet for a moment, looking Barney over in a bold, unapologetic way that only served to intensify both sensations, and Barney stared down at the floor, his eyes burning, his entire body trembling with the chill of the room and the uncertainty of his situation.

 

“You’re not supposed to be hooking up with random chicks anymore, Barney,” Ted declared finally, his voice quiet and firm. “You belong to _me_ now…”

 

Barney looked up sharply, instinctive objection falling from his lips. “I don’t…”

 

The hard slap across his face caught him completely off guard, slamming into his cheekbone and knocking him off balance. He caught himself on one hand, glaring up at Ted in indignant defiance. Ted countered by moving in close, leaning down over him and pointing an emphatic finger toward the entrance to his room.

 

“If you don’t like it,” he hissed, “there’s the door!”

 

 _Get up. Get up and just walk away,_ right now…

 

 _… while you still can…_

But deep down, Barney knew that they’d passed the point of no return long ago. He had already reached the point where he simply _couldn’t_ bring himself to get up and walk away.

 

“Say it,” Ted ordered, his voice a low, warning rasp. “ _Say it_ , Barney.”

 

Barney’s gaze faltered, falling to the floor at Ted’s feet – with his discarded clothes, and the shattered dignity that had accompanied them there.

 

“I-I’m yours,” Barney whispered, closing his eyes against the hot, humiliated tears that formed there.

 

“What was that?” Ted pushed, a subtly taunting note to his voice. “I didn’t quite hear you, Barney…”

 

“I’m fucking _yours_ , all right?” Barney snapped, raising his voice and glaring up at Ted through his tears. “Happy now?”

 

Ted’s alarmed glance toward the door reminded Barney of his mistake, and he had to fight to keep from flinching when Ted glared down at him accusingly.

 

“No, actually,” he replied, his voice cold and menacing. “Not at all. I don’t like your attitude, Barney…”

 

Barney’s heart clenched in his chest as Ted’s hands fell to his waist, unbuckling his belt with fingers that trembled with anger.

 

“… and I think it’s about time I did something to fix it.”


	16. Chapter 16

_It wasn’t the first time that one of Loretta Stinson’s boyfriends had lashed out at little Barney, choosing to take his frustrations out on the accident prone, hyperactive five-year-old who too often proved to be all too convenient a target._  
   
 _Still, Barney wasn’t expecting the backhand blow that knocked him off his feet and sent him skidding several feet across the linoleum, dangerously close to what was left of the shattered glass and spilled milk he’d been rushing to clean up._  
   
 _“Stupid little klutz,” Roger snarled, and Barney’s stomach lurched, eyes widening in fear as he saw that the big man was already unbuckling his belt as he advanced on him._  
   
 _Roger wasn’t the worst of Loretta’s boyfriends. In fact, as her romantic track record went, he was one of the better ones, as far as she was concerned. He’d never raised a hand to her, and he spoke to her with affection and made her laugh. He told her she was beautiful and smart and the woman he wanted to spend the rest of his life with._  
   
 _Her children, on the other hand, held no interest for him._  
   
 _James was old enough, just barely, to be capable of staying away from the house when Roger was around. He’d get on his bike and take off to a friend’s house for the night, waiting until after school the next day, when Roger would be at work, to come home._  
   
 _Barney had no such options available to him._  
   
 _James had offered to take him along overnight, but Loretta worried that he wouldn’t be able to get his brother ready for school in the morning by himself, or fix him breakfast, or make sure that Barney got to kindergarten on time before he headed to his own middle school._  
   
 _None of that mattered much to Barney. He’d rather have missed school entirely and been stuck with his brother and his friend all day than to have been in the line of fire for Roger’s all-too-frequent bouts of temper, especially with his mother at work and no incentive for Roger to hold back his angry displays._  
   
 _Roger never hit Loretta._  
   
 _He didn’t have to – not with Barney around._  
   
 _“I’m sorry,” Barney sobbed out at the first crack of the stiff leather against his side. “I’m sorry, please…”_  
   
 _Roger just ignored his pleas and let the belt fall again and again as the little boy cried and begged him to stop._  
   
 _It wasn’t the first time that one of Loretta Stinson’s boyfriends had lashed out at Barney in anger – and it wouldn’t be the last, either._  
   
 _Loretta stayed with Roger for three long, torturous years before she finally caught him in the act of beating Barney, when he’d thought that she’d already left for work. She cried and screamed out her rage and shock and guilt as she threw him and all of his things out of her house, then held her son in her arms on the couch and sobbed, rocking him back and forth as if she could somehow return him to the innocent, undamaged baby he’d been._  
   
 _But the damage was already done._  
   
 _*************************************************_  
   
Barney’s stomach lurched, his brow breaking out in a cold sweat as he watched Ted advance on him, taking off his belt and doubling it in one hand, a brittle, angry smile on his lips.  
   
“No…” Barney didn’t even know he was going to speak until the trembling, pitifully breaking word had already fallen from his lips. “Ted, no… I’m sorry, okay? I’m sorry, don’t…”  
   
His rambling, frantic pleas broke off abruptly with a stifled little yelp as Ted reached him and gripped his hair with one hand, yanking his head back as he crouched on the floor beside him. Ted’s voice was low and warning, and Barney couldn’t help but flinch from it as Ted spoke with soft, clipped words right next to his ear.  
   
“How many times am I going to have to tell you to _shut up_?”  
   
“I’m sorry… I’m sorry…”  
   
Barney closed his eyes, his heart sinking with the realization that even now, he was continuing to do what Ted had just told him not to. It just seemed that the whispered words wouldn’t stop spilling past his lips in a desperate attempt to appease Ted and avert the punishment that was now certain, inevitable.  
   
“Looks like I’m going to have to shut you up myself, aren’t I?”  
   
Ted concluded with a cold smile of amusement, letting go of Barney’s hair and reaching across him to pick up something from the discarded pile of Barney’s clothes on the floor – the white t-shirt he’d worn under his dress shirt. Barney shook his head frantically, silently pleading as Ted crumpled the soft cotton into a ball and reached toward his mouth. Irritation crossed Ted’s features when Barney tried to pull away, and he seized a handful of his hair again, holding him still as he crammed the wad of fabric into Barney’s mouth.  
   
It was too big, and Barney felt choked, suffocated by it. He tried to spit it out, but Ted firmly pressed his hand over Barney’s mouth, holding it inside as Barney gagged, struggling to expel it.  
   
“Don’t you _dare_ ,” Ted murmured, his voice dangerously soft, his dark eyes gleaming with an unfamiliar light as they met Barney’s in the near-darkness of the room.  
   
Barney struggled for a moment, instinct driving him to rid himself of the intrusion that made his jaw ache, made the back of his throat feel as if he was choking – but then Ted picked up the belt he had laid down beside him, and Barney froze, dark memories crowding in with the current panic he felt and forcing him into compliance.  
   
“Good,” Ted soothed him, running a much gentler hand through his hair now as he set the belt down again and reached out to take hold of Barney’s wrist. “Good boy…”  
   
He tugged Barney forward a little, and Barney followed the unspoken command, shuffling forward on his knees until he was directly in front of the foot of Ted’s bed. Ted reached toward his clothes again, this time retrieving Barney’s tie, a malicious smirk of amusement on his lips as he twisted it between his hands.  
   
Barney was too terrified even to care about the potential damage to the expensive fabric.  
   
Ted wound the tie around Barney’s wrists a couple of times, then pulled him further forward, attaching the ends of it to the foot board and tugging it just a little too tight. Barney let out a muffled whimper of protest at the discomfort, but quickly silenced it when Ted rose to his feet beside him.  
   
Barney was suddenly, acutely aware of just how helpless he’d allowed Ted to make him, and how very many things Ted could do to him if he so chose, with Barney powerless to stop him. His face flushed with shame as he felt Ted’s hand in his hair again, threading through it in a gentle caress.  
   
“You’re _mine_ ,” Ted repeated his earlier claim, his voice hushed but certain. “And I’m going to show you what happens, from now on, when you let anybody else _touch_ you.”  
   
Barney shivered as Ted removed his hand, feeling a strange, confusing mixture of relief and loss mingled with his ever-present fear, as Ted’s footsteps crossed the room behind him. He tried to look over his shoulder, but couldn’t see far enough to see what Ted was doing.  
   
Then, he felt the light, almost teasing pressure of smooth leather against the bare skin of his back, and his stomach dropped as Ted trailed the belt slowly up his spine. He shook his head pleadingly, his eyes burning with despairing tears. His bound hands together in front of him were clenched into white-knuckled fists, visibly shaking as he strained against the strong silk that held them there.   
   
 _No… no, please, don’t..._

 __“Now, Barney, none of that,” Ted sneered softly, his tone too light and teasing for the dark swell of panic that was rising up in Barney’s chest. “Just take your punishment like a good boy.”  
   
 _No, I’ll do anything, please, I’ll be good, just_ please, no…  
   
But he couldn’t voice his desperate, frantic thoughts, and his back was turned – _exposed, vulnerable_ – to Ted, so Ted couldn’t see the tears that now freely flowed down his face, even before the first sharp crack of the belt against his skin, the first searing lash of pain that burned through him.  
   
Ted brought the belt down again and again across Barney’s back and buttocks, and in one unfortunately ill-aimed blow that glanced off of the soles of his feet – and Barney felt the stifling, breathless terror of his memories washing over him, consuming him, swallowing him up until he was drowning in them, unable to focus on anything else, unable to remember that he was no longer that scared, helpless little boy with no recourse or means of defense.  
   
Unable to remember that if he wanted to, he could have just stood up and _walked away_.  
   
In hindsight, Barney figured that Ted had probably only struck about seven or eight blows in all.  
   
In that moment, those few blows seemed to last for an eternity.  
   
****************************************

******  
   
 _Better not push him_ too _far… don’t want him to decide it’s not worth it anymore and actually walk away…_  
   
Ted stopped himself after six blows with the belt, although the immense release he felt at letting out his frustration and jealous fury at seeing Barney going through his same old motions with some random girl at the bar could have allowed him to go much farther. He knew it was twisted and wrong and… and _sick_ , really, but there was a certain satisfaction in the way Barney flinched from the blows, the muffled yelps he let out with each one, the white and then red welts that marked his back in the wake of the blows.  
   
 _And it’s not like there’s any permanent damage,_ Ted reassured himself as he laid the belt aside. _Just a little discipline… a little reminder that as long as this arrangement of ours is in effect, he’s not allowed to whore around and sleep with anybody he likes. He’ll remember this… remember that he’s_ mine…   
   
Ted moved forward to kneel behind Barney, staring in fascination at the marks of his ownership he’d just left. Cautiously, he reached out a single fingertip, just barely touching, trailing it down along the last of the welts he’d left. A violent shiver passed through Barney’s body at the contact, accompanied by a low, broken moan.  
   
And only then did Ted realize that Barney was trembling all over.  
   
He scooted forward, frowning with concern as he took in Barney’s face – pale, wet, and messy with sweat and tears. His eyes were tightly closed, and he was shaking his head back and forth as if in denial of what had just happened.  
   
“Barney?” Ted’s voice was smaller, less certain than he’d intended it to come out. He reached out cautiously to push back Barney’s damp, unusually disheveled hair – and Barney flinched violently away from him.   
   
 _Shit._

 __“Barney, hey…” Ted kept his voice soft and soothing, although his hands were shaking as he hurriedly unfastened the tie from both the bed and Barney’s wrists, casting it aside and taking the reddened skin between his hands, trying to get Barney’s attention. “Barney, look at me… look at me…”  
   
Barney winced, clearly unwilling, but reluctantly obeyed, his eyes unfocused and bright with tears as he looked up to meet Ted’s searching gaze. Ted hurried to remove the gag from Barney’s mouth, and Barney coughed violently, raising both hands as if to hide his face – and then abruptly removing them, looking guiltily up at Ted again, as if just remembering the command to do so.  
   
Ted shook his head, bewildered and confused and… and just a little bit horrified.  
   
“Barney, what…” he tried, giving up when he couldn’t find the words. He slid one hand cautiously up Barney’s arm to rest on his shoulder, stroking gently, soothingly over the bare skin. “It’s all right… it’s okay, all right?” he softly murmured. “It’s… it’s over…”  
   
Barney nodded in acceptance, his shoulders trembling with the choked little sobs that he was trying so hard to hold back. Ted shifted carefully closer, easing one arm around Barney’s shoulders, the other reaching out to stroke his hair. Barney flinched slightly, but didn’t pull away, his lips trembling as he struggled to get out a hoarse, choked whisper.  
   
“I-I’m… I’m s-sorry…”  
   
Ted’s heart lurched at the words, and he gently tugged Barney’s head down, relieved when Barney didn’t resist, but rather seemed to gratefully accept the offered comfort as his head came to rest on Ted’s shoulder, and Ted slid in closer and held him a little tighter, careful to avoid the fresh injuries he’d just created.  
   
“It’s okay,” Ted repeated. “It’s over… it’s all right… you’re all right, Barney…”  
   
Barney just kept whispering, “I’m sorry, please, I’m sorry,” against Ted’s shoulder over and over again.  
   
Ted just sat there with him on the floor, feeling guilty and helpless and confused, and – God help him, so _satisfied_ and _fulfilled_ by the desperate need with which Barney was clinging to him at this point, whispering soothing reassurances that Barney wouldn’t have needed in the first place if not for him.  
   
“It’s all right… I’ve got you… it’s all right now…”


	17. Chapter 17

As so many nights before, Barney woke up in a strange bed  
with no clear realization of exactly how he got there.

 

 

 

As alertness gradually began to overcome the haze of sleep  
that surrounded him, he realized, however, that this wasn’t exactly a _strange_  
bed, after all. He’d recently been in this bed, had been in this bed  
several times over the past few weeks – enough times, in fact, for it to become  
at least somewhat familiar – though this was the first time he’d actually _woken  
up_ in this bed.

 

 

 

In _Ted’s_ bed.

 

 

 

He wondered briefly what was different about this time,  
different enough for Ted to actually allow him to _sleep_ here, in his  
bed, instead of kicking him out almost the moment the act was finished, as he  
usually did.

 

 

 

Barney glanced at the spot on the bed beside him, wondering  
if Ted had fallen asleep himself and forgotten about his being there – but the  
rest of the bed was empty. Barney frowned, raising one hand to rub his eyes and  
trying to remember the night before, and how he might have come to be both alone  
and asleep in Ted’s bed.

 

 

 

He braced his arms against the mattress, preparing to pull  
himself up into a sitting position – and was abruptly stopped by a searing ache  
across the entire back of his body. He bit back a groan of pain as he lay back  
down, not sure whether Ted was still in the house, or whether Robin was home.  
He knew that regardless of the circumstances that had brought him here, Ted  
would be incredibly pissed off if he let Robin know that he was here; and until  
he knew exactly what those circumstances were, Barney wasn’t too sure he wanted  
to see _Ted_ , either.

 

 

 

Barney lay there for a few moments staring up at the ceiling  
– eyes widening with realization as it all came flooding back.

 

 

 

  
 _Ted hit me last night._

 

  


 

  
 _No. He didn’t just hit me. He_ beat _me with his  
freakin’ belt!_

 

 

 

Barney felt his face flush as he remembered the fear and  
humiliation when he’d realized what Ted intended to do – the utter helplessness  
of being tied up and naked and on his knees – of _knowing_ that he  
couldn’t stop Ted from doing whatever he wanted to do to him – and that he’d _allowed_  
himself to be placed in such a powerless position.

 

 

 

Ted’s fury had been a nearly palpable force in the room,  
combining with the dark onslaught of Barney’s memories to leave him a  
shattered, shaking wreck, pathetic and sobbing on Ted’s bedroom floor.

 

 

 

  
 _Just how he wants me, right?_

 

 

 

The pieces were starting to come together, the answer to the  
ever-present question that had been in the back of Barney’s mind since all this  
had started – the question of what exactly Ted wanted from all this. And that  
answer was deeply disturbing on a level of _fucked up_ that Barney never  
would have imagined Ted was capable of.

 

 

 

  
 _Just how he wants me… on my knees, in tears, begging.  
Totally under his power… at his mercy…_

 

 

 

Barney froze suddenly, as he remembered something else from  
the night before – something that didn’t quite fit with the dark picture of his  
friend that was coming together in his mind.

 

 

 

Ted had actually _shown_ mercy.

 

 

 

Barney felt a sensation of mingled anticipation and  
apprehension as he remembered Ted’s arms sliding cautiously around him – a  
phantom tingling on his skin where Ted’s warm, trembling hands had touched him,  
pulling his head down onto Ted’s shoulder and murmuring soft, soothing  
reassurances in his ear.

 

 

 

A vague memory of Ted helping him to his feet and sitting  
him gently down on the edge of the bed… helping him to lie down on his stomach  
and soothing the livid welts across his back with a cool, soft cloth… pressing  
soft, cautious kisses between the injuries he’d created, whispering soothing  
words and promises of forgiveness… but no apologies.

 

 

 

Barney didn’t remember getting under the covers, but he  
remembered Ted’s arms around him, holding him close as they lay there in heavy  
silence as Barney’d begun to drift off in sheer exhaustion. He remembered  
falling asleep to the sound of Ted’s whispered promises that it was over, that  
he was safe now, that he wouldn’t let anyone hurt him, all punctuated with  
soft, tender kisses against his tear-stained face.

 

 

 

  
 _Won’t let anyone hurt me – anyone but_ you, _right?_

 

 

 

Barney swallowed back the knot that had formed in his  
throat, an uneasy feeling settling in the pit of his stomach.

 

 

  
 _No, apparently_ Ted’s _the only one who gets to hurt me…_

  


 

Suddenly, Barney felt as exhausted as if he hadn’t slept at  
all. Still, with an effort, he managed to summon the strength to try getting up  
again. He gingerly eased his aching body up and off of the bed. He was still  
naked, and it took him a little while to get his clothes on over his sore,  
battered back and buttocks – even more so because he was trying not to make any  
sound while he dressed.

 

 

  
 _I wonder if he’s even still here…_

 

 

Just in case Robin was home, Barney made sure he was fully  
dressed before stepping out into the living room. He was already composing a  
believable story, just in case he should have to explain what he was doing  
coming out of Ted’s bedroom in the middle of the morning.

 

 

 

But the living room was completely empty. There were no  
lights on in the apartment, only the late morning sun filtering through the  
curtains and filling the room with a dim, soft haze.

 

 

 

Ted was nowhere to be seen – and Barney wasn’t sure whether  
to feel relieved or disappointed.

 

 

 

  
 _He was so – so tender and kind last night. Well,_  
after, _anyway. But – but what does that mean? He didn’t say he was sorry,  
but – but _is _he? Sorry, not just for last night, but for – for all of  
it? What’s it going to be like between us now? Does he want things to be  
different, after this?_

 

  


 

  
 _Because I’m pretty sure they_ will _be – one way or  
another._

 

 

 

  
 _What_ are _we now?_

 

  


 

Barney’s gaze drifted toward Robin’s bedroom door. It was  
cracked slightly open, and the room beyond it was pitch black, the dark  
curtains over her windows drawn closed – a fairly good indication that Robin  
was home from work and sound asleep.

 

 

 

  
 _And, if things_ are _different – how much will he  
want people to know?_

 

 

 

Barney felt a sick, unsettled feeling rising up within him.  
He headed for the door, taking out his phone as he went – half-hoping,  
half-fearing that Ted would have called while he was sleeping.

 

 

 

He hadn’t.

 

 

 

Disappointment came over Barney, and he realized that the  
unsettled feeling wasn’t going to go away until he’d seen Ted and had the  
chance to get some idea of where his head was, of where they stood right now,  
after what had happened. It was probably a good thing that Ted hadn’t actually  
called, Barney reasoned, because the last thing Barney wanted to do was to  
actually _talk_ about it – but he was pretty sure he’d be able to get a  
decent read on the situation just by being around Ted and gauging his  
reactions.

 

 

 

Unfortunately, that would have to wait.

 

 

 

It was already after ten. Barney needed to get to the office  
before anyone important noticed that he wasn’t already there.

 

 

 

****************************************************

 

 

 

When Barney got to MacLaren’s that night to join his  
friends, the butterfly sensation in his stomach had only intensified. He had  
been distracted and unfocused all day, his mind drifting unwillingly back to  
the night before, over and over again.

 

 

 

  
 _I’ve just got to see him,_ he told himself as he  
pushed open the door and stepped inside. _Just get some kind of feel for  
where we are right now…_

 

 

 

But Ted wasn’t sitting at their usual table with the others.

 

 

 

Barney pushed back his disappointment as he sat down  
carefully in the chair at the end of their booth, rather than sitting in the  
empty spot beside Robin. He watched Robin’s reaction closely as he sat down,  
but she gave no indication that she’d seen or heard anything out of the  
ordinary the night before. Of course, Ted had clearly gone out of his way to  
make sure that she wouldn’t. Barney’s jaw still ached a little from the  
makeshift gag Ted had used to keep him silent.

 

 

 

“Hey, guys.” Ted’s voice over his shoulder made Barney’s  
stomach lurch, and he jumped slightly as Ted slid into the booth beside Robin.  
“What’s up?”

 

 

 

“Barney’s ass,” Lily teased, “about six inches _up_ off  
that chair.”

 

 

 

Barney glared at her, but Ted just laughed.

 

 

 

“Jumpy, Barney?” he asked, just the barest trace of a smirk  
around his lips. “What, the last girl you screwed over just walk in?”

 

 

 

Barney tried to come up with a snappy retort, but he knew  
that anything he could have said right then would have been pathetically lame.  
He was too distracted, too anxious, as he tried to subtly study Ted’s  
expression, his mannerisms, to detect any trace that Ted was as unsettled and  
confused over what had happened the night before as he was.

 

 

 

There was none.

 

 

 

Ted seemed perfectly calm and controlled, presenting a  
flawless façade of his usual self to their friends, while Barney found himself  
increasingly on edge – and just a little bit angry.

 

 

 

  
 _How can he just sit here and act like nothing happened,  
after what he did last night?_

 

  


 

  
 _If he thinks he can just go back to pretending to be my  
friend in public and making a game out of torturing me in private, well, he’s  
wrong!_

 

 

 

Barney noticed that Lily was looking at him strangely, a  
concerned frown creasing her brow. All at once he realized that he was  
anxiously fidgeting, tapping his fingers on the table almost frenetically, his  
leg bouncing rapidly as he tapped his foot as well. His nerves were just barely  
below the surface, and suddenly, he just couldn’t keep up the act anymore. He  
was about to explode, and just blurt out the truth, demand for Ted to come  
clean right then and there.

 

 

 

“Barney?” Ted’s voice was deceptively mild, concerned. “You  
okay?”

 

 

 

Under the table, out of sight of their friends, Barney was  
shocked to feel the firm but gentle pressure of Ted’s hand on his knee, his  
thumb rubbing a soothing circle. He felt such a tumult of conflicting,  
confusing emotions at that simple – and yet, oh so _complicated_ – gesture  
that he couldn’t make sense of them at all. Relief, confusion, shock – and  
swelling up slowly until it overpowered all the rest, an overwhelming sense of  
indignation.

 

 

 

  
 _So that’s how he thinks it’s going to be? We’re, what?  
Boyfriends now, or something? Something that gives him the right to_ touch _me  
like that, to be all comforting and sweet and concerned – and yet, still keep  
it a secret? Because he’s _ashamed _of me, or something?_

 

  
 _But why shouldn’t he be?_ a nasty little voice in the  
back of his mind whispered. _Aren’t_ you _ashamed of you?_

 

 

 

Abruptly, Barney stood up, taking some satisfaction from the  
way Ted’s eyes widened with alarm and he hastily withdrew his hand before  
anyone could see. But he didn’t stay to enjoy the slight victory.

 

 

 

Without a word of explanation, Barney turned and stalked out  
of the bar, walking as quickly as he could away from MacLaren’s and down the  
sidewalk into the chilly autumn night.

 

 

 

“ _Barney_!”

 

 

 

He was almost a block away when he heard the familiar voice,  
shouting over the wind.

 

 

 

“Barney, wait!”

 

 

 

He hurried his pace, not slowing down, even as the voice  
behind him fell silent.

 

 

 

  
 _I don’t care. I don’t want to talk to him. I don’t want  
anything to do with him or his mind games or sex games or _whatever _freakin'_ cruel _games  
he keeps wanting to play with me, whatever the hell he __wants from me... I’m_  
done _with this crap…_

 

 

 

His thoughts were cut off abruptly as a strong hand seized  
his arm and spun him around. Barney jerked free, lips parted indignantly to  
offer protest at being manhandled so roughly. Before he could draw the breath  
to speak, however, Ted’s lips had crashed into his, swallowing up his  
objections as Ted’s fists clutched handfuls of Barney’s expensive designer coat  
and steered him forcefully backward into the alley beside them.

 

 

 

Barney let out a little groan of pain at the impact as he  
was shoved forcefully against the wall of the alley, the bruises across his back  
aching at the scrape of the unyielding brick behind him. Even as he hit the  
wall, Barney braced himself for the impact with his head that he expected a  
moment later – but instead of solid brick behind his head, he felt Ted’s hand,  
warm and firm and – deliberately shielding him from the painful impact.

 

 

 

  
 _Almost as if he… almost as if he_ actually cares…

 

 

 

“Why’d you do that?” Ted muttered, breathless and almost  
petulant, drawing back only long enough to speak a few words before kissing  
Barney again, urgent and possessive. “Walk away… like that?”

 

 

 

Barney tried to twist away from the kiss, tried to offer his  
own complaints about Ted’s inexplicable behavior, but Ted wouldn’t let him.

 

 

 

“You’re mine,” Ted hissed mindlessly, eyes closed and mouth  
seeking out Barney’s again, his free hand twisting in Barney’s coat and pulling  
it backward over his shoulder as if to undress him, right there in the dark,  
cold alley. “ _Mine_ …”

 

 

 

Against the haze of desire and confused emotions he was  
feeling, Barney put his own hands on Ted’s shoulders and pushed him back,  
struggling to catch his breath for a moment, as well as to keep Ted from  
kissing him again.

 

 

 

“What does that even _mean_?” he demanded in breathless  
frustration, shaking his head. “Ted, what are you _doing_?”

 

 

 

Ted froze for a moment, dark eyes wide and startled, as if  
only just considering the question. After a moment, he shook his head, visibly  
at a loss.

 

 

 

“I – I don’t know,” he confessed in a hoarse whisper. “I  
don’t know, Barney. I don’t – nothing’s changed. Not really. I – haven’t  
decided anything yet. About – about us. And I don’t want to tell the others  
anything, not until we’ve – we’ve figured this out, but – but I just know that  
I _want you…_ I want _this_ …”

 

 

 

His eyes locked onto Barney’s parted lips again, and  
Barney’s stomach lurched, desire building within him again at the sheer  
intensity in Ted’s gaze.

 

 

 

“Don’t _you_?” Ted whispered, finally meeting his eyes. “Don’t  
tell me you don’t. You’ve wanted this as long as you can remember.”

 

 

 

Barney thought about the confusion and pain and humiliation  
of the night before – and about the gentle warmth and comfort of Ted’s arms  
afterwards, the way Ted had held him and told him everything was going to be  
okay, and the way he’d almost been able to believe it. He thought about the  
years of desperately seeking Ted’s approval, seeking to be the first in his  
life, against any and all competitors that came his way, be they romantic or  
otherwise – and suddenly, he couldn’t quite find the strength to deny it.

 

 

 

“L-last night…” he whispered, shaking his head.

 

 

 

“Won’t happen again if you stick to the plan,” Ted cut him  
off, his voice low and dark as he shifted in closer to Barney, the hand at the  
back of his head playing soothingly through his hair. “Our arrangement still  
stands – at least until I can – until we can figure out – what this is. Where  
this is going, but – but for now, I – I don’t know that I’m ready to trust you  
again…”

 

 

 

Barney’s stomach dropped, and he felt sick with that  
familiar fear that he’d been struggling with ever since Ted had punched him in  
Ranjit’s limo all those weeks ago.

 

 

 

“All I know,” Ted whispered, edging in closer, “is that I _want_  
you. I want you, Barney.” He stopped for a moment, his fingers releasing  
Barney’s coat to trail slowly along the line of his jaw. “Tell me you don’t  
want me, too,” he whispered, lips a fraction away from Barney’s now. “And I’ll  
stop.”

 

 

 

Barney couldn’t bring himself to speak.

 

 

 

And then, he couldn’t have spoken if he’d tried, as Ted’s  
mouth claimed his again, pressing him back against the wall and holding him  
there, dominating and possessive, _owning_ Barney as he allowed himself to  
be owned, surrendering completely – though he wasn’t really sure exactly what  
he was surrendering to.


	18. Chapter 18

For the second morning in a row, Barney found himself waking up alone in bed, after a very confusing night with Ted.  
   
Granted, this morning was a little bit different. Instead of a brutal and highly traumatic beating at the hands of his – his _whatever-Ted-was-now_ – the previous night had held unbelievable amounts of mind-blowing sex, during which Ted had shown off a level of skill and creativity that Barney’d never guessed he possessed – and had actually seemed to _care_ about _Barney’s_ enjoyment for a change. Also, the encounter had taken place in Barney’s apartment instead of Ted’s, which not only made him feel instantly more comfortable upon waking, but also prevented the awkward dilemma of wondering how to deal with any of his friends who might happen to be around.  
   
 _Of course, we_ will _have to deal with it – after the way I basically ran out of the bar last night, and the way Ted immediately followed me. None of them are idiots._  
   
 _God,_ Lily – _she’s_ got _to know something’s up…_  
   
Barney picked up his phone, finding his suspicions confirmed by the numerous missed calls he’d received from Lily, Marshall, and even one from Robin – though she’d barely dared to _speak_ to him alone since they’d slept together, let alone call him in the middle of the night.  
   
There were no calls from Ted.  
   
Barney’s heart sank a little as he stared at the empty spot in the bed beside him, and he swallowed hard, feeling a sick little knot beginning to form in the back of his throat as he slowly made his decision.  
   
He wasn’t going to make the same mistake twice.  
   
This time – before anything else happened to make the whole situation any more confusing and precarious – he and Ted were _definitely_ going to have to talk.  
   
****************************************

***********  
   
It was about 9:30 when Barney came unceremoniously crashing through Ted’s front door without so much as a knock.  
   
 _Actually a little later than I expected…_

“We need to talk,” Barney declared, the words bursting out of him with a force that betrayed the amount of determination and guts it’d required just to get them out.  
   
Ted leaned back in his chair, raising one eyebrow and watching as Barney came to a stop beside his desk, arms crossed over his chest, jaw set with stubborn resolve. Ted was pretty sure he’d even chosen not to knock, because doing so might have given him time to rethink what he was doing – and everything about Barney’s demeanor at the moment screamed that he didn’t _want_ to think right now. He wanted to _act,_ before he could think himself out of it.  
   
“I’m busy, Barney,” Ted informed him calmly, returning his gaze to the sheet of paper in front of him on his drafting table, and picking up his pen again. “It’s going to have to wait a bit.”  
   
At the moment, Ted wasn’t particularly concerned with what Barney wanted.  
   
Oh, he’d been worried for a minute or two there the night before, when Barney’d actually _walked away_ from him for the first time since – well, _ever_. But it hadn’t taken long to break through Barney’s frustrated confusion and anger, to the depth of insecurity beneath it – the desperate, aching need that left him so vulnerable, so eager to soak up any shred of affection or caring that Ted decided to toss in his direction.  
   
And that was why Ted knew that he could do what he was about to do – could push his advantage to bring a halt to any inklings Barney might have been harboring about breaking free of their arrangement – and bring him firmly, completely, back under control.  
   
 _And that’s where I need him… just for now…_ Ted reminded himself, swallowing back the sick feeling that was something between guilt and excitement at the position in which he’d found himself. _Just until I can figure this out a little better – what I want us to be – where I want this to go – how we can get to something resembling normal…_  
   
“No, Ted, I’m not _going_ to wait!” Barney insisted, stepping forward and bracing one hand on the drafting table, leaning down into Ted’s face. “We’re going to _talk_ about this, _now_!”  
   
 _First of all, though – can’t let_ this _happen…_  
   
Ted abruptly rose to his feet in one smooth, fluid motion, drawing back his hand and slamming it down across Barney’s face in a swift, backhand blow that sent him reeling backward, staggering a step or two before he caught himself on the back of the sofa. Barney’s hand flew to his cheek, trembling visibly as he turned a shocked, wounded gaze toward Ted, and Ted braced himself, prepared for Barney to get up in his face again, yelling, furious – prepared for him to storm out, slamming the door, this time really to never come back again.  
   
But neither of those things happened – and deep down, Ted had known they wouldn’t.  
   
Instead, Barney just swallowed slowly, staring up at Ted. The silent battle between his pride and his need was all too visible in his eyes – as was the moment when he surrendered, reining in his outrage and simply waiting to see what would happen next.  
   
“You do not speak to me like that,” Ted stated, keeping his voice even and calm, and holding Barney’s gaze unflinchingly. “Now if you want to talk, you can go and sit down and wait until I’m finished – or you can go. Whichever you want. But I told you, Barney – I’m busy.”  
   
Barney was silent for a long moment – and then his gaze dropped, and he broke the silence in a halting, quiet tone. “H-how long do you think you’ll be?”  
   
Ted stepped forward to close the distance between them, reaching out to slip his hand under Barney’s, to cup the red mark he’d just left on Barney’s cheek. Barney flinched slightly, as if expecting a far less gentle touch, but he didn’t pull away – and Ted was very pleased. His tone was gentle and patient, his smile encouraging, as he replied.  
   
“Just a few minutes. I’m almost finished. I actually wanted to talk to _you_ , too – just let me finish this first.”  
   
Barney nodded shakily, not quite able to meet Ted’s eyes, and waited until Ted withdrew his hand before turning and making his way to the sofa, where he sat down and quietly waited as instructed. Ted couldn’t help occasionally glancing toward Barney – quiet and submissive and utterly at Ted’s disposal – with a rising sense of satisfaction, swiftly overwhelming any lingering traces of guilt and uncertainty.  
   
 _Normal… yeah… I could get used to_ this _being normal…_  
   
******************************************************  
   
 _Why are you letting him do this? He just slapped you in the face, and you’re just_ taking _it and doing what he said and sitting down to wait for him to do it again, or whatever he decides he wants to do, and why the_ fuck _aren’t you just_ walking out _of here right now?_  
   
The questions screamed in outrage in Barney’s mind, but there were no answers for them – at least none that he cared to consider. He waited on the sofa, foot tapping impatiently, fingers drumming against his knee, resisting the impulse to turn and look over his shoulder at Ted, well aware that doing so would only show weakness.  
   
 _Yeah. Like letting him fuck you and then beat you and slap you around and coming back for more like a whipped, pathetic puppy shows even a trace of_ strength.  
   
 _Face it, Stinson: it’s way too late for that._  
   
 _You left your pride on the roof all those weeks ago._  
   
Finally, Barney heard Ted’s chair scoot across the floor behind him, and the rustling of paper, followed by Ted’s at last appearing around the side of the couch and sitting down beside him. Barney noticed, though he wasn’t quite sure what to make of the fact, that Ted didn’t take the seat at the far end of the sofa, but rather sat down right in the middle of it – not touching Barney, but close enough to touch if he wanted to. Ted held a couple of papers in his hand, and he looked down at them for a moment as he began to speak, his voice level and measured.  
   
“So… I’ve been doing some thinking since I woke up this morning – and I know why you’re here.”  
   
Barney sat up a little, anxious and tense. “Good, because I just wanted to…”  
   
“Shut up.”  
   
Ted’s words were quiet and calm – and all the more effective for it. Barney’s stomach lurched, and he immediately closed his mouth, swallowing hard and waiting as his face flushed with shame at his own immediate compliance.  
   
“I’ve been thinking,” Ted repeated softly, looking up to meet Barney’s eyes at last, “about – what went wrong the other night. And – and what happened after that, and – and I realize how confusing things must have been for you the past few days – and I’m sorry for that.” He paused a moment, visibly considering his words before going on. “It wasn’t fair for me to punish you for breaking rules that were… never really established in the first place. I think…” he hesitated a moment, holding Barney’s gaze as he concluded, “I think it’s time we defined this relationship.”  
   
When Ted didn’t say anything else, Barney finally nodded, letting out a shaky breath in guarded relief. “Yeah,” he agreed softly. “I’m listening.”  
   
“I’ve, um…” Ted glanced back at the paper in his hands, lifting it slightly to point it out. “… I’ve come up with a list of points I wanted to discuss…”  
   
Barney couldn’t help the slight smirk that rose to his lips at that. “Of course you have,” he replied knowingly.  
   
Ted looked up at him again sharply, a dark flash of anger in his eyes that made something cold and shivering clench in Barney’s chest. “Careful,” he advised in a deceptively mild tone.  
   
Barney didn’t say anything else.  
   
After a moment, Ted continued. “First of all – I’m not your boyfriend. I will never _be_ your boyfriend. This whole thing might be – _physical_ , or – or even sexual, but – it’s not a _romantic_ thing. Not even close.”  
   
Barney tried not to let the way those words stung show on his face – tried not to think about _why_ they stung. “So – friends with benefits, then?”  
   
The side of Ted’s mouth quirked up in the beginnings of a knowing smile that never quite formed.  
   
“Not quite.”  
   
Barney frowned, not quite understanding what Ted meant by that – and not sure that he wanted to. It started that same queasy, fearful sensation in the pit of his stomach that he got anytime Ted reminded him that things were not – might _never_ be – the way they used to be between them.  
   
 _Not quite friends with benefits?_ he wondered uneasily. _Or not quite_ friends, _at all_?  
   
A moment later, Ted answered that unspoken question.  
   
“You haven’t proven that I can trust you yet, Barney – so our original arrangement still stands. Meaning, you will do exactly as I say at all times, or everything – any semblance of friendship, any attempt at reconciliation between us – will immediately end. These last few days have been weird, yeah – but nothing’s changed. Not really.” Ted paused, allowing the cold smile to form on his lips as he clarified, “The things I’m asking you to do are just a little more – _fun_.”  
   
Barney looked down, feeling his face heat with an inexplicable sense of shame at Ted’s words.  
   
“I have a couple of new rules I want to introduce, too,” Ted continued. “First of all, you will not talk to me like you just did a minute ago – not in private, and not in public. You will not lie to me. You will not sleep with anyone but me, without my explicit permission.”  
   
Barney looked up at Ted again sharply, trying to gauge his expression, to see what might be the motivation for such a requirement – jealousy? Possessiveness? Some nameless feeling that Ted wasn’t quite ready to admit to yet?  
   
Ted’s expression was carefully impassive, only betraying that he was trying very hard _not_ to betray – _something._  
   
“You will not tell our friends about our arrangement,” Ted went on, his tone becoming cold and warning. “Or anyone else, for that matter. And this is the most important rule, Barney. Let me just make this clear.” Ted leaned forward slightly as he spoke, moving into Barney’s space just a little, and Barney found himself pushing back against the arm of the sofa beside him without really meaning to, swallowing to moisten his suddenly dry throat. “The moment you say a word about any of this, I’ll deny everything. I’ll go to my grave insisting that it’s another of your lies – and you know they’ll believe me over you in a heartbeat. I’ll be shocked and horrified by what you’re saying – make you out to be even more of a crazy, psychotic liar than they already believe that you are. They’ll side with me – and you’ll be out in the cold.”  
   
Barney flinched, hurt by the harsh words, and unnerved by the cold, none too subtle note of menace in Ted’s voice. There was something dark and frightening in Ted’s eyes, and he shifted nearer across the sofa as he spoke, until Barney felt overwhelmed, cornered and frightened. Shaken, he tried to tell himself that his friends would believe him, that Ted would never do that to him – but he knew that neither was really true.  
   
He could barely push the hoarse, breathless words past his lips, blinking against the traitorous tears that filled his eyes.  
   
“Wh-why – why are you doing this to me?”  
   
Ted smiled again, but there was a dark, bitter anger in his eyes, as he countered in a soft voice, barely over a whisper.  
   
“Don’t you think you deserve it?”  
   
“A-after last night,” Barney persisted, unable to hold Ted’s gaze any longer. “You – you said you…”  
   
“I said I _wanted_ you,” Ted finished for him with a careless little shrug. “It’s not like I said I was _in love_ with you or something, Barney. God, what did you think that meant?” Ted let out a stunned little laugh, shaking his head in derision. “Did you think we were going to be _boyfriends_ now, and walk into MacLaren’s holding hands? Sit at our booth with the others and announce that we’re a happy couple now?” His voice lowered, taking on a touch of anger as he went on. “Did you think I was going to just forgive and forget everything you’ve done to me?”  
   
“What _I’ve_ done to _you_?” Barney echoed in disbelief, voice trembling with defensive outrage, before he even knew he was going to speak at all. “What about what _you’ve_ done…?”  
   
Barney bit back a yelp as Ted’s hand darted out to grasp his hair, jerking his head back abruptly as Ted rose up on one knee on the sofa to lean over Barney, aggressive and intimidating. Barney raised one trembling hand to try to free himself, but Ted’s other hand swiftly caught his wrist, twisting it behind his back and pinning it down against the arm of the sofa.  
   
“You got a problem with what I’m doing?” Ted hissed, shifting in close, dark eyes piercing and challenging. “You want me to stop? Then _stop me_.”  
   
Barney turned his wrist beneath Ted’s hand, half-heartedly trying to pull free – but then, Ted was kissing him – hot and needy and insistent – and he felt his efforts melt away, melt into the kiss, into _Ted_ , until he was kissing back almost despite himself. When Ted finally pulled back enough to break the kiss, Barney was breathless, but there was a trace of a defiant smirk on his lips.  
   
“You want me,” he whispered.  
   
“Of course I do,” Ted conceded. “I told you that – and that’s exactly what you want, isn’t it? What you’ve been looking for all these years?”  
   
“Please,” Barney scoffed, but he couldn’t hold Ted’s gaze, and his voice trembled as he spoke. “I’ve not like I’ve never been _wanted_ before – more times than I can count…”  
   
“Maybe,” Ted whispered, shifting in closer so that the weight of his body pressed Barney down onto the couch, his back half on the arm of the sofa and half on the cushion. His hands tightened in Barney’s hair and around his wrist, Barney’s other arm effectively pinned between the sofa and his body, made useless to him by the weight of Ted’s knee against it, “but you’ve never had anyone want you enough to really make you their own – to do whatever it takes to make sure that you’re _theirs_ , and they don’t have to share you with _anyone_. You’ve never really _belonged_ to anyone…” A cruel amusement twisted Ted’s mouth as he shrugged slightly and amended, “… at least… not anyone who cared to have you.”  
   
Barney flinched, looking away and blinking back hurt, stunned tears.  
   
Ted leaned in close to his ear, his breath warm and soft against Barney’s skin, his words carefully calculated and flawlessly aimed.  
   
“Hasn’t it crossed your mind, Barney… that just maybe… this is the best you’re gonna get?”  
   
Barney swallowed back a hoarse sob, broken under the weight of his own hurt and confusion and Ted’s overpowering, consuming presence, his sharp, too-true words that pierced through his defenses and left him helpless.  
   
“I-I don’t… I don’t understand,” he whispered. “Last night, you were so… so…”  
   
Barney couldn’t bring himself to finish, though his dying hopes echoed in his mind.  
   
 _Gentle… kind… acted as if I actually_ mattered _to you…_  
   
Ted seemed to understand.  
   
“It can be like that, Barney,” he whispered, an air of enticing promise in his voice as he drew back to smile into Barney’s eyes with the first trace of warmth he had seen since walking through Ted’s door. “It _will_ be like that – as long as you play by the rules.”  
   
Ted’s eyes narrowed suddenly, and Barney bit back a choked little cry of pain as Ted twisted his wrist sharply higher up his back, edging his knee in between Barney’s parted legs and pressing him harder against the sofa.  
   
“Break them,” he added softly, a much darker promise in his warning gaze, “and it won’t be like that at all. Do you understand?”  
   
Barney nodded, his breath shallow and shaky, hitching slightly as Ted pressed his knee slightly harder into the half-hard bulge in the front of Barney’s slacks.  
   
“Now,” Ted continued, barely over a whisper, “do you think we can keep what happened the other night from happening again?”  
   
Barney nodded again, mindlessly obedient, mesmerized by the soft, almost hypnotic sound of Ted’s voice, and desperate to get him to back off and stop hurting him, stop muddling his thoughts with the confusing mixture of temptation and terror that he was getting so good at inflicting.  
   
“Yes,” he whispered, unable to keep the pleading, submissive sound from his voice. “Y-yes, Ted, _please_ …”  
   
“Shhh,” Ted murmured, soothing and gentle, in sharp contrast to the painful, restraining grip he had on Barney’s hair and on his wrist, holding him still as he leaned in to whisper in his ear again. “Just… one more thing. Don’t _ever_ … pull away from me again, like you did last night. Unless you want it to be the last time I ever touch you. You want me to stop, then – I can stop. _For good_. Is that what you want?”  
   
Barney shook his head as much as he could manage with Ted’s ruthless grip on his hair, swallowing hard, unable to keep back the tears that now streaked his face.  
   
“I didn’t think so,” Ted replied, his tone certain and smug as his hand finally released Barney’s hair – only to close around his throat in a light but firm touch, just barely restraining, but enough to tilt Barney’s head back, exposing his throat and making his heart race with mingled fear and arousal. “Don’t even try to pretend that you don’t want to be mine. And you _are_ – aren’t you?”  
   
Barney nodded, knowing deep down that it was hopelessly, impossibly true.  
   
“ _Say it_.” Ted’s voice hardened, a sharp note of command to the words.  
   
“I-I am,” Barney stammered, allowing Ted to push his head back, gasping as Ted’s lips closed over the pulse point in his throat. “I am…”  
   
Ted raised his head, glaring down as his thumb pressed warningly against Barney’s windpipe, just enough to make him flinch, his restrained wrist twisting uselessly in Ted’s grasp.  
   
“You are _what_?” Ted demanded.  
   
“Y-yours,” Barney whispered at last. “I-I’m yours, Ted… I’m yours…”


	19. Chapter 19

Ted kept Barney there for the rest of the afternoon.

It only took him a few minutes to relocate them to the bedroom, where he firmly closed and locked the door behind them. He warned Barney to be quiet, or he'd gag him to _make_ him quiet, so as not to disturb Robin. Barney realized with a shock that she had been sleeping in her room the whole time they'd been – _talking_.

 

 _Ted's getting bolder about all this – more and more sure that there's nothing to keep him from getting away with it indefinitely..._

 

 _... and as long as you're keeping your mouth shut, there really isn't. He really could hide this forever if you let him..._

 

The problem was, Barney wasn't completely opposed to the idea of hiding their arrangement – for a number of different reasons. First, there was the ever-present threat of losing Ted completely if anyone found out about them. There was also the thought of the utter humiliation he'd feel if the others knew how far he'd let Ted take things – how little self-respect he had to have, to allow himself to become as degraded and abused as Ted had made him during the past few weeks.

 

Not that it was all _bad_.

 

Like that afternoon, for example.

 

Barney had never seen Ted quite so intense, quite so ruthlessly focused on staking his claim, on making it very, very clear to Barney and to himself that _he_ was the one in control here, that Barney belonged to _him_. It was a little scary, and Barney had to admit that he was beginning to be a little worried about the darker side to Ted's sexual appetites – the need for control and power that seemed to increasingly consume him.

 

But he also had to admit that Ted was right.

 

It did feel good, almost addictively so, to know that he _belonged_ to someone – that someone _wanted_ him to belong to them. And the fact that said person was _Ted_ , whom Barney had not-so-secretly obsessed over almost since they'd met – well, that just made the whole thing more deliriously intoxicating.

 

And it wasn't as if Ted _only_ wanted to hurt him.

 

Yeah, sometimes he liked to tie Barney down and toy with him for a while, deliberately pressing the limits of how much Barney could take with a frighteningly cold curiosity, pushing him past the point of mere pain and fear, into a place where Barney would literally have done _anything_ Ted told him to, anything to appease that dark side of his friend's nature that craved that complete submission, relishing Barney's pleas, and the soft, stifled cries he couldn't quite hold back, no matter how many times he was ordered to silence.

 

And then, other times, Ted seemed to have exactly the opposite intent – proving just how well he knew Barney, how easily he could touch him in just the right way, deliciously edging him toward the very brink of overwhelming pleasure, with expert hands that seemed to know Barney's body almost better than he knew it himself. Every breathless, shuddering gasp – every whispered _please_ that begged Ted not to stop, but to _never_ stop touching him – brought a pleased smile to Ted's lips, a light of triumph to his eyes.

 

Barney was beginning to understand: it was the power that Ted found so intoxicating, the rush that he craved – the undeniable certainty that whatever Barney was feeling, whether pleasure or suffering, that _he_ was the one who had made it so. Barney had it all figured out, what it was that Ted needed that he was getting out of this.

 

He only wished he didn't need the surrender just as bad **ly**.

 

***********************************

 

“So where are you two coming from?” There was a faint note of suspicion in Lily's voice, a slight frown creasing her brow as Ted and Barney finally entered the bar that evening. “So much later than usual? And together?”

 

Barney hesitated, for once caught off guard, unable to produce an immediate lie to answer her questions. Before his momentary lapse could be noticed, however, Ted smoothly spoke up.

 

“We were just upstairs playing with my Wii.”

 

Barney was suddenly overcome by a violent coughing fit, stunned by the unintentional – he was pretty sure, anyway – double entendre in Ted's alarmingly calm, easy lie. Ted gave him a puzzled frown for a moment, before it eased into understanding – and he actually had the nerve to _laugh_.

 

Robin and Marshall both laughed too, and Lily was smiling, although she tried to hide it with an exaggerated eye roll. “Come _on_ , you guys,” she complained half-heartedly. “Are you _twelve_?”

 

“Not – _that_ wee,” Ted smirked. “Are you kidding me? I don't have boobs, so, pretty sure Barney wouldn't be interested. And – it's _Barney_. I prefer my sex STD-free, thanks.”

 

“Hey!” Barney objected, keeping his tone light in an attempt to mask the sting of the harsh words – as well as the fact that none of the others seemed particularly bothered by them. “I am _very_ careful, thank you. You wouldn't catch anything from me.”

 

“No, considering that you can't catch _anything_ , right, Barney?” Ted shot back, a teasing smile on his face. “That's why I just totally beat your ass three times in a row on the World Series game.”

 

“Hey, Ted?” Marshall's tone was light, but his smile was tight and a little false. “Can you join me outside for a minute? I'd like to talk to you about something.”

 

“Sure,” Ted agreed readily, giving the others a vaguely perplexed smile as he rose from the seat he'd just taken and followed Marshall toward the exit.

 

Barney watched them go, his mouth suddenly dry, heart racing with apprehension, as he wondered what Marshall might want to talk to Ted about, alone.

 

 _Maybe Ted's act wasn't quite as good as he thought it was... maybe they've caught on to the fact that things are most definitely not normal between us... maybe it's all about to be over in a few minutes, when they walk back through those doors..._

 

Barney bit his lower lip, staring at the empty spot where his friends had disappeared, and wondering whether that idea should make him feel a sense of relief, or of dread.

 

It was impossible to tell, since he was pretty sure he was feeling both at the same time.

 

“So, Barney.” Barney looked up, surprised to find himself alone at the table with Lily. He glanced around for Robin, confused. “At the bar,” Lily pointed out without being asked. “And she won't be long, so talk fast. What happened to your face?”

 

Barney swallowed hard, his stomach lurching slightly, caught off guard by the blunt, no-nonsense tone of her voice, leaving no room to escape her inquiry. He remembered, too late, the bruise that had formed on his face that morning, where Ted had hit him.

 

“I – I slept with the wrong girl,” Barney offered with a careless shrug. “She had a boyfriend, and he came home, and – yeah, it wasn't pretty. And now, neither is my face for the next few days. Occupational hazard – of being _awesome_!”

 

He raised his hand across the table for a high five, which a very unimpressed Lily ignored completely. “This isn't the first time you've shown up with bruises lately, Barney. I thought you got rid of that freaky chick that seemed to be into hurting you. Didn't you?”

 

“ _Yes_ ,” Barney insisted. “I told you, Lily, it was just a jealous boyfriend. Nothing's wrong, okay?”

 

“But if something _was_ wrong – you'd tell me, right?” Lily frowned, and Barney was touched by the concern in her eyes. “I mean – if it was really something serious, you could trust me, Barney. You can talk to me.”

 

“I know,” Barney assured her. “I know I can, Lily. There's just – nothing to talk about.”

 

******************************************

 

Ted tried to keep his nervousness at bay as he followed Marshall out into the chilly night air, hoping the cold would help to explain the way his hands were shaking as he pulled his jacket closer around himself.

 

“So – what's up?” he asked, as Marshall stopped ahead of him on the sidewalk and turned abruptly to face him. “What's wrong, Marshall?”

 

“What's up with you and Barney?” Marshall demanded without hesitation, his gaze focused, unyielding, on Ted's face.

 

Ted felt the world drop out from beneath him, and struggled to maintain some semblance of calm in the face of the accusation he'd been privately dreading for weeks. He swallowed slowly, drawing in a deep breath and schooling his tone and expression to steadiness as he replied.

 

“What are you talking about?”

 

“Oh, come on, Ted!” Marshall exploded, throwing up his hands a little and turning slightly before turning back toward Ted in obvious agitation. “It's obvious! I know you've been trying to keep it from showing, but it's not exactly working.”

 

Ted felt sick. He opened his mouth to try to offer some kind of explanation, but Marshall wasn't finished yet.

 

“I thought _I_ was your best friend!”

 

Ted froze, the words processing a little too slowly in his mind. “Wait – _what_?”

 

“All this time, you keep saying I'm your best friend, but that's certainly not what it's looked like for the last couple weeks! You and Barney coming in together tonight. You getting calls from Barney when he's not at the bar, and going outside to call him, and all kinds of other weird stuff going on, stuff that might go on with your _best friend_ , who's supposed to be _me_ , but apparently is _Barney_ now!”

 

Marshall was sputtering and furious and clearly hurt – but Ted couldn't help it. The surprise and relief was just too overwhelming.

 

He _laughed_.

 

Marshall stared at him in disbelief, the hurt intensifying in his eyes, and he opened his mouth for what would surely be an indignant protest, but Ted held up a halting hand to stop him as he tried to regain his composure.

 

“I-I'm sorry, Marshall,” he gasped, trying to stop laughing. “It's just – it's just that you _sound_ like Barney right now, you know that? _He's_ the one who's always insisting that he's my best friend like it's the only thing that gives his pathetic life _meaning_ or something...”

 

Marshall frowned, flinching slightly and shaking his head. “Well, _that's_ a little harsh...”

 

“Of _course_ you're my best friend, Marshall,” Ted went on, stepping closer and putting a reassuring hand on Marshall's arm. “You always will be my best friend. It's just – Barney's been going through a rough time lately, you know? He just needs a little bit of support right now. We're working on fixing our friendship and getting things back to the way they used to be – but nothing's changed between you and me, okay? Barney's my friend, but – _seriously_ , Marshall? Do you really think that could compare to all that _we've_ been through together?”

 

Marshall seemed a little embarrassed, his eyes downcast as he shuffled awkwardly back and forth on the pavement. “I don't know,” he mumbled. “I – I would _hope_ not. It's just – I wasn't sure...”

 

“Well, _be sure_ , Marshall,” Ted instructed with a falsely stern tone in his voice. “You're my one and only best friend. I promise.”

 

As they went back into the bar to rejoin the others, Ted felt a sense of relief flow over him, as well as a reassurance that he really had been doing a pretty good job of hiding how things had changed between him and Barney. If the worst that Marshall suspected was that Ted was being too _nice_ to Barney these days, then there wasn't a chance of his picking up on how the dynamic between them had _really_ changed.

 

 _And that's good, for now, anyway,_ Ted told himself. _Because there's no way he'd understand. There's no way_ any _of them would understand – but that doesn't make it wrong. It's not like anyone's really getting hurt. Barney's life has been such a wreck for such a long time – it's not like I could make it any_ worse.

 

Ted let out a deep sigh of relief as he took his seat back at the table, giving a very anxious Barney a reassuring smile when no one else was looking, shifting his foot under the table to run it lightly up and down Barney's ankle in what he hoped was a soothing gesture of affection. And fortunately, Barney seemed to take it as such, relaxing visibly and returning his attention to the conversation at the table.

 

 _He's such a mess right now – always has been, really. And he needs someone to take charge – someone to watch out for him. He obviously has a masochistic streak. If it wasn't for me, why, he'd be out sleeping with God knows who, letting them do who knows what to him – risking his safety, maybe even his_ life...

 

 _I'm doing him a favor – protecting him. At least as long as he's only sleeping with me, he's safe. I'm getting what I need, and he's getting what he needs, and I won't ever_ really _take it too far..._

 

 _Barney's really so much better off being mine._


	20. Chapter 20

“Don’t give me your excuses, Nelson,” Barney snapped into his phone, leaning back in his soft, comfortable office chair, unable to keep a grin of sadistic enjoyment from his face. “You screwed up. Now, I want that file on my desk by the end of the day, or it’ll be the last mistake you make as an employee of this company. Do I make myself clear?”

 

The sputtering, timid response on the other end of the phone line was immensely satisfying, and Barney slammed the receiver forcefully down before Nelson could get out his frantic agreement. He let out a deep breath, closing his eyes for a moment and allowing himself to relish the rare sense of power he felt in ordering around one of his office underlings.

 

The chain of screaming could be a very therapeutic thing – provided you were on the right end of it.

 

“Wow. Forceful.”

 

Barney nearly fell out of his chair, scrambling to sit up straight, his stomach lurching in alarm as Ted’s voice met his ears. He looked up to see Ted standing in the doorway of his office, eyebrows raised in slight surprise, a subtly mocking smile on his lips. Ted didn’t say anything else until he had closed and locked the door to Barney’s office.

 

“It’d almost be kinda hot,” he conceded softly, turning to face Barney again and taking a couple of slow, measured steps closer to him. “You know – if I didn’t know how you _really_ are.”

 

Barney glanced uneasily toward the window that made up one entire wall of his office, and the hallway beyond it, mentally reassuring himself with the fact that there were dozens of people who made their way up and down that hall every so often, and Ted certainly wouldn’t attempt to take things _too_ far – not here.

 

“This – this _is_ how I really am,” he insisted, though even he didn’t find his own tone convincing.

 

“Right,” Ted sneered, closing even more of the distance between them. “Come on, Barney. We both know better.”

 

He seemed to be in no hurry, taking his time – and that was all the more disconcerting to Barney, who suddenly felt the need to stand, to not be in such a vulnerable, lowered position in comparison to Ted’s. He rose to his feet and moved around to lean on the front of his desk, trying to appear casual and composed – though inwardly, he was anything but calm.

 

“So – what are you doing here?” he asked, trying to keep his voice steady. “I’m working, Ted. You really shouldn’t be here.”

 

Ted smiled as he stopped directly in front of Barney, less than a foot of space between them – not touching, his hands disarmingly placed in his pockets, and yet so quietly, overwhelmingly unnerving by his very presence.

 

“ _You_ really shouldn’t be telling me what I should and shouldn’t do,” he countered softly.

 

“Ted…” Barney swallowed hard, his eyes downcast, unable to meet Ted’s dark, piercing gaze. “I – I can’t do this. Not – not here. This thing – with us – it’s – it’s not a part of – _this_ part of my life…”

 

His voice trailed off as Ted placed a firm hand on his arm, holding him in place and pushing in closer so that their bodies were almost touching, his mouth a bare inch from Barney’s parted, trembling lips as he spoke in a hushed, intimate tone of utter certainty.

 

“This ‘thing with us’ – is a part of _every_ part of your life, Barney.”

 

Barney swallowed hard, his mouth suddenly dry, his pulse pounding in his throat as he struggled to find his voice again. “No,” he whispered at last, desperate but soft, too soft, too _weak_. “Ted – you need to go.”

 

Ted considered for barely a moment, but there was no hesitation in his voice when he replied simply, “No.”

 

His grip tightening on Barney’s arm, Ted’s free hand rose to cup the back of Barney’s head as he leaned in to kiss him – gentle but subtly possessive, his tongue pressing past Barney’s lips to claim his mouth. Barney found himself automatically responding – but then remembered where he was with something akin to panic, and pulled away from the kiss, pushing frantically at Ted’s chest to put some distance between them.

 

“No,” he gasped. “Ted, _stop_ …”

 

Ted’s eyes narrowed with fury, and Barney felt his stomach drop with fear as Ted’s hand at the back of his head became vicious and cruel, seizing his hair and jerking his head back painfully. With his other hand, he grasped Barney’s wrist and forced his hand down onto the desk behind his back.

 

“ _You_ stop _fighting_ me,” he snarled, his voice low and warning.

 

Barney froze, closing his eyes and immediately going still in Ted’s grasp.

 

“You’re _mine_ , Barney,” Ted reminded him, his voice softening a little in response to Barney’s submission. “And you are going to do as you’re told.”

 

“O-okay,” Barney whispered, nodding. “Okay, I – I will, just… please… just a second…”

 

With his free hand, Barney reached for the remote control he kept on the top of his desk – the one that would close the blinds that covered the windowed wall facing the hallway – the ones that would shield whatever was about to happen in this room from the curious eyes of any potential onlookers.

 

“No,” Ted said firmly, releasing Barney’s hair to catch his wrist before it could touch the remote. “Leave them.”

 

Barney stared up at him in dismay, glancing toward the window again. For the moment, the hall was mercifully empty.

 

“But… but I have to,” he argued weakly. “If someone sees… Ted, I could lose my _job_ …”

 

“You could lose a lot more than that.”

 

Barney hesitated, shaking his head slowly – but the gesture was more pleading than insistent, and he lowered his gaze again in defeat. “Ted, _please_ ,” he whispered. “Please don’t…”

 

“Shhh,” Ted murmured, his hand sliding up Barney’s chest, under the edge of his jacket, until it found the knot of his tie. Using both hands to slide it loose and then remove it, Ted wound it around his hands, pulling it taut, giving Barney a wicked grin when he looked up in uneasy confusion. “Come on. I’ll make it a little easier for you.”

 

As Ted wrapped the soft strip of silken fabric around his eyes, Barney let out a gasp of alarm, jerking his head back. “ _Don’t_ …”

 

Ted pulled it abruptly tight, gripping the knot he’d just made and drawing Barney’s head back again. Barney felt suddenly, overwhelming vulnerable and exposed, completely blinded and with his throat bared to Ted’s every whim. Ted seemed to have noticed the same thing, his thumb running slowly down the line of Barney’s neck, then pressing slightly, warningly inward.

 

“Don’t make me tell you again not to fight me, Barney,” he warned softly.

 

“Okay,” Barney whispered, submissive and placating, his hands rising between them, useless and shaking. “Okay, Ted – okay, please…”

 

“Get on your knees,” Ted ordered, almost gently, as he placed one hand under Barney’s elbow to guide him down into the ordered position.

 

Barney felt sick with shame and humiliation, imagining the reactions of his coworkers if they should happen to walk by and see him like this. “Ted, please,” he tried again, “Please, if someone sees me like this…”

 

“Then I guess you’d better be quick about it, hadn’t you?” Ted cut him off, running an affectionate hand through his hair – and Barney heard the unmistakable sound of Ted’s zipper going down, inches in front of his face. “Come on. You know what to do.”

 

************************************

 

For a moment, Ted wondered whether or not Barney would go through with this.

 

 _But then_ , he realized almost immediately, with a rush of excitement at his own power that had him instantly, fully hard, _if he was going to say no – if he was going to stop me, he’d have done it already. He wouldn’t be blindfolded, on his knees in front of me right now…_

 

When Barney’s mouth closed around him, tentative and uncertain at first, but so freaking _hot_ , and so _good_ at this by now – Ted bit back a groan of pleasure at the sensation. After all, it wouldn’t do to let Barney know just how strong of an effect he had on Ted – just how unbelievably hot the sight of him like this, on his knees, helpless and submissive and taking everything Ted gave him – really was.

 

 _Can’t let him see the little power he does have in this situation,_ Ted told himself. _Can’t let him know what he does to me – how much I_ want _him right now…_

 

It took Ted an embarrassingly short amount of time to come – but he wasn’t terribly worried about Barney’s picking up on that.

 

He was pretty sure that it’d felt much, much longer to Barney.

 

Barney drew back with a shuddering gasp against the front of his desk, his head bowed, trembling violently.

 

“Did – did anyone see?” he asked immediately. “Ted, did anybody go past? Please, tell me – please.”

 

Ted smiled, reaching for the remote he’d taken only moments after blindfolding Barney, and pushed the button to open the blinds again. As he did so, he pulled the tie off of Barney’s eyes and then reached down to help him back to his feet. Barney blinked for a moment, flinching a little in the too-bright light of the room, before his eyes immediately went to the window, and the currently empty hallway beyond it.

 

“Ted _– please_ ,” Barney whispered. “Please, did anyone see us?”

 

Ted made his voice sympathetic and soothing as he put Barney’s tie back around his neck and carefully tied it. “Maybe you’re better off not knowing.”

 

Barney let out a hoarse whimpering sound, raising one hand to cover his face, which was flaming with humiliation, as he leaned on the front of his desk again – this time not as a pitiful attempt to appear casual and controlled, but rather because, Ted suspected, his legs weren’t quite capable of holding him up at the moment.

 

“Now, listen to me, Barney,” he instructed softly, gratified when Barney immediately looked up at him – visibly apprehensive, but instantly obedient. “Here’s what I want you to do. Any plans you might have had for this weekend – you’re going to cancel them. The gang thinks I’m going to visit my sister for the weekend, and you – well, they won’t be surprised if you’re off the grid for a couple of days.”

 

Barney looked away, and Ted felt a twinge of satisfaction that he was still capable of finding just the right words to bring to the surface the shame that, until recently, he hadn’t realized that Barney even still had.

 

“I’ve made some special plans for us,” Ted explained, his fingertips under Barney’s chin tilting his head up and silently insisting that he face him again. “And I think you’re _really_ going to enjoy them.”

 

Barney didn’t ask questions – knew better by now – but just nodded, looking down again as Ted removed his hand and allowed it.

 

“You don’t look like you’re feeling so well,” Ted observed with a smirk. “Maybe you should take the rest of the afternoon off. Go home and pack. We’ve got a big weekend ahead of us.”

 

And with those words, he turned and strode out of Barney’s office, closing the door behind him.


	21. Chapter 21

_Well… that went quite a bit better than I expected…_

 

Ted smiled around a sip of his coffee as he allowed the still vivid, fresh images from his most recent encounter with Barney to fill his mind, causing the sights and sounds of the busy coffee shop around him to recede into the background of his thoughts.

 

The panic in Barney’s wide eyes, the trapped expression of resignation that had made it clear, even through his objections, that he would eventually, inevitably give in to the steady, unyielding pressure Ted was exerting so softly, and yet with the irresistible force of the power Ted knew he held over Barney – had probably held over him all along, had he only realized it enough to make use of it.

 

 _He’s just proven it, beyond all doubt, when he dropped to his knees and did as I told him, at the risk of his job, his career, his every last shred of dignity…_

 _Barney will do absolutely_ anything _I tell him to do._

 

Ted glanced down at his watch before rising to his feet, tossing his half-empty paper cup into the trash on his way out onto the street. He planned on taking his time, packing his things and preparing to leave at a leisurely pace – leaving plenty of time for Barney’s imagination to wreak havoc with his nerves before he finally took him out of town, to the privacy of the special arrangements he’d made for them for the weekend.

 

 _And after this weekend, getting him to submit, getting him to stop arguing and just do as he’s told – it won’t be even the slightest semblance of a struggle anymore._

 _After this weekend – Barney will have no doubt just_ exactly _who he belongs to_.

 

**********************************

 

Barney sat on the edge of his sofa, one leg jittering anxiously, biting his lower lip as he frowned in uncertainty at his suitcase, open and empty on the other end of the sofa. He glanced down at his watch, his stomach lurching uneasily at the relentless progress of time, reminding him once again that all too soon, Ted would be walking through his front door – and Ted would expect him to be ready.

 

 _But… ready for what, exactly?_

 

Barney had gone home as if on autopilot, simply following the instructions Ted had given him – and he’d gotten out his suitcase, laid it out open and ready to pack for whatever Ted had planned for them. But when he’d returned to his room to decide what to bring, his mind wouldn’t seem to process even that simple decision – and he found himself suddenly standing there, frozen with confusion, a single bewildered thought echoing through his mind.

 

 _What the hell are you_ doing?

 

He found himself walking slowly back out into the living room, sitting down on the sofa and trying to figure out why he was doing this, why he was going along with some unknown plan made by a man who seemed terrifyingly unconcerned with how _he_ felt or what _he_ wanted, and was certain to lead to – well, he had no idea _what_ it would lead to, and that was the most unsettling part of the whole situation.

 

Pleasure or suffering, whatever Ted intended was only certain to be one thing – completely and totally outside of Barney’s control.

 

And Barney was about to willingly walk right into it.

 

He swallowed hard, staring down at his trembling hands on his knees for a moment before looking toward his empty suitcase again, drawing in a slow, shaky breath.

 

 _Unless… unless you_ don’t.

 

His heart raced as his thoughts turned toward a direction that was simultaneously hopeful, and frightening – the idea of openly defying Ted’s demands.

 

 _Just – tell him no. Just tell him you’re not going. It’s not like he can physically force you to go, is it? If you don’t want to do it, just stand up to him and tell him you’re not going to let him make you do it._

 _It’s that simple – isn’t it?_

 

The sharp knock on Barney’s front door made him jump, his stomach lurching and his brow breaking out in a cold sweat, as he was suddenly, horribly aware that it wasn’t that simple at all. He didn’t bother getting up to answer the door, as he’d left it unlocked when he’d come in, well aware that Ted would just let himself in, anyway, and aware that being locked out when Barney was expecting him would probably just piss Ted off, anyway.

 

 _And God, Stinson, when did you become such a weak, pathetic little_ bitch? _When did you decide to start just letting him walk all over you like this? It’s_ your _fucking_ apartment, _moron! If you want to lock the door, then damn it,_ lock the fucking door!

 

But it was a little late for that, as Ted was already standing in the doorway.

 

And he did _not_ look happy.

 

“You’re not ready.”

 

Barney swallowed hard, his throat feeling dry and sore as he forced himself to meet Ted’s questioning gaze. “No,” he replied, his voice low and carefully calm as he slowly rose to his feet, determined to face Ted on as equal footing as possible. “No, I’m not. Because – I’m not going.”

 

Ted raised a single eyebrow, his expression not changing, but something darkening in his gaze as he reached behind him to close the door, then took a couple slow, measured steps closer before finally replying.

 

“ _Excuse_ me?”

 

“I-I’m not going,” Barney repeated, his eyes faltering downward under the intense pressure of Ted’s scrutiny. “Not – not unless you tell me the truth about what happened today – whether or not anyone saw us. I – I have to know that, Ted. It’s my career we’re talking about, and you can’t just trample all over that like it was worthless…”

 

“But it _is_ worthless, Barney,” Ted cut in coldly, his lips twisting into a dark, ugly smile as he advanced further into the room, and Barney cursed his own fear and uncertainty as he found himself instinctively backing away. “Because _you_ are worthless.”

 

Barney opened his mouth to protest, but the words seemed to be stolen away with his very breath, as Ted continued toward him, swiftly closing the distance between them even as Barney stumbled hurriedly backward, away from Ted, until his back hit the kitchen counter. He started to move around it, but Ted was there too quickly, one hand braced against the counter beside Barney, and not allowing any further retreat.

 

“ _Please_ ,” Ted sneered. “Your life’s such a wreck, Barney. Even this job you’re so worried about is pretty fucked up – all these twisted secrets and barely legal backroom dealings – it’s likely to get you killed someday if you’re not careful. And yet you’re so desperate to hold onto it, as if it’s the only thing you’ve got going for you – and the sad thing is… it kind of is.”

 

Barney tried to find the words to argue, but there was too much truth in Ted’s assessment for him to formulate a valid argument. He shook his head, lips parted but silent, flinching slightly as Ted reached up a deceptively gentle hand to touch his cheek, tilting his head up slightly in a silent command to meet Ted’s eyes.

 

“You can’t handle your own life, Barney. You can’t make safe, healthy decisions for yourself. Whether someone saw us – or whether I closed the curtains and made sure that no one could – either way, I was looking out for you. I’ll _always_ look out for you – because you clearly can’t do it for yourself. All you need to worry about…” Ted traced his thumb slowly, gently, across Barney’s lower lip, edging in closer, his other hand coming to rest firmly at Barney’s hip, holding him in place. “… is doing what you’re told.”

 

Barney felt that deep trembling in the pit of his stomach, the overwhelming desire to simply submit, to go along with what Ted wanted just to make him happy and make things okay between them again – but he couldn’t, not when that meant walking into the terrifying unknown that this weekend promised to be.

 

“No,” Barney whispered, unable to meet Ted’s eyes as he spoke. “No, I – I’m not going to. Not this time. I’m – not going _anywhere_ with you until you tell me where we’re going – and until you answer me about this morning. I – I have a right to know…”

 

Barney wasn’t looking, so the breathtakingly sharp slap across his face caught him completely off guard. Reeling under the force of the blow, Barney raised his hand to cover his stinging cheek, blinking back the tears that rose to his eyes from the sheer impact.

 

Ted took a step back, but Barney didn’t have even a moment for false relief at the gesture before Ted was unfastening his belt, and Barney felt suddenly, violently ill. His heart raced, panic settling over him, stifling and suffocating as Ted closed in on him again, the belt wound around one fist and held close to Barney’s face in a very clear, very effective threat.

 

“Shut up,” Ted snarled, grabbing Barney’s hair and jerking his head back, his lips so close to Barney’s ear that Barney could feel the heat of his breath against his skin. “Now you are going to walk into that bedroom, and you are going to get your things, and you are going to _pack_ your fucking _suitcase_. Do you understand me?”

 

“Ted,” Barney whispered, eyes closed against the threat Ted was presenting, barely able to speak past the panic that choked him. “Ted, I – I don’t – y-you’re scaring me, okay? And – and I don’t want to – I don’t feel _safe_ g-going – _anywhere_ with you right now, like – like this. Please – please, just…”

 

“You know why you don’t feel safe right now, Barney?” Ted cut him off, his voice soft and yet sharp, warning, as his hand in Barney’s hair softened to a soothing caress. “Because you’re being an idiot, and refusing to do as you’re told. As long as you cooperate and go along with the arrangement you’ve already agreed to…” He shifted in closer, slowly, deliberately lowering the belt and setting it down on the counter. “… then you have nothing to worry about. Do you?”

 

Barney shook his head in automatic response, so overwhelmed with relief at the weapon’s being set aside that he couldn’t fathom the idea of further contradicting Ted, and potentially bringing it back into play.

 

 _If you can just calm him down… just keep him happy… then things will be okay. Things are so nice when he’s happy with you, and you keep just doing stupid things to piss him off… why did you think this was a good idea, again, anyway?_

 _Just do what he says… just keep him from getting any angrier…_

“I-I’m sorry,” Barney whispered, shaking his head, lowering his tearful gaze. “I’m sorry, Ted. Please… please don’t…”

 

“Shhh,” Ted murmured, his tone gentle and soothing, and he leaned down to press a tender kiss against the corner of Barney’s mouth, nudging inward until Barney turned into the kiss, yielding to it and parting his lips to accept Ted’s gentle intrusion. It was everything he’d craved for so many years, and yet not like this – never like this – but Barney tried not to think about that, tried just to take comfort from the gentleness and affection Ted was offering, in the wake of what had so very nearly happened.

 

“It’s okay,” Ted reassured him in a hushed, affectionate tone. “It’s okay, Barney. Just do as you’re told, and everything will be fine. Now you go pack your bag – and I’ll wait right here. And as soon as you’re ready, we’ll get going.”

 

Barney looked up at him uncertainly, and the dread he was feeling must have shown in his eyes, because Ted smiled warmly, shaking his head.

 

“Don’t worry,” he advised gently. “Barney, you’re going to enjoy it. This weekend is going to be amazing for us. You just have to trust me.”

 

Barney didn’t dare voice what he was thinking in that moment – that he wasn’t sure he’d ever be able to really _trust_ Ted again at this point – just nodded in submission, swallowing back the sob lingering in the back of his throat.

 

“Okay,” he whispered.

 

When Ted finally backed off, giving him room to move, Barney momentarily considered making a dash for the door. Never mind the fact that this was _his_ apartment, and he’d eventually have to come back. Never mind the fact that there was no way he could avoid facing Ted forever. The fear of what was to come, of what new mind fuckery Ted might have planned for him for this weekend, was almost enough to push him to flight, reason and logic be damned.

 

But Barney didn’t run, didn’t make any attempt to escape the fate waiting for him.

 

Instead, he turned and quietly, obediently made his way to his bedroom to pack his things.


	22. Chapter 22

“Have you seen my blue pinstripe suit?” Barney tried to keep his voice from trembling as he rifled through his closet, his hands shaking just as badly as he tried to focus on absolutely anything that was not Ted’s disconcerting presence, calmly watching him from the doorway of his bedroom, where he leaned casually against the door frame.

Barney wasn’t even looking at him, but he could hear the smirk in Ted’s voice as he replied, “Which one? Don’t you have, like, fifteen?” His tone shifted, all traces of humor fading away as he added, “And you’re stalling.”

“No,” Barney objected, swallowing hard and trying not to look at Ted, not to give Ted the chance to read the truth in his eyes. “No, I just – I don’t know what I need. How can I know what I need to bring when you won’t tell me where we’re going?”

“Barney…”

Ted’s voice was warning, verging on irritation, and Barney’s stomach lurched uneasily.

“No, I – I just… why don’t you tell me what I should pack, then? Because… I’m completely in the dark here, so…”

“I’ll give you a hint,” Ted offered, and Barney saw him in his peripheral vision as he left the doorway and moved toward him. Ted waited until he was standing directly in front of Barney to speak again, grasping his wrists and pushing him back against the closet door so that it closed behind him. His tone was low and dark, suggestive, as he added, “You’re not going to need a blue pinstripe suit. You’re not going to need much to wear at all.”

Barney’s heart raced, his wrists flexing slightly against Ted’s grip – but not enough to really be trying to break it. He stared down at Ted’s chest, inches away from him, unable to find the courage to meet Ted’s eyes. He felt hot all over, trembling, though he wasn’t sure at this point whether it was from fear or arousal – because despite his overwhelming feeling of powerlessness, Barney couldn’t forget the things Ted had done to him over the past few weeks – not just the terrifying things, but the good things, the things that made him beg and writhe and _feel_ in ways no woman had made him feel in as long as he could remember.

 _Maybe it won’t be bad… maybe it’ll be a good thing for us… I haven’t done anything to piss him off, right? So why would he want to hurt me?_

 _Maybe – maybe it’ll be all right…_

“Now I’m going to the gas station to fill up the rental car,” Ted explained, his voice still unsettlingly soft. “I’ll be back in fifteen minutes, and if you’re not packed and ready to leave – I’ll pack for you – and I don’t think you’ll be happy with what I choose to bring for you.”

Barney frowned, searching Ted’s face – but Ted was smiling disarmingly, teasing laughter in his eyes.

“Unless you want to be stuck in nothing but t-shirts and jeans for the next two and a half days,” he continued lightly, “you might want to get busy.”

Barney stood there for a few moments after Ted disappeared out the door, his mind racing with questions and uncertainties. A part of him still wanted to just take off and run, to leave while Ted was gone and make his escape good while he still had the chance.

 _But – he knows where you live. It’s not like he can’t find you._

 _It’s… not like you don’t_ want _him to._

It was at least partially true. Barney would be relieved to get away from Ted for the moment, but he knew that even if Ted didn’t come after him – it was only a matter of time before he’d come running back.

 _If not for Ted, then for the others… they’re the only real friends I’ve got…_

 _Except… are they, really?_

 _I could tell them. I could tell them exactly what’s been going on for the past few weeks – ask them to help me. To help_ Ted – _because he definitely needs help right now…_

 _But… how can I make them see how far he’s gone?_ He’s _their best friend – always has been. He’s the sweet, naïve romantic who’d never even think of hurting someone he cares about. He’s the one they’ve known longer, the one they trust – and I’m just the lying, sneaky pervert that they_ tolerate – _because_ he _tolerates me._

 _He’s right._

 _They’ll never believe me._

When Ted returned a few minutes later, Barney was out of stall tactics – but he didn’t really need them. He frowned, searching his pockets, the nightstand, the kitchen counter, for his wallet.

“Have you seen my…?”

“Yep. Got it.”

Barney stopped short, looking up at Ted, startled. “Why would you…?”

“Hey, you’re the big shot with the impressive job you’re so worried about, right? Why should I pay for the gas and snacks?” Ted smirked. “I’ve got your keys, too. It’s all under control. Just get your bag and let’s go.”

Barney hesitated, feeling a deep uneasiness in the pit of his stomach at the clear reminder of just who was in charge here – and just how helpless he really was.

When they reached the sidewalk downstairs, Ted stopped beside a practical, silver sedan that was parked at the curb. He took Barney’s bag and headed toward the trunk, calling back over his shoulder, “Go ahead. Get in.”

Barney briefly considered disobedience.

 _It’s still not too late to say no…_

He thought of his locked apartment, and the keys in Ted’s pocket, and his wallet with all of his cash and credit cards and everything he might need – and he sighed and got into the passenger seat of the car. There were two steaming Styrofoam cups in the cup holders, and Barney frowned at them dubiously, picking up the one nearest him and sniffing it experimentally.

It smelled wonderful – but such a thoughtful gesture was too much like the old Ted who’d been his best friend for so long, and not enough like this new, dominant, demanding version of him. He waited until Ted got into the driver’s seat, holding up the cup slightly.

“What’s this?”

“Coffee. Cinnamon hazelnut, your favorite.”

“I know,” Barney observed. “Why did you buy it for me?”

“I didn’t. You did,” Ted reminded him with a wink as he put the car into drive and pulled away from the curb. When Barney still stared at him suspiciously, Ted sighed, his shoulders falling as he rolled his eyes. “Come on, Barney. I bought it because I would have felt guilty buying stuff for me with your money and not getting anything for you. All right? Happy?”

 _Not even remotely._

But Barney took a grudging, tentative sip.

It _did_ taste delicious – exactly as he liked it. He took another, somewhat larger sip, and found himself relaxing back against the seat, against his better judgment, lulled by the smooth, relaxing motion of the car, and the familiar, comforting flavor on his tongue. Ted sipped from his own cup as well, turning up the radio and humming along as they made their way out of the city and onto the main highway.

Barney tried to pay attention to the direction they were going, still trying to figure out where Ted was taking him – but although he could read the words on the signs, he was having trouble making sense of them, deducing what they meant in terms of where he and Ted might end up.

In fact, before long he seemed to be having trouble even staying awake.

Barney set down his mostly empty cup, alarmed at the amount of focus and concentration it took just to get the thing safely into the cup holder without spilling what was left of it. He looked up at Ted, who was watching his difficulty with a knowing smile of amusement on his lips.

“What… what did you do…?” Barney asked, the words coming slow and thick to his lips. “What… did you _drug_ me?”

“Of course not,” Ted objected. “Relax, Barney. You’re paranoid.”

Barney’s hands felt numb, his arms limp and weighted as they dropped to his sides, his eyelids suddenly heavy and his thoughts muddled as he struggled to voice his alarm. “No, I – if you didn’t drug me, then… then we need to… need a h-hospital, because… I’m… not right…”

Ted chuckled softly, reaching one hand from the steering wheel to rest affectionately on Barney’s thigh, his thumb stroking gently back and forth. “No, Barney,” he agreed. “You’re most definitely not right – but that’s nothing new.”

Barney tried to shake his head, feeling a rush of panic at the unnatural effort that slight gesture seemed to take.

 _Why would Ted do this? What is he going to_ do _to me?_

He struggled to sit up, trying again to ask what was happening to him. “B-but… Ted… I don’t… feel… w-what did you…?”

His heart raced with fear as he wondered suddenly what lengths Ted might be willing to go to, just what he might be willing to do, in order to keep his secret. Was he being taken off to some remote place where he’d never be found, to be silenced – to ensure that he would never have the chance to tell anyone the depths of darkness to which Ted had sunk over the past few weeks?

“Please,” Barney whispered, struggling to get the word out, alarmed by the slurred sound of it. “Ted… please, don’t…”

“Shhh,” Ted reassured him softly, his hand running back and forth in a soothing gesture before rising to brush Barney’s hair back from his face, to gently push his head back against the head rest. “It’s all right. You’re fine. I just gave you something to take the edge off the case of nerves you’ve had all day already. Okay? It’s nothing that’ll hurt you. You’ll just get some rest during the drive.”

Barney didn’t find Ted’s explanation for drugging him particularly reassuring – but it was becoming more and more difficult to care. His eyes drifted shut, and he found himself giving in to the soothing softness of Ted’s voice, the gentle pressure of Ted’s hand on his leg again, the overwhelming hazy heaviness that was stealing relentlessly over him.

“Besides,” he heard Ted add through the distant, echoing fog that clouded his thoughts, “wouldn’t want you to see where we’re going. It might ruin the surprise.”

Barney didn’t want to be surprised.

Barney didn’t want to be there at all. He wanted to be home and safe in his own bed, without having to worry about what frightening, disturbing thing Ted might have planned for him next. He wanted the past few months not to have happened, to have his friend back in the way that he’d had him for the past ten years. He wanted Ted to just be himself again and stop taking their – friendship or relationship or whatever the hell this was now – to the very limits of what it could take, and then jerking it back again, toying with him with ever-increasingly sadistic pleasure.

“Don’t worry,” Ted repeated, the words barely audible through the darkness surrounding Barney’s mind, drawing him down into sleep. “This is going to be fun.”

Barney’s heart sank with defeat, his fears swirling away with the last of his conscious thought, as he gave in to the sleep that was overcoming him.

 _That’s what I’m afraid of…_


	23. Chapter 23

Barney woke up with a dull ache in the front of his head, his mouth dry and his hands tingling slightly as if he’d been lying on them during his sleep.

 

 _Except –_ both _of them? That’s not possible, right?_

 

Barney frowned, his thoughts drifting back as if from somewhere far away, still half-hidden behind a haze of sleepy confusion.

 _And – when did I go to sleep?_

 

His arms were outstretched above his head in either direction, against soft pillows that cushioned them, so Barney tried to lower them, wanting to rub out the tingling sensation – but immediately found, to his alarm, that they would only move an inch or two before they met with a tightening restriction around his wrists, holding them over his head and against the mattress.

 

He knew it was a mattress, because he could feel the soft yield of it beneath his body, the smooth, soothing feeling of the sheet beneath him. He tried to sit up, tried to move his legs, only to find that they were similarly bound, only able to move a little bit – and certainly not enough to allow him to get up.

 

The first twinges of real fear began to settle in when Barney tried to open his eyes, only to find it impossible, the darkness overwhelming his efforts to see past it. He couldn’t move, couldn’t see, couldn’t free himself from whatever it was that was holding him down to the bed that he couldn’t remember lying down in – and panic began to coil in his chest, tightening, constricting into a sharp ache that seemed to steal his breath.

 _Where am I? How did I get here?_

 

Barney tried to remember lying down, tried to remember anything at all – but his thoughts felt fuzzy, and he wasn’t able to tell which were memories, and which were fictitious images created by his mind while he slept.

 _“Go to sleep, Barney. It’s all right. I’ll wake you when we get there…”_

 

Ted’s voice, soothing and reassuring – the distant feeling of Ted’s hand running up and down his thigh, calming and gentle – suddenly, Barney remembered.

 _In the car… and… the coffee… something was wrong with the coffee…_

 _Ted… Ted_ drugged _me and… and took me… where?_

 _Where the_ fuck _am I?_

 

“Ted?” he called out, the word sounding harsh and too loud in the silence around him. “Ted! Ted, where are you? _Ted_!”

 _God, did he tie me up here somewhere in the middle of nowhere and just leave me? Where is he?_

 _What the hell is he_ doing _to me?_

 

His voice rose with panic, his heart racing as he called out desperately, increasingly frantic as his mind went over the various horrible possibilities to explain his situation.

 

“ _Ted_!”

 

“Shh, shh, shh… Barney, it’s okay… it’s okay, shh…”

 

Almost immediately, Ted’s hurried whisper met his words, and Barney felt the side of the mattress under him depress, felt Ted’s hand on his shoulder, gently pushing him down, felt the slightly coarse denim of Ted’s jeans against his thigh. And the simple sensation of contact against his bare skin was enough to heighten Barney’s panic, as he realized all at once that not only was he apparently tied down and blindfolded in some strange place, but he was also completely naked.

 

“Ted, what the _hell_?” he demanded, his voice trembling with mingled terror, and the sheer relief of at least having received some kind of _answer_ to his protest. “What are you _doing_ to me? Why can’t I get up? Where are we? What…?”

 

“Barney – _stop._ ” Ted’s voice was still calm and quiet, but now carried a note of firm command. “Be quiet.”

 

“No!” Barney objected, straining uselessly against whatever was tied around his wrists and ankles. “Ted, this is crazy! You have to let me up, _now_ …!”

 

“Barney…”

 

Ted’s voice was warning, but Barney was too scared to think of the possible consequences.

 

“Let me _go_!”

 

“Barney, _shut up_.”

 

Ted’s voice was abruptly hard, and suddenly, his hand was around Barney’s throat, pressing him down hard against the mattress, cutting off his breath. Ted leaned in close, and Barney could feel his breath against his cheek, felt the weight of his body and the brush of his clothes as he snarled low in Barney’s ear.

 

“Just _shut the fuck up_ and listen to me, Barney. Do you understand?”

 

Barney nodded as best he could against Ted’s restraining grip, his clenched fists straining against his restraints, shaking violently.

 

“Stop fighting,” Ted ordered coldly.

 

Barney swallowed hard, nodding and agreeing in a soundless whisper. “O-okay… okay…”

 

“Barney…” Ted’s voice was warning, and Barney felt Ted’s free hand against his clenched fist, slowly spreading out his fingers and pressing them down against the bed. “ _Stop fighting. Now_.”

 

At last Barney understood, and struggled to comply, letting the restraints go slack as he laid his hands down against the mattress. Ted eased his grip just a little, and Barney gasped in a desperate draught of air, before swallowing hard and closing his mouth, choking back the frantic, pleading words that wanted so desperately to spill out.

 

“Good,” Ted said softly at last, easing his hand back to rest on Barney’s collar bone, his thumb sliding back and forth in a soothing gesture. “That’s good. That’s better, Barney. Just – just calm down and stop resisting me.”

 

“I-I’m sorry,” Barney whispered. “Ted, I’m sorry, okay?”

 

“It’s all right,” Ted assured him, his hand leaving Barney’s wrist, and appearing a moment later to entangle gently in his hair. “It’s okay.”

 

Encouraged by Ted’s understanding reaction to his words, Barney tried again to reason with him. “I just – I’m a little freaked right now, okay? I don’t know what’s going on, I don’t know what you’re doing, and I just – just please let me up, okay? I’m not going to run or anything. Shit, Ted, I don’t even know where we are, okay? So just – just please don’t – please – d-don’t…”

 

“You don’t have anything to be afraid of,” Ted assured him. “I’m not going to hurt you, Barney. Not as long as you do as you’re told. All right?”

 

Barney’s heart sank. That wasn’t exactly a promise of safety. He nodded anyway, desperate to appease Ted, to please him enough to possibly earn a little bit of his freedom back.

 

“You’ve been having a hard time with that lately, Barney,” Ted observed quietly, still running a hand through Barney’s hair in a soothing, rhythmic gesture that Barney couldn’t help but find calming, despite his situation. “Arguing. Resisting. Talking back to me when I tell you what to do – when the best thing you can do right now is just to accept that I’m in control now.”

 

“Y-you don’t have to do this for me to do that,” Barney insisted, his voice trembling with desperation. “Please, Ted. I’ll do what you want, okay? I’ll do whatever you tell me to do. You don’t have to do it this way.”

 

“You can’t talk your way out of this, Barney.” Ted cut him off, a sharp edge of irritation creeping into his voice, and Barney’s stomach lurched with fear. He closed his mouth, shaking his head pleadingly, but not daring to speak again. “Before we leave here this weekend, you’re going to have gotten that lesson through your head. You’re _mine_ , Barney. And nothing is going to change that. You do what I tell you, when I tell you. You have _no choice_.”

 

Barney swallowed hard, feeling sick at the implications of Ted’s words.

 

“That’s… not what you said before.”

 

The words had slipped past his lips before he even knew he’d thought them – but then he froze, bracing himself for Ted’s anger. He flinched as Ted’s hand stilled in his hair, then tightened slowly, drawing his head back. Ted’s voice was deceptively mild, almost curious.

 

“What?”

 

Barney hesitated, his entire body taut with apprehension. He shook his head. “Nothing… nothing…”

 

“No, Barney. Tell me. What are you talking about?” Ted persisted softly. When Barney still said nothing, Ted tightened his grip on his hair until it was painful, repeating sharply, “ _Tell me_.”

 

“Y-you – you said if I wanted to – to walk away…”

 

Ted’s harsh laugh silenced him in an instant, his heart sinking at the derision he heard in Ted’s dismissive words. “Oh, Barney.” He leaned in close again, his hand gentling in Barney’s hair one more, his voice lowered to a hushed, secretive tone. “We’re way beyond that now, aren’t we?”

 

“Ted, please,” Barney tried again, feeling the hot prickle of tears behind his eyes, his voice breaking with his fearful desperation. “Please, don’t do this. _Please_ …”

 

“And we’re back to the begging again,” Ted sighed, and Barney could almost _hear_ him rolling his eyes as he rose from the edge of the bed. “Really, Barney, that’s getting annoying. I thought I told you already to shut up…”

 

“But… then you told me to…”

 

“Shut up,” Ted snapped, and the words were immediately followed by a sharp slap across his cheek. “You know, you’re going to learn that one way or another, you’re _going_ to do as I say, Barney.” Barney heard the unsettling sound of a drawer opening, and Ted rustling around inside, searching for something. “If I want you quiet, you’re going to be quiet – one way or another.”

 

A moment later, Barney felt the brush of something smooth and solid against his lips, and tried to pull away, alarmed. But Ted grabbed his hair again, yanking his head back.

 

“Don’t move,” he ordered sharply. “You keep fighting me, Barney, and you’re going to be sorry.”

 

“Ted, don’t,” Barney pleaded frantically. “Don’t, please don’t…”

 

The rest of his words were cut off as Ted shoved the solid, smooth object Barney had felt – some kind of gag – past his lips, then fastened it firmly in place by strapping it behind his head. A plaintive moan was all that was left to Barney, as Ted released him, sitting back down on the edge of the bed. Barney flinched, pulling against the bonds, though they were beginning to rub his wrists raw, as Ted slid a slow, patient hand down his bare side to rest at his hip, his thumb stroking a slow, suggestive circle.

 

Barney tried to pull away, but Ted held him in place with his other hand, continuing his slow, methodical exploration of Barney’s body.

 

“No,” he stated calmly. “No – you’re mine. And I’ll do whatever I want with you.” His voice softened, taking on a trace of smug amusement, as he added, “And you’ll _love_ it.”

 

Barney shook his head back and forth, drawing in a sharp breath when he felt Ted’s fingers tracing slowly, teasingly, around the head of his cock – then down along its underside, back and forth, up and down, varying touches until, despite himself, Barney felt his body begin to respond.

 _No, no, this isn’t what I want… just_ stop, _please stop…_

 

But Ted didn’t stop, just spoke to him with soft, knowing words that only served to increase Barney’s humiliation, as he continued to play Barney’s body as he’d learned to do so easily over the past few weeks. He knew just how to touch him, just how to draw him right to the edge, and then ease off and do it all over again, until Barney was so desperate for release that the slightest flick of his wrist – the slightest brush of his fingertips in just the right place…

 

… and it was all over.

 

Barney’s face burned with shame as Ted laughed softly, triumphantly, leaning down over him again to press a tender kiss against the corner of his mouth.

 

“See?” he remarked with satisfaction. “I told you. Quit trying to deny it, Barney. This is what you want. At least a part of you wants this, Barney. You can’t pretend you don’t – not when your body responds like it does to me – to what I’m doing to you _right now_.” Ted was quiet for a moment, allowing his words to sink in before continuing, “You get off on being controlled. You _want_ someone to take over – to run things for you so you don’t have to worry about screwing it up yourself – like you always do. You want to surrender. You just can’t always make yourself do it.”

 

Ted got up again, and Barney shuddered, turning his face away as Ted spoke again, very close to his face, his voice hushed and secretive, so close that Barney could feel the smile on his lips.

 

“But _I_ can make you do it. And you will.”

 

And with those words, Ted walked away, his footsteps audible on the floor as he left the room and closed the door – leaving Barney there alone and helpless, his own come drying on his bare, over-sensitized skin, overwhelmed with a humiliating, confusing tumult of emotions that he couldn’t quite define.


	24. Chapter 24

Barney woke up abruptly, with full clarity of memory as to what had happened prior to his falling asleep – all except for the actual falling asleep part.

 

He wasn’t really sure how long he’d been sleeping – or how he’d managed to drift off at all, given the rather disconcerting circumstances in which he had found himself. He supposed it was a simple physical reaction to the unwilling pleasure that had resulted from Ted’s actions, just before he left the room.

 

 _Ted… shit, where_ is _he?_

 

Barney tried to sit up, momentarily forgetting the bonds that held him down to the bed – and realized abruptly that they were no longer in place. He sat up with little effort, nothing hindering his efforts. He experimentally drew one leg up in front of him, relieved to find that his ankles no longer seemed to be bound, either.

 

It was only when he tried to open his eyes to take in his surroundings that he realized that he _was_ , apparently, still blindfolded. He tried to open his mouth, to call out for Ted, but found that his mouth was covered as well, by something firm and tight across his lips, trapping any sound he attempted to make.

 

 _But I’m not tied up anymore,_ he reminded himself with a sense of triumph. _Little flaw in your logic there, Ted… no reason why I can’t just… take this off…_

Barney reached up to feel the blindfold that covered his eyes, frowning when he couldn’t seem to find the edges of it. As his fingers traced over the smooth surface of whatever Ted had used to blind and gag him, he realized with alarm that it all seemed to be one piece, covering his entire face, with an opening to allow him to breathe through his nose. He could smell the acrid, earthy scent of leather, knew that it had to be some kind of a bondage mask, and felt a momentary sort of respectful surprise that Ted would even know about something like that – but that feeling was swiftly swallowed up in fear, when he couldn’t seem to find the place where it attached in order to unfasten it.

 

Barney tried again to call out for Ted, his fingers trembling as they vainly sought a buckle or a tie or some way to free himself; but the more he tried, and failed, to get the strange contraption off, the more the heat from his own stifled cries seemed to choke him, the more frantic his attempts became, as panic began to overwhelm him. Finally, Barney felt smooth, hard metal under his fingertips, a contrast to the yielding leather – but he couldn’t figure out how to work it free. He jerked at it helplessly, hissing in a sharp breath as he felt the metal cut his finger, but he didn’t stop – _couldn’t_ stop – had to get free, get _out, get it off_ …

 

“Hey… hey, Barney, easy…”

 

Ted’s voice was suddenly close at hand, and Barney jumped, jerking away from the soft, warm grip on his arm trying to pull his hands away from the latch. Immediately Ted’s grip became tighter, forcing Barney’s hands down and holding them there.

 

“Don’t fight me,” Ted warned, a dangerous edge to his voice – and Barney froze, his heart racing, feeling out of breath and suffocated, unable to get enough air through his nose. Ted’s voice almost instantly softened again, one hand rising to rub slow, soothing circles against the bare skin of Barney’s back. “Easy,” he repeated quietly. “It’s all right, Barney. You’re safe. I’ve got you – but you’re not going to be able to get that off by yourself. You’re just going to hurt yourself if you try. Okay? Just relax. You’re all right.”

 

Barney shook his head frantically, struggling to make Ted understand that he needed it _off, now_ – but Ted just laughed softly.

 

“It’s locked, Barney – and I have the key. And I’ll take it off when it’s necessary. But for now, just take it easy. You’re not calling the shots, here.”

 

Barney tried again to protest, but all he could manage to get out was a weak, pathetic whimper. Ted laughed again, his hand warm and firm and possessive against the small of Barney’s back.

 

“Shh,” Ted soothed him. “Just relax. You’re okay.” After a moment’s silence, he asked in a tone that was infuriatingly casual, “Do you need some water? Something to eat, maybe? We’ve been here for hours, so…”

 

Barney nodded emphatically, his pulse quickening with hopeful anticipation as he realized that in order to give him either of those things, Ted would have no choice but to remove the thing on his head – or at the very least uncover his mouth. Sure enough, within moments Barney felt a rush of cool air against his overheated face, as the part of the mask covering his mouth was pulled away.

 

“Here you go.”

 

A moment later, Barney felt the cool, smooth roundness of a glass in his hand, and he was suddenly, overwhelmingly thirsty. He raised the glass to his lips and drained it greedily, wiping his mouth with his free hand and holding out the glass for Ted to take it.

 

“There. That’s better.” Ted’s tone was approving, almost affectionate. “See? Things go so much better when you just…”

 

“You crazy, fucking _psycho_.”

 

Barney barely recognized his own voice, a hoarse and furious rasp that made Ted’s words die away, and his hand fall off of Barney’s back. That in itself was strangely disconcerting, and Barney fought the impulse to reach out to find that hand again, to establish some kind of contact, because that would only show weakness, only give Ted a satisfaction that, at the moment, Barney was utterly unwilling to give.

 

“What is _wrong_ with you?” Barney demanded, his voice rising with his fear and frustration. “Get this thing off me, _right now_ , Ted! Right now, or I swear, I’m going to…”

 

The firm leather closed over his mouth again, and Barney jerked away in panic, struggling to keep Ted from refastening the gag – but his attempts were futile, as he could not see where Ted was, or which direction to move in order to evade his efforts. Once it was back in place, a harsh blow against the side of his head made Barney fall backward against the headboard. Almost immediately he felt the mattress depress beside him as Ted moved in close, and then the tight, threatening grasp of Ted’s hand around his throat – not quite choking, just warning, just making it clear how easily Ted could hurt him if he really wanted to.

 

“I thought you were starting to listen to reason,” Ted hissed, furious. “I thought you were actually willing to go with the plan. But apparently, you’d rather be alone than here with me, so _fine_!”

 

Abruptly, Barney felt the depression in the mattress disappear, as well as Ted’s hands on him. The sound of footsteps across the floor made him feel a sudden, irrational panic. He reached out blindly in front of him to stop Ted from leaving, letting out a plaintive, muffled cry as his fingers grasped at nothing.

 

He didn’t know where he was, couldn’t see, couldn’t depend on anything to help him get out of this state…

 

… anything but Ted, anyway.

 

And Ted was walking away.

 

But then, the footsteps stopped – and then began to slowly return.

 

When Barney felt Ted’s hand on his wrist, he frantically reached out to grasp it, pulling Ted in closer and shaking his head pleadingly, wishing desperately that he could voice the words that filled his mind – even as those very thoughts filled him with shame and confusion.

 

 _No, don’t go, don’t leave me like this, I’ll be good, I promise…_

 

Ted’s voice was quietly severe, his touch painless, but hard as steel as he twisted out of Barney’s grasp and caught his wrist, holding him still.

 

“Do you think you can behave this time?”

 

Barney nodded eagerly, his face hot with shame beneath the mask that covered it – but only for a moment before Ted once again removed the lower part of it, allowing Barney to speak.

 

“I’m sorry,” he gasped out, breathless and scared. “I’m sorry, okay? I just – I don’t know where we are or wh-what you’re going to do, or anything, and – Ted, what are you _doing_? How long do you plan to keep me like this? Can’t you just take this damn thing off, and we can _talk_ about this? _Please_ …”

 

“ _Barney_ …”

 

Ted’s voice was soft and warning, and Barney fell silent, his stomach clenching with fear at the thought of Ted’s changing his mind again and leaving him alone and helpless in this unfamiliar place.

 

“I’ll tell you what you need to know, when you need to know it. Until then,” Ted continued, “just trust me to take care of you, and do as you’re told.”

 

The sound of pouring liquid close beside him preceded the feeling of the glass in his hand again, and Ted gently guided both Barney’s hand and the glass upward, his voice quietly urgent.

 

“Drink,” he ordered, and Barney complied.

 

Next, Ted placed a sandwich in Barney’s hands, and although he was not in the least hungry, Barney obediently raised it to his lips and took a bite. Objectively, he knew that the food was reasonably good – but it tasted like cardboard in his mouth, and he had to fight past the nausea in the back of his throat to get it down. The sandwich was followed with a few more sips of water – and then Barney felt Ted’s hand reach for the mask again.

 

“ _No_ ,” he cried out, jerking away. “Ted, don’t, I’ll be quiet, _don’t_ …”

 

“Shut up,” Ted ordered, impassive, as he grabbed the back of Barney’s neck to hold him still and fastened the gag back in place. “You’re going to realize sooner or later, Barney, that there’s nothing about this situation that you control.”

 

Barney’s heart sank as Ted released him, his hands rising to touch the leather, but unable to find the place where it latched. Ted gently took his wrist and pulled his hand away, and then Barney felt Ted’s other arm slide around him, his hand under Barney’s elbow as he guided him toward the edge of the bed.

 

“Come on,” Ted said soothingly. “Let’s get up for a little while, okay?”

 

Barney hesitated, worried at the idea of allowing Ted to guide him anywhere, blind and so helpless – but he didn’t have much of a choice. Ted kept his arm around him, directing him into what he guessed was another room, based on the brush of a wood panel – _doorway?_ – against his arm, and the slight change in temperature he felt.

 

“Good,” Ted murmured. “That’s better. Just let me show you where to go. It’s so much better this way, Barney.”

 

Barney knew better than to resist as Ted stopped, taking both of his wrists and pulling them together in front of him. Still, he felt a trickle of fear down his spine as Ted bound his hands in front of them, and then something was pulling them upward, over his head, until he was barely able to stand on the balls of his feet, and then fastened into place, securing him in that rather uncomfortable position.

 

Ted let out a soft little hum of approval, and Barney shivered at the feeling of Ted’s hand sliding down his side, curving over his hip, and then away.

 

“You look so freakin’ hot like this, Barney,” Ted murmured, his voice hushed and suggestive in Barney’s ear. “All mine, for me to do whatever I want – and not a thing you can do about it. But don’t worry.” His voice lowered, and Barney shivered as he felt Ted’s lips brush his ear, even as Ted’s hand closed firmly around the base of Barney’s cock.

 

“I promise _you’ll_ have fun, too.”

 

Barney tried uselessly to pull away, to voice his protest through the gag, as Ted began slowly working his cock, using expert fingers to twist and tug in just the right ways, drawing an unwilling arousal from Barney using every trick he’d learned during the past few months they’d spent together. Barney shook his head emphatically, trying to make it clear that he _did not_ want this – not that he thought it would matter at this point. Ted seemed intent on doing what he wanted, regardless of Barney’s willingness, or lack thereof.

 

He felt a hot rush of shame come over him as his cock became hard, a hot coil of desire building up inside him in response to Ted’s attentions. Ted laughed, low and dark in his ear, then moved away for a moment. When Ted touched him again, Barney was startled by the sudden feeling of something circling the base of his cock, and then tightening abruptly. He let out a strangled cry of alarm that was almost completely stifled by the mask, trying to pull away – but it was already done. The pressure was almost unbearable, keeping his arousal at a steady state, regardless of the lack of contact Ted was currently giving him.

 

Barney realized with dismay what Ted had done, a moment before Ted remarked with an audible smirk in his voice, “Now. That should keep you good and desperate for a while. Next time you come, Barney – it’ll be because you’ve _begged_ me for it.”

 

Barney’s heart sank, and he shook his head weakly, though he knew by now that his disagreement with this plan was meaningless.

 

“But we’ll get to that later,” Ted continued, moving a few steps away again. “For now, there’s still the little matter of your outburst in the other room a few minutes ago. You need to be punished, Barney.” Ted paused for a moment, and Barney shuddered with fear at the familiar brush of the wide strip of leather against his back – Ted’s belt. “You need to learn that your actions have consequences – good or bad – and it’s just better for everyone if you just do as you’re told.”

 

Barney nodded a little too eagerly, desperate to make Ted understand that he’d learned that lesson, he didn’t have to do this, he could just let him down and untie him and everything could go back to normal…

 

 _No it can’t… it can’t ever, again, after this, and you know it…_

 

The first sharp lash of the belt against his bare skin seemed to punctuate Barney’s thoughts, and his heart sank with the knowledge that at least one part of what Ted was saying was undeniably true.

 

He wouldn’t be getting out of this until Ted decided that he was ready to let him go.


	25. Chapter 25

After just a few minutes, Barney forgot to think about finding a way to get Ted to let him go.

 

All he could think about at all was the pain.

 

He couldn’t see anything around him, couldn’t voice the constant stream of protest that filled his thoughts, couldn’t even _focus_ on those thoughts at all – not with the hot lash of Ted’s belt that fell across the back side of his body, again and again. The pain was searing and sharp, sparks of agony up Barney’s spine fading slightly into the fog around the edges of his thoughts – easing just enough that Barney hoped he might be able to form a coherent thought, to try to focus on a way of getting out of this.

 

Then, the breathtaking bite of another blow would fall across some untouched patch of skin – those places swiftly becoming non-existent – and all Barney could do was scream, a muffled, wordless sound of helplessness against the stifling mask that covered his face.

 

“Shhh.” Ted’s voice was close at Barney’s ear, and Barney flinched at the feeling of his warm hand, firm against Barney’s stomach, drawing him back against the soft cotton of Ted’s shirt. “I know it hurts,” Ted murmured. “It’s _supposed_ to hurt.” Ted’s hand trailed slowly downward, and Barney tensed, bracing himself for more pain, when it closed firmly around the base of his bound, aching cock. “But…” Ted continued softly, his voice a low, enticing rumble against Barney’s skin. “… it doesn’t have to… _just_ hurt.”

 

Suddenly, Barney couldn’t seem to draw breath, as Ted’s expert hand began to tease his over-sensitive, needy flesh, varying slow, feather-light touches with firmer, more purposeful strokes. The stinging brush of Ted’s open button down shirt against Barney’s raw, abraded back was a strange, confusing contrast to the pleasure, the even greater desire that Ted was so skillfully bringing to the surface within him, and yet with the constant frustration of knowing that it was impossible for that desire to be fulfilled.

 

Unless Ted decided to _make_ it possible.

 

“You like this, Barney,” Ted stated softly, and Barney couldn’t be sure that he was wrong, not with the way his traitorous body was responding to the way Ted was touching him – to the strange mingled sensations of pain and pleasure that were collectively overwhelming him. “Having someone else just take over – just give you what you’re craving, in such a way that you can’t stop them – can’t sabotage yourself out of getting what you need. And what you need – is for someone to take you in hand, Barney. Someone to take control and handle this fucked up mess you’ve made of your life. Isn’t that right?”

 

Something about the words resonated with something close to truth in Barney’s mind – with the ache of loneliness he tried so hard to cover up, to hide behind his elaborate stories of conquests that had begun to feel a little less satisfying, a little more hollow, over the past few years. But then, there was something about Ted’s words that wasn’t quite right – something dangerous that set off alarms in his mind.

 

But the alarms seemed muffled, as if heard from underwater, and the troublesome words seemed to slip away more swiftly than his mind could process them, leaving him lost in nothing more than a wave of pure sensation.

 

If only he could just _think_ – but Ted didn’t seem to have any intention of giving him the chance.

 

“I can be that someone, Barney,” Ted whispered, his hand stilling around Barney’s cock, his thumb pressing slowly, firmly, along the underside of it with a driving, maddening, unrelenting pressure. “I can take care of you. I can keep you safe, and together, and – reasonably happy. As long as you make me happy, too. We can have something good, Barney. It could be amazing. And – all you have to do – is _ask_.”

 

 _No_.

 

Through the chaotic tumult of wordless thoughts and feelings overwhelming him, that single word pushed to the forefront of Barney’s mind. Everything was confusing and uncertain, and he didn’t know anymore whether he wanted Ted to back off and stop touching him, or to not stop, never stop until he’d brought about the completion of the desperate desire he’d created – and yet everything in him responded with the singular, unmistakable certainty that he _could not_ agree with Ted’s quiet demand – could not surrender himself now.

 

Because if he did, he wasn’t sure he’d ever be able to get himself back again.

 

“Come on, Barney,” Ted whispered, and the dark, enticing tone of his voice made Barney’s heart race. “You know you want to. To just – give it all up. Stop this slow process of self-destruction that you started half a lifetime ago, and let me take over.”

 

Ted backed off abruptly, and Barney found himself unexpectedly shivering, strangely bereft at the cold of losing contact. As Ted’s fingertips traced idly down one of the welts he’d just made across Barney’s back, Barney drew in a sharp breath of mingled alarm – and a shock of unexpected pleasure at the stinging heat of the touch. He shifted under the warmth of Ted’s fingers – unsure even as he moved whether he was attempting to escape the touch, or to draw it deeper.

 

“ _Yeah_ …” Ted’s voice was hushed and low, carrying a note of satisfaction that made it clear which he believed to be true. “I know, Barney. I know what you need – what you want, even if you won’t let yourself admit it yet. You’ve wanted this since the first time we met.” Barney tensed, biting back a stifled cry of pain as he felt Ted’s free hand tangle harshly in his hair, dragging his head back, and Ted’s voice dropped to a whisper against his ear. “It’s _why_ we met – isn’t it?”

 

Barney couldn’t respond, of course – and in that moment, he was intensely grateful for that fact.

 

Because… he wasn’t really sure what he would have said.

 

He wasn’t really sure he could have denied it.

 

No, this terrifying, sadistic little game of Ted’s had never factored into his thoughts when he’d boldly inserted himself into Ted’s life, claiming the relationship he wanted without so much as a second thought. But he couldn’t deny that even back then, for reasons he couldn’t have explained to himself, he found himself drawn to what little he’d observed of Ted in the brief time they’d both been coming to MacLaren’s – his intelligence, and the sense of calm, steady control that seemed to accompany everything he said and did.

 

 _And why did you want that, Stinson?_ Barney’s inner voice was taunting, almost accusing. _Why did you want someone with the sense of control that you so obviously have always lacked?_

_And why are you thinking about this now, while he’s got you strung up in the middle of God knows where, unable to stop him while he does whatever the hell he wants with you, and_ God _, why are you playing right into his hands like this, like some kind of wanton, desperate_ slut _?_

Ted’s low, dark laugh accentuated what Barney had just realized, the way he was arching into Ted’s hand as Ted stroked his bound cock again, teasing, toying with him, demonstrating what utter control he had over his captive.

 

“What do you want, Barney?” Ted asked softly, and Barney could _hear_ the smirk in his voice. “You want more? You want me to stop?” He paused, his voice lowering slightly with the knowing certainty that his last suggestion was the one that applied. “You want me to let you come?”

 

Barney tensed, fighting with his own growing desperation, but then he found himself nodding eagerly, almost frantically, even as hot shame flooded his face beneath the mask. Denied words to voice the complexity of his frustration and anger and desire, all he could do was focus on the most urgent need at hand – the need to get Ted to finish what he’d started, to end this confusing, overwhelming torment.

 

Ted laughed again, triumphant – but he let go of Barney’s cock, moved away from him altogether, leaving Barney abruptly feeling more exposed and vulnerable than he’d felt when Ted was touching him. He turned his head in a useless effort to figure out where Ted had gone, what he was doing, letting out a piteous moan behind the gag that silenced him.

 

“Well, if that’s what you want…” Ted’s voice was suddenly close to his ear again, though Ted wasn’t touching him at all. “… you’re going to have to ask nicely.”

 

Then, Barney felt Ted’s hands on his face, unfastening the piece of leather that fit across his mouth, and pulling it aside.

 

Barney gasped for breath, drawing in deep draughts of cool air for a long moment as his body sagged with relief. A moment later, however, his aching arms screamed their protest at sustaining all of his weight, and he straightened up again, letting out a low groan of pain.

 

“Ted,” he gasped out. “Ted… Ted, _please_ …”

 

“Please what?” Ted prompted softly, his hand touching Barney again, tracing a single finger teasingly around the tip of Barney’s aching erection. “What do you want?”

 

“Please,” Barney repeated, breathless and desperate, bowing his head with the shame of being forced to submit to this humiliation. “Please… please let me c-come…”

 

“Good,” Ted murmured, stroking him gently, and Barney felt the nearness, the heat of Ted’s body close at hand before Ted’s mouth found his in a kiss that was both tender and dominating, claiming him without a word. “Good boy,” Ted said softly as he pulled away. “See? That wasn’t so hard, was it? But you know, after the way you’ve been behaving… talking to me…”

 

Ted paused, drawing back a little again – and a moment later, Barney was stunned to feel the bonds that held his arms over his head suddenly go slack. Ted’s hands steadied him when he nearly collapsed, holding him up – and then pushing him gently but firmly to his knees on the floor.

 

“… I think you’re going to have to ask a little more nicely than that.”


	26. Chapter 26

Through the near-delirium of his desperation, the overwhelming physical need that was all he could process at the moment, Barney barely heard Ted’s words, let alone comprehended them.

 

_“You’re going to have to ask a little more nicely than that…”_

 

Frustration welled up inside him, and he struggled uselessly against the bonds that held his wrists together in front of him, his hands instinctively shifting downward toward his bound, throbbing cock.

 

“ _No_!”

 

Ted immediately slapped his hands away – and then delivered another, harsher slap, directly to the source of Barney’s frustrated suffering. Barney let out a startled little yelp of pain, instinct driving his hands down again, this time to protect his most vulnerable parts – but Ted caught his wrists, drawing them up against his chest.

 

“Don’t make me warn you again, Barney,” he said in a soft, dangerous tone, and Barney shivered at the feeling of Ted’s free hand closing slowly but tightly around the base of his aching erection. “You don’t touch yourself until I say you can. And that’s not going to be for a while. Understand?”

 

“ _Please_ …” Barney hated himself for the pathetic whimper that escaped his lips, but he couldn’t help it, he was so desperate by this point. “Ted… whatever you want. Please, I’ll do whatever you want, just – _please_ …”

 

“Shhh,” Ted soothed him, releasing his wrists and backing off a little. “I know you will, Barney. I know you will. Just – come here. Come on.” Ted’s hand, firm and possessive on the back of Barney’s neck, manipulated him up onto his knees and forward a little. “That’s it. Right there.”

 

A moment later, Barney heard the unmistakable sound of Ted’s zipper coming down – and suddenly he understood all too well what Ted had meant by “ask nicely”. Barney’s face flushed with shame, and he swallowed hard, his breath catching in his throat as Ted moved close again, close enough that Barney could feel the heat of his body, could smell his familiar scent right in front of him. With no choice but to obey, Barney opened his mouth, leaning close, blindly seeking what he knew Ted wanted to give him.

 

“Go ahead,” Ted urged him in a voice that was strangely gentle, quiet and patient. “That’s it. Take me in. All the way, good. No, no – no hands. There you go…”

 

Ted’s hand braced at the back of Barney’s neck again, guiding him in the right direction until Ted’s cock filled his mouth. Ted’s fingers tightened impatiently in Barney’s hair, tugging him a little closer – and Barney gagged a little as Ted’s erection hit the back of his throat, trying to pull away.

 

“No, no,” Ted warned, his voice trembling and breathless, his fist at the back of Barney’s neck refusing to allow his retreat. “No, just – just stay right there, okay? That’s – that’s good. S-so good, Barney. Yeah…”

 

 _Okay… this is okay… it’s no big deal…_ Barney told himself, fighting back the panic he felt at the choking sensation, and trying to catch his breath through his nose. _You’ve deep-throated Ted before… you can do it again. This is nothing new…_

 

Except that it _was_.

 

The other times, Barney hadn’t been tied up on his knees, his hands behind his back and utterly helpless to control the pace, or to make sure that he could breathe, or to pull away and ask to wait a minute if he needed to. The other times, he’d had at least some small semblance of control left over the situation, some understood right to stop if he needed to.

 

He had a feeling that there would _be_ no stopping, now, until Ted was finished – no matter how badly Barney wanted to.

 

Barney winced at the pain to his scalp as Ted’s hand tightened in his hair, holding him in place as his movements became faster, harder, building up a rhythm as he drove in and out of Barney’s mouth, barely leaving him time to breathe at all. This wasn’t a blow job, not in the strictest sense, Barney realized. This was Ted, exerting his power over him – fucking his mouth, taking his physical pleasure from Barney, as if he was nothing more than a hole to be used.

 

Barney didn’t have to worry about not using his hands – because he couldn’t really _move_.

 

Ted was doing all the work.

 

And Barney felt like he was dying.

 

It wasn’t just the desperate need for air, the frantic panic building in his chest as Ted’s movements became faster, more erratic. It was the overwhelming sense of shame and humiliation that choked him. This wasn’t about intimacy or relationship or anything even remotely resembling love. This was sheer dominance and power – a brutally symbolic act, a means for Ted to exert his control, and leave no doubt in either of their minds as to who held the reins in this arrangement of theirs.

 

Bitter frustration, a slow-burning anger, began to coil, tight and hot in Barney’s stomach, and he found himself trying to pull away, resisting like he hadn’t really since Ted had brought him here – like he hadn’t really in months.

 

“Stop it,” Ted muttered breathlessly. “God, Barney, _stop_ … ‘m so _close_ , just… just a minute…”

 

But that just made Barney struggle harder. He didn’t _want_ Ted to have what he wanted – the ultimate supremacy in what was swiftly, abruptly turning into a battle of wills. Of course, in said battle, Barney was at a terrible disadvantage. Still, he fought to free himself, stubborn and intent on thwarting the completion of Ted’s act of dominance – but Ted’s grip was too strong. Barney couldn’t get loose, couldn’t withdraw away from Ted’s cock – so he did the only other thing he could do.

 

He bit down, _hard_.

 

Ted went down with a howl of pain, his still hard penis falling from Barney’s lips. Barney scrambled backward, his bound hands reaching up and desperately seeking to remove the part of the mask that still covered his eyes. This time, though, he knew better what to look for. Unfastening the locked mechanism behind his head would be too difficult, but if there was a flap that could be easily opened over the mouth, then it only stood to reason there’d be the same thing over the eyes as well.

 

He easily found it and pulled it off, blinking against the light that seemed far brighter than it actually was – until his vision came into focus on Ted, a few short yards away, on the floor on his knees, his entire body curled protectively around his groin as he rocked back and forth, keening with agony.

 

Barney might have even felt a little guilty – but he didn’t have time.

 

He struggled to his feet and headed away from Ted, seeking an exit. He knew he had to move quickly, as this might be his only chance – and Ted might be in pain, but Barney knew better than to think he’d stay down for long. Even as Barney rounded the corner into an unfamiliar hall, frantically looking for a door that looked as if it led outside, he heard Ted’s voice behind him, contorted into a hoarse shriek of pain and rage.

 

“ _Barney_! Get back here! I’m gonna _kill_ you, you little _shit_!”

 

Finally, Barney found the door, trembling fingers scrabbling at the lock on the knob until he’d turned it, and then struggling to wrench the door open – but it only opened an inch or so before stopping. Barney jerked on it in frustration for a moment before looking up with dismay to see that there was a latch with a padlock on the inside, near the top of the door.

 

_And Ted has the key… somewhere…_

 

“Damn it!” Barney hissed, jerking on the door again. “No, no, no, come _on_!”

 

His useless efforts came to an abrupt halt when a harsh hand gripped his hair from behind, yanking him backward and slinging him down to the floor. Without his hands to regain his balance, Barney stumbled and fell, biting back a choked cry of pain as his ribcage impacted hard with the corner of the glass top coffee table.

 

Ted still had one hand over his groin, pants still open and dick still exposed, an angry red bite mark visible through his splayed fingers, as he stalked furiously toward Barney, swiftly closing the distance between them, and lashed out with a vicious kick to Barney’s stomach that doubled him over in pain, gasping for breath. While Barney was still struggling to recover from the unexpected blow, Ted caught his hair again and jerked him forward on his knees, his face to the floor, before standing up and brutally kicking him again.

 

Barney coughed and choked, breathless with pain, as Ted leaned down, gripping his hair and snarling in his face, “Do _not. Move_.”  
  


Barney was fairly certain he couldn’t have moved if he’d tried – and that was probably the point of the brutal treatment Ted was doling out, he figured.

 

Well, that, and the fact that Barney’d just almost bit his dick off.

 

That kind of thing would naturally make a man pretty violent, Barney had to admit.

 

 _Had to try… had to do_ something…

 

He didn’t struggle, trying too hard just to _breathe_ to try anything else, as Ted grabbed his wrists and swiftly unwound the leather cord that bound them, then shoved him roughly face-first against the floor again, yanking his arms behind his back.

 

“Should’ve done this to begin with,” Ted muttered, his voice trembling, as out of control as Barney’d heard him the entire weekend. “Shouldn’t have given you the chance. Shouldn’t have _trusted you_!” His voice was bitter, accusing, as he spat out the words, grabbing Barney’s hair and shaking him, hard, before returning to his wrists.

 

Barney winced, biting his lip to keep from crying out as Ted jerked the cords viciously tight. “T-Ted, that’s – it’s too tight…” he ventured a quiet plea. “Don’t…”

 

“Shut up,” Ted snarled, releasing Barney’s securely bound wrists, only to deliver a breathtaking slap across his face. “ _I’ll_ say if it’s too tight or not. _You_ won’t say _anything_ right now, unless it’s, ‘yes, Ted,’ or ‘no, Ted,’ or ‘ _I’m sorry_ , Ted’.” He crouched in front of Barney, and Barney flinched, but Ted’s hand at the back of his neck, punishingly, bruisingly tight, would not let him pull away. Ted’s smile was cold, frightening, not touching dark eyes that still blazed with outrage, as he suggested softly, “That last one would probably be a _really_ good idea.”

 

All thoughts of resistance, all stubborn pride, had fled Barney’s thoughts already. His voice was quiet, submissive, trembling with fear as he stared down at the floor between them, shaking violently.

 

“I-I’m sorry, Ted. P-please…”

 

His voice broke off in a startled gasp as Ted pushed him roughly back over the coffee table, holding him there for a moment in a silent demand to stay there, before releasing him – and abruptly focusing his attention elsewhere. Barney choked out a pleading, fearful whimper as one of Ted’s hands roughly grasped his erection, the other trembling and too quick as he unfastened the cock ring and cast it aside.

 

“Wh-what… Ted, please, d-don’t…”

 

“Shut up.” Ted’s voice was quieter now, calmer, but still with an edge of deadly warning, and Barney bit down on his lower lip, forcing himself to go quiet and still. “I’ll do whatever I want with you, Barney. And right now you’d just better hope it doesn’t involve an-eye-for-an-eye kind of payback.”

 

Barney couldn’t help shaking his head a little, pleadingly, though he dared not voice his protest. He flinched as Ted began roughly stroking his over-sensitive organ, his motions too quick, too forceful to really be pleasurable. But Barney’d been waiting too long, kept on the edge of desperation to the point of torture.

 

It was less than a minute before he came.

 

Ted grabbed his hair again, jerking him up off the coffee table.

 

“In case you’re wondering,” he offered with a nasty smirk, “I only did that because I’ve read that if you stay hard for longer than four hours, you can lose your junk – and I don’t want that to happen to you, Barney – no matter how much you might deserve it, and how much the women of the world would thank me for it.”

 

Barney’s stomach lurched with panic at the very thought, and he shuddered violently.

 

“O-okay,” he whispered, unable to think of anything else to say in the face of that horrific suggestion – and then, “Th-thank you?”

 

Ted stood up, then grabbed Barney by the back of the neck and hauled him up. His legs were trembling, barely able to support him, as Ted dragged him back the way he had come, stopping in an empty room which was probably intended to be a spare bedroom to gather up the pieces of the mask that had been discarded on the floor there.

 

Barney’s eyes widened as he scanned the mostly empty room, outfitted with nothing more than a bare mattress in the corner, and a strange looking contraption of leather and chains hanging from the ceiling – the device to which Ted had bound him earlier, Barney realized. There was a rather ominous looking black trunk next to the mattress – but Barney didn’t even want to guess as to its contents.

 

With the pieces to the mask clutched in one trembling fist, Ted grabbed Barney again and led him out of the room and into another – the master bedroom, he realized – the room where Ted had kept him since bringing him here.

 

“Sit down,” Ted ordered, shoving Barney down onto the foot of the bed, then climbing onto it so that he straddled Barney’s lap, pushing him down onto his back.

 

When Barney saw the blindfold in Ted’s hands, he shook his head, pleading. “No, Ted,” he whimpered. “Please don’t…”

 

Ted’s knee slid backward across Barney’s thigh, settling between his legs and pressing slightly upward, and Barney let out a choked cry of panic, as Ted smiled coldly.

 

“Shut up.”

 

Barney stayed still, heart sinking as Ted fastened the blindfold back over his eyes, then put the gag on as well.

 

“Come here,” Ted snapped as he got off of Barney and manhandled him roughly up onto the bed. “You think it was uncomfortable before? Just you wait,” he muttered.

 

Barney winced at the feeling of leather cords like the ones that bound his wrists, bound around his ankles and then pulled taut and fastened to somewhere under the edge of the bed, binding his legs in an uncomfortably wide spread position, too tight for him to move them at all. Barney didn’t really panic, however – until he felt Ted begin to wrap something wide and firm around his throat. He struggled, but Ted jerked him down, warning softly.

 

“You don’t wanna piss me off right now, Barney. Not any more than you already have. You just be still and cooperate. I’m not going to _really_ kill you. That was just a figure of speech. But you _can_ make this a lot harder on you than it has to be.”

 

Barney went still, shaking his head slightly in a wordless plea, but Ted ignored him, and in a moment, the firm pressure against his throat – not too much to allow him to breathe, but too much to allow him to move – was secured to the headboard behind him in such a way that Barney couldn’t move his head at all. The uncomfortable pressure of his wrists beneath his back was already creating a throbbing ache there, and his hands were already tingling.

 

“You want to know why I didn’t want to take a chance with making you wait to come, Barney?” Ted asked softly, close to his face, and Barney flinched, then shook his head slowly.

 

“Well, I’m going to tell you anyway,” Ted declared, his tone dangerously light. “It’s because I’m really not sure _how_ long it’ll be before I come back for you after this. I need to go cool off for a little while – and I’m not sure how long that’s going to take.”

 

Panic seized Barney, and he tried to sit up, his panic only increased when he only succeeded in choking himself.

 

“Easy,” Ted advised, his voice mockingly gentle. “You should be careful. Don’t want to hurt yourself, and you’re going to be here a while. You’d better just hope I cool down faster than I’m expecting to…” Ted’s weight lifted from the mattress beside him, and Barney’s heart sank with despair as his voice grew distant, heading toward the door, “… because at this point… I really don’t want to come back for you _at all_.”

 

And with those words, he left, closing the door behind him, and leaving Barney to drown in the overwhelming panic of his own helpless solitude.


	27. Chapter 27

“Ted’s still not answering his phone.” Robin frowned at her phone as she set it down on the table. “You’d think he’d have called if he was going to stay an extra day, right? Just to let us know he was safe?”

 

“I don’t know,” Marshall pointed out with a shrug. “I don’t think he’d want to stay an extra day; in fact, I think he’d be ready to come home by Saturday afternoon. Actually, I wouldn’t have thought he’d have gone to visit his sister _at all_. It’s not like he makes a habit of it. Last time they saw each other was when she came to visit, and that was a couple of years ago.”

 

“Maybe Barney’s heard from him?” Lily suggested. Then she frowned, glancing toward the entrance to the bar. “Hey, where _is_ Barney, anyway? He’s usually here by this time on a Monday night…” She took out her own phone, dialing Barney’s number and holding it to her ear, her frown deepening as she listened to it ring again and again, without being answered.

 

“I don’t know,” Marshall replied. “Come to think of it, he wasn’t at work today. Which, you know – isn’t _that_ unusual, for him. I mean, it _is Barney_ we’re talking about. He kinda does what he wants, when he wants.”

 

Lily was silent, her thoughts going back to the handful of troubling conversations she’s had with Barney during the past few weeks.

 

_Just Barney. Who knows why he does what he does? Nothing to worry about…_

_Yeah, that’s easy for them to say. Easy, when they haven’t heard how torn up he’s been about this mystery girl lately – when they don’t know how cruel she’s been to him – how he’s probably putting himself in a dangerous situation, just by continuing to spend time with her._

_Easy for them to say – when they haven’t seen the bruises._

 

Marshall and Robin had already taken the conversation in a completely different direction, neither of them seemingly concerned with the absence of their two other friends.

 

Frustrated, Lily disconnected her call and dialed Ted’s number instead. She wasn’t particularly worried about Ted. Yeah, it was a little unusual for him to willingly spend so much time away, but Ted had a level head and a sensible nature; whatever motivations had caused him to extend his visit with his family, Lily was pretty sure he could handle it – and if something serious _did_ happen, Lily knew that Ted wouldn’t hesitate to call if he needed them.

 

_Barney, on the other hand…_

 

If anyone was likely to know where Barney was right now, Lily was pretty sure it would be Ted. That was the only comfort she could take in this situation – the fact that during the last few weeks, the two of them had become nearly inseparable.

 

 _Maybe he won’t listen to_ me _when I tell him this mystery slut is bad news – but he might just listen to_ Ted.

 

 _If he’s even told him about her. But Ted_ has _to know about her, right? With all the time they’ve been spending together? Surely Barney’s told him – unless he just doesn’t want Ted to try to talk him out of this twisted situation, and so he hasn’t…_

 

Lily put her phone away, more frustrated than ever with the fact that she had absolutely no idea where to even look for Barney, since he hadn’t told anyone where he was going; and with Ted, for not answering his phone when he was her most likely connection to Barney at the moment; and with the confusing tumult of thoughts tumbling through her mind, taking her in circles and not getting her even the slightest bit closer to the answers she wanted.

 

 _That all changes the moment Barney gets back,_ Lily decided. _As soon as I see him again and I know that he’s safe – I am going to find a way to talk to him alone, and I am not going to give up until he tells me the truth about what’s going on with him._

_If he’s not going to look out for himself right now…_ someone _has to. And it looks like that’s going to be me._

 

 

**********************************************

 

Ted knew he was taking a risk by taking Monday off, and calling in to Barney’s office as well, in order to stay an extra day in the secret hideaway he’d arranged for the two of them for the weekend – not to mention the added expense of paying for an extra day. The cabin he’d rented in the middle of the quiet campground was private, and easily equipped for his purposes – but it certainly wasn’t cheap.

 

Ted had briefly considered just using his house as the location in which to carry out his plan, but there were several drawbacks to that idea. First, there was the slight chance that one of his friends might come out to the house for some reason and find them there, when he was supposed to be out of state visiting his sister. There was also the fact that if Barney recognized his surroundings, Ted would be losing a very important piece of his plan – the element of total control that came with taking Barney away from everything that was familiar and safe, and totally disorienting him to the point that, when Ted was finished, he would believe everything Ted told him – _do_ anything Ted told him.

 

And he was _so close_.

 

That was why he couldn’t go home yet, couldn’t call an end to his plan just because the weekend was over. He wasn’t worried about either of them missing a day of work; neither of them made a habit of it, so nobody’s job was in any danger. He _was_ , however, worried about the gang noticing that they were both missing at once. When both Barney and Ted showed up on Tuesday instead of Monday, after being completely off the grid for three whole days, Ted knew there was a good chance that at least one of his friends – Lily, in particular – might pick up on the fact that something wasn’t quite as it seemed.

 

Yes, it was definitely a risk – but Ted was sure it was a risk that was going to be worth it in the end.

 

After Barney’s ill-fated escape attempt, Ted had left him tied down and helpless in that room for several hours – though he was fairly certain that to Barney, it must have felt like days. When he finally came back and untied him, helping him to sit up and then to stand, Barney had immediately fallen to his knees on the floor, shaky and submissive and seemingly _desperate_ to please. Clumsy and still blinded by the mask Ted had strapped across his face, he’d still obviously been in tears by the sound of his voice as he’d thanked Ted for untying him, shaking hands reaching out until they found the leg of Ted’s jeans and holding on desperately, sobbing, pleading with Ted not to leave him there again, promising to do as he was told, whatever Ted wanted.

 

Which was, of course, _exactly_ what Ted wanted – Barney on his knees and pleading, broken, willing to do _anything_.

 

_Of course… it could still be an act…_

 

Finally, Ted’s plan seemed to be edging toward success – but he couldn’t call himself the victor just yet. He needed just a little more time to solidify the effects of his efforts – to make sure that Barney was indeed completely under his control – before they went back to the city.

 

_We’ll go back. We’ll go back, and everything will be perfect._

_We can go back to normal around the group. We’ll keep doing…_ this… _what we do… in private, but we can stop worrying about them figuring it out, because Barney won’t say anything if I tell him not to. He’ll stop talking about breaking it off, stop trying to fight me at every turn and just give in and_ let it happen…

 

 _And… and I still won’t have Robin, and I’ll still be waiting, and it’ll still_ hurt _, but…_

 

_… but I won’t be waiting alone._

 

Ted felt a twinge of guilt – though admittedly, the guilt he felt over what he was doing to Barney became less with every passing day – because he knew that what he felt for Barney wasn’t even close to love. In fact, it was a lot more like hate – or at least resentment, or bitterness, or something else, equally violent and vengeful, that made him want to break, and humiliate, and _hurt_. At best, his relationship with Barney was a paltry substitute for what he really wanted, what he was waiting for.

 

At worst, it was a way of working out his frustrations, taking out his anger on a vulnerable, easily manipulated person that, at least, _deserved_ to be hurt. Didn’t he? After all the women Barney had preyed on and treated like so much trash to be discarded the morning after he was done with them – after treating _Robin_ like one of those countless women – didn’t Barney deserve this, from _someone_?

 

And why shouldn’t that someone be Ted?

 

If Barney continued his typical pattern of one careless one night stand after another, Ted knew it was only a matter of time before he ended up hurt anyway. At least this way, it was under control. Ted could keep a handle on how much, and when, and how vicious the punishment became – and Ted wouldn’t ever let it _really_ go too far.

 

He felt a little sick inside as he thought back on the events of the night, and the violent rage that had overwhelmed him when Barney’d bitten him.

 

He’d _almost_ let it go too far then. _Almost_.

 

But he didn’t _really_ , did he? Not after what Barney’d done. A couple of bruises were nothing compared to the pain Ted knew he’d be in for the next few days, until that horrifying bite healed. And that was going to put a bit of a damper on the rest of his plans, too – but it didn’t matter. He had other ways of bringing Barney further into submission, of reinforcing just who was in control of this situation. Ted wasn’t ready to concede defeat yet – not when he was so close to winning.

 

Deep down, somewhere beneath all the reassurances and logical justifications for his actions, Ted knew that sooner or later, this was bound to fall apart. It couldn’t possibly last – couldn’t end well.

 

But it couldn’t end _yet_ , either.

 

_And it doesn’t have to._

 

_One more day – one more day to show him what I’m capable of, and make him know that it’s best if he just submits, just goes along with this – and then we’ll go home._

_We’ll go home, and go to work in the morning, and meet with our friends tomorrow night – and everything’s going to work out._

_Everything’s going to be just fine._


	28. Chapter 28

By ten o’clock that night – the latest Ted could possibly put off their return home while still hoping that they’d have actual jobs to go back to – Ted was reasonably certain that his plan had paid off. 

His last, grand gesture had left Barney a pitiful, sobbing wreck, begging Ted for forgiveness, for mercy, for comfort – and Ted had finally, graciously obliged him. His cold, threatening demeanor and harsh, violent hands had given way to soothing words of affection and gentle, comforting touches, as he’d finally cast aside the various devices he’d used to ensure Barney’s submission, and simply held him in the bed, promising that now, now that Barney understood how things had to be – things could finally be so much better. 

Barney was composed, but unusually quiet and subdued as he obediently packed the single bag he’d brought, while Ted watched discreetly from across the room, pretending to be focused on his own packing. 

In reality, he was searching for any sign of deception.

_ Barney’s the best liar I’ve ever seen, _ he reminded himself. _Yeah, he_ seemed… _broken, this afternoon, but – but it could have been an act. He could have been just doing whatever he thought I wanted, in order to get to go home._

_ But… if he was… _

_ … then it’s the best act in the history of acting. Oscar-worthy performance, for sure.  _

Ted frowned, considering, as Barney carefully zipped up the bag, then turned toward Ted, his eyes downcast. His lips parted to speak, but he hesitated, swallowing hard instead, as if thinking better of whatever it was he’d been about to say. He looked up at Ted at last, and his blue eyes were wary and uncertain. 

“I – I think I’m ready,” he said softly. “You know… when you are.”

_ No, _ Ted decided, his suspicions softened by the unmistakable fear in Barney’s voice, in his eyes. _No… he’s not faking this._

_ It worked. It really worked.  _

Ted smiled as he set his own bag down on the bed and crossed the room toward Barney, his pace casually measured. Barney visibly tensed, taking a half-step back against the dresser behind him, his eyes suddenly focused on the floor again. He flinched when Ted reached him and reached out, placing a gentle but firm hand under his elbow and tugging him forward a little. 

Barney closed his eyes, swallowing hard as he immediately complied with Ted’s unspoken command and moved forward, a barely formed word escaping his lips on a nearly inaudible breath.

“ _Please_ …”

“Shhh,” Ted soothed him, his other hand coming to rest at the back of Barney’s neck, his thumb sliding around to Barney’s throat and gently tilting his head back a little. “Easy,” Ted murmured, leaning in to press his lips to the smooth, pale column he’d exposed. “You’re okay,” he whispered. “It’s okay.”

He could feel Barney’s pulse racing beneath his kiss, heard his breath quicken with what might have been desire – or terror. It was hard to tell which Barney was feeling, especially since Barney seemed to be finding it difficult to tell the difference between the two, himself, these days. Barney raised a hesitant, faltering hand that finally found its way to Ted’s chest, and Ted braced himself for Barney to push him away, and for him to have to forcefully, ruthlessly force him back into submission.

But instead of pushing against Ted’s chest, Barney’s trembling hand fisted in the soft fabric of Ted’s shirt, tugging him closer. 

“Ted,” he whispered, his voice hoarse and breaking over Ted’s name. “ _Please_ …”

Ted smiled against Barney’s skin, feeling a rush of triumph at Barney’s reaction. His hand tightened in Barney’s hair, drawing his head back sharply, and he allowed his teeth to come into play on the side of Barney’s neck, relishing the soft little whimper of pained alarm that Barney let out at the sharp sensation. 

“Ted,” Barney gasped out harshly, a shudder passing through him – though he didn’t pull away, didn’t resist in any way, simply tilted his head back further to allow Ted better access. “Ted, please… don’t…”

Ted deliberately continued what he was doing, making his way down Barney’s throat with alternating kisses and bites, one hand clenched tightly in Barney’s hair and the other grasping his wrist, holding it back against the dresser. He waited a few moments before slowly drawing away, looking into Barney’s face intently. 

Barney’s eyes were glassy, his lips trembling as he drew in soft, shuddering breaths, staring up at Ted with mingled dread and desire in his gaze. Ted was caught in a similar state of apprehension, not sure what to expect from Barney at the moment. Either his scheme had worked, and Barney was so desperate at this point for any sign of affection, any comforting touch, that he would eagerly accept whatever Ted deigned to give him – or Ted had failed, and Barney was still resistant. 

Either way, it was too late to change course now. 

“Don’t what, Barney?” Ted whispered. “Don’t what?”

“Stop.” Barney hesitated just a moment before clarifying in a shaky whisper, “D-don’t _stop_.”

Ted grinned, pleased with himself and the results of his plan. His hand softened in Barney’s hair, gentle and approving, and he nodded slowly. 

“Well,” he decided finally, his voice soft and suggestive, “I don’t suppose we have to go home _just_ yet…”

*************************************************

When Barney showed up at MacLaren’s that night, Lily wasn’t sure whether she wanted to hug him tight, or punch him in the face. Relief won out over frustration, and she was out of her seat with her arms around him before he was halfway to their table. Barney froze in surprise at her embrace, an uncertain little laugh escaping his lips as he cautiously raised his arms to return her hug. 

“What’s _this_ about?” he asked softly, a concerned expression on his face as Lily withdrew to look him in the eye. “Lily?”

“I just – I was so worried about you!”

“Worried?” Barney shook his head, confused. “Why?”

The urge to punch returned to Lily suddenly, but she settled for a half-hearted strike against his arm. “Why don’t you answer your phone once in a while, you jerk?” she muttered. “We couldn’t reach you all weekend, and then when you were still gone yesterday, well – you realize your lifestyle isn’t exactly the safest, right?” 

Barney finally seemed to understand, even having the good grace to look a little guilty. “I’m sorry, Lil. Nothing happened. I just had the kind of weekend that’s just too much awesome for two and a half days, if you know what I mean.” He grinned, a wicked sparkle in his eyes as he shrugged casually and added, “And you know, it’s kind of hard to answer your phone when you’re tied to a king-size waterbed, and your phone’s being used for its rather impressive vibrate function by a hot blonde with huge…”

“ _Ugh._ ” Lily pulled away at last, rolling her eyes as she turned back toward the table. “Forget I said anything. Also, forget I had dibs on your phone next time you upgrade.”

Ted came in a little while later – but Lily wasn’t really worried about Ted. He’d been home to see his sister; it was a far cry from the kind of dangerous situations Barney had a tendency of getting into. She was mostly just frustrated with Ted for not answering his phone all weekend, while she’d been desperately trying to get a hold of _either_ of them, just to make sure that Barney was okay. Rationally, she knew that it wouldn’t have made a difference, since Ted had no way of knowing where Barney had been, either.

It didn’t matter; she was still irritated with Ted, and she showed it by punching _him_ in the arm, too, as soon as he sat down. 

It was almost worth the following ten minutes of mockery she took from both Ted _and_ Barney for being such a mother hen, and worrying over “her boys” anytime they were out of her sight for more than a few hours. She tried to suppress her irritation, reminding herself that no one besides her had any reason to believe that there was anything more to Barney’s story than he said there was. 

Unfortunately, Lily knew better.

Ted didn’t last long that night, claiming the sheer exhaustion of his weekend when he excused himself to go up to his apartment, about an hour after showing up. By that point, Robin was already upstairs getting ready for work. Without any further distraction to divide her attention, Lily began to study Barney a bit more closely, still not at all sold on his explanation for his vanishing act of the weekend. 

He seemed genuinely at ease and rather pleased with himself, as usual, for the particularly adventurous encounter he’d tried to describe to her. But Lily couldn’t help feeling as if there was far more to the story than he was telling her. She kept glancing toward Barney’s wrists, looking for the tell-tale signs she’d seen before, because she was pretty sure that whatever had _really_ happened this weekend, it had something to do with Barney’s disturbing and dangerous mystery woman. 

But Barney’s sleeves were long and buttoned at the wrists, and left no evidence of any marks he might have borne. She frowned; she was fairly certain that, despite her advice, he hadn’t stopped seeing the woman he’d told her about – which only meant that he’d gotten better at hiding the evidence. 

The three of them hung out for a little while and talked, until Marshall started yawning and hinting that he was ready to go home.

“Why don’t you go get us a cab, sweetie?” Lily suggested, patting his arm sympathetically. 

He had no sooner complied than she redirected her narrowed gaze at Barney, who was staring back at her with an innocent, questioning gaze. Lily wasted no time in getting directly to her point, her tone severely disapproving.

“ _Tell me_ this amazing weekend of yours did _not_ involve that psycho chick you’ve been telling me about, Barney.”

Barney rolled his eyes, shaking his head, his lips parted to protest – but the words seemed to die on his lips. He stopped, just staring down at the table between them. For a long moment, he didn’t even breathe, before his shoulders abruptly fell, and he raised one hand to press forefinger and thumb against his eyes, drawing in and letting out a soft, shaky breath. 

Lily frowned, her concern mounting as she reached out across the table to take Barney’s free hand. She was alarmed to find his fingers cool and trembling. 

“Barney? Sweetie?”

He continued to hide behind his hand for a long, tense moment – before he finally lowered his hand, meeting her eyes – and his own were bright with unshed tears. He bit his lip for a moment, visibly struggling, before he finally spoke, his voice quiet and hoarse.

“Lily, can you – can you maybe – ask Marshall to go on home without you. I – I can take a cab with you later if you want. You know – if you’d feel safer. I just – I really need to talk to you. Alone.”

He hesitated again, staring down, before looking up at her, his eyes pleading and uncertain, his voice barely over a whisper. 

“I – I just – I have something to tell you. I – I need you to help me. _Please_.”


	29. Chapter 29

“Go ahead, Barney. I’m listening.”

 

Lily’s voice was uncharacteristically quiet and patient, her hand gently squeezing his in a way Barney knew she meant to be reassuring – but all it did was make him feel sick. She was too close, right on the edge of finding out the secret he’d been hiding for all these long, torturous weeks – because he was right on the edge of _telling_ her.

 

His heart was racing, his palms damp and his mouth dry; he felt stifled and too hot, as if the air in the room had suddenly become too thick to breathe. The moment felt weighted and vital, and he knew that the decision he made within it could change everything – if he could ever find the strength to speak.

 

“L-Lily, I… I just… there’s something I… need to tell you, and… and it’s… hard, but… I _need_ to…”

 

He knew he had to tell her; it felt like the most impossible task he’d ever faced, finding the courage to tell her what had been going on between him and Ted – but he knew that he had no choice. That weekend, alone in the middle of nowhere, completely at Ted’s mercy – it’d absolutely terrified him, knowing that Ted could have done _anything_ to him, and no one could have stopped him. No one would have even known that he was in any trouble at all, or even where he was.

 

_Barney_ hadn’t even known where he was, and still didn’t.

 

_And next time… who knows how much farther he’ll take it? What he’ll_ do _? I – I have to get help. I have to – to tell someone…_

_… and just… hope that she believes me…_

 

“I’m right here, Barney,” Lily assured him, a faint note of impatience creeping past the compassion and worry in her voice. “Come on, sweetie.  Whatever it is, I – I’ll understand. I mean, I’ll try to. Unless it’s some creepy sex thing, and then – I can’t promise anything.” She hesitated, a tentative smile lightening her words as she added, “Some of the things you get up to are _impossible_ to understand, but – but I’ll still help you, Barney. Whatever you need. Just – just talk to me.”

 

“Lily…” Barney hesitated, staring down at the table and swallowing hard before meeting her eyes again and venturing with an apologetic grimace, “… it… _is_ … a creepy sex thing. Sorry.”

 

“No problem,” Lily sighed with a little shrug. “Honestly, I didn’t really expect anything else.” She waited a beat, holding his gaze as she added firmly, “It doesn’t matter _what_ it is. I’m your friend, and something is obviously really wrong. So talk to me, Barney.”

 

Barney couldn’t put it off any longer – but he couldn’t bring himself to tell her everything – not yet.

 

_If I tell her it’s Ted… she won’t believe me. It’s almost too much for_ me _to believe. But… I have to tell her_ something…

 

“Okay. So… um… you’re right. About – the girl I told you about. It’s – it’s… her. She’s been getting… really scary, and uh… kind of…” He cleared his throat, looking away, feeling his face heat with shame as he concluded in a soft, hoarse, voice, “… kind of… _violent_.”

 

“I knew it.” Lily’s voice darkened with anger, and she sat forward a little in her seat, eyes narrowed. “I knew she was hurting you, Barney. Who is she? Just point me in the right direction, and I’ll commence taking names and kicking ass.” She paused, frowning. “What _is_ her name, anyway?”

 

Barney hesitated before settling on the first female name that came to mind. “Her name is… Evelyn. Evelyn… Bosby.”

 

“Evelyn Bosby?”

 

Lily raised a single eyebrow, clearly skeptical, and Barney’s heart lurched. For a moment he wasn’t sure whether to be afraid that she had pieced it together, or to _hope_ that she had. It had to have been his subconscious, trying to spell it out for her as much as possible without _actually_ spelling it out for her, didn’t it? _Evelyn Bosby?_ It had to be obvious. She had to know he was talking about Ted. Barney’s breath caught in his throat as Lily’s eyebrow lifted in a dubious arch, and he waited for the explosion.

 

But then, Lily let out a choked little laugh, shaking her head.

 

“What is she, like 50? What kind of ridiculous name is that?”

 

“I know, right?” Barney agreed, a bit overenthusiastically. “Who’d hate their kid enough to give them a name like that? But… but in so many other ways… every way except her lame-ass name, she – she’s – amazing, Lily, and – and I really thought we had a chance, but… but there’s so many things… so many ways in which she just… totally freaks me out, and… sometimes things are good, but then – she’ll turn on a dime and get – a-angry and, and freak out on me, and… and things are getting pretty scary, and… I don’t know what to do…”

 

“Barney, if she’s hurting you,” Lily interrupted gently, “then it’s not even a question. You have to end it. That’s it. I don’t care how hot she is…”

 

“But… she’s not just ‘hot’,” Barney objected, stopping at the trembling sound of his own voice, struggling to regain his composure. “It’s – it’s _more_ than that. I – I think – I think I love her, Lily,” he blurted out, his stomach quaking with the admission he’d barely even made to himself.  “She’s…” He sighed, closing his eyes and forcing his next words out in a breathless rush. “… _not_ named Evelyn Busby. I told you that’s her name because… you know her, and… and I don’t want you to hate her, and… and I’m not sure how to tell you this…”

 

“Well, I hate to break it to you, Barney, but I _already_ hate her,” Lily informed him. “She’s leaving freaking _bruises_ on you, has you more shaken up than I’ve ever seen you, and _nobody_ gets away with that, sweetie _. Nobody._ Now I _really_ wanna know. Who _is_ this bitch?”

 

“I… I don’t know, Lily. I just – I _can’t_ …”

 

“Look… I can tell this is really difficult for you.” Lily glanced toward the door, where Marshall had just reappeared and was heading back to the table. “Let’s go back to the house, okay? We can talk privately there, and – and Marshall will understand. That way you don’t have to worry about riding home with me later or anything. You can just come home with me now, and then catch a cab back to your apartment whenever you’re ready. Okay?” As Marshall reached them, she stood up to meet him, adding, “It’s all right if Barney comes back to the house for a little while, right? He needs to talk about something.”

 

“Sure.” Marshall shrugged, glancing between them with an expression of mild curiosity. “Not a problem. Cab’s waiting.” He paused, considering for a moment before adding, “In fact, if you two want a little privacy, you can take the cab and I can just go upstairs for a little while and make Ted keep me company. I’m sure he’s probably not asleep yet…”

 

“ _No_!” Barney objected, getting to his feet so quickly that he almost stumbled and fell into the two of them. The matching looks of alarm that Marshall and Lily gave him made him swiftly attempt to recover, struggling to calm his voice as he amended, “No, I mean – it’s no big deal, Lily, we can talk later. I just – you don’t need to bother Ted, he has to work in the morning, and – and we’ll just talk later, okay?”

 

Lily frowned, stepping toward him to stop him as he headed abruptly toward the door. “Barney, wait. Come on, just a second…”

 

“I’ve got to go,” he insisted, his voice trembling uncontrollably, his heart racing with panic. “I’ll see you guys later. Good night.”

 

“ _Barney_!”

 

“Dude, it’s okay, _really_!”

 

Barney ignored their protests, rushing out the door on trembling legs, just desperate to get away before things could get any more complicated and confusing – and downright dangerous. The last thing he needed was for Ted to know that he was talking to Lily privately about _anything_.

 

_And the last thing you should be doing is telling Lily about Ted, and ruining their friendship. And that’s if she even believes you in the first place. She_ won’t _believe you, anyway. You’ve told so many tall tales before, and they’ve known Ted so much longer, and she’ll take Ted’s side, and she’ll hate you for accusing him, and there’s_ no way _that_ Marshall _would ever believe you, and… it’s just a big mistake. A_ huge _mistake. You need to just keep your mouth shut and go home and… and figure out another way. Because telling Lily damn sure isn’t it._

 

Barney climbed into the cab Marshall had flagged down, feeling only a little guilty as he waved a couple of large bills in the cabbie’s face and urged him to drive away, quickly, before Marshall and Lily could follow him outside.

 

_They’ll find another cab… I just have to get away... pretend this night never happened…_

 

His heart sank as the cab headed off in the direction of his apartment – because he was increasingly sure that when it came to escaping Ted’s manipulations and regaining some semblance of control over his life… there _wasn’t_ a way, at all.

 

*************************************

 

“So… what was _that_ all about?” Marshall frowned at the empty spot where Barney had just been for a moment before giving Lily a questioning look. “Is he okay?”

 

“No,” Lily sighed, sinking back down into the booth. “No, I’m pretty sure he’s not okay at all. He’s been… seeing some creepy skank who’s clearly bad news, and… and he started to tell me about it, but… he’s really spooked for some reason, and… I don’t think I’ll be able to get him to talk to me again.”

 

“Well, maybe he doesn’t need to talk that bad, then,” Marshall suggested. “ I mean – this is _Barney_ , Lilypad. The master of the dramatic escape. I’m pretty sure if anybody can get out of a messed up relationship without our help, it’d be him.”

 

“I know,” Lily admitted, “but… this is different. Something… something about this really worries me. I – I’m not sure he even really _wants_ to get away from her. I think he knows he _needs_ to, but – he’s really scaring me, Marshall. He needs to talk to _someone_ … or he needs someone to talk _to_ him, to talk some sense into him about this girl, but…”

 

“Ted.”

 

Lily frowned, shaking her head, so focused that she barely registered his meaning at first. “What about Ted?”

 

“I’ll admit, it’s hard to get Barney to listen to reason, but if anyone can do it, it’d be Ted. Barney doesn’t admit it, but – Ted’s pretty much the most important person in his life. We should call him, get _him_ to talk to Barney.”

 

The suggestion troubled Lily a little bit, mostly because she wanted to be able to help Barney herself – but she knew that Marshall was right. If there was anyone Barney would listen to, it’d be Ted. She took out her cell phone as they headed out to the waiting cab, waiting until Ted picked up. His voice was sleepy and a little disoriented when he finally answered.

 

“Hello?”

 

“Ted, it’s Lily. I’m sorry to wake you.” Lily told him a little about the situation. He was strangely quiet, but she was pretty sure it was simply because he’d just been sleeping. “I’m sorry, Ted,” she repeated. “I know you were asleep, but – I’m just really worried about him. Do you think you can talk to him?”

 

“No, Lil, don’t apologize,” Ted replied at last, his voice hoarse and sleepy, but alert at last. “You’re right to be concerned. Barney’s always getting himself into trouble, but – this sounds worse than usual. Don’t worry, okay? Just go home and try to get some rest, and – I’ll head on over to Barney’s and talk to him. Don’t worry about a thing, all right?” His voice was firm and determined. “I’ll take care of this.”

 

As Lily hung up the phone, she felt a warm sense of relief, and leaned into Marshall’s arm around her with a soft sigh. “You were right,” she informed him. “I feel better now. Whatever’s going on with Barney – I’m sure Ted can handle it.”


	30. Chapter 30

Even once she was tucked into her warm, comfy bed, with Marshall’s arm wrapped reassuringly around her, Lily couldn’t seem to fall asleep. Her thoughts were still troubled, disconcertingly focused on Barney, and what he’d almost told her. She’d suspected for quite a while that the strange mystery woman Barney’d become so preoccupied with lately was not good for him, possibly even actually dangerous, but now she’d seen the evidence for herself – the bruises on his arms, the sheer terror in his eyes.

 

_Wish I knew who the bitch was_. Lily couldn’t help the wave of protective anger that swept over her at the disturbing memory. _Where to find her, so I could kick her ass and make her leave him alone. Or you know… so me and Robin could… or maybe I’d mostly just watch and call her names and cheer Robin on…_

_Either way… I just wish there was something I could do to help him._

“We called Ted.” Marshall’s voice was slightly muffled with sleep, but he tightened his arm around her, kissing her bare shoulder softly. “We did all we could do, if we doesn’t want to talk to us, babe.”

 

“I’m sorry,” Lily whispered, frowning. “Was I talking out loud? I didn’t mean to…”

 

“It’s fine, Lilypad,” Marshall mumbled, sounding as if he was already drifting back to sleep. “Don’t worry. Nobody knows Barney better than Ted. If anybody can get to him…”

 

Marshall fell asleep before he could finish his thought, but Lily knew where he was going with it. It was true, Ted had been friends with Barney the longest. In fact, Barney had _sought out_ Ted’s friendship, for some reason, despite the fact that there were no two people in the world Lily could think of whose views and values were more different. Lily sometimes thought it was a subconscious attempt at bringing some form of stability into his crazy, reckless life.

 

_And maybe that’s exactly what he needs right now… a heavy dose of rationality in the middle of his daily insanity. Maybe Marshall’s right. After all, Barney’s not going to listen to anything_ I _have to say. The one person in the whole world that he always listens to… that could convince Barney to do just about anything… is…_

An uneasy feeling settled in the pit of Lily’s stomach, the beginnings of a troubling line of thought beginning to take shape in the back of her mind. She shifted under Marshall’s arm, staring at the wall as she thought back over the past few weeks – that weekend, when Barney’d gone off the radar, and she’d been so worried about him.

 

_Ted went off the radar, too… it’s just that we weren’t so worried about him, because… because he knows how to take care of himself, because he’s smart and responsible and in control, and… and he said there just wasn’t a good signal where his sister lives, but… but it just_ happened _to be at the same time that Barney was unreachable, and…_ did _it just…_ happen _to be…?_

“Marshall,” she whispered, shaking his arm gently – and then not so gently, when she received no response. “ _Marshall_ – wake up, baby…”

 

“Mmm?” Marshall nestled in closer to her, his head on her shoulder. “What?”

 

“Let me up,” Lily pushed his arm off of her as she spoke, sitting up in the bed. “I need to call Barney.”

 

Marshall sat up slowly as she climbed out of the bed, rubbing at his eyes and yawning before blinking up at her sleepily as she began throwing on the clothes she’d discarded on the floor before getting into bed. “What?” he repeated blankly. “Lil – come on, babe, he’s fine. Ted’s with him, so…”

 

“That’s not exactly making me feel better right now,” Lily muttered under her breath.

 

Marshall frowned. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

 

Lily shook her head, biting her lower lip in confusion. “Marshall, there’s – I don’t know. I’m not sure _what_ I’m thinking right now, actually, but – something’s not right. I – I just need to talk to him and make sure he’s okay. For _myself._ ”

 

Marshall looked her over in a quick once-over before raising a single eyebrow. “And you have to get dressed again to make a phone call?”

 

Lily hesitated, shaking her head. “No, I – I don’t think I can just make a phone call. I think I need to go over there.”

 

“It’s 2:30!” Marshall protested. “Lily, he’s either going to be talking things out with Ted, or asleep by now, so…” His voice trailed off as he studied her more closely, a thoughtful expression on his face. “No,” he amended at last. “You know what? Your gut’s telling you that you need to go over there? Go over there. Your gut is usually right.”

 

Lily smiled, relieved, leaning in to give him a quick kiss on the lips. “Thanks, baby,” she said softly. “For understanding.” She looked away with a little grimace, adding, “Even though _I_ don’t, not really. I can’t really – put my finger on it, I just – feel like something’s wrong.”

 

“I get it,” Marshall assured her. “Just – wait five minutes, though, okay?”

 

“Why?” Lily frowned.

 

Marshall swung his legs over the side of the bed, rising to his feet and reaching for his own discarded jeans. “Because that’s how long it’ll take me to get ready. I’m going with you.”

 

**************************************************

 

Barney felt as if he barely breathed between leaving MacLaren’s, and the moment when he closed and locked the door of his apartment, shutting out the horrified sense of panic at the monumental mistake he had nearly made. He’d come so close to telling Lily _everything_ , and only Marshall’s innocent suggestion to involve Ted had stopped him in time, with a devastating realization he wasn’t sure how he’d forgotten.

 

_They’d never believe me over Ted._

 

Of course they wouldn’t. Ted was the center, the very _heart_ of their close-knit little circle – and Barney was the one always on the fringe of the group, the one they barely tolerated, the one they didn’t really know why they were friends with in the first place.

 

_And you were about to accuse him of terrible things – things they’d never in a million years believe he was capable of._

_It doesn’t matter that he is. It’s irrelevant._

_You were about to get yourself kicked out into the cold, for good._

A shiver of fear ran down his spine with the next thought that filled his mind, and Barney swallowed back the sick sensation at the back of his throat.

 

 

_And then… you’d be no better off, and Ted would be_ pissed, _and… and there’d be no one to stop him from doing whatever he wants…_

 

Barney undressed and got into the shower, trying not to think anymore as the steaming water ran down over his body, soothing away the physical tension and helping to make his mind quiet and blank – if only for a few short minutes. It was a brief but blessed respite from the constant torment of confusion and uncertainty – and Barney found himself lingering there until the mirror was fogged with the clouds of hot steam that filled the bathroom, and the water in the shower itself was lukewarm.

 

With a sigh, he got out of the shower, wrapping his towel around his waist. Ordinarily, he would have cleared the mirror, taking the time to brush his teeth, wash his face, apply moisturizer - his ordinary nightly routine – but for now, those things could wait.

 

He didn’t particularly feel like looking at himself at the moment.

 

Barney felt his troubled thoughts settling back into place, like an almost physical weight bearing down, as he opened the bathroom door and stepped out into his bedroom beyond it, shivering at the unwelcome blast of cool air that met him.

 

“It’s about time. I thought you’d _never_ finish up in there.”

 

Barney froze, staring in disbelief at the even more unwelcome sight of Ted, sitting on the edge of his bed with a cool, tight smile on his lips. While Barney was still trying to process what he was seeing, Ted rose slowly, casually to his feet.

 

“Wonder what you were thinking about in there,” Ted mused with a nasty smirk. “Must have been pretty good.”

 

Barney instinctively pulled the towel tighter around his waist, taking a backward step away from Ted, without really meaning to. He swallowed hard, frustrated and angry with Ted for invading his space, but even more with himself for his reaction. He couldn’t bring himself to look at Ted as he replied with bitter resentment.

 

“Yeah, I was thinking about an alternate reality where you weren’t a part of my life and I wasn’t in this fucked up situation. It was great. In fact… I think I’ll just… take _another_ shower, right…”

 

“Shut up.” Ted’s voice was sharp, angry – and Barney froze for just a moment, before backing toward the bathroom again, his heart racing with apprehension. “And _stop_ moving.”

 

Barney hesitated, but then made his decision – and took another hurried, shaky step toward the bathroom. Ted moved forward swiftly, blocking his way with a hand against the door. Barney tensed, his breath quickening as he felt the soft fabric of Ted’s shirt brush against his bare, damp chest. He swallowed hard, raising the hand that wasn’t desperately clutching at his towel to push against Ted, trying to put some space between them.

 

“Get off me,” he muttered. “Ted… don’t…”

 

“Get off you?” Ted smirked, ignoring his protest and just pushing in closer, his free hand lowering to slip beneath Barney’s towel, expertly teasing fingers edging up his bare thigh. “Don’t you mean… get you off?”

 

“Stop it,” Barney snapped, slapping Ted’s hand away. “Ted, I mean it, _don’t_ …”

 

“I said, _shut up_.”

 

Ted’s smile vanished in an instant, disappearing into something ugly and vindictive, as he grabbed Barney’s arm and slammed him, hard, into the doorjamb directly behind him. The pain of the blow to his back took Barney’s breath, and his hand momentarily lost its death grip on the towel. Ted took advantage, reaching down and sharply snatching it away. Barney gasped, reaching for it, but Ted tossed it onto the floor behind him, edging in yet closer, leaving almost no space between them. Barney could feel the heat of Ted’s body against his cool skin, but not as well as he could feel the sheer rage pouring off of Ted in waves.

 

Barney struggled to push him away, but Ted reached down between Barney’s legs, his grip tight, vicious and punishing – and Barney choked back a cry of pain, nearly losing his footing and sinking to his knees. He would have, in fact – if Ted’s other hand hadn’t been holding him up.

 

“ _Stop fighting me_ , Barney,” Ted snarled, his voice low and commanding in Barney’s ear. “Don’t you think you’re in enough trouble already?”

 

“What… I…” Barney gasped, a convulsive swallow in his throat. “Ted, I… I didn’t… _do_ anything…”

 

“Sure you did,” Ted retorted, smiling again, though his voice was cold and threatening. He paused as if considering, then shrugged slightly. “Of course, you did a fuck-up job of it, as always – just the way you do _everything_ …”

 

“No,” Barney protested, desperately, shaking his head, words tumbling over themselves as he struggled to make Ted understand. “Ted, I – I thought about it, and – I _almost_ did, but – but I realized…”

 

His words were cut off by a breathtaking slap across his face that knocked the back of his head into the doorjamb, and Barney nearly lost his balance again, dizzied by the force of the blow. Ted’s hand left its brutal grip, but there was barely time for relief before it had been placed at Barney’s throat, pinning him in place as Ted leaned in to whisper menacingly in his ear.

 

“Do _not. Move_.”

 

Ted released him abruptly, finally taking a couple of steps backward – and Barney went from feeling as if he couldn’t draw breath, to feeling that he was taking in too much air at once, gasping in deep, shuddering breaths as he struggled to recover from Ted’s brutal attack. He braced one hand against the door for support, the other instinctively lowering to cover his exposed groin – not that it helped, much.

 

Barney didn’t think it was possible to feel any more exposed – any more helpless – than he felt right in that moment.

 

In the very next moment, he was proven wrong – when he looked up to see Ted’s hands, trembling with rage as they unbuckled his belt and yanked it free of his jeans. Barney’s stomach churned, his heart racing with panic as Ted moved in close again, though he left Barney room to move this time. Ted’s free hand clenched into a fist as he grabbed a handful of Barney’s hair and yanked his head back, shaking him slightly.

 

“You think you can play me?” he snarled. “Make me think you’re on my side, you’re going with my way of doing things – and then – then _betray_ me? Go to my friends behind my back?” Ted shook his head slowly before shoving Barney forward, hard, sending him stumbling a few steps toward the bed. He waited until Barney had regained his balance and turned toward him with a fearful, questioning look, before smiling and continuing softly, “I’ll show you what _that_ gets you, Barney. Teach you what happens when you defy me.” He paused, nodding slightly to indicate where he wanted Barney to look.

 

Barney turned his gaze with dread, his stomach dropping when he realized what Ted had been indicating.

 

“Go on,” Ted ordered quietly. “Get on the bed.”


	31. Chapter 31

Barney stared for a long moment between Ted, and his own bed, where Ted wanted him. He tasted blood in his mouth, where he was biting hard into his lower lip, though he’d barely felt the pain. His heart was racing, his stomach roiling with a sick sense of dread. He knew that if he submitted to Ted now, it would mean facing brutal punishment for his failed attempt at seeking help.

 

If he didn’t… he wasn’t sure _what_ that would mean, but it couldn’t be any worse than what Ted already intended to do to him… could it?

 

“No,” he whispered, turning to face Ted, his jaw set with determination¸ though he felt as if he was quaking apart inside. “Ted… _no_.”

 

Ted’s dark eyes flashed with anger, but the cold smile on his face only tightened slightly. His voice was softly warning as he flexed the leather in his hands warningly. “Barney. Don’t be stupid.”

 

“You can’t do this to me. Not this time,” Barney insisted, though his voice was trembling, his mouth dry as he tried to keep his eyes from focusing on the belt. “You need to get out of here. I’m done playing your games.”

 

Without waiting for Ted to react, he turned and went to his closet, taking down a pair of pants and a light blue shirt from their hangers swiftly. He didn’t care that he hadn’t put on any underwear yet, or that the shirt didn’t quite match the pants. None of that mattered at the moment; all that mattered was that he get something on, _anything_ between him and Ted to dispel the distinct disadvantage at which Ted had him as long as he was standing there naked and vulnerable.

 

Ted had no intention of relinquishing that advantage so easily.

 

He followed Barney to the closet, grabbing his arm and snatching the shirt from his hand. Barney let out a sharp cry of protest, turning away as Ted reached for the pants as well. It was the opening Ted needed to get his belt around Barney’s neck, and as he dropped the shirt and pulled back on the taut leather with both hands, Barney forgot all about the pants, allowing them to slip to the floor as his hands rose to struggle against the restraint that cut off his breath.

 

Ted tightened his grip, jerking the belt back harder, as Barney’s scrabbling fingers only managed to tear into his own flesh, leaving bright red welts on his neck, above and below the belt. Bright spots of searing color flashed before Barney’s eyes, and he gasped for breath that wouldn’t come, as finally his legs gave out beneath him, and he sank to his knees on the floor.

 

“You made me do this,” Ted informed him, a grim resignation in his voice. “You forced my hand, Barney, and you left me no choice. If you’d just done as you were told…”

 

Finally he loosened his grip on the belt, enough to allow Barney to fall forward onto his hands and knees and draw in a deep, shaky breath; but Ted kept the belt wrapped around his neck, holding onto both ends in one hand as he reached up onto the shelf of Barney’s closet to grab a couple of Barney’s belts with his free hand. With an arm under Barney’s shoulder, Ted pulled him back up to his feet. Barney was too busy trying to catch his breath to even attempt to resist as Ted manhandled him over to the bed and pushed him down onto it on his back.

 

Ted removed the belt from around Barney’s neck at last, instead looping it around his wrist, and then tying it to his headboard. As his breath returned, Barney began to be aware of what was happening again, and with a shuddering gasp of alarm tried to pull away as Ted took one of Barney’s belts and began using it to secure his other wrist to the headboard as well.

 

“No,” Barney gasped out. “Ted, _don’t_!”

 

Ted jerked Barney’s wrist back into place, cinching the leather punishingly tight before delivering a resounding slap across Barney’s face. He climbed onto the bed to straddle Barney’s waist, leaning down into his space before he could recover, grabbing his jaw in one hand and snarling, “ _Stop_ fighting me!”

 

Barney’s shoulders shook with silent, despairing sobs, as Ted released his grip, and he turned his face away. “ _Please_ ,” he said desperately, his voice shaking, frantic. “Ted, don’t _do_ this! It’s… it’s gone too far, can’t you see that? This isn’t… payback, or… or just… humiliating me because of what I did with Robin.”

 

Ted went still above him, and Barney ventured a cautious glance up at him. Ted’s eyes were cold, but he didn’t seem any further enraged by the reminder of what had been the ultimate cause of all of this. Barney swallowed hard, bracing himself and closing his eyes as he forced himself to continue in a hoarse, ragged whisper.

 

“This is… this is doing whatever you want to me, even when I’m telling you, clearly… _completely… no_. Ted, this is… this is _rape_ …”

 

Ted’s cold, vicious laugh was the last thing Barney expected to hear in response to those words.

 

“Oh, Barney,” he sighed, and Barney stared up at him, incredulous, as Ted rolled his eyes dismissively. Then he leaned down close to Barney’s face again, his voice lowered to a cruel whisper as he pointed out, “That’s assuming that I’m going to fuck you. Which I’m not. Not this time.” He climbed off the bed, picking up the one remaining belt he’d taken from Barney’s closet and running the leather between his fingers with a satisfied smile. “No, this is all about punishment. You screwed up, Barney. And now you face the consequences.”

 

“Ted, you have to stop,” Barney insisted, shaking his head. “You don’t get it. I – I was willing to do this… to do _anything_ you wanted me to, because… because I love you, Ted! Don’t you get that yet? I _love_ you, and I wanted to fix things between us. But… but if you keep this up… if you don’t stop, then… then things will _never_ be okay again…”

 

“No, Barney,” Ted cut him off, his voice hard and angry. “ _You_ don’t get it.” He lashed out with the belt, catching Barney across his upper thighs, inches from his exposed groin, smiling as Barney hissed in pain and tried to pull away. Ted moved in close, forcing Barney to meet his eyes as he confessed with a tone that resembled triumph, “Things never were _going_ to be okay again. They _couldn’t_ be, after what you did.”

 

Barney stared up at him in disbelief, feeling the crushing weight of Ted’s betrayal bearing down on his chest until he felt like he couldn’t breathe, as the awful truth slowly sank in. The pain, the humiliation, every degrading, awful thing he’d made himself vulnerable to over the past few ugly, nightmarish months – it had never had a chance of earning Ted’s forgiveness, of restoring their friendship to the place where it had once been.

 

All of the suffering, all of the shame and secrecy – it had all been for _nothing_.

 

“So, Barney,” Ted sneered, visibly relishing Barney’s horrified reaction. “How do you feel about me _now_?”

 

Barney’s eyes welled with hot tears of hurt and anger, and he turned his head away, closing his eyes. He had no intention of answering the cruel question – had no idea what the answer even _was_ – all he wanted was to hide, to disappear, to somehow escape the brutal joke of which he seemed to have become the punch line. Ted’s quiet, smug laughter only made it worse, and Barney twisted his wrists uselessly in the leather that bound them, too tightly, to the bed.

 

“Just let me go,” he whispered, shaking his head as the tears escaped, despite his best efforts. “Ted, just… let me leave.”

 

“Not a chance,” Ted scoffed. “You’re _mine_ now, Barney. I’m _never_ letting you go.”

 

It was the response Barney had expected, and his heart sank with despairing resignation. He was well and truly trapped now, with no end to his suffering in sight. He’d given himself over to Ted, completely, and what Ted felt or didn’t feel or wouldn’t _ever_ feel for him was irrelevant. There would be no escaping the captivity in which he’d allowed himself to be taken.

 

And that was when they both heard the knock at the door.

 

Their eyes met in a moment of shocked, silent question – before Ted abruptly dropped the belt and moved forward, one hand bracing the back of Barney’s head to hold him still while the other clamped down hard across his mouth to keep him silent.

 

“Barney?” Muffled, from outside the apartment, Barney heard the sound of Marshall’s voice. “Dude, are you up?” Then, quieter, almost inaudible from the other side of the door, “I told you he’d be asleep. Come on, Lil, let’s go home…”

 

But then there was another, louder knock at the door.

 

“ _Barney_!” Lily’s voice called. “Barney, come on, open up! We need to talk to you!”

 

Ted’s hand tightened slightly over Barney’s mouth, his fingers warningly biting into the back of Barney’s neck as he leaned down and whispered, “Don’t make a sound.”

 

Barney closed his eyes, feeling his hopes sinking with every moment that passed. He wanted desperately just to cry out, to let them know that he was there, that he needed them – but he couldn’t bear the thought of Marshall and Lily seeing him like this, knowing to what extent he’d allowed himself to be used and degraded. He looked up into Ted’s eyes, and saw the knowing triumph there, the certainty that no matter what happened, he was going to win this. Barney was too broken, too thoroughly under his control, to ever resist him at this point.

 

Barney thought about what would happen after Marshall and Lily left – and what would happen every single day after that, while Ted continued to maneuver these twisted games between them, and Barney continued pretending to be okay, and everyone just kept on living the lie that their friendship was healthy and normal and all that it seemed to be – and suddenly, something in him just _snapped_.

 

_I can’t do this anymore,_ he realized with sudden clarity. _Maybe he’ll stop me, maybe he’ll_ kill _me, but… I have to_ try _…_

 

He pulled his head to the side a little, forcing Ted to shift his hand to keep it over Barney’s mouth – and in the moment when Ted’s hand moved, Barney bit down hard on the side of his palm. Ted let out a sharp yelp of pain and surprise, and Barney jerked his head free completely, drawing in a deep breath and screaming out before Ted could stop him.

 

“Lily, I’m in here! Help! _Help me_!”

 

“Fuck!” Ted hissed, staring down at his bleeding hand before fixing Barney with a murderous glare. “You little _shit_!”

 

He drew back his good hand into a fist, backhanding Barney furiously, and stars danced before Barney’s eyes at the force of the blow. He braced himself for worse, heart racing with mingled panic and hope. He didn’t know if Marshall and Lily had even still been outside his door by the time he’d managed to find the strength to speak up.

 

Hope swiftly won out, when the sound of his apartment door crashing in met his ears.

 

“Barney?” Marshall called out, his voice frantic from Barney’s living room. “Where are you, man?”

 

A moment later, Marshall and Lily came careening into the bedroom – and stopped short at the sight that met their eyes.

 

Ted stood there, dumb with shock, staring at them. He was caught, and had no explanation, no way to make this right, as the expression of utter disbelief slowly gave way to horror and distrust on Marshall’s and Lily’s faces.

 

And as Lily finally broke out of her shock enough to rush to Barney’s side, shaking hands struggling with the belts that bound him… relief overcame his shame and uncertainty, and Barney finally broke down and cried.


	32. Chapter 32

“Okay, guys… this… isn’t as bad as it looks. I mean, it’s _not_ bad, at all, not really. It’s not conventional, no, and it’s a little on the dark side I guess, but it’s between two consenting adults, and that makes it our business, doesn’t it?” Ted’s voice was rising in pitch and speed as he rambled on, pouring out shaking words designed to appease his shocked, horrified friends. “Okay, so there’s a little pain, a little bondage… a lot of people are into that sort of thing. Barney’s even _talked_ about it before. He _wanted_ me to…”

“Ted, shut up,” Lily snapped, her voice low and trembling, her hands shaking as she wrestled with the belts that bit into Barney’s wrists.

When she had them off, she reached out a hand to brace behind Barney’s head, helping him to sit up. She tried to make eye contact, but Barney couldn’t bring himself to meet her gaze. He closed his eyes, turning his head away, his face hot and burning not only from where Ted had slapped him, but also with sheer, overwhelming shame at being found like this. Lily’s hand was still trembling, but it felt cool and soothing on his cheek, her voice quiet and insistent, urgent.

“ _Barney_. Barney, what happened? Talk to me.”

“Nothing _happened_!” Ted insisted, and Barney flinched a little at the mounting frustration in Ted’s voice, and the sound of his moving closer to the bed. Ted was on the edge of losing control, and Barney knew what kind of things had a tendency to occur when _that_ happened. “He’s not hurt! He’s _fine_! Lily, just back off and give him a minute, let me talk to…”

“Ted, you’d better back the hell off _right now_!” Lily snarled, her hand leaving Barney’s face, and he opened his eyes in time to see her spin around to face Ted, a dangerous fury in her eyes, her small fists clenched at her sides. “I don’t even know what’s going on here, but I’m _really_ pissed off and freaked out and I’m _going_ to find out, and something tells me you _don’t_ wanna be _in my face_ when I do!”

“Barney?” Marshall’s voice was quiet, cautious – but abruptly far too close.

Barney jumped, flinching away when Marshall’s large hand touched his shoulder. He suddenly realized that there was no longer anything holding him down to the bed, and scrambled off the other side of it, away from his friends. He grabbed his soft, terrycloth bathrobe from its hook on the bathroom door and pulled it around himself, suddenly, desperately self-conscious.

“Barney, I’m sorry, man,” Marshall said, holding up his hands in an appeasing gesture and not moving any closer to him. “Just… we wanna know you’re all right, okay? What… what _happened_ here?”

“Guys, this is getting ridiculous,” Ted insisted, with a little laugh that was high-pitched and panicked and entirely unpleasant. “I know it’s weird, and I don’t expect you to get it, but – we’ve been seeing each other, okay? Sleeping together – for the past… couple of months, and – and this is just a part of that. It’s what – what Barney _likes_ , okay? What he needs. He – he asked me to…”

“To what?” Lily cut Ted off in furious disbelief. “To tie him down and smack him around until he’s all bruised up and bleeding like that?”

Barney frowned, confused, raising one hand to touch the tender spot at the side of his mouth where Ted had hit him. His fingers came away damp and stained red, and he stared at them in a vague sort of surprise; he hadn’t realized he was bleeding. Suddenly, he felt lightheaded and incredibly overwhelmed by the entire situation. He just wanted them all to _go away_ so that he could _think –_ so he could figure out how he was supposed to explain this without pissing off Ted even more or making Marshall and Lily reject him, so he could figure out what the _hell_ he was supposed to _do now_ …

He wasn’t quite sure how he got there, but the next thing he knew, Barney was sitting on the floor against the wall, his head aching and heavy and resting in his hands. Small, cool hands – Lily’s hands – were on his arm and on his shoulder, and her voice was soothing and gentle, such a sharp contrast to the dangerous anger he’d heard in it only moments earlier.

“Okay, so maybe – _maybe_ I get Barney wanting to get like – tied up and stuff. That kind of stuff is… sometimes fun,” Marshall conceded. “But Ted – he’s fricking _bleeding_. And if he wanted it, why was he screaming for help? That’s the whole reason we came in here in the first place.”

“He’s _Barney_!” Ted protested, and the disgust and resentment in his voice made Barney flinch, his stomach sinking with a profound sense of shame. “How can you expect me to explain _anything_ he does? This is the guy with an elaborate playbook full of schemes for how to dupe people! Maybe it’s a prank – a really ill-advised, dangerous prank, but then aren’t _most_ of his crazy ideas ill-advised and dangerous? He’s just waiting for you guys to like, call the cops on me, or punch me in the face or something, and then he’s going to be jumping up and pointing and laughing and going all, ‘Got ya! That was _legendary_!’”

“He’s not _faking_ this, Ted!” Lily snapped, and Barney noticed with a vague sense of confusion that while her voice was sharp and angry again, her hands remained steady, gentle and soothing on his overheated skin. “He’s shaking, and he’s white as a sheet, and I… I think he might be going into shock. We need to get him checked out. Barney? Barney, sweetie, look at me…”

Barney’s shame was like a physical weight around the back of his neck, holding his head down, preventing him from meeting the concern he knew he’d see in Lily’s eyes. He just shook his head a little, keeping his face hidden in his hands.

“He’s just… totally shutting down, here,” Marshall pointed out, the unease in his voice more pronounced. A moment later he added in a quietly horrified voice, “Ted… dude, what the _hell_?”

“ _God,_ you guys are being _ridiculous_!” Ted exploded. “Fine! Believe whatever you’re going to! Just forget the last 15 years of friendship, and throw it away for _him_ , that’s just _fine_!” he spat the words out in disgust. “I am _out_ of here! Let me know if you decide to come to your senses and actually _listen_ to my side of the story!”

“Ted… we’ve _been_ listening.” Marshall’s voice was quiet, strangely calm. “It’s just… what you’re saying isn’t making any sense.”

There was no response, but a moment later, Barney’s bedroom door slammed, hard. A few moments later, the shadow that fell over him let Barney know that Marshall had ventured close again. This time, however, he didn’t touch Barney, just crouched down low beside him and Lily.

“Barney?” he said softly. “Dude, you okay? You’re… kind of scaring us here, you know?”

As Marshall spoke, Lily shifted so that she was sitting on the floor beside Barney, and her hand left his shoulder, only to wrap her arm around his shoulders and tug him gently into her side.

“Come on, sweetie,” she said, her voice hushed and patient, but trembling slightly. “Come on, Barney. Talk to me. What happened?”

“I-I can’t,” Barney whispered, the words feeling thick and clumsy on his tongue. “It – it’s too much. Too – complicated.” He let out a heavy, shaky sigh, brushing one trembling hand back through his hair, suddenly feeling overwhelmingly close to tears again.

“It’s okay,” Lily reassured him, reaching out her free hand to take his and pull it down, holding it gently and resting their joined hands on her knee. “We have all the time you need.”

“I just… I just wanted things to be like they used to be, you know? I wanted him to… to _forgive_ me…”

Lily frowned. “For what, Barney?” She glanced around the room, letting out a disgusted little huff. “Looks to me like _he’s_ the one who needs forgiveness.”

Barney looked away, swallowing hard. It was difficult to make himself answer, and when he did, his voice was barely over a whisper.

“ _Robin_.”

Lily was quiet for a moment before she replied, her voice hushed with disbelief. “Barney… I thought Ted _did_ forgive you for that. He _said_ he did. I mean… you guys have been just fine for the past couple of months. You’ve been…” Her voice trailed off, and she looked up at the bed again, quiet for a long moment before she spoke again, horrified realization dawning in her voice. “… doing _this_. For… a couple of months, Ted said. Oh my _God_ , Barney, has he been… this whole time…”

Tears slipped from Barney’s eyes, and he swiped a shaky hand across his eyes, his voice breaking over his words. “I… I needed to earn it,” he whispered. “I needed to… prove to him that I was… not going to let him down again…”

“Barney, _no_ ,” Lily objected, horrified. “Sweetie, that’s… what, you hurt him, so he gets to hurt you until he feels _better_ about it, somehow? That’s not how friendship works, Barney.”

“He… said it was the only way, but…” Ted’s cold words echoed in Barney’s mind again, and he shivered, an icy knot forming in the pit of his stomach. “… he was lying. He… never intended for things to be… be okay again. It… _can’t_ ever be okay again.” He was quiet for a long moment, shaking his head. “Maybe… maybe it never was. Maybe… we were never really… friends to begin with.”

The words were sharp, painful, cutting into his heart even as he spoke them. It was devastating to think that they might be true. But the pieces seemed to be falling into place in Barney’s mind, as agonizing and heartbreaking as the picture they formed was turning out to be. Barney looked up at Lily, and her face somehow looked different to him than it had a few moments before.

“Maybe,” he added, staring at her, feeling the distance settle between them, “maybe _none_ of us ever were.”

Lily’s eyes widened in dismay. “Barney, that’s not true…”

“Of course you’re our friend,” Marshall objected. “Dude… we _love_ you…”

Barney couldn’t really listen, couldn’t really process what they were saying. He looked away again, his dark, troubled thoughts swirling in his mind, bringing his worst fears to reality. “Ted… never really did anything but _put up_ with me, did he? I’m the one who… who started it. All of it. And he just sort of… tolerated me, the whole time. He never saw me as… as an equal. As a _friend_. Just… someone who was always around, and he was usually annoyed with.” He looked up at Lily again at last, anguished. “Is that… is that how you guys see me, too? Was… was _any_ of it ever real?”

The tears in Lily’s eyes gave him hope that maybe, _maybe_ he was wrong. She shook her head, her mouth trembling as she lowered her head onto his shoulder and held him tight.

“ _Yes_ , Barney,” she cried quietly. “Of course it was. It _is_. You’re just… you’re really confused and upset right now, and… and you have every right to be.” She looked up, anger mingled with sorrow in her eyes. “We never did anything to give you any reason to believe that we’d take your side over Ted’s.”

Abruptly, Marshall stood up, and Barney looked up at him, alarmed at the smoldering fury he saw on his face. He braced himself for the worst. Lily was clearly accepting his story, and making it clear that she was on his side.

Marshall, on the other hand, had been friends with Ted for longer, considered him his very best friend in the world… and was quite possibly the most loyal person Barney had ever met.

“Marshall.” Lily’s voice was concerned. “What are you doing?”

Marshall didn’t answer, just stood there for a moment, visibly conflicted. Then, he turned and headed for the door.

“Where are you going?” Lily called after him. “Marshall?”

“To find Ted,” Marshall explained, pausing in the doorway, his hand gripping the door so tightly that Barney thought he might crack the wood. Over his shoulder, before he walked out, Marshall added, “He doesn’t get to just _walk away_ from this.”


	33. Chapter 33

Lily sat with Barney on his bedroom floor for quite a while, cradling his head against her shoulder and running her fingers slowly through the hair at the back of his head, soothing him as best she could – but he didn’t stop shaking, and she couldn’t blame him, not in the slightest – not after what he’d been through.

 

And the very thought of what he’d been through, and who’d put him through it, was enough to make Lily want to be sick.

 

It still didn’t seem possible. She could hardly believe what she’d seen with her own eyes, could hardly fathom the idea that _Ted_ could have done something so terrible to Barney. And even worse, she realized with a sharp pang of guilt – she wasn’t sure she’d have believed it at all if she _hadn’t_ seen it – if Barney had opened up to her and told her everything like she’d pushed him to do so many times. He’d held back, in fear that she wouldn’t believe him, that she’d side with Ted – and Lily couldn’t be certain that she wouldn’t have done just that.

 

_No wonder he lied, made up stories about jealous boyfriends and an abusive girl who wouldn’t leave him alone. No wonder he didn’t trust us to help him, thought we’d just make things worse for him if he told us and we didn’t believe him…_

_No wonder he just kept letting Ted do this to him again, and again, and_ again… _because he was_ so sure _that there was no other choice, that no one would place enough value on him to take him at his word and_ help _him…_

“I’m so sorry, sweetie,” Lily whispered, shaking her head slowly, closing her eyes against the tears she only _thought_ had stopped flowing, because here they were, obscuring her vision again, burning her eyes with things she wished she’d never seen, and wished she’d seen so much sooner. “Barney, I’m so, so sorry. We didn’t know. We didn’t…” She stopped, struggling to steady her voice as she drew back and tried to meet his eyes. “It’s over now, Barney,” she stated firmly. “You’re safe. It’s over.”

 

Barney kept his eyes focused on the floor in front of him, nodding sort of absently, as if just to appease her, as if he wasn’t really hearing her at all.

 

“Come on,” Lily said softly. “Let’s get you up, okay? You must be freezing. We need to get some clothes on you, okay?”

 

Barney nodded again, silent, eyes averted as he allowed Lily to help him to his feet. Unthinking, she started to lead him to the edge of the bed, only realizing when he pulled back why that might not be such a great idea. She winced, an apologetic grimace on her face.

 

“I’m sorry,” she repeated. “Bad idea. Let’s… go in the living room.”

 

Barney went with her easily then, allowing her to lead him by the hand like a child, until they’d reached the sofa and she sat down, tugging him down beside her. Hesitant and uncertain, he searched her face for a moment before looking away again, self-conscious. Lily raised a gentle hand to brush through his hair, saddened by the obvious shame he was feeling, for something over which he’d had no control.

 

“Just wait here a minute,” she said softly. “I’m going to find you something to wear, and then – we’ll figure out what we need to do next. Okay?”

 

Barney nodded, still so strangely silent. It was unlike him, and yet seemed a natural response, to Lily’s mind. What was there to say, anyway? There was nothing that could undo the irreparable damage that had been done to their little circle, nothing that could take them back to five minutes before Lily had knocked on Barney’s door.

 

And even that was a selfish thought, she realized – because five minutes before, Lily had been blissfully ignorant – and Barney had been tied down, waiting to be abused and violated… suffering in silence.

 

Whatever had gone wrong in their mutual, five-way friendship had surely happened in the very distant past; whatever was wrong with Ted had been wrong for a _very_ long time.

 

Lily went back into Barney’s bedroom, bypassing the closet completely and instead going to his dresser. She had no interest at all in the stiff, stylish dress clothes he usually favored, part of the disguise he used to keep everyone believing that he was fine, that everything was perfect in his life, that there was nothing and no one he needed. It was a mask that he usually held perfectly in place, a convincing facsimile that easily passed for reality; and as painful as it was to see behind it now, Lily had no intention of placing that mask back into his hands.

 

Crumpled in the back of the bottom drawer, Lily found an old, soft pair of pajama pants and a gray cotton t-shirt. She was pretty sure Barney hadn’t actually worn them in years, but at the moment, they seemed like just the thing. She returned to the living room with the clothing in hand, and placed them on the sofa beside Barney.

 

“I’ll just… give you a minute,” she suggested, suddenly feeling a bit awkward, and she started to go back into the bedroom. “Let me know when you’re done changing…”

 

“ _Wait_ …” Barney’s voice was hoarse from tears and disuse, but she could clearly hear the desperation in his voice, felt it in the trembling grasp of his hand as he caught hers, just before she moved out of reach. “Lily, don’t… I mean… you can just… turn your back, or something. Right? Don’t… I don’t want to… to be…”

 

“Of course,” Lily hurriedly agreed, wincing at her own carelessness. “Of course, sweetie, I’m not going anywhere. I’ll be right here.” She turned away from Barney to give him his privacy, leaning against the arm of the sofa facing away from him.

 

It took him longer than she would have expected to get dressed, and she almost wanted to offer to help, knowing how badly shaken he was, how close he’d been to slipping into a completely nonfunctional state, only minutes earlier. She wondered if Barney was even attempting to get dressed, or still just sitting there, nearly catatonic, lost in the torment of his own thoughts.

 

“Ready.”

 

When Lily turned around, Barney presented a rather strange picture, dressed in the casual, comfortable clothes she had brought him, nothing like the usual image he portrayed. There was a smile on his lips – brittle and uneasy and nowhere close to touching his eyes – but still, a smile. He seemed to have used the few minutes he’d taken getting dressed to regain some semblance of calm and composure.

 

Lily sat down on the sofa beside him, reaching out to take his hand. He might want to hide some of his pain and confusion beneath the mask that had become so much a part of him by this point, but she was determined not to let him disappear completely behind it. She tugged gently on his hand, encouraging him to draw closer to her as she sat back on the sofa, and he reluctantly complied, settling in close beside her, but not looking at her, staring down at his anxiously fidgeting hands in his lap.

 

“What do you want to do, sweetie?” she asked at last, breaking the silence. “We can go to the police…”

 

“No,” Barney replied quietly, immediately, without hesitation. “No police.”

 

Lily frowned, hating that little part of herself that still felt a measure of relief, because _God_ , how it would tear them all apart if one of their tight inner circle went to _prison_! But if Ted had really done to Barney what it appeared that he had done, then he _deserved_ to pay for it, and Barney deserved to know that what he’d been through _mattered_ , that Ted wouldn’t get away with it just because he was Ted, and just because Barney was… well, _Barney_.

 

“Okay,” she replied slowly, keeping her tone carefully neutral. “Let’s at least go to the hospital, get you checked out. That way your injuries will be… documented, so that… you know, if you change your mind later on…”

 

“I’m not going to change my mind.” Barney’s voice was quiet and even, his gaze still downcast. “And besides, he… didn’t really do anything, did he? I’ve got a split lip and a bruise on my face. Besides that, there’s… no evidence to prove that anything happened. Not… this time.”

 

_This time…_

 

Those two simple words broke Lily’s heart all over again, with the realization of how many times Barney had gone through this kind of abuse, how many times there might have been evidence, had anyone simply cared enough to _notice_. She wanted to push, wanted to insist that Barney go to the hospital – but instead, she simply nodded, gently squeezing his hand.

 

“Okay. Whatever you want to do, Barney.”

 

_He’s been forced too much lately, into too many things he didn’t want to do. There’s no way I’m going to do that to him again… even for his own good._

 

“You just need to know that… we’re here for you, Barney. Me and Marshall. And Robin, once she… I mean, if you… decide to tell her.”

 

Barney’s hand tensed in hers, and he turned his head away, biting his lower lip anxiously. Lily regretted the words, but knew that Robin would have to know _something_ , sooner or later – whenever Barney was ready.

 

“Everything’s going to be okay, Barney,” Lily assured him softly, raising her hand to run soothingly through the hair at the back of his neck. “I promise. No matter what… we won’t ever let Ted _touch_ you again.”

 

************************************************

 

Marshall found Ted in the very first place he looked – his own apartment. He hadn’t even bothered to close the front door, and Marshall could hear the sounds of his banging things and stomping around as soon as he entered the hallway. He followed the sounds into Ted’s bedroom, where he was tossing clothes and toiletries into a suitcase that was lying open on his bed. He didn’t notice Marshall at all, muttering angrily under his breath.

 

“So, what? You’re just going to leave town?”

 

“ _Fuck_!” Ted hissed, jumping a mile as he spun around to face Marshall with wide, startled eyes. “Marshall, what are you _doing_ here?”

 

“Ted – what _happened_ , man?” Marshall asked, shaking his head sadly as he ignored Ted’s question and took a couple of steps closer. “How could you do that to him? I thought you two were friends…”

 

“Yeah, well, so did I!” Ted snapped, turning back to his haphazard packing job. “Until he slept with the love of my life behind my back…”

 

“Robin is _not_ the love of your life!” Before he knew it, Marshall was yelling, holding out both hands in front of himself in a frustrated gesture. “When are you going to get that through your head, Ted? You two are just not meant to be. You want totally different things, and the two of you are ancient history by now. So he slept with her. She’s not yours to control! Barney didn’t do _anything wrong_!”

 

Ted turned back toward Marshall, eyes accusing and wide with disbelief. “ _What_?”

 

“ _You’re_ the one who’s gone off the deep end, here, Ted,” Marshall insisted. “You – you tied him down and _forced_ him to…” Marshall shook his head, feeling too sick to even finish that thought. “Do you realize that he could press charges? Do you realize your life could be _over_ now, because of what _you did_?”

 

Marshall was a little gratified by Ted’s flinch at those words, relieved that at least _something_ he was saying seemed to be getting through – but that relief swiftly faded into disappointment as a slow, contemptuous sneer formed on Ted’s lips.

 

“ _Please_ ,” he spat out viciously. “Like he hasn’t gotten a hundred times worse from like, a dozen of the women he’s slept with… and _loved_ it, by the way…”

 

“But none of them _mattered_ to him, Ted!” Marshall pointed out, desperate with frustration. “ _You_ – you matter to Barney more than _anyone_! In his insane, reckless life full of one meaningless, dangerous encounter after another, you’re the only person he would have given _anything_ for. And now…” Marshall hesitated, swallowing hard, but unable to keep his voice from trembling as he concluded sadly, “… now you’re just… one more thing he has to get over.”

 

Ted swallowed hard, visibly trembling with rage, hands clenched into white-knuckled fists as he glared at Marshall in stubborn defiance. “Get out,” he whispered.

 

“What?” Marshall shook his head, disbelieving. “Ted…”

 

“ _Get out_!” Ted screamed. “Get out, Marshall, I _don’t want you here_!”

 

Marshall stared at him for a long moment, blinking back the tears that rose, unbidden, to his eyes. He looked away, swallowing hard, before looking back up to meet Ted’s gaze.

 

“Fine,” he said softly. “I – I’m needed elsewhere, anyway.”

 

And with those pointed words, he turned and walked out of Ted’s room, out of his apartment – out of his _life_ , he was pretty sure – because he was fairly certain that wherever Ted was going, he wasn’t planning on coming back anytime soon.


	34. Chapter 34

Barney hadn’t actually seen the t-shirt and pajama pants that Lily found for him in years; they’d been buried at the back of a dresser drawer, along with a handful of other items that he never, ever voluntarily chose to wear. He had to admit as he pulled them on with shaking hands that they were comfortable and soft against his chilled skin. 

Too soft. Not adequate armor at all. He didn’t feel powerful or intimidating or confident in these clothes – not that he’d actually felt any of those things for a very long time. Barney sat back down on the sofa, wrapping an arm around his torso in an instinctively protective gesture, biting his lower lip and closing his eyes in an attempt to keep back the tears which were still so close to the surface. Lily was waiting, awkwardly shifting from one foot to the other, and the pressure of her worry weighed on him, silently pushing him to hurry up and get it together, to stop being… being… whatever this was, whatever Ted had made of him, and just be awesome instead, but…

But you’re not awesome, are you? Never were. Just an act… just a disguise, and now she sees right through it. Now they all do…

Still, out of little more than sheer habit, he put on a smile and tried to forcibly steady his voice, rising to his feet and declaring that he was ready – though the word was meaningless. Ready for what, exactly? he wondered even as he spoke. What happened now? How could things ever be right again? 

Lily was sweet and supportive, tenderly comforting him and offering him options – none of which felt right to him. All of them made him feel sick. Going to the police, going to the hospital – having to tell this humiliating story to strangers, in the hopes that – what? Ted would be arrested? Go to prison? No, Barney didn’t want any of that. He just wanted to pretend that none of this had ever happened, to go back to the way things used to be – back before things had gotten so bad that he couldn’t possibly imagine anything worse.

And then, Lily mentioned Robin – and suddenly, Barney could imagine much, much worse. 

He couldn’t even fathom the idea of telling her about this, trying to explain to her how it had all happened, and what Ted had done, and why, and God, would she even believe it? Perhaps it was better if she didn’t – better than Robin hearing this story and concluding that it was somehow her fault, for sleeping with Barney in the first place. And yet, there was no way that she could be kept in the dark about what was happening, not now that Marshall and Lily knew. Everything he’d been keeping secret for the past few months was coming to light, and there was nothing he could do about it. It was all slipping from his control – not that it’d ever been in his control to begin with.

And all of a sudden, though he knew it was sick, and wrong, and incredibly fucked up… all Barney wanted was just to talk to Ted. 

For the past few months, Ted had been the one in control of Barney’s life, dictating his every move, telling him what to do and where to go and how to respond – and now, it was as if Barney didn’t know how to choose, how to react to what was happening, without Ted telling him. Although he knew it was twisted and dangerous to open that door again now that it had finally, mercifully been shut, a part of Barney was desperate for Ted to take control again and take these painful, confusing decisions out of his hands.

And that just proves once more how unbelievably fucked up you are, Stinson. Broken beyond repair. 

Barney’s reaction to his apartment door opening in the next moment only confirmed his dismal conclusion; he flinched violently, turning wide, panicked eyes toward the door, not relaxing even when he saw that it was just Marshall. Lily put a reassuring arm around his shoulder, gently shushing him. 

“It’s okay,” she said softly. “It’s okay, Barney, he’s not coming back. And if he does, you won’t be alone with him. We’re not going anywhere. You’re safe, okay?”

But Barney wasn’t so sure. He didn’t answer, just watched warily as Marshall crossed the room to sit down on the couch at his other side, silent and grim. Suddenly, Barney dropped his gaze, unable to bring himself to meet Marshall’s eyes, as a tremor of dread began in the pit of his stomach, and the sick, anxious feeling intensified. 

Marshall had always been Ted’s best friend. Barney’d tried to convince himself that he filled that role in Ted’s life, but now more than ever it was clear that he’d only ever been deluding himself. A part of him had always known that Ted’s and Marshall’s bond was something he could never quite touch – and now, Marshall was being faced with a choice between his very best friend who’d been like a brother to him since college, and Barney. 

They’d made it clear enough times, hadn’t they? They didn’t even know why they were friends with him at all half the time – so why would Marshall of all people choose to take his side over Ted’s?

Marshall’s going to want to be on Ted’s side… he’s going to want to believe whatever Ted just told him… so… he’s going to know it’s my fault, and he’s going to explain that to Lily, and this… this isn’t going to last, Lily comforting you like this, telling you it’s all going to be okay, because they’re going to turn on you, they’ll take his side and you’re going to be out in the cold, with nowhere to turn, just like Ted said… you never should have called out for help, never should have opened your stupid mouth, should have kept quiet and been good and done what Ted said and now you’ve fucked it all up, you stupid, worthless little shit…

Barney’s increasingly frantic thoughts faded into soft, white static as Marshall’s large, warm hand gently closed around his. He looked back up at Marshall, startled and silently questioning, confused and surprised to see that Marshall’s eyes were brimming with tears. His voice was hoarse and quiet, unbearably gentle, as he broke the silence. 

“Barney… dude, I’m so sorry.” 

And with those simple, soft words… Barney was undone. 

Suddenly, he was crying openly, great, aching sobs torn from his chest, because the last person he’d expected to believe him was Marshall, and yet now, faced with the soft warmth in Marshall’s voice and eyes, the gentle, steady friendship he’d always offered, Barney couldn’t remember why he’d ever expected anything less. 

Marshall’s arms were strong around him, but they made Barney feel secure rather than restrained, reassuring him of the fact that all the protection that Marshall could offer was in Barney’s corner for a change, completely focused on keeping him safe and making sure Ted didn’t get the opportunity to hurt him again. 

Barney lowered his head onto Marshall’s shoulder and simply let himself cry, as Marshall held him and Lily ran a slow, soothing hand up and down his back, shifting in closer so that he could feel the warm softness of her body at his back, a support holding him up so that he could finally, finally let go. 

“We didn’t know,” Marshall whispered over and over. “I’m so sorry, Barney, we didn’t know…”

They stayed like that for a long time, Barney pouring out his tears, sheltered between his two friends, feeling safe and cared for, for the first time in as long as he could remember. They stayed like that until a sort of calm seemed to fall over Barney, his tears cleansing away the panic and confusion of the last few hours. Here, for these few moments, he didn’t have to worry about whether what he said or did was right, or going to piss someone off, or get him slapped in the face, or worse. All he had to do was just be, and Marshall and Lily were okay with that. 

Barney had never felt so grateful.

Unfortunately, it couldn’t last forever. 

“Barney… sweetie…” Lily’s voice broke the silence at last, a little raspy with the tears that Barney hadn’t realized she’d been crying, too. “I know you… you don’t want to… don’t want Ted to… to get into trouble, but…” She hesitated, and Barney instinctively buried his face closer against Marshall’s shoulder, knowing he wouldn’t like what she was about to say. “… you really should see a doctor, honey. Just to make sure you’re okay…”

“And… just in case. For the future.”

As Marshall pulled away a little to see Barney’s face, Barney lowered his head, not quite ready for eye contact. He shook his head, lips parted to protest, but Marshall placed a hand on his shoulder, silencing him as he continued gently.

“I know you don’t want to get him into trouble, Barney. But… this isn’t your fault. And I know you’re going to hear that a lot for a while, but… it’s the truth, and… I can’t help but think that… the only reason you don’t want to pursue this is that…” Marshall paused, his words cautious and measured as he concluded, “… that you don’t believe that yet. But you have nothing to be ashamed of, Barney. And… one day, you’re going to understand that. And when you do… you’re going to want the documentation… the pictures. You’ll want them then, and… and then it’ll be too late, and you’ll have regrets about this night, and… we wouldn’t be your friends if we didn’t tell you that. You need to do this, Barney. We’ll go with you, if you want… or not, if that’s what you want, just… whatever you need, but… you need to record that he’s responsible for this… even if you never use it, never take it any further than that. Please, Barney. Please do this for yourself.”

Lily’s hand on Barney’s back slid up to his shoulder, squeezing gently, and he turned reluctantly to look at her. Her expression was sad and sympathetic. “Maybe you can’t do that right now. Maybe you can’t do anything for yourself, because you don’t think… don’t think you’re worth it right now,” she acknowledged. “But… if you can’t, then… can you do it for us?” 

******************************************************

It was five o’clock in the morning when Robin finally got into a taxi and headed back toward the apartment, her job finished for another morning. Once she was safely on her way, she took her cell phone from her purse and checked her messages. She frowned, troubled by the alarming number of missed calls. There was a single text message, from Ted, which read, “Call me as soon as you get off work, okay? Before you talk to anyone else”. 

Robin’s frown deepened; that was rather cryptic and ominous, especially given the currently strained condition of her friendship with Ted. What could he possibly want to say that he didn’t want the others knowing about… or didn’t want the others telling her first? 

She began to feel uneasy as she looked further, and saw that of the fourteen missed calls on her phone, twelve of them were from Ted. One was from her father – his bi-annual check-in call, she was sure. These days she tried to make it a point to miss that. 

The last one was from Lily’s phone. Robin pressed the button for her voicemail and held the phone to her ear. 

Ted had left half a dozen messages, all very vague, with a strange agitation in his voice that intensified her feeling of unease. The theme was the same throughout the messages – Ted was insistent that Robin call him as soon as she left work, before talking to any of the others. The final message was from Lily – brief and concise, just a few words which sent Robin’s heart plummeting into her stomach, her mouth going dry with fear.

“Robin, it’s Lily. We need you to meet us at the ER.”


	35. Chapter 35

“Forget that address I just gave you,” Robin told the cabbie, leaning forward in her seat and peering anxiously out the windshield, trying to gauge the amount of traffic that lay between her and her friends. “Head to Mercy Hospital on 14th Street, please.”

 

With a little nod, the cabbie complied, and Robin leaned back in her seat again, staring down at her phone and biting her lower lip as she scrolled to Lily’s number. Before she could press “send”, however,  her phone began to ring in her hand. She blinked at it for a moment, strangely uncertain when she saw that it was Ted calling. Lily’s warning to talk to them before she talked to Ted echoed in her memory, along with the unsettling, almost manic tone of the messages Ted had left her.

 

 _This is silly,_ she told herself finally, decisively pressing the button to receive his call. _It’s Ted. Why shouldn’t I talk to him?_

“Robin? Oh, thank God.”

 

“Hey,” Robin spoke slowly, cautiously, feeling strangely tentative. “Ted – what the hell is going on?”

 

“It’s not what you think,” Ted replied, voice trembling and unsteady, words spilling rapid fire over each other. “I know you must think I’m crazy, but I’m telling the truth. It’s what Barney wanted – it was all him from the start. They don’t believe me; I don’t know why they won’t _believe_ me! I mean, between me and Barney, Robin, who would _you_ believe?”

 

“I don’t have a freakin’ clue, Ted,” Robin answered as soon as he paused for breath, “because I don’t know what is going on here. What does Barney have to do with this? Is he hurt? Are – are _you_ hurt? Why do I need to meet you guys at the emergency room?”

 

Ted was quiet for a moment, before he echoed, “The emergency room?”

 

“Yeah. Lily called and told me to meet her there. Aren’t _you_ there? Who’s hurt?”

 

“No one’s hurt,” Ted insisted, and Robin could hear frustration and resentment in his voice. “Barney’s fine. He’s a liar, and they should know that by now. You can’t know Barney for five minutes without knowing what a liar he is, and yet they still won’t listen; he’s making me the bad guy and they _won’t listen_ …”

 

“Ted, please,” Robin sighed. “You’re not making any sense. Can’t you just tell me what happened, from the beginning?”

 

“From the…” Ted’s voice trailed off into silence, and for a moment Robin thought the call had dropped. Then, the silence was broken by a strangely manic, barely audible laugh that sent a strange chill down her spine. “From the _beginning_ … Robin, if you only knew…”

 

“Ted… I’ll call you when I leave the ER, okay?” Robin tried again. “Maybe Lily can help me understand…”

 

“ _No_!” Ted cut her off sharply. “No, Robin, really, no one’s hurt. There’s no need to go to the ER. Just – why don’t you just come meet me and – and I’ll explain everything, I promise. Please, Robin, if you’ll just give me a chance to explain…”

 

“Meet you where?” Robin frowned. “Lily said they’re at the ER, and I don’t want to leave them waiting…”

 

“Meet me at MacLaren’s. Please? I’ll be waiting for you there. I just need the chance to explain, Robin. _Please_.”

 

“O-okay.” Robin hesitated, her answer almost automatic; Ted sounded so freaked out, so scarily unhinged, that it just seemed to be the thing to say – whatever would calm him. “I’ll be there, okay? Just… wait there.”

 

As she hung up the phone, the cabbie glanced at her in the rearview mirror. “Where to, Miss?” he asked, resignation in his voice.

 

*****************************************

 

They sat in the crowded ER waiting room, settled in for a long wait on the thin, cheap loveseat that was still the most comfortable piece of furniture in the room. Lily was on Barney’s right, holding his hand firmly in hers, while Marshall paced back and forth in front of them like a wary, if somewhat agitated, sentry keeping watch.

 

“We don’t need to do this,” Barney tried quietly, for about the fifteenth time since they’d arrived there and he’d filled out the standard paperwork. “I’m not even really hurt that bad. Which just means we’ll be waiting here for hours while they deal with all the _actual emergencies_ , just to have them tell me what I already know – which is that I’m _fine_. We should all just go home…”

 

“Barney.” Lily’s voice was gentle and stern at the same time, a tone he was pretty sure she’d perfected in her kindergarten classroom. “Shh.”

 

“But…”

 

“ _Shhh_ ,” Lily repeated, reaching out and taking his hand, the arm that was wrapped around his shoulders gently pushing his head down onto her shoulder. “We’re staying.”

 

Barney fell silent for a while after that, just closing his eyes and finding himself drifting off a little in the comfort of Lily’s touch, one hand holding his and the other playing slowly, soothingly through his hair. They had a long wait ahead of them, he was sure, and he was just so _exhausted_ , so tired of worrying and wondering what was going to happen, and it couldn’t hurt to just close his eyes for a few minutes...

 

They’d only been waiting a few minutes, though, when Barney felt Lily tense beside him. He sat up, blinking sleepily to clear his vision, not sure what had happened, until he heard Lily’s voice, soft and breathless with relief.

 

“Oh, Robin, thank God.”

 

Lily might have been glad to see her, but Barney’s stomach dropped, and he suddenly couldn’t look up, feeling sick, his face burning with shame. Robin didn’t know about any of this yet, and a small, irrational part of his mind had allowed himself to believe that maybe she would never have to. Of course that wasn’t true, he knew; in their tight-knit little circle, whatever happened with Ted, whatever consequences there were for either of them and the sordid events of the past few months – there was no way that Robin wouldn’t end up hearing about it.

 

He just couldn’t bear to look at her when she did.

 

“Guys, what happened? What’s going on? Ted called and asked me to meet him and not to come here, but… but I just thought… I had to come.” Barney’s downcast eyes caught Robin’s jeans, her trembling, hesitant hands, but came nowhere near her face as she sat down in the chair next to the sofa where he sat, reaching out uncertainly to touch his knee. “Barney, are you okay? What – what’s going on with Ted?”

 

Barney closed his eyes, and only awkward silence met her words.

 

“Come on, guys, will someone please tell me _something_?” Robin’s voice was frustrated, quietly exhausted. “ _Please_.”

 

“You want me to…?” Lily’s voice was soft next to his ear, hesitant and uncertain, but Barney gratefully nodded, disentangling his hand from hers and sitting up enough that she could stand up. He watched as she took Robin’s hand instead and spoke in a quiet, hushed voice. “Robin… come for a walk with me. I’ll explain everything, okay?”

 

“O-okay.”

 

Robin still sounded reluctant, but she left with Lily – and Barney relaxed, feeling an overwhelming sense of relief when they walked away – not that it made sense to feel any such thing, he reminded himself. Whenever they returned, Robin would _know_ – and she would never, _ever_ look at him the same way again. Suddenly, Barney found himself regretting avoiding her gaze, avoiding what was quite possibly the last time she’d ever look at him without disgust and pity in her eyes.

 

Marshall sat down in Lily’s place, his strong, considerably heavier arm taking the place of hers around his shoulder.

 

“It’s gonna be okay, dude,” he stated firmly. “Robin’s your friend. You’ve got to trust that.”

 

“But… she’s Ted’s friend, too, and… and she was Ted’s girlfriend, and she…”

 

“Barney Stinson?”

 

Barney looked up, startled, at the formal sound of a stranger saying his name, to see a brightly smiling nurse holding a clipboard and looking expectantly around the room.

 

“Well, that was fast,” Barney muttered as he rose to his feet.

 

“I listed it as a domestic assault on the paperwork,” Marshall explained quietly. “I figured that would speed things up a little.”

 

“Marshall!” Barney objected, appalled.

 

“Well, what else would you call it?” Marshall sighed, his tone gently exasperated. “Barney, it’s not exactly untrue – and if it’ll save you having to spend all night here waiting for them to call you back…”

 

“I know,” Barney relented immediately. “I know.” He hesitated a few steps away from the sofa, turning back toward Marshall, biting his lip anxiously. “Will – will you…?”

 

“What – oh. Oh, of course.”

 

Marshall immediately agreed, standing up and following Barney toward the nurse, who led them through the waiting room doors and down a hallway to an examination room. Two or three different aides were in and out of the room in the next ten minutes, instructing Barney to undress and put on the humiliating backless hospital gown, hooking up a pointless IV in the back of his hand, taking his blood pressure and his temperature and other things that were certainly going to be normal and had nothing to do with why he was there, and yet were going to cost his insurance company everything he’d ever paid them.

 

It was easier to focus on such minor irritations, Barney realized even as he was doing it, than to think about what he was going to have to tell the doctor in a few minutes.

 

_I shouldn’t even be here… this is such a huge mistake…_

 

**********************************************

 

As they stepped back into the waiting room almost an hour later, Marshall struggled to keep it together, swiping hurriedly at his eyes as Lily and Robin came into his line of view, sitting across the room in the much less comfortable folding chairs, as someone else had taken the sofa in their absence. At his side, Barney was wiping at his eyes, too, sniffling a little, so Marshall placed a supportive hand on his shoulder, not at all surprised or offended when Barney shrugged it off self-consciously.

 

His eyes were focused on the floor, red-rimmed and tearful, and his hands were trembling as he ran them down over his clothes, smoothing imaginary wrinkles from the soft cotton that was so unusual to see him in. Marshall met Lily’s worried gaze across the room, then glanced at Robin, who was already standing as she watched them approach.

 

As the distance closed between them, Barney’s steps slowed, and he swallowed hard, face flaming red with humiliation. Robin stood there, fidgeting nervously with the hem of her shirt, shifting her weight awkwardly from one foot to the other… until the moment that Barney was within her reach. Then, quickly, almost impulsively, she stepped forward, wrapping her arms around him in a tight hug. Barney froze a moment before hesitantly raising his arms to wrap around her to return the embrace.

 

“Oh, Barney,” she said quietly, her voice trembling and tense, and so low that Marshall could barely make out the furiously muttered words. “I’m gonna kick his ass.”

 

Barney pulled back a little, giving her a worried look. “Robin…”

 

“I mean it,” she insisted, her eyes glistening with furious tears. “I don’t know who he thinks he is that he thinks he can just… _do_ this to you and get away with it, but I’m gonna kick his ass, Barney. He’s _not_ going to get away with this, I promise…”

 

Barney just stared at the floor, eyes wide and bewildered, as if he couldn’t quite process what she was saying – couldn’t quite believe that she was actually on his side. Marshall watched for only a moment, as the encounter seemed to take on a personal quality that made him feel like he was intruding.

 

Besides… he needed to talk to his wife at the moment.

 

Wordlessly, Marshall took Lily’s hand and pulled her to her feet, leading her out the sliding glass doors of the waiting room and into the cool night air outside. She looked up at him with troubled, questioning eyes, reaching up a gentle hand to cup his cheek.

 

“Marshall?” she said softly. “Baby, what is it?”

 

Marshall swallowed hard, looking down for a moment and vainly attempting to blink away the tears that flowed so much more freely now that she was touching him, so gentle and comforting, like the silent permission he needed to stop being strong for a few minutes and let her be there for him.

 

“It’s… it’s really bad, Lilypad,” he whispered at last, his voice hoarse and hesitant. “I knew it was, but… until I _saw_ … I mean, the bruises… the… _marks_ on his… _all over_ his…” Marshall shook his head, looking away. “Ted didn’t just… get mad at Barney for sleeping with Robin and beat him up, hon. He… this is… systematic. Planned out. _Deliberate_ … burns and… and _lash_ marks, and…”

 

“Ted’s been… _getting off_ on hurting Barney, for a long time,” Lily concluded, quietly horrified understanding in her wide eyes as she glanced back inside at where Robin and Barney were sitting now, hands clasped together, oblivious to them, Robin still talking quietly to Barney as he nodded in reluctant acceptance of whatever it was she was saying. “ _Shit_.”

 

“He’s really screwed up, Lil,” Marshall continued. “Like… he needs professional help. And he’s probably going to get it, because… the doctor who saw Barney is a mandatory reporter. He’s going to file a report, and… it lists Ted’s name, and… he’s crossed a line here – maybe two or three – that won’t be easy to cross back, legally, or… or otherwise.”

 

“And Barney,” Lily added softly. “ _He’s_ going to need professional help, too. Therapy.”

 

“Yeah,” Marshall agreed grimly, following her gaze toward Barney. “I don’t see _that_ conversation going well.”

 

“Me either,” Lily agreed. “But we have to try.”

 

Marshall looked back to meet her eyes, a tender, sad smile on his lips. “You’re right. We’ll help him get through this. It won’t be easy, but… it’ll be okay…”

 

His words trailed off as the sliding doors opened again, and he looked up, frowning in surprise to see Robin coming through them.

 

“Hey,” Lily said, catching her arm to stop her as she moved to walk right past them. “What’s going on? Where are you going?”

 

Robin pulled free, but gave Lily a terse, vaguely impatient smile. “Everything’s fine. Well, not fine, but… as fine as it _could_ be. Barney needs you guys, though. He’s ready to go home, but he shouldn’t be alone right now. You’d better get back in there.”

 

“Where are _you_ going?” Lily repeated, frowning with concern. “Robin – what are you up to?”

 

“Nothing,” Robin insisted. “There’s just – somewhere I need to be. I’ll be back, don’t worry. And Barney knows I have to go, and understands. I’ll be back, I just – there’s something I need to take care of.”

 

“Robin, wait a second…”

 

But she ignored Marshall’s protest, turning on her heel and striding away from them, too swiftly for them to stop her. Marshall and Lily hesitated for a moment, considering going after her – but in the end, they knew that Barney needed them more. Quiet and subdued, hand in hand, they made their way back through the doors of the hospital and to Barney’s side.


	36. Chapter 36

“Barney, sweetie…” Lily sat down in the seat next to Barney’s, reaching out to take his hand. “Where did Robin go?”

 

Barney looked up at her, distracted, a little startled, and seemed to take a moment to process her question. Finally he answered quietly. “I don’t know. She wouldn’t tell me. Just – she said she’d come to your house in a little while, she had – something to take care of.”

 

Lily and Marshall exchanged a worried look at that, but Barney seemed oblivious to the implications of Robin’s vague explanation. Of course, he was on the brink of passing out from sheer exhaustion at this point – and his night wasn’t even over yet. The police were on their way, and he would have to give them his statement.

 

“Can’t we just go home?” Barney pleaded quietly, his voice trembling, as he leaned his head against Marshall’s shoulder and squeezed Lily’s hand desperately. “I just – I need to _sleep_ …”

 

“I know, buddy.” Marshall’s voice was low and gentle as he placed a sympathetic hand on the back of Barney’s head, cradling him close. “But you need to do this now while it’s – still fresh in your mind, you know? I’m sorry, but – if you _do_ decide you want to pursue this later, and you wait? Well, the clearer and – and the closer to the time of the actual incident your statement is, well – the better it is for your case.”

 

“I don’t have a case,” Barney muttered. “I don’t _want_ to have a case. I just – I just want…” His words dropped off, and he shook his head helplessly.

 

“What?” Lily pressed gently. “What, sweetie?”

 

Barney was quiet for a long moment before he finally whispered, “I want my _friend_ back.”

 

Tears sprang to Lily’s eyes, and she leaned over to rest against Barney’s side, her thumb stroking over the back of his hand. “I know, Barney,” she whispered. “I know.”

 

When the police arrived, Barney tried to tell them what had happened, but it was such a complicated story, with so many strange twists and turns and incidents that didn’t seem to make sense – _Lily_ was having trouble following it, and she _knew_ both Ted and Barney; she could only imagine the difficulty the police officers were probably having with it.

 

“So… you willingly went with him on this… weekend trip out of town?” One of the officers spoke as he jotted something down on a notepad, his skeptical tone matching the raised tilt of his eyebrow.

 

“ _No_ ,” Barney insisted, frustration creeping into his voice. “He drugged me…”

 

“ _After_ you got into the car with him,” the officer pointed out.

 

“Yes, but… I didn’t _want_ to go,” Barney tried to explain. “I felt like I had to. He said he’d – he’d make my friends believe I was a liar and a – a terrible person and they’d all believe him and if I didn’t do what he wanted then he’d never forgive me and… and…”

 

“Look,” Marshall broke in sharply, a protective arm wrapped around Barney’s shoulders. “What does any of this have to do with _tonight_? _Tonight_ is when Ted came into his apartment without being invited, knocked the shit out of him and forcefully tied him down with every intention of… of…” His voice broke off abruptly, and he held up a halting hand, visibly struggling for control. “Previous relationship of _any kind_ does _not_ indicate consent,” he stated at last, his voice calmer as he fell back on his legal training. “Whether or not my client previously consented to any kind of sexual activity with Ted Mosby has absolutely _nothing_ to do with whether or not he was assaulted tonight.”

 

“Your client?” The second officer gave him a dubious look, which was matched by Barney’s expression.

 

“Yes.” Marshall tilted his head up stubbornly, nodding at Barney firmly. “My _client_. And just for the record, let me make it perfectly clear that if this investigation is not handled with the utmost in professional care, and without prejudice of any kind, especially regarding my client’s sexuality, personal history, or previous relationship with his attacker, we _will_ be suing the city of New York and your precinct for everything they’ve got. And we will _win_. So if there’s any reason why you don’t feel you can handle this investigation impartially…”

 

“No, no, Mr…”

 

“Erikson.”

 

“Mr. Erikson,” the officer who seemed to be in charge was quick to reassure him. “We’re not making any assumptions about Mr. Stinson’s statement. We’re just trying to be sure we understand what happened.” He turned his focus to Barney, his tone a little gentler when he continued, “So… you _did not_ invite Mr. Mosby into your apartment tonight. Even though you had in the past, you gave him no indication that he was welcome there _tonight_.”

 

“No.” Barney shook his head, closing his eyes. “I – I asked him to leave. Repeatedly. He – ignored me, and – and when I insisted, he – he slapped me. He – pinned me up against the wall, and – I’d been in the shower, so – I wasn’t dressed, and – I was trying to – to stay – covered…” He lowered his head, his face flushed with shame, and Lily’s eyes welled with tears as she placed a supportive hand on his knee. “He – slammed my head into the – the door jamb, and I – I couldn’t fight him off. He – tied me to the bed, and – and – he was going to… he was going to…”

 

“Okay,” one of the officers cut him off gently. “We get it. And – that’s when your friends showed up, and you called for them to help you.”

 

“Ted – c-covered my mouth,” Barney explained, his voice halting and breaking over his words. “He told me to – k-keep quiet, but – I knew if I did they’d leave, and he’d – I – I _couldn’t_ , so I – I bit him, and – and I yelled for Marshall and Lily…”

 

“Did you leave a mark? Break the skin?” The lead officer seemed particularly interested by that detail.

 

“I’m not sure.” Barney shook his head. “I think so. Probably.”

 

“And where do you think we can find Mr. Mosby now?”

 

“I don’t know,” Barney sighed, defeated. “Maybe – maybe at home, but – probably not for long. He may have already…”

 

“At MacLaren’s, maybe,” Lily spoke up, realization dawning in her mind. “He asked our friend Robin to meet him there, like, an hour ago. She said she was going to but then changed her mind, so – I’m not sure if she ever told him she wasn’t coming or not.”

 

“Good… that’s good.”

 

The second officer stepped away for a moment, taking out his cell phone to make a call, while the lead officer turned his attention to Lily and Marshall. “We’ll need to get your statements as well as soon as possible, what you saw when you got into the room, etcetera.”

 

“Of course.” Marshall nodded. “But – we’ll come by in the morning. I’m sorry, officer, but we really need to get our friend home now. He needs to rest, he’s been through hell tonight…”

 

“I understand,” the lead officer conceded. “Mr. Stinson, we may have more questions for you in the future, but I have your statement for now. If there’s anything else you remember, anything that might help us to find Mr. Mosby, or to help your case, please call us.”

 

Barney nodded, though Lily knew he had no intention of talking to the police again. As much as she had every intention of changing his mind, she knew Barney probably didn’t plan to press charges, or to pursue this at all after tonight. She could only hope that after giving this statement, it would be more or less out of his hands whether or not charges were brought against Ted – but she knew enough from Marshall to know that if Barney refused to testify, there would be little chance of any real consequences for Ted.

 

And as much as she knew he deserved it, as furious as she was for what had been done to Barney, there was still something about the idea of the sort of consequences Ted _deserved_ that made Lily’s heart ache. As if reading her mind, Barney spoke up as the officers finally walked away.

 

“I – I don’t _want_ Ted to go to jail,” he whispered.

 

“I know,” Marshall said softly. “But Barney, he has to be punished for what he did. He has to – to _know_ that he can’t get away with _doing_ this to people. Someone who does this kind of thing once – it’s usually not the last time, you know?”

 

“He’s had a taste of power,” Lily agreed, nodding. “And, Barney – he’s not going to be able to just _stop_ now, not without help.”

 

Barney was quiet, not arguing, but clearly not convinced either.

 

“Come on,” Marshall said, rising to his feet and gently tugging Barney up with him. “We’re all exhausted, time to get some rest. Let’s go home.”

 

******************************************************

 

By the time Robin walked into MacLaren’s, more than an hour after she’d received Ted’s call, she had just about managed to control the rage coursing through her, the trembling of her hands, the racing, panicked confusion of her thoughts. On one level, it still didn’t feel _real_.

 

It was Ted. How could _Ted_ have possibly done this?

 

And yet, one look into Barney’s stricken, terrified eyes had told her all she needed to know. Her heart ached when she remembered the dread with which he’d looked at her, as if he was certain that she would judge him, blame him, reject him, and take Ted’s side in this, believing that it was somehow _Barney’s_ fault that this had happened to him.

 

And why shouldn’t Barney have thought she’d react that way? Or Marshall and Lily? Hadn’t they all given him enough reason, over the years, to believe that Ted would always come first in their eyes?

 

 _And now, look where it’s left us…_ all _of us… but especially Barney_.

 

Ted was sitting at their usual booth, one half-full glass of amber liquid in front of him, and four empty, matching glasses on the table where he’d pushed them away. She swallowed hard, steeling herself and steadying her nerves before she crossed the room and sat down in the booth across from him. He stared at her for a moment through slightly watery eyes, his expression bitter and suspicious.

 

“I’d just about decided you weren’t coming.”

 

“Well, I’m here now,” Robin said flatly, glancing uneasily around at the crowded bar. “Let’s go upstairs and talk.”

 

“No,” Ted shook his head. “No, I can’t. That’s – that’s the first place they’ll look.”

 

Robin regarded him coolly for a moment before replying. “The first place who will look, Ted?” She mentally congratulated herself on the quiet, controlled delivery she managed to pull off. “Marshall and Lily? Barney?” She paused for impact before concluding, “The _cops_?”

 

Ted looked up at her sharply, eyes wide and startled.

 

Robin shook her head slowly, seeing the confirmation of all she’d been told in Ted’s trapped, guilty gaze.

 

“Oh, Ted,” she said softly. “Ted, what have you done?”

 

“Nothing he didn’t deserve!” Ted snapped, his raised voice drawing the gaze of several bar patrons around them. “Robin, he said he was my friend! My _best_ friend, all those years – and then he could _do_ a thing like that to me? And – and you, too!” He pointed an accusing finger at her across the table. “Why’d you do it, anyway? Because you were bored? Because he was _there_?” He laughed, bitter and harsh, and Robin was acutely aware of the additional attention directed their way by a few more MacLaren’s customers. “Was it your way of getting back at me, to go out and fuck my friend the first chance you got?”

 

“Ted, this has nothing to do with me. We’d been over already for a long time when I slept with Barney. It’s not my fault, and it’s not Barney’s, if _you_ can’t let go…”

 

“All either of you had to do was _love me_!” Ted yelled, his voice shaking with hurt and rage. “And you couldn’t, and he _betrayed_ me, and everything is ruined now, because of _you_!”

 

Out of the corner of her eye, Robin could see Carl coming around the bar, knew they were about to get kicked out if Ted didn’t get control of himself.

 

Unfortunately, control was clearly something Ted had left behind quite a while ago.

 

“I’m not what you want, Ted, and you know it, really, even if you don’t want to admit it,” Robin pointed out. “And Barney – you’ve been fucking _blind_ for the last ten years if you can’t see that he’s _in love with you_. Has been as long as I’ve known him. I was only ever just a substitute for you, and if you can’t see that…” She shook her head, standing up. “ _You_ are the one that fucked everything up, Ted. There is _no excuse_ for what you did to him! _Stay away_ from him, Ted. Stay away from _us_.”

 

Ted stared up at her for a moment, before a slow, contemptuous smile spread across his face. “Or what?” he demanded, his words slow and a little over-deliberate with the excessive alcohol he’d been consuming.

 

Robin’s eyes narrowed, and she reached into her purse, taking out a familiar pistol, a favorite from her collection; it fit her hand like a glove, and in her sure hands, never missed a shot. She held it in front of her, relishing Ted’s look of startled horror as his wide eyes locked onto the weapon.

 

“Or the next time I see you,” Robin replied. “I’ll _use_ this.”

 

“O-okay,” Ted stammered, holding up his hands in front of him. “Robin, chill out! I didn’t…”

 

“You _did_ ,” Robin insisted, holding the weapon closer to him, and Ted flinched a little at the increased proximity. “But you won’t. Not _ever_ again.”

 

“Okay, okay,” Ted repeated. “I’m sorry, okay? I’m sorry!”

 

“No, you’re not.” Robin shook her head in disgust. “I hope someday you are, but right now – you’re just trying to save your own ass.”

 

She realized all at once that the bar had gone silent, and she looked around. Patrons at various tables were staring at her in horror; even Carl had frozen halfway to their booth, his hands raised in a placating gesture.

 

“Oh, _please_ , people!” Robin rolled her eyes. “I’ve got a permit, and _this_ guy’s the one who’s dangerous! It’s not like I’m waving it around, yelling, ‘Give me all your money,’!”

 

Immediately several people began reaching for their purses and wallets with shaking hands.

 

Robin through up her hands in disgust, then quickly put away the weapon. “It’s legal,” she insisted to Carl, who was watching her warily as she headed towards the door. “And besides, I’m leaving.”

 

As she reached the door, she ran into two uniformed police officers on their way in. She smiled, nodding in greeting, and then toward Ted.

 

“There’s the guy you’re looking for,” she stated flatly, casting one last disgusted look in Ted’s direction before going on her way. “He’s all yours.”


End file.
